Half Faced Alpha
Chapter 28

It was harder than he thought. All he found himself doing was glancing at her, and turning the slightest change in her expression into something huge in his mind. This is probably what Selina had in mind for him. She knew she was his mate, and that was why she had insisted he replaces her. "Something seems to be bothering you."

He immediately shook his head to imply the negative. "I am just...worried about you. I hope you are fine."

"I am." She said with a small shrug. "You are here."

"All the years of pain...what should I do to make it up to you?" He meant it as much as anything in the world. He had caused each and every pang of pain she had felt ever since she was ten down to now, and he was still causing her pain.

She looked at him, her face carrying amusement. "You sound different."

"I just...realized just how bad you had things. I mean, how bad things were from your mother's death, and then Nicholas..." His voice trailed off.

"I do not want to keep talking about it. It feels like I am reliving it."

"Then why do you not yell me what you want to talk about? Tell me what you want to hear."

"There are a lot of things I want to hear from you, of course. But you would not mean any one of them."

"What?"

She laughed. "I mean, There are so many things I have waited for you to say...but even if I ask you to, you would not mean a single one. It would be more like you doing me a favor. You reading poetry whose author you do not know...or you admitting to something you did not do." Her voice went know on the last few words, and it made his heart skip a beat.

"How do you know I would not mean them?"

"You are trying to do all you can because you pity me, alpha. We both know that."

She talked like she had given up on him already. Like she knew he would never ever look at her in the way she wanted him to see her, or talk to her and tell her the things she craved to hear.

"Did you give up on me already, Natalia?"

She stood up from the bed. "Is this what you call it?"

He followed her, strangely replaceing it more hurtful that she had given up on him so quickly.

"You gave up on the fact that I could want you? That I could...love you?" He lost a few octaves on his vice, and his expression too softened to sadness. How could she? She shrugged. "Maybe I did."

It was that simple. Maybe she did. Maybe she gave up on him.

He turned away to the open window, avoiding her eyes. The back of his eyes stung, and it felt weird under them.

"That fast, Natalia. It is that easy. That simple for you to just decide that I am incapable. It takes just that long." He turned to her, his nails digging into his palms as he attempted to stop the stinging culprit in his eyes. "Why did you deceive me into thinking I was worthy of being waited upon by you?"

It was a shameless request, but also very important to him.

"But I did wait, Axton." She said, very calmly. Her big blue eyes looked like they held the serenity of the world in them.

"What?"

"You do know how long I have waited for you to look at me differently, right? From the very first day you stepped foot into my life. I had not been waiting for you but once you came, it was like I had. I felt shameless for being so easy to a stranger. someone whose face was covered...shielded away from me. So yes, Axton. I waited. Long before I even knew your name."

"And now?"

She shrugged. "You talked about being mates and all, but...when I look in your eyes, its all blank. Yo do not seem like you would not want to lose me like I do." "What?"

"You feel restrained. Distant. Like you do not even want to give in to the possibility of me."

He swallowed, and put both hands in his hair. His eyes blinked rapidly on their own, shooing away the hurt tears that were filling them. Strangely, knowing she gave up on him was more hurtful than anything else he had been through, including physical wounds. "Natalia, I..."

"And that's why..I decided to give up on us." She took a step away from him. "And I think it is even good for you, Axton. You do not have to feel suffocated around me. You do not have to feel burdened or crushed under the weight of my feelings. I think for you, the mate bond is enough."

"Natalia, do not say things like that."

"You know I would not just say things like that. It is better this way. No expectations. I decided to set you free, Axton. Free from me."

With one swift stride, he closed the distance between them, his hand holding both her shoulders. "How can you even say that? Set me free? Who said I do not enjoy being caged? Who said I have ever strived for freedom from you?"

But he didn't. He hated being caged. And that why he made sure to be the one to offend. Before others could rise up against him, he rose against them. That was why he became the perpetrator rather than the victim.

She tried to move away from his grip, but then he held her place, his grip tightening around her shoulders till it was almost painful.

She looked up at him. "All you do is make people want the things you know you will never give them."

He shook his head. "That's not true." It didn't sound assertive, it was like he was pleading. "Do not give up on me. Do not take the burden of your feelings off my shoulder, what else should I be bothered with?"

She took in a deep breath, as she watched him, his eyes darting across her face, taking in all of her expressions. But she tried to show none. She tried to show nonchalance. Even as he started to lean in, his right hand leaving her shoulder to cup her cheek, she still remained emotionless on the surface.

Axton watched her carefully, hoping he wouldn't have to put it in words again after this. But just when he got close enough, she suddenly took a step back and turned away, leaving his hand and his heart lingering.

She said nothing as she watched the window on the opposite side of the room, like it was some interesting detail she had never seen before.

He watched her, his breath becoming a little unsteady as he felt moisture drop from the corner of his left eyes.

"Natalia?"

She didn't look at him, or answer him, and he knew he had to give her space.

He took a step towards her, however, trying to defy what his intuitions told him. She took a step back, keeping the distance between them.

He nodded, the hand that had been on her cheek just earlier gripping onto his tunic.

"Excuse me," he said finally, and walked out of the room.

She finally released the breath she had been holding all through, and blinked back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She still wanted him with the same desperation she had wanted hin that first day, but this was a last resort to at least have him, not because he felt pity for her, but because he could not do without her. Like she could not do without him.

Alpha Axton barely made his way to his room, feeling like someone that was left out in the cold. His body felt out of control, his resolve weak.

He managed to get to his room and he entered, then closed the door behind him and leaned on it.

In his life, he had never expected that he would cry. Much less for a woman.

But now, as he found himself slowly losing footing so he sat on the floor, his back on the door, his hand in his hair, he felt all the emotions he should have conveyed to her in that kiss pour out of his eyes in torrents.