Goddess
Chapter 15

The route we take out of Polonia isn’t one I’veever traveled before, and it’s not particularly well kept. I’m being jostledhorribly by the bumps in the road, and soon I stop attempting to look likepotatoes and sit up, blanket wrapped around my head.

“Gaius?” I say tentatively, hoping to get somemore information out of him, but I can’t get him to respond. He’s sitting withhis back against the side of the cart, his hand on his forehead as though he ishaving the headache of his life. I decide now is not a good time forconversation. Since he’s obviously going to be unreachable for a while, I passthe time by pulling all the pins out of my hair.

I have no idea where we’re going, but it’staking a very long time to get there, and sleep is out of the question. Aboutsix hours in, I begin praying to every deity I know to please, please get meout of this horrible cart. When we finally turn up the side road onto asheltered hillside, it’s just before dawn. We stop in front of a small countryhouse. Gaius hops out of the cart, stiff after our very long ride, and bangs onthe door until a small older man opens it, peering sleepily at us.

“Get inside,” Gaius motions to me as he returnsto the cart to pay our driver. I don’t have any luggage to grab, so I scrambledown from the cart and walk into the house. The old man lights a candle for meto hold. “Thank you,” I say, and he smiles but doesn’t answer. Then Gaius pullshim outside for a few minutes of conversation on the landing. I try to listen,but Gaius speaks quietly and the old man has a heavy accent. They appear tohave said good-bye, because the man hops into the cart as it trundles down thehillside.

“Gaius,” I beg as he joins me in the house andbegins to light his own candle, “please tell me where we are.”

“We’re in a small vacation home belonging toanother student at the academy, Tiberius Aquila. We don’t run in the samecrowd, so it’s unlikely the pontiffs will question him,” Gaius says. “Thecaretaker and his wife are from some fishing village on an island off thecoast, and their Parcaean isn’t very good, which is all the better for usbecause they won’t be asking too many questions. We need to hide.”

“Are they still going to try to arrest me?” Iask, frightened by the thought.

“They might. My lawyer thinks it’s unlikely theycan prosecute you once you’re a private citizen, because you’d have to bereferred to them by the regular courts on a matter of religious significance,”he says, examining the room and closing all the curtains. “They could still tryto arrest you for some other crime. But I’m convinced that if we stay hidden,they’ll lose interest. It’s Lucia they really want.”

“Did Lucia escape as well?” I ask, stricken withguilt. It would be so wrong if I lived and she died.

“I hope so.” Gaius sighs. “Obviously, we didn’thave the means to marry you both. She’s on the run with Cassius now. We thinkher power and favor with the gods will be enough to protect her. In any case,I’ve done as much as I can.”

“But what will we do? Will we stay hiddenforever? How will we live?” I ask. I realize I don’t know anything about whatmy future will hold, and I start feeling something like panic.

“I don’t know,” he says, suddenly irritated. “Idon’t have the answer to those questions. I just spent quite a bit of time andmoney saving you from a death sentence, and I would have thought,” he flares,“that a thank you would be in order, rather than a thousand questions about howI will provide for you.”

“You did. You gave them your entire fortune. Yougave up all your property for me,” I say, seizing this topic and trying to makesense of it. “What about your family? What about your father? How will theyfeel about all this?”

“Oh, thank you so much for bring up thatjoyous topic. That’s exactly what Iwant to be thinking about,” he says. I shouldn’t push it, as I can tell he’sstarting to get angry. But I need to know. “You don’t think they’ll support ourmarriage?” I venture.

“No, Olivia, I don’t. There’s a pretty goodchance none of them will ever speak to me again,” he says heatedly. “I don’texpect them to send their congratulations. Because I just gave away one-fifthof the entire family estate.”

“Well, who asked you to do that?” I shout,startling even myself. “Who asked you to give up your entire life? Who forcedyou to sign those documents? Did I twist your arm? Did I say, ‘Please, Gaius,give up everything you have to save me’? Because I don’t recall begging foryour help.”

“Oh, I’m sosorry.” Gaius passes his hand over his eyes. “How could I have been sostupid? I just assumed that you didn’t want to be blinded by a hot poker andburied alive!” he says to the ceiling in frustration.

“Well, you wouldn’t know, because you neverasked me,” I say stonily. “Maybe I wouldn’t have let you go through with it.Maybe I would have said, ‘No, Gaius, I can’t let you do this. I made my owndecisions, and now I’ll face the consequences.’ Or maybe I didn’t want to bemarried to the most overbearing control freak in the world.”

“You don’t understand. This isn’t just aboutyou, Olivia,” he says, grabbing mywrist to get my full attention. “I was there at Flavia’s execution. My familywas in town that day. My father took us, like it was some kind of treat…” Hetrails off. “We had excellent seats.” Gaius pauses as though struggling tophrase his next thought. “I saw what happened to her,” he says carefully. “AndI can’t live with that on my conscience. I won’t watch any other woman die thatway. I’ll do everything I can to prevent it.”

Although this is supposed to soften me, I don’tfeel any empathy. “You gave up your entire life, your family, just to save onegirl,” I say, digesting this. I decide not to hold back anymore. He needs toface the truth. “The world is a scary place, Gaius. Bad things could happen toyou, to me, to anybody we know, at any time, no matter how careful we are.That’s life. The sooner you can accept that, the happier you’ll be. And I’lltell you another thing,” I say, calm in spite of my anger, “you have no right to control my life just becauseyou think it needs to be saved. Now that we’re married, that’s something youhave to understand. I’m a person, and I’ll make my own choices.”

He just looks at me, lost for words. “Okay,” hefinally says.

“Good. So what do you want to do about tonight?”I ask, gesturing between us.

“What about tonight?” he says, confused.

“About us. About our wedding night,” I say.Although I’ve been attracted to Gaius in the past, he’s the last person in theworld I want to be with right now. But I’ve been anxiously pondering it for thelast six hours, and I’ve decided he will insist on sleeping with me. Marriagescan be summarily annulled if they’re not consummated, and somehow I don’t thinkhe’s getting his money back.

He gapes at me, astonished. Then he pullshimself together. “Olivia, I hope you liked being a virgin,” he says evenly,“because you’re going to be one a little longer.” He leaves for the mainbedroom, slamming the door and blowing out my candle in the process.

Crap. I wait for my eyes to adjust to thedarkness. I’m not banging on his door to ask him for a light. Carefully, Istumble across the living area, stubbing my toe on what I come to believe is abreakfast table. As I gain more vision, I notice a faint light coming from anearby door, and I replace myself in a small kitchen, where the embers of a dyingfire are glowing in the hearth. Next to the hearth is a cot where thehousekeeper probably slept, waiting for us. I still have my blanket from thecart, so I fling it on top of the bedclothes and settle down on it, fallinginto a dreamless sleep the moment my head hits the pillow.

I wake to rays of sunlight filtering through asmall window above me. I can hear the muffled sounds of water splashing andassume Gaius has discovered a pitcher in his room, set out by our hosts inpreparation for our arrival. I imagine he is shaving. I wish I had the sameopportunity to wash, so I retrace my steps and replace a hallway leading to a numberof small bedrooms. I claim the biggest and replace another pitcher waiting for meas well. Washing off the dust from the road is such a relief.

When I emerge from the bedroom, he’s sitting atthe table writing a letter. He doesn’t look up as I walk in. “Did you sleepwell?” I ask politely.

He ignores this. “Can you put together somethingfor breakfast?” he asks in a clipped tone.

“Can I do what?” I say in surprise. “No, I don’tknow how to cook. Why would I?” It occurs to me that I’m not particularly suitedto housework. Vestal Virgins lead a very comfortable life. We have maids,cooks, and laundry women to attend to our every need, and all of our energiesare directed to religious duties. The state pays for everything.

“Didn’t you grow up on a farm?” he asks.

“Well, yes,” I say, “but we had servants. Myfather did very well for himself.”

“Oh my gods, are you serious?” he asks, his headin his hands. “I should have asked for a discount.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Very funny. If you wantbreakfast, you’ll have to come up with a brilliant idea, because the only thingI can successfully make is sacrificial flour—”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say you can successfully make it,” he cuts me off with a tight smile. “Butsince I paid 830,000 sesterces for the privilege of your company this morning,I think youwill be handlingbreakfast.”

“Fine,” I snap and storm into the pantry forsome inspiration.

After about fifteen minutes of rummaging, Iproduce some apples and a bag of dried plums and set them on the table, but Idon’t join him. I just stand sullenly behind a chair, waiting for his nextinstructions.

“So, if it’s okaywith you,” he says with ultimate sarcasm, looking up from his work, “I amgoing into the village to buy you something to wear. You can’t walk around in awedding dress on a normal day. I brought things for myself, but my closetdidn’t yield any women’s clothing on short notice.”

“Oh, can I come?” I plead, brightening upimmediately and clasping my hands. “I’ve never been able to pick out my ownclothes!” The prospect makes me giddy. I feel just like Lucia.

“You want to come into the village with me? Whatwould you wear?” he prods. I ponder this, trying hard for a brilliant solutionthat would allow me to go along.

“That’s my point,” he says with finality. “WhileI’m gone, don’t open the door for anybody. Nona, the caretaker’s wife, will behere later this afternoon, but I should be back by then. If you see anybody wholooks like they’re coming to arrest you, take this,” he indicates a bag ofmoney on the table, “and run out the back. That’s the best advice I can give.”

I don’t know whether there is truly a chancethat someone will come to arrest me, or whether this is Gaius’s typicalparanoid overplanning, but it’s an unsettling thought.

“Stay out of trouble,” he says to me as he risesand folds his letter. Then he walks out the door without a backward glance.

***

With Gaius gone, I explore the house, which isreally quite charming, although smaller than I would have expected. It’s builtwith the typical courtyard in the middle, so each room is open to the sunlighton both sides. There is also a beautiful patio on one side of the house, and Idiscover we have a breathtaking ocean view. With the weather so mild, I drag abench into the sunshine and take a nap.

Having accomplished the important task ofsleeping, I next decide to test my household skills. Maybe I can discover somehidden talent to prove that I’m not totally useless as a wife. I’m in a toughsituation when it comes to establishing domestic harmony. I owe Gaius a vastdebt. By saving my life, he has lost much of his own. Something tells me I willbe hearing about this quite a lot in the future. Will I have to serve him hand and foot? I wonder. Olivia, I paid 800,000 sesterces for you to live, go heat up some water, Ihear his voice in my head. I emptied myentire savings account to buy your freedom, the least you could do is wash myclothes properly. Or the cooking. Myfamily will never speak to me again, and I only get potatoes for dinner. TheVestal handbook did not contain any guidance that will help me in thissituation.

In an attempt to remember any latent domesticabilities, I take stock of the pantry, where there are enough dried goods androot vegetables to potentially make a meal. If I knew anything about cooking, Iwould probably be set. We learned some theory in our Vestal training, but thatwas a long time ago and I’ve never had to put it into practice. It occurs to methat in order to actually cook anything, I will need a fire, so I set about makingone in the hearth in the kitchen.

When Gaius returns, he replaces me kneeling on thekitchen floor, making liberal use of the obscene language I used to chastiseMarta about. “I should know how to start a fire!” I exclaim in frustration.

“Oh, isn’t there any lamp oil in the pantry?”Gaius asks innocently.

I can tell he means to tease me, and normally Iwould laugh. Instead, my throat tightens up. I am suddenly afraid that I mightcry. My friends never experienced the kind of intense devotion that I felt forVesta, so nobody can understand my loss. They don’t know how lonely it is torealize that your goddess, your constant source of comfort, has always been animaginary friend.

Sensing that he has gone too far, Gaius softenshis tone. “Don’t worry about it. The caretaker’s wife can show you when shecomes later,” he says. Then he casts about for another subject. “Don’t you wantto see what I bought you?” he asks, hoping to pique my interest.

“Ooh, yes!” I say with enthusiasm, collectingmyself. I follow him excitedly into the living room and start poking around ina shopping bag he has returned with.

“There wasn’t much available off the rack, but Ifound a few things. Unwrap this one first,” he directs me. When I finally getthe package open, I immediately hold up the dress so I can see it in thesunlight. It’s a pale-peach color, a sleeveless dress with a draped neckline.The fabric is gathered at each shoulder, and the bands are made out of somesort of silvery thread.

“It’s so beautiful!” I exclaim happily. “It’ssuch a pretty color.”

“Well, I had no idea what I was doing. I justremembered you wore that color at the Circus Callia,” he says. “There are twomore,” he adds, indicating the bag.

The second dress is a light-blue wrap with moresilver filigree where it ties at the waist, and the third is a similar designin sunny yellow.

“They’re all so nice!” I say in delight. “Lookat all the detail. I love them. You must have found the prettiest dresses inthe store!”

“Well, they had to be nice,” Gaius says dismissively.“I had to act like they were a big surprise for my new wife. It would havelooked strange for me to ask for plain dresses.” Although he pretendsotherwise, I can tell he is pleased.

As I poke around in the bag I discover he hasalso purchased underthings, which I am very grateful for. I also replace the mostmodestly cut nightdress I have ever seen. “Yuck,” I say, holding it up. “Youtold them you bought this for your wife?”

Gaius ignores this. He draws a smaller packagefrom the bag. “At the shop they said I had to get something for your hair,” heoffers. When I unwrap the package, I replace several decorative silver combs.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you. And you knowwhat? I think these dresses will fit perfectly,” I say. “I’m going to go trythem on.” And I hurry to the bedroom, arms full of my new clothes. I was right.They do fit. I put on the orange dress first, since it seems to be hisfavorite.

When I return to the living room, he is settingout a plate. “I ate in the village,” he says, “but I picked up some food foryou.”

“Oh!” I exclaim, worried, “I have to go changeback. I don’t want to get food on my new dress!” But he catches me by theshoulders and steers me to the table. “No,” he says, “you are a grown womanwith an adult skill set, and I trust you not to spill food on yourself. Eatyour lunch. The housekeeper could be here any minute.”

I approach my lunch cautiously at first. Itseems to be some kind of spicy chickpea stew in a red sauce, and I eye itwarily, as though it fully intends to splash all over me. But it turns out tobe so good that soon I begin eating it with my usual gusto. As Gaius predicted,I do not spill on myself.

“Maybe it’s a good idea to put your hair upbefore Nona comes,” Gaius says, looking at me closely. “It looks pretty wild,as if you have been sleeping on it. Also, there seems to be a large chunkmissing. Is that normal?”

“Oh, I sacrificed it to Neptune,” I say inexplanation, my mouth full.

“I see,” he says, taken aback. “Why?”

“Didn’t anybody tell you what happened on thesouthern beach?” I ask, surprised.

“Yes, I heard all about it from Cassius,” hesays, “but nobody mentioned sacrificing hair.”

So I tell him the story, explaining that we ranout of sacrificial food so I did the only thing I could think of. “I don’treally know why Neptune wanted my hair,” I say, “but we’re lucky he did.”

“Well, it was a sacrifice for you,” Gaius says,“even if Neptune didn’t want it. People are usually grateful for sacrifices.” But I have stopped listening. I amfocusing on my stew.

By the time I have finished eating, Gaius hasstepped outside. I drag my chair over to the living space and grab my Vestalhairpins from my room. I also lay out my silver combs. Okay, I say to myself, youcan do this.

Fifteen minutes later, when Gaius returns, I amstill struggling to achieve even a basic style. He stops to watch me from thedoorway.

“This is impossible,” I complain. “I’ve neverhad to do my own hair before. I can’t see what I’m doing. And how do you pin uphair that’s not braided?”

“Um,” he hesitates, “I think you need to startby sticking the pins in from the bottom, then pulling them up and pressing themdown.” He walks over and begins scrutinizing my handiwork. “Here,” he says. Hetakes the pin from my hand and gently moves it to the right spot, pressing itdown carefully.

“How do you know about hairstyles?” I ask,puzzled.

“I don’t, really,” he says. “I learned to do mymother’s hair when I was young. It’s kind of a long story.”

“Oh my gods,” I say, laughing. “I need to hearit. This is too bizarre.” I hand him another hairpin, because he seems to behaving some success.

“When I was seven,” he begins, “my father tookmy brothers on a long trip, but I was too young to go with them.”

“You have brothers? How many?” I interrupt.

“I’m the youngest of five,” he says. “So theywent away, and I was the only child left in the house. My mother startedbringing me into her dressing room every morning so she could keep an eye on mewhile the servants did her hair. And I was totally fascinated by it. She hadthem do all this intricate stuff that involved a lot of braiding. It was like alittle engineering project to me,” he explains. “So one day I asked the maidsto show me how they were doing it. And of course they were all delighted bythis. My mother just thought it was the cutest thing ever. They taught me howto do the hairstyle and let me practice until I could do it correctly. Thenevery day it was, ‘Gaius, come do Mommy’shair,’” he mimics. “All the girls from the kitchens would come up to watch.”

“That is adorable.” I laugh. “You must have beenso proud of yourself!”

“Well of course I loved all the attention,” hesays. “Until my brothers came home, and then the teasing was relentless. They still bring it up,” he says ruefully.

“But I’m sure your mother treasures thatmemory,” I say. “Lucretia,” I add.

“Yes.” He smiles. “That’s right.”

Then he is quiet as he nestles my last comb inplace. I am sure it is painful for him to think about his family. I wish Ihadn’t mentioned his mother’s name. As he did earlier this morning, I castabout for a topic change.

“Do you think you could do the Vestalhairstyle?” I ask casually.

“No,” he says. “That’s some complicated stuff.Even the other Vestals seem to have trouble with it.”

“What makes you say that?” I ask.

“I noticed that sometimes when you came to seeme at the Regia, your hairstyle seemed messier than normal, like someone put itup kind of carelessly or inexpertly. I think you had two different people doingyour hair on a regular basis,” he says. “I imagine Marta and Lucia, although Idon’t know which one is the messy one.”

“I know exactly what you’re talking about. Thatwas Marta,” I say, laughing. “She can do it perfectly. She just doesn’t care.”

“Sounds like her,” he says with a half-smile.Then we’re silent. I miss Marta. It seems there is an embargo on every topic. Iwant to keep him talking, so I try to think of our future instead of our past.

“I have a question,” I tell him.

“Let’s hear it.”

“What was with that nightgown you bought? Areyou ever going to sleep with me? Or do you not want to?” I ask curiously.

Gaius grips the back of my chair, appalled.“Just…like, get ahold of yourself,” he says. “My gods, what goes on at that House of Vestals?” He putshis hand to his forehead as though he’s going to have another headache. Thenthere’s a knock on the door.

It turns out to be Nona, the housekeeper. Wewelcome her in gladly, and although there is something of a language barrier,she very kindly demonstrates to us both how to light a fire in the hearth. ThenGaius leaves us in the kitchen, where she teaches me a simple meal and thenhelps me start a more complex one for our dinner this evening. She has broughtus some lamb for a main course, and some berries for dessert.

Cooking doesn’t seem too complicated when Nonademonstrates it. I try to jot down as many notes as possible while she watchesme curiously. Then I follow her around the house and watch her do her chores. Ithink this unnerves her a little.

At the end of her stay, I try to thank her, andshe smiles as though she understands. Then she touches my dress and says,“Pretty,” and I thank her again. Before she leaves, she places two wine bottleson the table. Then she smiles at me knowingly and waves good-bye.

“What was that about?” says Gaius, joining me inthe living room. “Why was she smiling at you like that?”

“I don’t know, but she left this wine,” I say.

“Wow,” Gaius says, picking up one of thebottles, “this is actually really nice stuff. I’m surprised they wasted it on aguest. This has got to be from the family’s reserves. You know what? I thinkthey feel sorry for us,” he says.

“Why would they?” I ask.

“I mean, we arrive in the middle of the night bycart, you in a wedding dress with no luggage,” he says. “We’re clearly frommoney because we’re Tiberius’s friends, but you follow her around all daylearning chores. I think they believe we’ve eloped or something, like a lovematch against our parents’ wishes, and maybe been disinherited.”

I laugh. “Well, that’s mostly right,” I say.

“Yes, that’s pretty much the story,” he agrees.“Let’s have dinner.”

Nona has set a table out on the patio for ourevening meal, knowing that the weather will be beautiful. It’s such a gorgeousview that I vow to eat out here for the rest of our stay. Gaius pulls up one ofthe outdoor benches as I serve the lamb and pour some wine.

“I have more questions for you,” I say as we sitdown to eat. “When exactly did you ask Sextus for the certificate to marry me,for starters?”

“I asked him the day Cassius invited me to theclearing,” Gaius says. “After I learned what he had done. Before that, Ithought he had managed to convince you Vesta was real and everything would befine.”

“Wait! I just realized something,” I say. “That’s how you knew my birthday. Becauseyou needed it for the marriage certificate!”

“Oh, did Lucia tell you that?” Gaius asks. “Yes,that is why I knew. Sextus had to pull your file from the Vestal records. Iasked him to draw up the papers because I said I was madly in love with you,and I bribed him ten thousand sesterces to keep the secret from my father.Naturally, Sextus understood why I didn’t want it to get around.”

“So what did he think when you didn’t marry meafter all?” I ask.

“Oh, I told him I had chickened out, couldn’tpart with the money,” he says. “Gods, he laughed at me. But I said I would keepthe certificate just in case, and Sextus assured me it would still be valid.”

“But you didn’t have the money to buy me out,” Iprompt.

“No, I did not,” Gaius agrees. “I had no ideawhat I was going to do should the need actually arise. I asked Cassius for hisestate the day after the battle, assuring him that I would only present thedocument if I needed it to marry you. To his credit, he didn’t hesitate to signit over, which is more than I can say for myself.”

I’m overwhelmed by Cassius’s generosity. Not onebut two of my friends gave up their entire fortunes for my life. “And now he’shelping Lucia?” I ask.

“Yes, it’s his turn to worry about one of you,for a change,” Gaius says acerbically.

“But how did you know that they would ultimatelycharge me with fornication?” I ask.

“I didn’t know,” he says. “But you were uniquelyvulnerable to that charge. If you incurred the wrath of the pontiffs, afornication charge was the best way they could guarantee your conviction. Onany other charge, another Vestal could testify on your behalf, and you know howthey can’t lie,” he adds with sarcasm. “I didn’t know it would happen. But asit turns out, it was lucky I planned ahead. I needed to get you out of areligious order and into the status of private citizen. Then their decision tocharge you with a Vestal crime would be meaningless. As I said, they can stilltry to get you into the civil courts, execute you for something else, but itwill be harder. If we stay hidden they might lose interest.”

“So, if you don’t mind me asking,” I say after alittle while, “how much money do you actually have left?”

“I have seventeen thousand sesterces sitting ina local bank account,” he says. “That’s it.”

“Well, that’s not so bad,” I muse. “I thinkthat’s more than my father’s entire farm is worth.”

“Yep,” he says. “Solid middle class, baby.” Andhe winks at me.

“Do you know how stupid you sound when you callpeople baby?” I laugh, and he smiles.Good. I note that wine improves his mood tremendously. I’m feeling anincreasing sense of gratitude for Nona as we work our way through the secondbottle. Eventually, I lead Gaius back to the subject of our marriage.

“So,” I say, giggling, “isn’t it funny how youwere so in love with me all the time I came to visit you in the Regia?”

“What?” he says, slightly irritated. “No, Iwasn’t.”

“Yes, you clearly were,” I say tipsily. “Youwere all like, ‘Olivia, you’re sopretty, I wish you would marry me.’ And lucky for you that I did.”

“Not the case,” he contradicts me firmly,sticking to his story.

“And then at the flamen’s house, you justcouldn’t hold out any longer. You were like, ‘Olivia, please kiss me, you’re sopretty.’” To emphasize my point, I make kissy noises at him.

“That’s not the incident I recall,” he saysrepressively, and I laugh heartily at this for a long time.

“But obviously you were totally attracted tome,” I say, enjoying his discomfort.

“Sorry to disappoint,” he says, “but no, I neverthought about you that way.”

“Oh right, because this happens all the time,” Isay, smiling in disbelief. “Boy meets girl, boy replaces girl unattractive, boycashes in entire fortune to marry girl.”

“The situation was a bit more complicated thanthat!” he protests. “Are you saying I would let a girl die a horrible deathjust because I wasn’t attracted to her? What kind of a person would that makeme?”

Damn. This is sobering. I expected Gaius to denyhis attraction to me, because I had teased him into a corner and he hates toconcede any argument. But I didn’t intend to steer the conversation into “horribledeath” territory. Now it’s all I can think about.

“What about Cassius and Lucia?” I ask. “How doyou think they’re getting along?”

“The world’s two most beautiful people?” Gaiusasks, raising his eyebrows. “I’m sure they’re having an incredibly easy time.They can flirt their way into anyone’s attic or cellar.”

At first, I laugh at this. Then, in the way onlywine can cause, my laughter turns to sobs. I’m so scared for them. I’m so afraidI’ll never see Lucia again. Just like I might never see Marta, or Lavinia, ormy mother again. I cry for all of them.

Gaius puts his arm around me and pulls me to hisside. He lets me cry on his shoulder for a long time. I make his sleeve allwet.

When I open my eyes again, it’s early morningand I’m lying in a soft bed. A little investigation reveals that I’m in thesmall bedroom I chose for myself, and I’m still wearing my clothes from thenight before, with a blanket thrown over me. Fortunately, either Gaius or I hadthe sense to take off my sandals.

My head is fuzzy and I’m terribly thirsty, so Igrope my way over to the nightstand and have a drink. Then I splash water on myface. This revives me enough that I can change into my yellow dress. Next I creepinto the kitchen for some food. I’m starving.

I replace Gaius standing over the kitchen table,scribbling something on a piece of paper. He looks pale, and has dark circlesunder his eyes. “Oh,” he says, “I was just leaving you a note. I’m going out.”

“Where are you going?” I say, intrigued. I wouldlove to get out of the house, and now that I have new clothes there’s nothingstopping me.

“I was going to walk on the beach,” he says,“but I was actually planning to go alone—”

“I’ll get my shoes,” I say happily and run togather them from the bedroom.

***

The walk to the beach in the bright sunshinerevives my spirits, and a brisk wind picks up when we reach the shore, keepingus cool. But I notice that Gaius isn’t enjoying our walk as much as I am. “Iseverything okay?” I ask.

“Okay is relative,” he responds. “I’ve beenthinking about where we go from here. Tiberius has been very kind to offer usthis house, but it’s not a long-term solution, and our money won’t lastforever. I need some kind of work, but I’m not sure what that will be yet. Idon’t know how to farm,” he says. “The Flamen Martialis is trying to help me,but he can only give me indirect assistance. That’s what all my letters areabout. He has several friends with large estates, and he thought they mighttake me on as manager, but that’s something I only have secondhand experiencewith. Besides, those jobs usually stay in the family,” he says dispiritedly.

“If this all blows over, could you eventually goback to the academy?” I ask, grasping for a solution.

He shakes his head. “I was in the room when thedecision was made to prosecute you and Lucia. I was at that meeting,” he says.“The pontiffs and flamens know exactly what I did, and why. I defied them. Itwould be unwise to return, even if my father could get me back into theacademy.”

It belatedly strikes me that not only did Gaiusgive up his fortune, he also abandoned what was by all accounts a verypromising career to save my life.

“It’s going to be okay,” I tell him. “You’re sosmart. You can do anything. All you need is an opportunity.”

Gaius gives a hollow laugh. I grab his hand andhold it as we walk, lacing my fingers through his. It might be my imagination,but I think I see an improvement in his gloomy mood.

We walk in silence, each lost in our ownthoughts. I still can’t comprehend the reason for his astounding sacrifice.“Flavia’s execution must really have disturbed you,” I say after a while.

“Yes it did,” he says. “I can’t believe itdidn’t make a bigger impression on you, given that your view was even betterthan mine. You were standing on the dais.”

“It did make an impression,” I assure him. “Buthow do you know where I stood that day?”

“I knew who you were before I ever started atthe academy. I saw you at the execution first,” he says. “I saw all three ofyou. I heard you screaming.”

“And you remembered my face when you met meagain, years later?” I ask, surprised. “That’s remarkable, unless you werelooking at me for some special reason.”

“You were standing next to Lucia,” he says.“Everybody looked at Lucia, even at twelve.”

Oh, I think.Suddenly I decide I would rather wade in the surf than hold his hand. “I’mgoing in the water,” I say to him, untying my dress. Underneath it I’m wearinga white linen tunic that ends mid-thigh, a length that probably won’t offendGaius’s sense of propriety. I hope. “Here,” I say, piling the yellow fabricinto his arms. “Hold this for me.” He doesn’t object. I take off my shoes tocarry them and step lightly into the damp sand, letting the tiny waves at thewaterline run over my feet.

Gaius studies me as we walk. “What happened toyour toe?” he asks, noticing my cut, which is still an angry red as it heals. Iwill probably have a scar.

“A Selanthian soldier cut me with an ironspike,” I say, like it’s old news. I told Lucia about my encounter with thesoldiers on the cliffs, but it didn’t seem necessary to mention it to anyoneelse. I’m not eager to relive the experience.

Gaius gives a halfhearted laugh, as though thisis a joke.

“That’s really what happened,” I tell himwithout emotion.

“No one could have gotten close enough to touchyou,” he insists. He knows I’m telling the truth, but he’s making one lastfeeble attempt to convince himself otherwise.

In response, I tell him the story about how Ilobbed the bombs off the cliff and dropped rocks on the remaining men. When Iget to the part about the last soldier reaching the top and slicing my toe, hesighs. “I think you were the only girl in the entire battle who managed to getinjured,” he says defeatedly. “But you did show good judgment. We’re all luckyyou took that initiative. They could have done some real damage by attackingthe girls on the wall.”

“Thank you!” I say, flattered by this unexpectedpraise.

He shakes his head, still meditating on thebattle for Polonia. “We thought we were so well defended, but they keptsurprising us,” he says.

“We surprised them right back,” I say, watchingmy feet as I wade in the shallows. I don’t want to think about the battleanymore, and he seems to understand, because he lets the subject drop. I canfeel his eyes on me again as we walk.

“So why didn’t you marry Lucia?” I ask him, asthough picking up a previous conversation. “You said you asked for the marriagepapers after you saw her tree in the clearing. She was obviously the mostvaluable one, and you think she is the prettiest.”

“Everyone thinks she is the prettiest, Olivia,”he says with a small smile. “Don’t let it bother you. This is a fact of lifeyou should be reconciled to by now.”

He’s right, but I won’t let him sidetrack me.“Answer my question,” I say.

“There are lots of reasons,” he says slowly. Buthe doesn’t offer any.

“Like what?” I prod.

“Well…,” he says hesitantly. Then he grows moredecided. “I got away with marrying you because you’re not a major target. Butthey want Lucia badly. She’s a huge threat to them. She can singlehandedlycreate an army of deadly women. They’re all afraid of what she might do.”

“But you didn’t know that when you saw thetree,” I persist. “You had no idea she could do any of that.”

“I am blessed with incredible foresight,” hesays with asperity.

“Uh-huh,” I say, unimpressed. I stop walking tolean down and run my fingers through the surf, and he waits for me as I pretendto try to unearth a seashell. “So what are the other good reasons?” I ask.

By this time he has marshaled his arguments. “Ibribed Sextus to keep the secret from my father. But it would have beenimpossible to convince him not to tell Claudius Maximianus, Lucia’s father.He’s the wealthiest man in Polonia. They work together quite frequently.”

“Interesting,” I say, but I didn’t reallylisten. I’m intent on my plot. “Look at this cool seashell,” I say, beckoningto him. He leans over patiently.

“If your foresight’s so good, how come you didn’tsee thiscoming?” I ask, splashinghis face with seawater.

“Ahh,” he says, jumping back. Then he gives me areluctant smile. I step out of the water and hold out my arms to him, and hehands me my clothes.

***

When we return to the guesthouse, I excusemyself to wash off the sand and sea spray from our walk. Although I don’t haveany hot water, it’s warm enough that I decide to wash my hair too. Then I siton the patio to dry it in the sun. I’ve put on my peach dress again, since it’sstill clean from yesterday.

After an hour or so, I look into the house andsee Gaius in his characteristic sprawl, lying on the living room chaise. It’stoo short for him, so he rests one leg on the ground. He has been running hishand through his hair, and it’s all ruffled. He looks about as stressed out asI have ever seen him. I don’t understand how anybody could stay down when it’sthis beautiful outside. That’s Gaius, I think. So worried about the future that he can’t enjoy the present.

I decide to join him, thinking maybe he coulduse a little affection. Gods know, I could. “Scootch,” I say, pushing his legaside to make room for myself on the chaise. He does not respond.

“So,” I say, bringing my knees up to sit onthem, “we did not get to finish our fascinating conversation of yesterday.” Ilean my weight on my hands and walk up the chaise with my arms until my face isclose to his. I have him trapped now.

“You were telling me how in love you were backwhen I used to deliver the mail,” I say.

“Still not true,” he says, smiling. He puts hishand on my waist. His grip is surprisingly strong.

“You can deny it all you want,” I say. I lean incloser to him, and he is very still as he looks into my eyes. He slowly runshis hand down my side to my hip. I think for a moment that he is going to kissme.

Instead, he deftly flips me over and dumps meinto the space between the chaise and the wall. I wedge tight.

“Augh!” I wail, half laughing. The more Istruggle, the farther I sink.

“Oh no, are you stuck?” he says in mock concern.

“Yes! It’s not funny,” I say piteously.

“Bad things can happen to people at any time,you know, Olivia.”

“Shut up,” I say. “Get me out.” Then I squeak inhorror as I see a spider crawling its way up the wall.

“It sounds like you might be in need of assistance,”he says, unconcerned.

“Eek! I am. There’s a big spider!” I squeal,kicking the chaise. If he wasn’t sitting on it, I could push it away from thewall, but he’s too heavy. “Please!” I say, terrified.

“Okay,” Gaius says, “since you asked so nicely.”And he leans over and scoops me out. I collapse onto the chaise next to him,breathing heavily. “THANK you,” I say.

“There it is!” Gaius says cheerfully. “That’s the appropriate response.”

“Oh,” I say, rolling over, still panting. “I getit. I see where you’re going with this. Are you really mad because I didn’tliterally say the words ‘thank you’ after you married me?”

“They would certainly have been nice to hear,”Gaius agrees.

“I mean, really,” I say, “you saved my life. Iwould have thought the ‘thank you’ was implied. Just saying the words is soinsufficient.”

“But still,” Gaius says.

“Thank you very much for saving my life, Gaius,”I say politely.

“Anytime!” he says, throwing his arms wide. “Ohno, you’re all gross,” he says in a pitying tone. “Your dress is covered inspider webs. It seems like you should take better care of the pretty things Ibuy you, Olivia,” he says, brushing me off.

I am now recovered enough to resume my formerposition, so I pin him again. “You’re not getting away so easily,” I say. “Youliked me when I delivered the mail.”

“It was good to have someone come and see me,”he says, smiling and brushing more spider webs out of my hair. I’ll take it.With Gaius, this is as close to a declaration of undying love as I’m going toget.

“And you ran all over the Senate to replace me andreturn the note I delivered by mistake,” I remind him.

“Oh, that’s right. Well…I am a very nice guy,”he says, and smiles as I scoff at this.

“But did I have some big crush on you?” hecontinues. “No. Why would I do that to myself? A Vestal Virgin is a high-risk,low-reward proposition. Besides,” he teases, tugging a lock of hair behind myear, “you weren’t even the prettiest one.” I laugh good-naturedly at this.Gaius laughs too, but his smile fades as he becomes preoccupied with removingsomething from my shoulder. He pushes back my hair, brushing my neck deliberately.Abandoning my dress altogether, he slowly runs a finger down my collarbone,sending a thrill through me. I meet his eyes and he grabs my waist, shifting meto his lap. I gasp softly in surprise as he leans up to kiss my neck. His lipshave barely touched my skin when there is a knock on the door.

Startled, we both jump at the interruption andguiltily scramble off the chaise. Gaius motions for me to hide while he peersout from a crack in the door. Then he opens it wider. “Are you Gaius?” a youngman’s voice asks. “Tiberius sent me. I have his letter if you would like to seeit.”

“Thank you,” says Gaius, taking the letter andexamining it. It must be legitimate, because he steps back to let the maninside.

“I’m Marius,” he says, extending his hand. “Igrew up with Tiberius. He has sent some information for you undercover throughme.”

“Welcome,” Gaius says. “This is my wife, Olivia.She’ll go get you something to drink,” he says, raising his eyebrow at mesignificantly. I smile at Marius and pretend not to hear him. In retaliation,he grabs my shoulders, turns me toward the kitchen, and smacks my rear, settingme off in the right direction. Ooh, hewill pay for this, I think, narrowing my eyes at him as I slink off,humiliated.

I make a lot of noise banging around in thekitchen for show, and then I sneak back to the doorway and hold my breath,trying to catch their conversation. Gaius is speaking in very low tones, butluckily our visitor doesn’t feel the need to match his volume.

“They picked her up just after dawn,” he issaying. “Tiberius says they don’t have Cassius in custody, and as far as heknows there haven’t been any formal charges against him. But it could just be amatter of time.”

Gaius says something indistinct in response.

“It’s very likely they’ll do it tomorrow. Anytrial would just be a formality. They want her dead as quickly as possible,”Marius says.

Gaius thanks him quietly, and Marius says hisgood-byes. “I can’t stay,” he says. “Sorry to bring you such bad news.” AndGaius walks him to the door.

They haveLucia, I think. I feel my heart breaking. This can’t be true. I’m so shockedI can’t even cry. Instead I pull myself together, pour a cup of wine, and walkback into the living room nonchalantly.

“Oh, is he gone already?” I ask innocently.“What was that about?”

Gaius is shaken, I can tell, but he puts on acasual air. “Nothing much,” he says. “Just some more job leads Tiberius wantedto pass along.”

“Did he say anything else?” I ask, a note ofwarning in my voice.

“No, that’s it,” Gaius says, not picking up onmy tone.

“You liar,”I say, furious. “I can’t believe you would try to hide this from me. Lucia’sgoing to be executed, and you think I don’t even deserve to know?” I feel sobetrayed by his deceit. “We have to go there,” I demand. “I have to be withher.”

“Thisis why you didn't need to know! This is exactly why,” Gaius says, matching mytone. “What good is it going to do her if you’re there? What possible benefitcould it have to anyone?”

“I owe it to her,” I say, “to be there. I’m notgoing to sit here and wait out her suffering just because you think I can’tstomach it. I need to be with her when it happens, whether she knows it or not.You can’t protect me from this!” I accuse him.

“No. You are not going. I didn’t spend all thatmoney just so you could walk right back into the city, right up to all thepeople who want to arrest you, to see your friend die and be a basket case forthe rest of your life,” he says.

“My friend?” I ask him incredulously. “Sherisked her life to save the entire country, worked tirelessly beside you forweeks, handed you an incredible victory, and now she’s just my friend?” There’s nothing more to besaid. I just stare at him. Finally, he breaks.

“I’ll go replace a cart,” he mutters angrily,walking out the door.