Heart Of A Lycan King
Chapter 85

LEO.

Adrenaline kicked in as Erin and I raced through the thick woods of the Grand House. Unlike Aiden, I was still pissed at what Baba did. It was no wonder the connection I felt to Amadi vanished.

Baba had been responsible!

That and the fact that this wolf still hasn’t confronted me over my actions like Nala did. As we ran, with me trailing closely behind her, I couldn’t help but notice the wagging of her tail from time to time, and that was seriously getting to me. In a good way, if I may say.

But it is disturbing that she’s been pretty quiet about our actions, and I can’t help but wonder if she has something up her sleeve.

Suddenly, she slowed in her tracks as we came to a clearing with few trees scattered around. She sat on her hinds, her long bushy white tail still swinging around. She said nothing, and simply just stared at me.

It felt like she was…scrutinizing me, and I didn’t like it one bit. The night was dark, the glow of the moon so low because it wasn’t full yet. I mimicked her and sat on my hinds as well, waiting for her to say something. Or do anything.

‘You were scared of angry Nala. Now face an angry Erin because I’m very certain she’ll give you your share,’ Aiden cackled in my head as I gulped.

Yes, I was afraid of angry women. They hardly get angry, but when they do, it is something entirely different. In our case though, our mate has a way of slowly taking that angry mask off us and showing us silently just how badly we’ve messed up.

I liked it. As much as I was scared of it.

A quick movement from Erin caught my attention, drawing me out of my little world. A firefly had flown past her, and Erin’s ears perked as she turned her gaze towards it. Whatever seriousness that had been there once vanished instantly, replaced by the thrill of hunting.

‘I can help you hunt it down,’ I said, breaking the silence between us.

‘Whoever catches it first will do what the other wants,’ she answered, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

‘Are you challenging a Lycan?’ I asked in a smug voice.

‘A scared Lycan, you mean?’

Confused, I asked, ‘Scared?’

‘Yup,’ she replied, too similar to Aiden. Is everyone popping the ‘P’ now? ‘After messing things up, you always hide. Which could only mean one thing, you’re scared to face your mistakes.’ She answered calmly. Too calmly for my liking.

‘Erin 1, Leo 0,’ Aiden laughed. He seemed to be enjoying this way more than necessary.

‘Anyways,’ Erin continued, hitting her paws on the ground, ready to run after the firefly. ‘Whoever catches it first wins, and the loser has to do anything the other agrees. Deal?’

‘Deal,’ I nodded, swallowing. For some reason, I knew instantly that I had dug myself a hole to be buried in.

Determined to win so I can use that to apologize, I kicked in my hunting instinct and raced after her, overtaking her in a blink. As I ran, however, her words wouldn’t stop ringing in my head. Because they were true.

I was afraid to face my mistakes. I have always been afraid of that. As a royal Lycan, I was supposed to be perfect, to make my human counterpart reasonable, to help in making sane decisions. But what am I? I mostly get us into trouble, then hide and let him handle everything.

Because I wasn’t who I was meant to be. I may be a royal Lycan, but I’m far from perfect. My anger was one of my flaws, one that had gotten both Aiden and I into so much trouble, and each time, he faces the aftermath alone. The anger that had led him to get the mark of the Fikoians.

The knowledge that I wasn’t enough for my counterpart, and sometimes my mate, made it quite hard to accept my faults every time I messed up. Like the time I took over and attacked Matteo, causing us to give him a window to attack us. Or when I got angry again and failed to notice something was amiss back at the council meeting.

Blocking everyone off was a habit of mine Aiden picked up over the years, and it is something we always do together when we feel ashamed. And during that time, he and I hardly talk to each other, nor get connected in anyway, which causes our bond to grow weak

I wish I was…as strong as everyone expected me to be. Not in the physical sense, because that I am. But mentally.

‘Gotcha!’ Erin squealed ahead of me, as she clamped down the firefly with her right paw. ‘I won!’

I stopped in my tracks, breathing heavily. As always, I had been too distracted to focus on the task at hand, and that had caused me to lose.

‘If I wasn’t distracted, I’d have won.’

‘Rule number 1, always focus on the prey during the hunt,’ Erin said.

I couldn’t help but howl in laughter. ‘Look who’s giving me hunting lessons,’ I replied.

‘You never know, this mate of yours can teach you lots of things. Now, for the best part of this deal,’ again, she sat on her hinds and looked up at me. Her two colored fur shone as she shook dirt off of it.

I always loved that I towered above her, that way, when she carries our pups, I can also carry her around to help with the troubles. I can’t wait!

‘What do you want?’ I asked.

‘I want you to roll on the ground with your paws up,’ she answered quickly.

‘What?’ I asked, unable to believe my ears.

‘Roll on the ground then leave your paws up, Leonardo,’ she said again, this time, a bit sternly.

I gaped at her. ‘You are serious about this,’ I stated. It wasn’t a question.

‘I am. We agreed to this.’

‘And why do I have to roll on the ground? You could ask for a lick, or maybe, a tiny nip or anything to get your b***d boiling and desperate for my mark not to ask me to roll,’ I puffed.

She guffawed, looking at me as though I had grown two heads. ‘Just because we bonded through Aiden and Nat doesn’t mean I have forgiven you for shutting us off. You have some work to do here, Lycan King,’ she rolled her eyes.

I knew it was too good to be true. Her silence had been so that she could deal with me her way. Oh Nyala, please save me. But then, I need to ask a question.

‘This is really not me wanting to sound like I’m whining, but why don’t you have a pet name for me?’ I spewed, as though afraid if I did say it quickly, that’s it.

‘Because you don’t have one for me either,’ she answered.

‘Of course I do! I called you that so many times.’ I replied, shocked that she’d even think that way.

‘Something may be wrong with my ears because I can’t remember. Besides, I did make you one and you didn’t appreciate it so…yeah,’ she hits her paws to the ground as though making an emphasis and bent her head a bit sideways with a purr.

‘The name Kamla…’

‘Was a name you made for Nat. Not mine. Although I don’t really mind, that’s fine. Enough of the name talks, just roll on the floor now, Leonardo,’ she puffed some air.

Typical of Nyala to bless me with a stubborn mate.

‘One fitting for your grumpy wild nature. She’s just perfect! And I love seeing her put you in place.’ Aiden laughed.

Damn it! This man is surely getting on my nerves!

‘Aiden…’

‘Just roll on the floor, you big meaty beast,’ he cackled.

Oh, I can’t wait for the time to put him in place to and repay him in folds for his taunting!

Groaning, I fell to the ground and began rolling, while the sound of her voice as she howled in laughter filled my ears. I should be annoyed, I should be mad she was making a king do this, but if it means she’ll forgive me, then I’ll do more than that.

‘That’s good. Now paws in the air,’ I heard her say, and I did just that.

Then she laid beside me and I tried to lick her because why not? But Erin didn’t let me and growled lowly. I stopped.

‘You can drop your paws now,’ she added after a moment. A moment of silence stretched, with only the sound of insects trickling and the soft glow of the moon shining down on us. Erin laid like I did, on our backs as we both stared at the moon.

‘You know, back when we were at Malakari pack, I couldn’t protect Nat,’ Erin suddenly said. ‘I couldn’t heal fast enough as the abuse got more intense, and then there’s the bond and I kept telling myself he’ll change. But with each passing day, I continuously lost hope of that ever happening, and as that hope dwindled, so did my courage to fight.’

‘I…’

‘Gradually, I began leaning towards the negative thoughts, and filling Nat’s mind with the same thoughts. Because they were the only thoughts I could think of, the only thoughts that made sense. The more it was said that I was a curse, the more I gave up. And the more I believed it. Every day, I blame myself for making Nat go through all of that for my sake, and it broke me even more. So I took it upon myself to always remind her how unworthy we were of any affection. How undeserving we were of any affection. Quite selfish, right?’ She murmured. ‘After all I was just an Omega, and it’s not that my status would miraculously change some day. I kept telling myself and Nat that the sooner we accepted that, the better for us.’

I couldn’t talk. I simply laid there beside her and listened, because it felt awfully familiar.

‘I told myself if only I was strong enough for us both, then things may have been different. I blamed myself for causing Nat pain, because if it wasn’t for me being two colored, she wouldn’t have gone through all of that in the first place. Little did I know I was strong just the way I am. In my own way,’ she paused, then continued. ‘We may have one last ritual to perform before our bond completes, but I felt it. I felt the burden I once carried around you. That blame of being incapable to protect when you should be the strong one. I was once there, but do you know what helped?’

She turned to face me, and affectionately licked my snout. ‘You did. You are stronger than you think but only when and if you allow yourself to see that. In my case, yours and Aiden’s faith in both Nat and I broke those walls, and we are who we are today, thanks to both of you. Aiden didn’t do this alone, as much as I am part of Nat’s journey, so are you a part of Aiden’s, and you are now a part of Nat and I. To be a better version of yourself, you need to let go of the notion that you should be the only one protecting, the only one stronger. Nat taught me that. I may be the wolf, and I may be the one blessed with the powers, but without Nat, I am nothing. It is the same thing with you and Aiden.

‘Learn to trust that you are enough just the way you are, and stop punishing yourself for things you can’t control. You are responsible only for your actions, you can’t always control your thoughts and that is fine. We all have that voice telling us we aren’t enough, and we battle with it. It may never go away, but if we learn to believe in ourselves, then those thoughts wouldn’t hurt or matter so much.’

Again, I didn’t know what to say, or how to react to what she had said. I just simply stared at her. I had never talked about this with anyone, and no one had ever understood how I felt until now. She spoke about it as though she had known me for ages. As though she had felt all of that with me.

However, despite the fact that I didn’t want to acknowledge she was right, I had to. She spelled everything out as it was. Everyone always looked at me as the tough rugged lycan who is royal and strong. As the King, I should always be strong and never break down. But countless times, I had, and each time, for a different reason. Like when Mav and Amadi left, or when we got the burn mark. Aiden and I hardly connect during those times, because the connection between us gets weak since we aren’t bonding.

Because each of us is dealing with our own demons.

‘No one has ever understood me this way,’ I finally said. ‘And it’s kind of awkward to hear you spell out each of my weaknesses and…’

‘Strengths,’ she cut me off quickly, licking my snout again. ‘Those aren’t weaknesses, they are strengths. Because they shape you into what you are and teach you from your past mistakes. We learn from them and in turn, become stronger.’

A moment passed. ‘Thank you, and I’m sorry.’

‘I was waiting for you to apologize, because you knew damn well you messed up.’

‘Hence why I’m not allowed a taste,’ I purred, feeling completely different after this talk.

‘Well, now you can lick me all you want.’ She said, turning and leaving her neck and back bare to me.

I sat up and began licking the side of her neck, while she purred softly and raised her paws up. Soon though, she turned to face me, our snouts pressing against each other. And then I found myself enthralled with the deep eyes staring back at me, the paw reaching to brush my face, and the scent filling me up.

When her eyes flickered and the brown shade got deeper, I knew it was Nala. And when she licked the tip of my mouth, I was almost gone.

‘I can’t wait for the mating ceremony,’ Erin whispered.

Me too. You have no idea how much I was looking forward to that!

NATASHA.

I stared at the paper Donald was stretching towards me, my mouth completely dry. I didn’t know what to think, or if I really should read the contents of the letter Phil had left him.

“Why do you want me to read it?” I asked quietly.

“Because I couldn’t bring myself to do it,” he mumbled, a ragged sigh leaving his parted mouth. “I just can’t, Natasha.”

“But it is not my place to do that. There must be a reason she sent you that, and I’m not the right person to read it, Donald.” I sighed, massaging my temples.

It was early afternoon, and Donald and I were sitting on the porch. Aiden had left early to attend a council meeting, and had explained that the investigation for abused women I had discussed was in the process. After the full moon and the final mating ceremony, I’ll officially begin my duties as a queen. Before that though, I plan to kick start the foundation support for abused victims, either men or women. Including therapy and small scale businesses they can keep their minds occupied with.

Donald had called this morning and said he wanted to see me, and I knew instantly it had something to do with Phillison. I want to understand that woman and why she’s hurting him this much, but no matter how hard I tried to, it just doesn’t make any sense to me that she’s hurting a sweet man like Donald.

“I’m scared I’ll get heartbroken even more if I read it.” He said quietly, the catch in his voice told me the amount of pain he carried. He still looked out of shape, from both the goblin’s poison and heartbreak. And I wish he’d just get back to being the bubbly man I had always known him to be.

I bent over, resting my forearms on my thighs, before I clasped my hands together. “We can read it together if you want,” I offered.

He sighed again, his bloodshot eyes had dark circles around them, an evidence of his lack of sleep.

“Okay.” He simply said, then tore the envelope open and a piece of paper, alongside something like a recorder and a picture fell to the ground.

Donald sighed, then picked everything up and began by turning the picture so we could take a look. It took me a moment to realize what that was, even if I had never truly seen one.

“Is…is that my child?” Donald asked in a strained voice.

I simply nodded, staring at the picture with tears in my eyes. When he clicked play on the recorder, the sound of heartbeat filtered through, making my heart swell ten times than it already did, the breath I held onto knocking out of my throat completely.

Donald clenched the picture in his hand, a strangled breath that felt as though it was a choked puffed out. He shut his eyes tightly, and I could see the outline of the veins in his neck as he swallowed hard and fast. He was struggling to remain calm as he flipped open the other folded paper.

‘Hi, Donald.

I hope this letter replaces you well. How are you? And your health? I am sorry I didn’t call, I was afraid you’d be able to trace me that way, hence why I decided to do it the old fashioned way. I attached a picture of our baby and a recording of the heartbeat so you can take a look. I am two months gone already.

You may wonder why I’m doing this, or why I came to you when you were sick. The answer is simple, I love you. But like I told you last time, we can’t be together. I am, however, grateful for this pregnancy because in a way, I’ll be connected to you. Maybe someday, I may be able to explain what all this is. Someday when everything and everyone is safe.

When I told you I loved you the first time we figured out we were mates, I meant it. When I told you I cared about you, I meant it. Every single nice word I had once told you, I meant them. You can hate me all you want, despise me, wish bad-luck towards me, wish you should never have met me. But I will never regret being your mate once, even if it didn’t last long. Even if I ended up ruining it for both of us.

We may not be mates anymore, but we can still be friends. I may have been closer to your twin than you while growing up, but I still consider you a friend. Whatever happens, know that I’m not doing this simply because I want to hurt you, but only because I had no choice. And like I said above, I hope someday I may be able to make sense of what is going on. Of the face I see that always haunts me.

Some day, My Love.’

The letter ended there, and this time, a choked cry left Donald’s mouth. He dropped the contents in his hand and covered his face in his palms.

And Donald cried.

And the sound tore at my heart.