Her Knotty List (MVP: Most Valuable Pack Book 4)
Her Knotty List: Chapter 49

It’s embarrassing how much I needed this.

Not the sex or even the knotting. But her. Emma.

And…

And him.

Zane has Emma tucked against the front of his body; his smooth forearm locked at the narrowest point of her soft waist. I watch the way he nuzzles into her neck, scraping his teeth along the thin skin and murmuring praises to her in two languages.

Emma seems to understand everything he says, even if the words elude her. She turns her pretty, bare face into his cheek and kisses him quietly, listening. They both smile to themselves, neither able to see the other’s expressions.

And something deep inside of me breaks.

The collapse of the dam feels familiar. How many times has Emma busted through the shitty barriers I tried to build around my grief?

Zane has done it a few times, too. Each time, I hated the way it felt.

Like cracking. Crumbling. Failing.

But here in the quiet of Knox’s vanquished solitude, with all of our scents layered into the sheets and a silent snow falling outside the window…

The barricades break.

And I’m relieved.

Because, for the first time, I’m not the flimsy, fracturing wall.

I’m the water.

Moving. Flowing.

Washing over all the brokenness. Finally free to flow through and settle somewhere new. A tender, terrible, transformative place. One that will take me a long time to figure out.

But it’s peaceful here.

It hurts, but it feels like a place where I can rest. Maybe even a place I was always meant to replace. One where I’m allowed to hurt. Because I can finally let the loss ache without festering—knowing that the people across from me in this bed will be there whenever I’m ready to leave the pain behind for a while.

I just need to ask them to wait for me.

Zane’s gaze slides up to mine, catching the way my eyes have filled. The arm slung over the pillows behind us automatically curls toward me, his free hand landing on my head.

For once, he doesn’t have anything cocky or cutting to say. No grins or winks or teases. His dark eyes are solid and serious while he sifts my hair back.

And this time? I don’t bat him away or play it off. I lean into his fingers, letting him stroke my scalp in his sinuous, knowing way.

Concern creases his brow. The purr rattling against Emma’s spine cranks up. Bliss drifts over Emma’s face and my own rumble revs louder.

I move closer to them, until the leg I have thrown over Emma’s thigh is touching Zane, too. He curves his hand around my crown, bending to put our foreheads together while Emma snuggles happily between us, her scent brightening when she cracks her green gaze open and glances up.

A cute little smile tugs at her lips. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes like we’re so adorable and amusing. “Boys.”

Zane’s laugh sounds a little breathless. He looks down at her and over at me, then back again. “You have us all figured out, huh, shona?”

She giggles, sweet and genuine. “I don’t think you have it all figured out yet. But I was hoping this would happen.”

The relief on Zane’s face echoes through my chest. “You were?” I ask.

She gazes up at me with earnest eyes, utterly guileless. “He makes you smile more,” she whispers, reaching over to trace my cheekbone. “I love that, Gunnar.”

For a moment, we all gather each other closer. Then—of course—Zane pumps his hips against her ass, smirking. “And what do I get out of this?” he jokes.

Emma tosses him a sly smile over her shoulder. “A very good boy?”

Zane’s fingers flex in my hair as we both growl reflexively. His chai scent thickens the air between the three of us, and Emma whines when mine responds.

Slick gushes over my knot, sending a tingle of pleasure into my groin. When Zane pants against her nape, I know he feels it, too. Which just makes me harder. And Emma wetter. And Zane⁠—

With a dazed blink, Em offers me a goofy grin, nodding at the place where we’re all entangled. “Well, we know what I get out of this.”

The swell of love that floods my middle makes me think I’m getting a hell of a lot more than I ever expected to have. Definitely more than I deserve.

Emma senses the burned edge to my scent seconds before Zane does. She blinks up at me, suddenly looking uncertain. Which is when I realize—all this pulling away I’ve done? Trying to protect her and keep my darkness from staining her sunbeams?

She doesn’t understand it.

She thinks it’s her fault.

All this time, I’ve been worried about the other ways I might accidentally hurt or reject her again. It never occurred to me that putting walls up to keep her safe also kept her out.

I don’t want that. I want her to be as close to me as she wants. It’s a fucking privilege that she wants to be close to me at all. But I also need her to be happy, and my instincts revolt against taking any of her joy away.

I swallow, the motion thick and sticky as my eyes meet Zane’s. His fingers slow in my hair while he gazes back, reading my hesitation. With a tiny nod, he nuzzles back into her hair and settles, acting as an anchor but not interjecting.

“Em,” I sigh, dropping my face to scent-mark her forehead. “Baby… there’s something I need to tell you.”