Heartprints in the Void
⊰ 28.5 ⊱ Beyond the Glass Walls

**Cade** [

I lean back in my chair, the soft leather cradling my back as I tear my eyes from the glowing screen of my computer. Beyond the glass walls of my office, my team is hard at work, a low hum of voices and the clatter of keyboards filling the air. It's Friday night, and we're all here for the tech refresh, a crucial step for our IPv6 migration project.

My gaze settles on Elysian, her brow furrowed in concentration as she types away at her keyboard, her fingers flying over the keys. The glow of the pair of monitors cast a soft blue light on her features, highlighting the gentle curve of her cheeks and the fullness of her slightly parted lips.

A strand of hair slips from behind her ear, curling against her cheek, and I feel my fingers twitch with the urge to brush it back, to feel the silky softness of her skin. *I miss you, Ely.*

Unbidden, my mind wanders back to this past Sunday, to the tense, silent drive to her apartment after I'd dropped the bombshell about my daughter. I had convinced her to let me drive her home, after telling her that I had James drop her car off the night prior.

The air was thick with unspoken words and barely restrained emotions, the only sound the hum of the engine and the muffled noise of the radio.

"What was she to you?" she asked, her voice quavering, each word like a shard of glass piercing my skin. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her nose and cheeks flushed.

I sighed, my grip tightening on the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, the leather creaking under the strain. "Someone to pass the time," I admitted, the words tasting bitter on my tongue, like ashes and regret. "The condom broke, and the pill didn't work. She wanted an abortion, and I talked her out of it. She wanted a million dollars to surrender her rights, so I gave them to her."

I glanced over at Elysian, the way her features softened at my mention of the price I'd paid without hesitation. Maybe it was that she wasn't expecting it, or maybe it was that she realized then that she's still the only woman I ever loved and wanted a family with.

The only woman I *love* and *want* a family with.

"That was my attorney on the phone," I said as I pulled up to her building, the engine humming lowly as I set the vehicle to 'park'. "Everything's been finalized." The words felt heavy, final, like the slamming of a door.

She went utterly silent then, her face turned away from me, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. I wanted to reach out, to pull her into my arms and promise her that everything would be okay, that we'd replace a way through this.

But I didn't. It wasn't my choice to make. And I couldn't be so cruel as to ask her to give me a chance. Not at the risk that she'd do it because I'm asking her to, only to resent me for it later.

So I let her go, watched her as she slipped out of the car and disappeared into her building.

A sharp knock jolts me back to the present, the sound cutting through the fog of memories. I look up to replace Elysian standing there, a tentative smile on her face, her hand raised in a hesitant wave.

My heart stumbles in my chest, a familiar ache blooming behind my ribs as I wave her in, my own smile feeling tight and unnatural on my face.

"I've finished my task," she says as she steps inside, her voice soft, almost hesitant. "I was wondering if I could shadow you for a bit?" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous gesture I recognize all too well.

I can't help the grin that spreads across my face, the tension in my shoulders easing slightly at her presence. Having her close, both professionally and personally, is everything I want, everything I've been craving since that fateful night. "Of course," I say, standing and gesturing for her to follow me, my steps light and eager. "Let's head to the conference room. I'll use the projector so you can follow along."

We settle into the empty room, the hum of the projector filling the air as I bring up the network diagrams, the bright lines and boxes casting a soft glow on the walls. At first, it's all business, my mind slipping into the familiar comfort of technical jargon and complex problems.

"We're going to start at Layer 2," I explain, my voice crisp and clear, my fingers tracing the diagram on the screen. "We need to make sure that each VLAN is assigning IPv6 addresses, using SLAAC."

Elysian nods, her pen scratching against her notepad as she scribbles notes and diagrams, her eyes focused and intent. I can't help but admire her focus, the way she absorbs information like a sponge.

But as the minutes tick by, the silence between us grows heavy, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. I clear my throat, the sound loud in the quiet room, breaking the professional veneer we've been clinging to. "How are you?" I ask, my voice gentler than I intend, the words feeling clumsy and inadequate on my tongue.

Elysian's head snaps up, surprise etched on her soft features. I don't blame her. I'm usually so careful to maintain a strict line between work and professional matters, to keep my feelings locked away behind a wall of professionalism. "I'm...fine," she says after a moment, her voice hesitant, her eyes searching mine, looking for...*something*. "How are you?"

*Stressed. So fucking stressed.*

I let out a weary chuckle, the sound harsh and grating in my ears as I scrub a hand over my face. "Honestly? Exhausted. I've been preparing for Naomi to come home. Paperwork and child-proofing the house."

Elysian nods, something unreadable flickering in her eyes, a hint of pain and longing that makes my heart clench. Silence falls between us once more, the only sound the hum of the projector and the distant murmur of voices from the office. "I'd like to meet her," she says suddenly, her voice so soft I almost miss it. "I-If you're okay with that."

Shock ripples through me, followed swiftly by a surge of hope so strong it stills my heart in my chest for a moment. A smile spreads across my face, wide and genuine, the first *real* smile I've felt in days.

"Of course," I breathe, my voice rough, my hands aching to reach out and touch her, to pull her close. "I'd love for you to meet her, Ely. She's..." I falter, chuckling softly. "You'll love her."

A small smile curls the corners of her lips, but there's a sadness in it, a wistfulness that makes my chest ache.

*What I'd give to be able to hold you right now...*

As she turns back to the screen, her pen poised over her notepad, I replace myself wishing, not for the first time, that she was the one I shared this journey with. I love my daughter, so deeply, I would give anything for her. But I wish that Naomi was ours, a product of our love, rather than a reminder of the time I spent trying to fill the void she left behind.

But I can't change the past.

I can't undo the choices I've made or the hurt I've caused. All I can do is try to build a future, one where Elysian is a part of my life, in whatever capacity she's willing to be.