Goldsin (The Chrysophilist Trilogy Book 1)
Goldsin: Chapter 25

“What do you want?” Julian heaves, his chest rising and falling as his body remains unmoving in the center of the room. “Leave. Now.” His eyes narrow the longer I take to follow his order.

I take a step forward, closing the door behind me as I sway on my legs. Bracing myself on the doorknob, I giggle before slapping a hand over my mouth and glancing back at him.

“I need to use the bathroom.” I clear my throat, straightening up.

“You’re drunk,” he says, massaging his chest.

I cross my arms. “No.”

He’s gulping in air now.

“Julian?”

“The bathroom”—the muscles of his arm strain as he tightens his hand over his chest—“is at the end of the corridor.”

When I don’t move he spins to face me, and that’s when I see the bleeding cut on his right cheekbone. Did he get into a fight? It wasn’t at the Den—his fight is next week. I glance down at the hand clutching his chest, but I don’t see any sign of torn or bruised skin.

Julian always fights back . . . so why does it look like this fight was one-sided?

The muscles in his neck strain with the way his jaw is clenched tightly. He looks like a ticking time bomb about to explode, and when his turbulent blue eyes notice my resolve not to leave, he shouts, “Leave!”

But his eyes, they plead for help.

Stay.

The silent word is deafening in the way his eyes have softened, contrasting with the sharpness of his expression. The only part of his body he can’t tame; a window into the turmoil inside of him. I can’t ignore it. After years behind a solid wall, there’s finally a crack.

Maybe I’m too drunk—or just idiotic—but I want in. I want him to share his pain with mine. Mix them together until they become one infernal mess.

He staggers back, hitting the bed and falling onto it. The hand over his chest is now pulling at his shirt, a sob breaking through his gasps.

“Julian?” I’m at his side in an instant. “Julian!”

He doesn’t look up. He doesn’t move.

He seems elsewhere as his body trembles.

Instinctively, I straddle his hips and cup his face before tilting it towards me. The position helps me break the spell he’s under.

“What happened?”

Sadness clouds his features. Tears shimmer in his eyes before falling to soak my skin.

He doesn’t answer me.

He doesn’t try.

He doesn’t even see me.

So I cover his eyes with my hands. He doesn’t flinch away from my touch; instead he leans closer. He feels warm, his body strong under my legs. I try to refrain from touching every inch of him, but I can’t control my mind from wondering how he feels.

“There’s only me,” I whisper, hoping to repel whatever thought is haunting him. “There’s only me.” I repeat it until his breathing calms and the silent sobs fade away.

I feel his body slowly uncoil with each uttered syllable, calming under the steadiness of my voice as it copies my tempo.

“You,” he finally says in a brittle voice. “There’s only you.”

I uncover his eyes, feeling him blink against the sudden light. “Only me.”

Color comes back into those blue eyes of his, and my lips curve into the ghost of a smile. Something shines in his eyes now. Like he’s done waiting. Like everything is going to be different.

It’s been ten years since the last time he looked at me.

He ignored me for years . . . Now I’m all he sees.

I jolt awake, taking in the familiar surroundings of my bedroom.

A shudder ripples through me at the memory of his touch, how starved it felt; how he pulled me closer like he couldn’t get enough—like he’d waited years to do it.

Kicking the bedsheets away from my sweaty body, I turn to the side and squish my face into the cool pillow, hoping the smooth linen will smother the flush spreading across my cheeks. The smell of the clean pillowcase and my honey perfume invades my nostrils, drowning out the lingering scent of Julian from my dream. But it doesn’t last long. His scent is ingrained in me. I’d smell it anywhere if I just closed my eyes and focused on him.

I glance at the thick curtains. The sunrays are filtering in, and dust specks fly lazily around the room. It must be noon. Then I hear banging in the kitchen, and I know I’m correct. Valentine is deliberately making loud noises to wake me up, but I don’t want to get out of bed today. Not after last night.

I need a break from the Harrows. I need a break from life and my plan.

At the mention of him, the memory of his lips branding my skin resurfaces. The way his hand would ever so lightly squeeze my hips, or how he’d bite me whenever I moaned too loud, just to make me moan even louder.

It’s like I can see that night so vividly now. The veil of the alcohol has been lifted and every single detail is inked into the backs of my eyes.

The muscles of his arms going taut as he guided me up and down.

The veins in his neck when he clenched his jaw, tilting his head back, anytime I swayed my hips in a figure eight.

The way light reflected in his eyes when he looked at me—even though it was the middle of the night and there was no light shining on us.

How was I able to forget all of that?

I bury my face in my pillow, grunting all my frustration away, but the material grazes the soreness on my neck, eliciting a hiss out of me. I instinctively cover it with my hand, the fresh wound pulsing uncontrollably.

Lucian’s bite floods my mind, burying any memory of that night with Julian, and I feel like getting sucked in by the comfort of my bed for the rest of the day.

The exaggerated noises coming from the kitchen cease. I hear footsteps echoing next before the creaking of the door.

Valentine appears in the doorway, his tall frame filling the whole space as he scans my disheveled appearance, judgment etched in his features.

“You can’t avoid life forever,” he says in his signature gravelly voice.

Sitting up, I pull the covers around me, up to my neck, careful to hide Lucian’s bite. “Easy for you to say,” I mumble.

If I want to leave my bedroom, I’ll need to get washed and ready first, and to do that, I’ll need to go into the bathroom and come face-to-face with myself in the mirror—with his teeth engraved on my skin, making me feel everything again.

Making me sick.

I think Valentine rolls his eyes at me. “Here.” He pulls out an onion from his back pocket, extending it to me. “I thought about bringing the knife, but considering your current state, I figured it was best not to.”

“Ha-ha, very funny.” I play a little with the onion, rolling it from one hand to the other as I try to contain the smile that curves my lips at the gesture. “I could always just peel it.”

“Don’t expect me to stay,” he huffs. “The years of me crying in front of anyone are long gone.”

His words pull a warm-hearted chuckle out of me, leaving me weightless enough to appreciate all those years of him taking care of me.

He gave me a father when I lost a mother. He gave me a home when I was never granted one.

He picked me up and hasn’t dropped me since.

“How’s your plan coming along?” He ambles around the perimeter of my bedroom, his hands locked behind his back as he waits for an answer. “Tell me about your progress.”

I’m so thankful he isn’t asking me about last night. There’s so much I want to ask him, but if I do, then he’ll ask questions back, and I don’t think I can stomach telling him about Lucian.

I will tell him eventually . . . Well, maybe. What will it get me in return? It’s not like he can go against his own boss. Or maybe he would, but the thought of Lucian killing another person I care about is too dark for me to entertain.

“Victoria is next on the list. I’ll invite her out to a secluded location and then strike.”

He hums, his eyebrows meeting in the middle, but he doesn’t stop walking.

I read his confusion and clarify, “Her mother played a part in her death.” I pause, weighing up my next words. “She used her as a living ashtray, Valentine. Made her crawl naked in a room full of people. She used and degraded her.”

“And her daughter will pay for her sins . . .”

I sit up straighter. “She’s a member of the Inferno Consortium. Don’t insult me by trying to get me to believe she didn’t do fucked-up things.”

His lack of an answer is an answer in itself.

He knows what vile things those people do. His job involves preventing the things they do from leaving their circle. Cleaning up any traceable evidence.

“Don’t forget, there’s more at stake here than just vengeance. Victoria’s family is currently very valuable to the Harrows. Killing her could leave their business in serious trouble. Are you sure you want to do that to Julian?”

I want to do that to Lucian. I’m so very fucking sure.

“He knows what her family did to my mom. I’m sure he’ll want to give me a hand.”

He wants nothing more than to kill his father. At the very least, to make Lucian’s life a living hell. He won’t mind leaving me to have my fun with Victoria.

“All right, let’s discuss the plan.” He rolls a map of Seattle out on my lap, making a scene of pressing down the wrinkles on the paper.

“You know digital maps have been invented, right?”

He levels me with his gaze. “You’ll need to choose a secluded spot to lure Victoria to. But not so off-the-grid that it won’t be as easy to pin the crime on someone else.” He taps on an area in Downtown Seattle. “Something like this place.”

A wooded area near the outskirts of the city, with a few stores here and there.

“I have a better idea.” I can’t just invite her to an unfamiliar location like that. I need her to think she’s the one in control. “Do you still have that guy’s contact? The one who edited me out of the CCTV footage of Sulawesi Spice?”

“What do you have in mind?”

Picking up my phone, I scroll through our chat until I replace Victoria’s phone number. “Can he erase any trace of text messages?”

“Of course he can. He gets paid for it—he can do anything I want him to.”

“Peeerfect.” I smile as I hit send.

He peeks at the screen. “What did you do?”

“I just invited her out for drinks.”

“And you think that will work?”

The phone pings, and I smirk at the screen.

Victoria: Ah, the golden girl . . . Meet me tomorrow night at the Cascade Grand Hotel. I have some things to take care of before then, but the rest of my night is free.

Another message arrives.

Victoria: I still have unfinished business with you after the way you disappeared from Lavish Eden.

I glance up at Valentine, basking in the way his eyebrows rise in disbelief. “She deserves to die with that stupidity.”

He shakes his head, rolling the map back into its original form and leaving the onion with me. “Remember, you have to be convincing.”

“I know.”

“Make her believe you’re attracted to her.”

Won’t be too hard. I may like guys, but the girl is gorgeous. The power she radiates lures you in even if you don’t want it to.

That’s what happened to me that night at Lavish Eden. As much as I hate to admit it, I didn’t really choose to get drunk; I just lost track of everything and allowed her to steer me around.

“Trust me, I can be very persuasive when I want to be.”

He heads for the door, hand on the doorknob as he tells me firmly, “Your plan had better work. We can’t afford any mistakes.”

“I know,” I whisper back. The more distance he puts between us, the more the heaviness from before weighs on me. “I won’t let you down.”

“Good.” He fixes his stare on me. “Because if you fail, there will be no coming back from this. The Inferno Consortium may think they’ve found their target, but it wouldn’t take much for it to get redirected onto you.”

And what will Lucian do to me this time? He won’t go easy on me. He won’t kill me. He’ll do far worse.

He’ll turn me into my mother.

“Then let’s make sure I don’t fail,” I reply steadily.

He nods, the lower side of his lips twitching.

That has always been his way of showing me he’s proud.

“Before I go and leave you moping⁠—”

“I am not moping!”

“Do you want me to keep Julian informed about what we discussed?”

My scowl eases a little at hearing his name.

“Yes. I think he’ll enjoy knowing her days are numbered.”