Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 73

A week.

It’s been three days already. And while things may not have been back to normal, although I doubt things will ever be after this, there’s a relief knowing that both Aiden and Donald had survived and are currently recuperating.

Well, Donald still is, because Aiden had only spent a day at Inna’s house before he left, insisting he’s fine and has work to deal with. I wanted to stay back with Donald till he’s fully awake, but I also want to be around Aiden at home since he’s still weak. So, he mostly comes for me at night and we return to Inna’s home in the morning.

Mav always stayed with him to help him with whatever it was he was working on.

However, something was amiss. There seemed to be a huge wall between us, and I couldn’t place my finger on exactly where the issue was. But Aiden and I hardly spoke to each other. We shared only a few words a day, and that’s it. Nothing more.

We still shared the same bed, but surprisingly, we each slept on our sides. No cuddles. No hugs. No k****s. Nothing.

Wasn’t this what I wanted? To be away from him so I wouldn’t hurt him or his family anymore? So why does this hurt so much? So much that I don’t want to admit it? Why does the ache in my heart increase with each passing day as our silence grows? Why?

I hated that he doesn’t speak much now, nor indulge in anything else except trying to fix everything as he always says. This change in Aiden made me realize even more just how much damage I had caused.

Just how much I was taking away from these people.

More than anything, I figured Aiden is still blaming himself for this.

‘Nat?’ Erin called timidly. ‘How are you?’

‘I’m good. You?’ I replied.

‘I miss him,’ she said quietly. ‘I don’t like this one bit. We can do better. Communication is always key, Nat.’

‘How do you communicate with someone that doesn’t want to talk?’ I ask, feeling defeated.

It wasn’t like I didn’t try. I tried, albeit not much because I believed strongly that I deserved this treatment for everything. But I did try to make small talk and his responses were all short and clipped.

‘You try harder. If you can’t, let me do it. This is killing me,’ she whined.

‘Is that all you care about?’ I snapped, equally pissed at everything. ‘Don’t you care about the pain we’ve caused everyone since we got here?’

‘Nat…’

‘How much did you think Aiden endured for my sake? Or the pain he went through when Matteo used the root on him? He has suffered both physically and emotionally for my sake, Erin. I think he’s had enough after what happened to Donald. It was a miracle that Donald survived this. Trust me.’

‘You didn’t do any of this. You aren’t Matteo!’ She hissed.

‘I’m not. But he’s doing all of this for my sake. For our sake. Which is why I’m equally to be blamed for his mistakes, Erin.’

Silence reigned, as I slowly watched Erin take a few steps back into my mind, as though finally realizing what I’m going through. A small whimper left her throat, and her eyes grew glassy.

‘Oh, Nat! I didn’t think of it this way,’ she sighed. ‘I didn’t know you were hurting this much because you had me blocked, which I perfectly understand. And it is absolutely understandable that you are blaming yourself for this. I had only assumed you were hurting for your friend because I couldn’t get through to your emotions…’ she trailed off, a small sad purr filling my mind.

‘Erin…’

‘But that isn’t right. Matteo might be doing all of this because of you, but you didn’t force him to. You didn’t make him do it. He rejected us, Nat. Abused us. Used us only as slaves and nothing more. And now he wants us? Make that make sense. He’s just an obsessive fool who can’t get over the fact that we found love and we’re now happy.’ She paused, nudged her snout against the bond, the warm feeling engulfing my hard heart and giving it a light squeeze.

‘I’m not dismissing your feelings, Nat. Now that you said it, I couldn’t help but feel that way too. I know you’re thinking if we didn’t come here, none of this would’ve happened. But is that really true? Would we have found love? This confidence to be who we want and speak our minds? Would we have fought for ourselves and our loved ones? Would we have been as happy as we had been a few months back? No, Nat. We wouldn’t.’

‘Happiness at the expense of others isn’t the type of happiness I want, Erin. I don’t want to be happy at the expense of hurting others,’ I mumbled, finally allowing the ice on my chest to melt and letting the tears fall.

This was the first time I was crying since the first day we got to Inna’s castle. I had allowed myself to cry once, and that was when the doctor had announced that Donald wouldn’t make it. I had deprived myself of crying, because that would’ve ultimately granted me the relief I needed from the pain eating at me. So I didn’t cry. All these days, as I watched both my mate and best friend fight for their lives, I didn’t cry.

But speaking to Erin now made it possible. The barriers I had set up for the tears wouldn’t stay up. They crumbled completely and that is how I found myself crying, tucked in a corner in one of the rooms available in Inna’s castle crying.

Erin said nothing and simply allowed me to cry. I cried so hard that I felt the headache that had subsided a while ago. I cried as though my tears would finish. I cried till the heavy feeling in my chest finally gave way to numbness, then to pain again, to anger, to desperate yearning for my mate.

‘You good now?’ Erin asked softly.

‘I think so,’ I whispered, sniffing. ‘That felt good.’

‘And you’ve been holding it back for days,’ Erin humped.

‘Because I deserved the pain, Erin. How could I allow myself relief through crying when Donald was fighting for his life? I couldn’t.’

‘So why did you allow yourself to cry now, Nat? I mean, he’s still in bed and hasn’t fully woken up yet,’ Erin said.

I shut my eyes, not wanting to believe what she wants to say. ‘I know where you are going with this, Erin.’

‘And you know it’s the truth. Neither Aiden nor his family would ever blame you for any of this. Because you are a victim in this as much as anyone is concerned. And so I understand your concern over this. I didn’t think of it that way, but when you mentioned it, the picture was painted. Neither you nor I want to be blamed for this, but like you said, perhaps none of this would’ve happened if we didn’t come here. And perhaps not,’ she pushed the bond, so much so that I felt her presence a lot. ‘Don’t punish yourself for this, Nat. But I’m here and we can grieve together.’

I wiped the tears off my face, taking in Erin’s words. I badly want to believe them. That Matteo isn’t doing this for my sake. But that’s not true. He’s doing all this because he wants me back, and perhaps, going back to him may solve all of this.

But is that what I want? Definitely not. Absolutely not. And would I be willing to go back? Certainly not. Because I have a man here I love thoroughly, and I plan to remain by his side.

Just like the thought went into my mind, it vanished. I didn’t feel the terrible urge to blame myself for this. Instead, I wanted to work on my relationship more. To make everything better. I felt the undeniable urge to be with my mate, to help get rid of the emotions he was bottling in.

And that has to start with talking to Aiden about his reactions towards me now.

‘Do you have an idea why Aiden acts this way now?’ I asked Erin. ‘I mean, did you get something from Leo?’

‘No,’ she replied solemnly. ‘He’s the same too. Maybe it’s our turn to work this relationship out like they did for us,’ she added.

‘Makes sense. I will talk to him when he comes for me later.’

We continued chatting about how to work around all of this. What punishment we think Matteo deserves and how he should be punished. But neither Erin nor I want to discuss anything with violence. So we skipped the topic.

A creak from the door snapped me out of my talk with Erin. I looked up to replace Phillison. Her face was wet with tears, nose puffy.

“Hey, I’m leaving. Please take care of him,” with that, she turned away and fled, with David running after her. I did the same, running as fast I could. But by the time I got outside, she had already gotten into a car with David driving off.

I ran back to the room where Donald was, afraid of what I may see. I had always checked up on him when I got here, but I mostly allowed Phil to take care of him because he seemed to like it. His soft m**n when she’s close even though he was unconscious told me just how much he needed her close by, and I didn’t want to ruin the moment for them by being next to them too.

So, I only checked up on him from time to time while I spent most of my day with Tiffany, Lacie, and Inna.

The loud growl that came from the door made me push it quickly, only to replace Donald removing the needle on his hand, and yanking a shirt on.

“Donald…”

“Don’t say anything,” he hissed, his voice hoarse. “She can’t leave. Not again.”

“She’s already gone, Donald.” I said quietly, closing the door behind. “Please, receive your treatment and…”

“The f**k I will!” He snarled. “She came and I’ll let her leave? No. No I won’t.”

“But she’s gone already. Wait for David to get back and don’t make any rash decisions. She came here on her own accord, don’t be too desperate to make her vanish again. Please.”

He stared at me for a moment before he slumped back on the bed, holding his head with both of his hands. His body shook for a moment before he looked up at me, eyes red and deadly.

“She’s carrying my child, Natasha. Phil is pregnant,” he murmured.

I took slow steps towards him before I sat beside him. “She is. You’re going to be a father.”

“But she still doesn’t want me back. I don’t want us to raise our child separately.” There was a crack in his voice, and soon, he began coughing.

“You’re still weak. Come on, lay back and rest,” I patted his back as I spoke. “We’ll discuss this more when you’re healed and healthy. Okay?”

“Will you keep in touch with her?” He asked, laying back.

“For your sake, I will. Now, please, focus on getting better, my friend.”

He nodded, although I knew he wanted to say more. This was what I was scared of. I knew Donald would be hurt if she showed up and then left again. I hated Phil for the pain she had caused him, although, hate is a strong word and I’m not sure I still hate her after seeing the way she left.

There was something more to her relationship with Donald. And I’ll try to figure that out. Hopefully I can help Donald that way. Perhaps, like a payment for the pain I had caused him.

“Thank you and I’m sorry for causing you this, Donald.”

“Why are you apologizing?” He asked, confused, turning his head to face me. The light from the bulb and the shimmering of the moon through the curtain sent a gloomy mood into the room. The room smelt of herbs, antiseptic, and drugs. The single bed he laid on was the only bed in there. However, beside the bed was a blanket thrown on the floor, which I’m sure was what Phil used to sleep on in the night.

She never left his side since she arrived four days ago. Never slept anywhere but beside him. She had handled this the best way anyone could, without letting the looks Lacie threw at her bother her, or get thrown off by my presence or Mama’s and Amma’s. She stuck to his side despite her condition.

I heard her throwing up almost every time I was here. And she hardly ate anything too. She had grown pale and weak. A clear evidence of the pregnancy she was claiming.

“Because you stepped in for me, and…”

“I’ll do it again because you’re my friend, Natasha. I have your back just like you have mine.” He replied, turning his head to the side. “If that’s what you want to talk about, I’ll sleep now. Regards to Aiden when he gets here.”

I kept mute, watching as his breathing leveled. But I knew he wasn’t sleeping. He was only pretending to. Perhaps he was nursing his pain and didn’t want me to disturb him.

This was why, when Aiden’s text came in asking me to step out so we can go home, I didn’t say anything to Donald. I simply tapped on his shoulder and walked out, bidding Inna goodnight.

I took one step at a time, watching the way the moon shone over Aiden. He wore gray sweatpants, and paired it with a black polo shirt. He was talking to Inna’s guards by the time I got there so I didn’t interrupt him and walked up to the white car he had parked on the side.

I leaned my back against the car and continued to stare at him. Taking in his every movement. The way he scratched his head from time to time, or when he slipped his hand into the pocket of his sweatpants, or when he thinks I’m not watching him and steals glances at me.

‘There’s like an invisible wall between you two,’ Erin whispered. ‘And I’m worried because I can’t figure out why he’s acting this way,’ she added.

I swallowed, a desperate attempt to wet my dry throat. Perhaps he’s doing this because I’ve done enough?

When he began walking towards the car, I opened the passenger’s door and slipped in, his scent overpowering everything around before he even got in. And when he did, as surprising as this might be, although it shouldn’t be because we hadn’t made any body contact since he woke up after the ritual, it still hurt.

He murmured a quick hello and how are you before he ignited the car and drove away.

The silence was shattering. Too much. I wanted to talk. But I didn’t know what to say or how to start a conversation. This doesn’t feel like us, doesn’t feel anything like what we built. The last time I was scared of speaking to Aiden was when I got here, and that was solely because I didn’t know how to express myself.

But this man had taught me that. It has made me see the importance of love and what it can do to one. The power of communication.

I didn’t need anyone to let me know Aiden was hurting. He’s in pain. But why? It’s like he’s blocking me off, and I don’t know how to break that barrier.

Was this how he felt when I did this to him?

“How was your day?” I asked, trying to break that barrier between us.

“Fine. As always,” he replied.

I nodded, searching for something more to say. But nothing came. So, I stretched my hand towards him that was resting on his lap and twined our fingers together.

“I missed you,” I whispered, bringing his knuckles to my mouth and kissing the back. “Are you okay?”

A ragged breath left his parted lips as he shuddered before he pulled his hand away from mine.

Something hammered in my chest so loud that I heard its loud thud, leaving my chest bare and unfeeling. Aiden doesn’t want my touch, and the realization has hit me harder than I want to admit.

Was this…how he felt when dealing with me?

“I’m fine, Nala.” He said quietly, refusing to meet my gaze as he made a turn. “There will be a council meeting tomorrow. At the festival ground though. A new Alpha would be chosen for the Malakarians and I’ll give a verdict on Matteo’s punishment.” He said, his voice sounding cold.

While the knowledge that Matteo is going to be punished was a welcomed relief, I couldn’t help but wish for something entirely different.

My man. Because the man sitting beside me isn’t really whom I know. Nor whom I had fallen in love with.

And I don’t like this drastic change one bit.

However, I’ll excuse his behavior for now. He’s probably stressed with everything that’s been going on, and would perhaps only calm down after things have settled.

Maybe then, I’ll have my man back.

However, that may just be what I wished for.