Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 25

NATASHA.

I rubbed my eyes frantically, the irritation on my eyes increasing with each passing second. I had forgotten I had just finished preparing dinner for Matteo, the Alpha’s son, who had just returned to the small cabin by the packhouse where most of the Omegas stay. In my hurry to get ready for the shifting ceremony, I had forgotten to wash my hands after cutting the spices and had rubbed them to my eyes.

Pain. Irritation. Discomfort.

This was my life. Living in constant pain and fear daily, afraid of what I’d expect sometimes. Some days, I simply wish I’d be able to vanish from the face of the earth.

Today, however, I didn’t let that stop me from pulling the dark green blouse Umma had left purposely for this day. Before her death two years ago, she had shown me the blouse and told me she was making it for my big day. Sadly, she didn’t live long enough to see it.

After pulling the zip of the dark green blouse, I stared at my now swollen eyes in the mirror and smiled. I didn’t care, today, I would shift and I would finally meet my wolf.

“Natasha!” Matteo’s booming voice thundered from the door. However, before I could move to pull the door open, a loud resounding thud filled my ears and the door fell off its hinges. Before me stood a furious Matteo holding the white ceramic bowl I had put his food in. His girlfriend, Camila stood beside him, hands clasped onto his elbows as thick tears rolled down her cheeks.

I knew when there was trouble, and this looked exactly like it.

“You stupid b***h!” he snarled as he strolled into the room. From the glint of the full moon outside, and the little bedside lamp I had, I could see how his nose flared and the way his brows were tightly pulled in.

Oh no! I thought as I cowered, waiting for the hit before I got an explanation of what my crime was.

And then it came. The resounding slap that ripped me of my senses, causing me to almost crash into the wall behind me. Although I knew it was coming, although I was expecting it, it didn’t take away the fear that gripped me hard and fast. It didn’t take away the panic that settled in me. Or the pain afterwards.

“Is this how to cook? You did it deliberately to upset her, didn’t you?” he growled.

I kept my head down, trying to figure out what I did wrong as Camila’s loud cries kept increasing. She and I were age mates. I turned 16 today while she turned 16 two weeks ago but would also be shifting alongside the rest of us today. Matteo, on the other hand, was 22. His birthday was in February, and recently, his mood had become even worse because he still couldn’t replace his mate.

“My tongue burns, Baby,” Camila said, her sick sultry voice annoying me, and I made another mistake. I guffawed.

Before I could do anything to save myself, Matteo yanked me and poured the hot pepper sauce he had asked me to make for Camila on my face.

I screamed, the loud shrill filling my ears. My whole face burned from the heat of the stew, though it wasn’t too hot. It burned from the spice that was threatening to blind me. And then the kicks began. From every side.

I did what I did best, I fell to the ground and hid my face in my knees, leaving my sides bare for his kicks.

I had thought today would be different. I thought I’d survive today without the beatings especially after I succeeded in avoiding that from morning until now.

However, I had been wrong. So very wrong.

“That’s enough. Let her be. The drums have started and I’m sure the Alpha will be at the square any time soon. Come, leave the filthy b.itch alone for now,” Camila said, and the blow stopped.

I didn’t dare move.

“You stupid Omega always trying to piss me off. I’ll deal with you after the ceremony!” he growled before I heard the sound of their retreating footsteps.

I sniffed as I looked up, struggling to wipe the sauce off my face. It hurt, but I was not about to let him or anyone ruin this day for me. After all, I had always been happy with my parents around.

But after their deaths, things changed and I was alone. I had always been awkward around other kids so it was hard to make friends, instead I mostly spent time with my Abba when he made shoes or repaired them. After their deaths, I was lonely before the Alpha, who was Matteo’s father, asked that I take over my mum’s job. I became the pack’s cook.

It was then I had started seeing Matteo, who wanted me to have s.ex with him. And my refusal had caused instant hatred. Getting beaten up by him became a routine. I was always at fault. I was always wrong. Both the Alpha and Luna knew what was going on, yet, neither of them, nor the other ranked wolves ever stood up for me. For the past two years since my parents’ deaths, I tailored my body into accepting the beatings and getting used to them. No one stood up for me mostly because I was a mix and not a full Malakarian. The Malakarians are always known to hate those that aren’t fully like them, so that sealed my fate in the pack as well.

He never tried to force himself on me. According to him, it was something I had denied myself the pleasure of experiencing, so he and his friends always taunted me. Always found a way to hurt me and inflict pain. Everyone knew him as a manw.hore. Any woman who’d allow him, he would readily jump into her panties.

I stood up, wiped off as much of the sauce as I could. I needed to get through this ceremony with this blouse.

When I stepped outside, the cold wind hit my face and I winced at the pain. One of my eyes was half open, because the pepper sauce had already penetrated through. I could only see clearly with one.

The sounds of the drums increased and I knew the Alpha had arrived, and that the ranked wolves had already shifted. I began running so I wouldn’t miss it.

By the time I had arrived at the large square, the Omegas were standing before the Alpha and I quickly joined the line.

As soon as I was in place, he raised his hand and the drums stopped. I knew it was time for us to stand in the middle of the square and embrace the moonlight.

The moment I did, a sharp pain prickled down my spine, and then I heard it. A crack. One. Two. Three. Then I screamed, at the same time the Omegas beside me screamed in unison.

I was suddenly aware of every move. Every sound. Every breath. It was too much to take in and my senses went haywire. I heard the sound of my dress ripping, the sharp pain increasing.

Soon, the pain of the bones cracking stopped, and I was staring down at brown paws, and I could see clearly. More than I ever did.

‘Hi! I am your wolf. My name is Erin,’ a small voice said from within me. Finally! I was meeting my wolf!

‘Hello, Erin. I am Natasha.’

I heard her giggle in my head, I guess. I don’t really know how to explain the new sensation, but it was everything. Nothing can ever compare to it.

Then loud gasps and screams filled my ears, my heightened senses making it worse. I looked up, and surprisingly, everyone was staring at me…my wolf in shock. Even the Alpha and the Luna were standing, instead of being seated.

“A cursed wolf!” One of the Wolves standing by the side pointed at me.

I looked down and found my front paws still brown. What was going on?

“We need to burn her alive! She is going to be the cause of our downfall!” another screamed, fear evident on the man’s face.

Before I could realize what was going on, a sharp pain rested on one of my paws. I had been stoned. Then they came in too many at a time, and I couldn’t dodge any.

‘What’s going on?’ Erin asked, as confused and scared as I was.

“Stop!” the Alpha yelled as he raised his hand.

From where I laid, I saw him stalking towards me. He stood before me, his huge figure towering above me.

“A two colored wolf,” he mused, staring at me with a disgusted look in his eyes. “A cursed wolf.”

A cursed wolf?! A two colored wolf?! I thought, panic settling within me. I can’t be one. I…can’t be…

“We need to burn her, or skin her alive. She is cursed. Legend has it that a two colored wolf is a cursed wolf!” one of the ranked wolves cried.

“We can skin her alive! Anything. She just can’t be left alive!” another cried.

Yet again, the Alpha raised his hands and silence rained. He snapped his hand, and his son, Matteo ran to him.

“Get me silver. If she is cursed, it won’t affect her,” he commanded.

I winced internally at the thought, and a small howl left my lips. I was still in my wolf form, however, I could hardly feel the connection between Erin and I. I nudged at it, nothing. Somehow, it was as though she had pushed me to the back and was going to take everything alone.

I heard her sharp whimper as a silver chain was wrapped to her neck. She howled and tossed and turned. The pain was intense. It pierced through the fur and deep within the fibers of her soul.

“Silver shouldn’t affect a cursed wolf. They are said to be stronger than any, and bigger. This is a mere 2.5ft two colored wolf. To be on the safe side though, she’ll live in the attic of the pack house so I can keep a close eye on her. Now, everyone should see what she looks like so you can be wary around her,” the Alpha announced.

And that was how I was dragged, my fur breaking as I was dragged over edgy stones and thorns. The silver pain increasing with each passing day.

I was wrong. My shifting day was one of my worst, and Erin had never shifted ever since.

10:28am.

Yup, I’m two minutes early.

I shift my weight from foot to foot, uncertain what to do. Should I have waited? Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Donald to drive fast. Or perhaps, I should’ve taken my time walking in here. But from what I read, being late isn’t good, but being early isn’t good either.

Obviously, the right time to arrive is right on time. Not late. Not early.

So, I stood there, back against the wall as I propped my right leg up and stared down at my choice of clothing. All white. A white knee length skirt with a slit on the side, which I wore only because Tiffany insisted after we returned from shopping for clothes yesterday alongside Lacie and Donald. Lacie had insisted I had no clothes, and that Aiden had asked that she should help me get some. After much persuasion, I agreed to go and we spent almost five hours there.

She did convince me to wear the skirt with the slit, but wasn’t able to convince me to step out with my legs bare and open for all to see the silver scars on my ankles. Nope. I ended up putting leggings under the skirt.

The top was white as well, long sleeved with a collar. I was grateful for the long sleeves, perfect to hide the scars on my wrists, and the collar to cover the one on my neck. The bruises on my face had all healed and I have no scars there. And for some reason, I was eager for Aiden to see me that way.

Perhaps, that was why I had agreed to let Tiff snap a picture of me before I left home for therapy. For the better part of it, I enjoyed having her around, even if I replace it a bit odd that she tells me about her past and speaks with no hesitation.

How was she able to do that?

I checked my phone again, Aiden’s sweaty face and his smirk the first thing my eyes settled on. Ever since I’ve made his picture my wallpaper yesterday. The knots in my stomach tightened and I had to exhale a deep breath to get my throat working again. The time read 10:30 a.m., I exhaled in relief and knocked on the door thrice.

Today, however, I didn’t step right in but waited for her to pull the door open. I suddenly felt the weight of the bag I carried, not the bag in general, but the weight of the diary in it. Would she ask to see it? Read it?

Doctor Lily opened the door and greeted me with a smile.

“It’s good to see you, Natasha. Come on in. Make yourself comfortable.” She motioned for me to enter and then waves at the cups and hot water on the counter. “Would you like some tea? Or water?”

“Water is fine. Thank you,” I replied and she returned to take her seat and smiled again.

“How are you?”

“Uhmn, good?” I replied, starting to bite on my nails. Was that how I was supposed to answer?

“I see,” she nodded thoughtfully then scribbled something on the notepad she was holding before setting it aside, crossing her fingers and looking up at me. “And the task I gave you?”

My throat clogged. And my palms instantly turned sweaty. What would she think of me when she read it? Would she also think I’m cursed?

“I’m not asking to see it. I’m only asking if you managed to write something in it,” she explained, leaning towards the edge of her seat.

I exhaled a relieved breath and then nodded quickly. “I did.”

“Good,” she smiled. “How did you feel afterwards?”

I stopped chewing on my nails and thought about this. When I was writing about the first time I shifted in the diary, I was scared. Embarrassed. Ashamed. My chest had thundered as I wrote, and I recalled how I had cried, and how I felt Erin recoil to the back of my mind for a while.

But after writing it all down, after staring down at the words I had written, I felt better. I felt Erin resurface. The loud thudding, and the fear from the painful memory in my head turned into nothing but the words I had written in the journal.

Nothing but words. Nothing but a past I had left. And I had slept peacefully that night. Because somehow, it was as though I had let go of that memory. I felt… different. Sort of empty. Or lighter. The pain from the memory was still there, but the fear? It almost seemed like the fear had vanished from within me through the pen and was what I was staring at now. Words. When I realized that, I felt relieved.

“Empty,” I finally replied. “I felt…different.”

“Empty? Different?” Lily asked, and I figured she wanted me to elaborate.

I sucked in a breath, wet my dry lips with my tongue as my hold on the bag I still held on tightened.

“I wrote about a memory that affects me but is mostly directed to my wolf. The first time we shifted. It had never been something we discussed even though I could feel the weight on us. However, it felt different after I wrote it yesterday.” I looked up at her, “just empty. No more weight in that aspect,” I explained.

She smiled, took her notepad and wrote something into it before she looked back at me.

“And what do you think about that? Do you like the feeling? Is it something you want to feel more often?”

“Yes,” I replied without hesitation. “Yes, it is something I want to feel often. The comfort. The peace.” Who wouldn’t crave that? And if that would help break my past, then I’m willing to try.

“Isn’t that progress?” She flashed her teeth this time instead of the normal tight lipped smile she has.

I thought carefully about how I should answer. What answer would she like?

“It is progress,” I said quietly, not sure why. Even if I didn’t feel that way, I thought telling her that may make her like me and think I’m putting in lots of effort. So I looked up at her and smiled. “Yes. It is progress.”

Her expression turned thoughtful, and she scribbled something down on the notepad. I tried to see what she had written without looking like I’m peeking but I couldn’t make anything out.

“You don’t have to say things you don’t mean, Natasha. You can answer me truthfully about your feelings, what you think and what goes on in your head. I won’t judge you. No one would.”

My face blanches. I can feel my skin flashing hot and then going cold and stiff as all expressions melt away. I didn’t know how I should react.

“You have to be honest with me all the time so I can know what you think, what pattern of thoughts you follow. If you decide to mask off your real emotions, it becomes counterproductive to the therapy,” she explains.

I simply swallowed and nodded.

“I asked you to write about one of your fears,” she said as she scribbled more into her notepad. “I have no intention of reading anything you write in there. It is for you to weigh and let go. Which was the purpose of giving you the journal. While writing, was the fear there?”

“Yes,” I replied quickly, recalling the crashing thud of my heart as I played those scenes over and over in my head. Recalling how my fingers had shaken while I had written about that gruesome memory. “The fear was there. But the more I wrote, the more it…vanished.”

She smiled again, and I couldn’t help but to notice her beautiful dentition. She closed the pad, and now, instead of setting it aside, she placed it on the table before us.

“The feeling of fear is never a good experience,” she began. “Feeling frightened can be an unpleasant experience, however, attempting to completely suppress fearful emotions is not always a helpful solution. This is because suppressing that fear ends up making one even more anxious. It is okay to be scared, okay to harbor the fear of revisiting old memories, however, do not let it weigh you down. Holding onto painful memories intensifies the fear and causes more harm. In the end, one becomes a shadow of oneself.”

“So…that is bad?” I asked tentatively.

“Not in that sense. As creatures of the Goddess, we have different emotions and ways of handling things. Some block everything off and live in solitude. Others live in constant fear of that same thing happening to them over and over, which tends to make one too jumpy and rather awkward around people. It also makes it hard for one to fully trust or accept something new thrown to them. Which is exactly what I’ve figured from your case. By writing those fears down, you are letting them go in your own way, without having to discuss them with anyone if you don’t want to,” she finished.

I stared at the space, taking in what she had said and how much sense it made. So much so that I begin to see that pattern of life I had lived in the past.

“Any new happy memories?” she suddenly asked.

A different feeling settled within me at that question. First thought that crossed my mind at the thought of being happy was Aiden. I thought about it for a while, wondering if I should say it or not.

“I guess so,” I mumbled, starting to bite on my nails again. When I peered at her through my lashes, I could see her looking on, as though waiting for me to continue. Would she replace me odd when I say this? “Uhm, is constantly thinking about someone and talking to that person considered being happy?”

“You tell me, Natasha. Does thinking about that person and talking make you happy?”

“Yes,” I murmured, a small smile dancing on my lips as I thought of Aiden. I may not openly say it, but I always look forward to his calls and text messages. Yes, Aiden is my happy thoughts. “I am the happiest when I speak to him.”

“Then you have new happy memories, Natasha,” she laughed a bit, scribbling in her notepad again before she finally closed the book and set it aside. “That is it for our session today. For your next task, I want you to write another one of your sad memories in the journal. I will see you in three days, Natasha.”

As I strolled down the hallway, I felt a bit better than I had felt before I went in for therapy. I suppose talking made me feel better.

I stepped out through the back door Aiden had showed me before he left. The door led straight to the hospital parking lot and I don’t have to go through seeing people after my therapy. Donald was standing by the car, and he was talking to a woman as well. From where I stood, I could see her black curly hair, and she had the white gown doctors normally wear.

“Hey!” Donald smiled widely as soon as he saw me. He pushed away from the car and pulled the back door open for me. “How was it?”

“Good. I suppose I did good,” I replied with a smile of mine too.

The woman turned, and I watched as she bowed slightly, her eyes fixed me. Now that I was looking at her closely, it was the doctor that had treated me when Aiden brought me here the first time.

Doctor Philison.

“Good morning, Your Majesty. I hope your session went well?”

“Thank you,” I nodded. Like Lacie, she gives me a weird vibe and I don’t like it.

“Let’s go home so you can rest. Aiden’s match starts in 45 mins,” Donald said, indicating that I should step into the car.

I nodded, turned to give a curt nod to Dr. Phil before I stepped into the car and Donald shut the door. Surprising enough though, I watched as he leaned down and kissed the doctor deeply. When he pulled back, he let his thumb graze her cheeks before he spoke. I wish I could hear what he was saying.

But since I couldn’t, I dropped my gaze when I felt him step in and close the door. Then he set the car in gear and we began moving.

“She’s my mate,” he offered. “No one knows yet. She wants to keep it hidden and I just can’t seem to understand why,” he grumbled, a frustrated sigh escaping his lips.

“She’s your mate?” I asked in shock. “You had a mate all this time?”

“It’s been three months since we found out. But she doesn’t want me to say it. In fact, she hardly ever agrees to see me. I don’t know why.”

I could hear the pain in his voice. The anguish. Was this how Aiden felt every time I shy away from him?

“Do you think I’m doing something wrong? Maybe I’m not good looking enough? Or have a bad attitude?”

“I don’t know, Donald. I wish I could say what the problem is but I don’t know. Maybe you should try talking to her?” I offered.

“I tried. She wouldn’t listen. Ever since Mav left, she changed. And she wasn’t even friends with him but with Aiden.”

“Do you mean Aiden’s brother? I thought he died from the way Mama talked about him last time,” I confessed.

A sad smile crossed Donald’s face. I saw it from where I sat. “His story is a complicated issue. Maybe Aiden will let you know when he returns.”

I nodded, then an idea popped into my head. “Would you like me to try talking to her? Maybe see if she can tell me what the problem is?”

“You would do that for me?” His face lit up with excitement.

“Yes, if you want me to.”

“Of course I do! I’m sure she’ll get mad that I told you, but for some reason, I think you can help me with her. Would you like to do that tomorrow?”

“Sure,” I replied, my stomach churning. What had I just gotten myself into? I’m awkward with people and I had just said I’d help him with his mate when I’m not even good with mine.

Quite pathetic, Natasha. I mused.

‘Not pathetic. This is you opening your heart, Nat,’ Erin mumbled for the first time that morning. After our moment yesterday when I had finished writing the diary, we spoke for the first time about how it felt to be unwanted. And Erin had bared herself to me.

‘I hope I don’t mess up,’ I replied, staring out of the window.

“Thank you, Natasha. I really appreciate this. But you’ve got to keep it a secret,” Donald said, breaking my train of thoughts.

“I won’t tell anyone, Donald. You can trust me on that.”

“I certainly can,” he grinned, his eyes pinned on the road.

I sighed as I leaned back in the seat. Unlike my first session, this didn’t feel too overwhelming. I do want to go home and think things over, but I am glad it wasn’t as bad as I had dealt with it last time.

And now, I had something to look forward to. Aiden’s match.

The thought of him brought a smile to my face and I found myself bringing out my phone and reading through the messages we had exchanged this morning. He had told me I’d be good, that the therapy wouldn’t be bad. And sure, it wasn’t that bad.

My lips stretched as I read his last message again.

A- ‘Morning motivation: A not so sweaty Aiden ready for training. Now, go smack that therapy in the face, Nala.’

Attached was a picture of him. Today though, his hair was tied back, which exposed his forehead. Unlike yesterday, he didn’t have a big grin, or a s.exy smirk, rather, a fierce look. Smoldering gaze. Thinned lips. Pulled in brows. Everything was just…perfect!

I felt the sticky substance wet me all over again and I g*****d. That was the third time this morning.

It happened every damn time I stared at the picture.

Then, I did the one thing my brain had been telling me to do since I let Tiff snap my picture.

I clicked on the message space, added the picture of an awkward smiling me as I leaned against the black Toyota Camry and added a caption.

N- ‘Does Nala stand a chance against a fierce looking Aiden today?’

Then I hit send before I could start thinking of how wrong this whole idea was.

‘You are becoming bolder than I am, Nat,’ Erin teased. But I blocked the link between us, leaned back and closed my eyes.

Yes I was becoming bolder and I liked it!

I closed my eyes, waiting for his reply. He never takes too much time before he replies so I was eager to see what he had to say. However, a loud screeching sound made my eyes fly open. Donald had stopped the car, and in the middle of the road was a car turned upside down. There was another on the right side, smoke coming out from both cars.

The smoke was thick, and there were shattered glasses scattered on the road. B***d rolled from the cars, and the gruesome scene before me caused my insides to turn.

This is bad!