Hatred With Benefits
N I N E T E E N

EVA.

"Are you okay?" Dan asks as I take my seat and I nod with an assuring smile. "I am.

Dan responds with one of his before turning to Noel to continue their conversation, and my eyes move behind him to see the booth empty.

He left. And my lips still tingle from his earlier sudden kiss.

"What's on your mind?" Dan's voice pulls me out of my thoughts and I drop my gaze to see him leaning forward.

"Stuff. "I shrug and he hums. "Does that stuff includes how hot Dan is and how you can't wait to get your hands on him?" He lifts his brows with a mischievous smile on his face.

"So fucking far from it. "I emphasize the words and Dan wears a hurtful expression. "So you mean you don't want to follow me to my place after this?"

I lean towards him. "I don't want to come with you to your place after this. "

Dan throws a hand over his chest. "That's painful, Eva. You're breaking my heart so soon already. '

I laugh, sinking back in my seat.

"What's the score?" Dan suddenly says and I draw my brows together. "For this night.

"Why?" I furrow my brows and he smiles. "That dictates how close I am to winning you over.

"

"Is it a game?" I chuckle and he nods. "A game to win your heart. "We stay silent after those words, just gazing into each other's eyes before I break the contact and lift my chin, tapping a finger to it in a contemplation expression.

When I look back at Dan, his eyes are more curious than expected and I give him a half-smile. "A six. "

Dan's eyes widen. "A six?"

"Too high?" I taunt him and Dan throws me a playful glare. "Too fucking low. You're hard to impress, Eva Carson. '

"So I've been told. "I say before we fall back into silence and he stares at me with those watchful eyes again.

"Can I take you home?" Dan asks with a soft smile as we walk out of the restaurant and I turn to meet his gaze, a chuckle slipping through my lips as I say. "I think I'm capable of taking myself home, Dan." He nods. "I know that, but I thought that's what the guy says to the girl after the date?"

"You sound like it's your first time going on a date. "I laugh, and when he keeps his expression unfazed- I stop.

"It is?" I ask with wide eyes and he hums. "My dates are usually more hookups than actual dates. We both know what comes next after the sweet talks is the bed. You're the first girl I'm not hitting up on the first meet up, Eva. Do you have any idea how lucky you are?"

I shake my head. "It's not called luck if I'm the one stopping your routine."

"You amuse me a lot. Do you know that?" He raises his brows as he takes a step closer.

"Your first time saying it and I'll take it as a compliment."

Dan's smile widens and he stays silent for some seconds before saying, "Can we do this again? I don't want you to disappear on me. "

"We go to the same school." I remind him.

"Still," he raises a shoulder and I smile. Dan is fun and sweet. He is the perfect picture of a bad boy in the body of a good man.

"Sure, we can," I tell him and he beams. "Not friends hanging out on a chilly night. An actual date. " He demands and I tease him by frowning, taking a step back.

When Dan's face falls as he stares down at the movement, I laugh. "An actual date it is. "

That gorgeous smile covers his face again and he opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, he's interrupted by the presence of Noel- who I didn't notice next to us. "Are you done, dude?" Noel scowls at him.

"Obviously not if she's standing right in front of me, Noel. " Dan hisses, dismissing him with a wave when Noel tries to speak again, before turning his attention back to me. "Give me a call when you get home, please?" He requests and I bob my head. Dan closes the gap between us to press his lips to my cheek before he moves away with Noel.

With a sigh, I look back to the restaurant and to the spot where Emerson and his friends previously occupied. Then that moment from the restroom comes to mind- I shake it off before I can dwell much on it.

I close the door behind me and walk to the couch. I let out a breath as I fall on the couch and lift my phone at the vibration of a new text.

ALIYA: Tell me everything!

I shake my head and sink back into the seat as my fingers move across the keypad.

ME: I'm not telling you about Dan until you tell me what happened with your girls.

The text is quick to change from delivered to read, and the three dots appear at the corner of the screen.

A pouting face glares at me from across the screen before a new text comes in.

ALIYA: Her name is Chloe.

ME: Give me the details, bitch!

I laugh at my text, knowing Aliya will curse me for it.

"Surprised to see you here. "I lift my eyes from the screen to see Emerson standing by the door with a smug smile pressed to his lips. "Where else would I be? I live here. "I frown and Emerson moves from the door. "I didn't think you would end your date so soon.

A mocking smirk climbs on my face as I throw one hand over the couch. "Why do you sound concerned about my date?"

Emerson scoffs, moving from his spot. "Concern is an impossible word, Carson. "I watch as he moves towards the kitchen and I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as Emerson gets himself a glass of water.

I turn away before he can meet my eyes, adjusting in my seat and I hear the sound of a slam, followed by footsteps.

"You might want to try harder next time. "I snap my head to the sound of Emerson's voice and he nods to my chest. "That is in no way a turn on.

"I wasn't trying to fuck him, "I chuckle. "Though I'll beg to differ if this had you follow me to the restroom and keep your mouth on mine."

He wasn't expecting those words, and I can tell that by the way he takes a gulp and remains tight-lipped. Slowly, that smirk appears again, "You can do better, Carson."

"Fuck you," I seethe and he laughs before turning away. Before he disappears out of sight completely, I don't fail to catch his words. "I'm starting to think you have a kink for that word, Carson. "And he's gone. Fucking bastard.

My phone vibrates again and I smile at Aliya's text as I type back a reply.

Moving from her messages, and scrolling through others; my eyes move across mom's message from earlier. And the words keep a frown on my face.

My phone vibrates again as I pour the water into the glass and I don't bother to check, knowing it'll be the same person again.

I lift the glass to take a large gulp, the liquid doing nothing to calm the race in my chest and I return the glass before twisting my body and colliding into Emerson's chest.

"Won't get me one?" He raises a teasing brow that I merely ignore. I try to take a step to his side but Emerson blocks my path. "That's cold, Carson. "

"Fuck off. "It's the only response I give him before turning away but, of course, Emerson trails behind me.

"You're fond of using that word, aren't you?"

"Don't talk to me, Ford. "I warn him and he's quick to step in front of me, his arms folded to his chest and a smile resting on his lips. I internally curse at myself for deciding to stay here when I knew Emerson Ford would be around, taking every chance that's thrown at him to provoke me. Unfortunately, out of all days- today isn't the day where I play cat and mouse with him.

"Afraid you'll lose? Always known you to be a coward, Carson." On usual days, there will be that spark of fire. That spark of annoyance. That spark of retaliation. But not today. Not four days after mom's text. I don't say anything as I twist my body in the other direction and walk out of the room. Emerson doesn't follow me and I'm grateful for that as I make my way towards my room.

Shutting the door behind me, I lean my body against the frame to take a few breaths before striding towards my bed. I collapse on it, feeling the softness around me, but even that isn't enough to take away the thoughts and the images. Nothing is ever enough to stop me from falling into that pit.

I sit up on the bed and stare at the wall in front of me. My head is pounding and it matches the thundering in my chest and the ache in every other part of my body as I wait for the tears to come.

It doesn't. Everywhere hurts but the tears won't come. It's a different kind of pain. The kind of pain where you can no longer bring yourself to cry when you want to- it's the worst kind of pain.

I shake my head and bring my legs to my chest; my head dropping on my bent knees.

"Hey, your phone keeps-" I lift my head slowly to see Emerson standing by my door with a confused expression and I'm quick to straighten my legs, my hands spreading lamely by the side. If there's anyone I want to see in my vulnerable state, Emerson Ford will be the last.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly as he walks himself in and I shake my head, my voice soft as I say, "Get out."

"Carson-" he starts, but I'm quick to interrupt him. "Just get out, please. I do not have it in me to fuck around with you right now. Just leave! Go!"

I exhale in heavy breaths as I watch Emerson stand still, not moving with my phone hanging in his hand. I wait for him to throw the phone at me and cuss at me before turning back and walking out of my room, but that time never comes because Emerson doesn't move in his spot, and my body jerks slightly when he shuts the door behind him.

"Tell me." He speaks softly as he walks to my side and settles on the edge of my bed. "I can tell something is wrong, Eva. What's it?" My head snaps to him in surprise. Emerson Ford is using my name since we laid eyes on each other. I'm so used to hearing Carson from him, I never realised how natural Eva will sound coming from him.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm fine." I tell him, looking away from his softened eyes.

I see Emerson move from the corner of my eyes and I flinch when he lifts his hand to cover mine.

"I don't believe you. Something is wrong. That's why you were acting weird in the kitchen earlier and that's why your phone has been buzzing all day. Talk to me, Carson." His voice sounds impatient and for a second there, I would have thought that's him worrying about me, but I know better than that. Emerson Ford and worry for me don't go together.

"Why should I?" I retort, and he presses his lips into a thin line. Twisting my head to meet his eyes, I say, "To talk to you? Out of all people, you actually think you'd be the one I'll talk to if something were wrong?"

Emerson draws closer. "This is not the time to act tough nor the time to express your hatred for me. I want you to talk to me, Eva. " He uses the name again, then adds another word I never thought I would hear from Emerson Ford. "Please. "

The silence stretches between us in the space of my room as Emerson waits for me to speak and I swallow the bitter lump that's rising in my throat as I stare down at my hands- to his large ones covering mine.

My phone vibrates next to us and we both take our gazes to it before meeting each other's eyes. I no longer know the look on Emerson's face as I stare at him- it's one I haven't seen before and one I didn't think I would see on him. Directed at me.

"Please," he mumbles again and I nod, sniffing before I open my mouth to speak. "Today is a bad day for me. The date has always been. "

Emerson edges closer till his pants brush the side of my thigh. "Why? Did something terrible happen on this day?"

"It did, "I nod in confirmation to his words. "And it always haunts me. I never escape this day, and I don't know what made me think I would this time. "I let out a soft chuckle at that silly confidence. Did I actually think I would escape it? That I am strong enough to stop the bad memories?

"I don't know what happened, but I'm pretty familiar with a haunting past incident. I know it can be terrible. "When I meet his eyes again, there's something different about them. It's no longer the softness or the odd concern. It's the sadness that swims through the brown orbs. It's a new emotion from Emerson Ford, but it goes as soon as it comes.

Without saying another word, Emerson moves closer and nudges my head to his shoulder. He keeps one hand pressed to my head and the other gives small pats to my back.

Emerson Ford tries to comfort me. As weird as it sounds.

I don't know why or how but right there, the tears I wondered about rolls freely down my cheeks.

It turns from a single roll to a double, till I'm smudging Emerson's skin with my tears.

I never thought it would happen, but right there- I try to replace solace in his warmth.