Grim and Bear It
Chapter Twenty

Rule #3: Under no circumstances is a reaper to make purposeful physical contact with a human who is not their charge. -The Reaper Code of Ethics, official handbook. Poppy

I knew I needed to stay away from Jake, but something ached in my chest. The wish to see him grew into an urge, then a demand. So when break time came, I lied to my sister, and told her I was going to watch another wedding. She promptly made barfing noises and left me alone.

I went to replace Jake..

I stilled in shock when I walked into his apartment, the perfectly clean and organized space now chaos. Chairs were turned over, pillows thrown across the room, half the bookcase's contents littered the floor. I let out an involuntary gasp as a baking sheet sailed across the kitchen and hit the wall.

"JAKE!" I called, rushing over to him.

He turned to face me, his eyes wide, then he pointed at me. "Don't you dare take Daisy. You can have me, but you can't have her."

I held up my hands. "I'm not here for either of you. What's going on? What happened to Daisy?"

"She's gone." He shoved his fingers into his hair, tugging at the scalp. I could see his heart breaking as a tear leaked out of the corner of his eye. "Just gone. And it's my fault."

He shoved a drinking glass off the counter, not caring about the shards of glass that exploded across the tile. "They took her and it's my fault."

"We're going to replace her!" I promised, even though I shouldn't. There was no way I could help conduct a search for a human child in the hour I had free. But there was no way I could leave him either. I had to do this for him and Eliza.

"How much more does Eliza have to lose?" He shouted. "She lost you, then Ben, and now her daughter?! HOW MUCH MORE, POPPY?"

His words hit me in the gut. He was right. While he may be able to see me, Eliza couldn't. I held the grief over the loss of our friendship every day.

"Jake!" My voice cracked at the pain in his eyes. This man had taken a vow to protect people and he wasn't able to protect his own family. It was tearing him apart. My own heart broke watching him.

He was breathing heavy, his hands shaking, his gaze wildly searching for something else to destroy. He shoved a water bottle across the counter and took a stepped forward. His cane hit a chunk of glass and slipped, throwing him off balance. His leg buckled and I caught him as he went down.

"I've got you," I promised.

I helped him limp to the couch and he sank down on the edge, a broken gasp of pain and grief escaping from his chest. I knelt in front of him, grabbing both sides of his cheeks and tilted his head up to look at me. His blue eyes had storms behind them, glistening with unshed emotions.

I needed to pull him back, to ground him. "Kiss me."

He blinked, confused. "What?"

"Kiss. Me."

He focused on my mouth and his hands dug into my hair. Then his lips crashed into mine. This wasn't the soft, gentle coaxing of an overly cautious teenager. This was heartbreaking desperation.

My entire body electrified. Every inch of skin warmed, as if I were human and standing under the sun on a warm summer day. I felt alive. My eyes flew open at the sensation, only to replace him watching me.

He pulled back, lips parted, eyes searching mine. The air between us was thick like summer afternoon storm clouds. "Poppy..." My name was both an exultation and a plea.

I brought my lips back to his, and he inhaled sharply through his nose and closed his eyes. The moment I lowered my lids, I was drowning. I wasn't calming the storm, he was dragging me in. Oh god, I didn't know if I was going to survive this. Good thing I was already dead.

He pulled me against him, my knees going to either side of his legs. We were mouth to mouth, chest to chest. One of his hands cradled the back of my head, keeping me in place. The other arm was wrapped around my waist, his fingers pressing into my side. I had desperately missed being held like this, like I was the only thing in the universe that mattered to someone else.

Good god, this kiss was going to destroy me, ruin me for the rest of eternity. There was nothing in the reaper world that felt as good as Jake's mouth on mine. It was ice cream on hot summer days by the pool, it was snuggling under a blanket together in front of a fire pit on a cool fall evening, it was every secret glance and shared smile and brush of hands. It was the exact reason I knew I shouldn't have kissed him.

Maybe we could just stay like this forever, ignore the rest of the universe. Let nothing penetrate this bubble around us. I wouldn't have to ferry any more souls and he...he needed to go save his niece.

Our kisses softened and small fissures in my heart deepened into canyons as our time ran out. As open mouths turned into lip touches, turned into forehead presses. "Thank you," he whispered.

I bumped his nose with mine. "We are really good at that."

He smiled. "Yeah. We are." His arms moved until they were around my waist. He kissed the tip of my nose. "Who knew kissing could stop a panic attack?"

"It's like we figured it out before or something."

He released a breathy laugh, then leaned back but kept his arms around me. "God, I've missed kissing you."

"That feeling is definitely mutual."

He reached up and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear and took a deep breath. "I wish..."

He didn't need to complete the thought. I wished, too. I grabbed his hand at my face and kissed his palm, before easing back and breaking his hold. I stood and smoothed down my robe, the small space between us feeling infinite and cold. The sun on my skin had disappeared and left me in a hailstorm. My heart was very firmly still not beating in my chest and no matter how much I wished for it otherwise, that meant kissing him again would be an even worse idea. I took a cleansing breath. "I'm going to clean up the glass in the kitchen. You check in or do whatever you need to do."

"Poppy"

I raised my hands to stop him. "I can't talk about it because I don't get to keep you. I only get our memories."

He nodded and swallowed hard. "Okay." His cell rang, piercing the awkwardness of the moment. He immediately answered. "Robinson."

He stood, grabbing his cane and pulling his keys from his jeans. "Where?" He paused. "Be there in ten." He hung up and turned to me. "They found her."