His Secret Obsession
Chapter 106

(MacKenzie)

I don't think I have ever been so damn nervous in my life. After hearing about what happened on the news and hearing Ethan's name, I knew for a fact it involved Emery. I tried calling Carson but he wasn't picking up. I knew I had to act drastically and ended up calling Asher..I hoped to God that he still had his same number and when I heard his voice, I couldn't help but break down.

I loved Emery, she was my best friend and the only person who truly knew the real me..and over these past few weeks, I've come to realize that all versions of me pretty much s**k right now.

I couldn't help but hate myself for that message my mom sent and how I just sat back and let it happen. What the hell was wrong with me? It was messed up on so many levels and what's even worse was that a part of me hoped just maybe it would break them up. I am a horrible person for even thinking that. I should be happy for Emery and yet I just feel jealous and selfish.

I have started seeing a therapist..it had gotten so bad that I went on a bender and ended up blacking out one night and woke up in some random guy's house with four other people in bed together. I felt disgusting..I felt like this wasn't me and I had finally hit rock bottom. So I reached out to a therapist and started having sessions. I am learning a lot about myself...

I learned that I am so desperate for approval and acceptance from my parents that I completely ignore their toxic traits and sweep them under the rug. I learned that with Emery I was a better person..that I was so comfortable showing her who I was that all of those anxious feelings of not being good enough would get released..and now that I cut her out..I have pretty much self-sabotaged myself so badly that if I didn't stop now there would be no going back. It's not only her though, it's my brother too. He was always so overly protective of me and I used to think of it as controlling, but now looking back, I think it was his way of showing he cared because our parents didn't give a shit about what we did as long as it doesn't affect their image somehow.

Next week I am moving to California, and I plan to slowly start cutting ties with my parents. Sadly I still need them to pay for my college and apartment..but I am going to make a change. I guess if they decide to cut me off for that, then I will have to try and survive on my own. At least Carson had Em's dad and uncle..but me..I don't have anyone.

I stepped out of my Uber and glanced up toward the high-rise apartment building in front of me. Wow, Asher really went all out..

I stepped towards the front door and was met by a man in a suit.

"Can I help you Miss?" The older gentleman asked while standing in front of the door.

"Yes, I am here to visit Emery Lewis." I stated as the man quickly looked down at a tablet he had been holding.

"Of course, right this way." He went to open the door and another man was waiting inside as they led me straight to the elevator and pushed a few buttons.

"Have a good evening Miss Prescott." The man stated, and I was surprised with how thorough these people were.

I stepped into the elevator and watched as the doors closed in front of me. I let out a shaky breath and began wringing my hands together nervously. I was borderline ready to lose it. I felt sick to my stomach as I straightened out my tan pencil skirt and matching silk blouse. I wore a small heart-shaped necklace that Em gave me for my sixteenth birthday and began fidgeting with it absent-mindedly. What if she hates me? What if she tells me she never wants to see me again?

Before I could finish my spiraling the elevator came to a stop, making me swallow hard as I stepped off of it and walked up to a large wooded door.

I reached my trembling hand forward and rang the doorbell, the urge to throw up hit the back of my throat as I had never been so damn nervous in my life.

Suddenly the door clicked and slowly opened, revealing Asher's tall handsome frame as he looked down at me with cold eyes. Yeah..he hated me. I could see it without a doubt, and he definitely wasn't trying to hide it.

"You got here fast." He stated before turning and walking into the house without even inviting me inside. I just nodded my head, unable to speak as my eyes roamed their expensively furnished home.

My eyes wandered around the living room and settled on a small table that had pictures of the two of them placed all over. There were even ones of Em's family and Carson..but none of me and Em..the realization made my stomach drop. Why was I even here? I fucking ruined everything and Emery doesn't need this shit right now. After all she has been through I'm probably even more of a burden coming here.

"This way." Asher stated firmly, the distaste he had for me clear in his voice.

"You have a really nice place." I blurted, making Asher just nod once before leading me to another room.

I watched carefully as he walked over towards their sitting room where Emery was, and stood by the door awkwardly as I witnessed Asher place his hand on Emery's cheek and whisper something to her.

She smiled softly and reached up to give him a kiss as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. I could see by the way that he held her, he didn't want to let her go, and guilt filled me once again. It was so obvious now looking at them how much Asher loves her..you would have to be blind not to see it..or maybe just an idiot like me.

After exchanging a few more quiet words Asher stood back up and went to leave the room, but not before shooting me a deadly glare that sent a shiver down my spine.

Asher left the room, keeping the door open and I was almost certain he was right outside leaning against the wall..but I can't blame him.

I nervously looked up at Em, feeling my eyes burning with tears as my heart leaped into my throat, making my chest fill with emotions.

"Em." I choked out, and the moment I met her gaze I knew she was just as emotional as I was. I couldn't help myself..I ran forward, crashing into her arms as I held onto her tight. I felt her trembling beneath me as a flood of emotions crashed through her. "I'm so sorry..I was so scared for you Em..." I sobbed, gripping her even tighter as the fear of losing my best friend hit me fully.

"I thought..I thought I would never see you guys again..I thought he was going to take me away forever." She cried out, making me pull back as I wiped her wet cheeks and brushed her brown hair out of her eyes.

"That fucking asshole..I'm glad he is dead..I'm glad he can never hurt you again." I blurted, hating that prick and wishing I could have been there to see him die..that's how much I hated him.

Emery continued to cry as I pulled her close to me once more.

"I wish I was there for you..I wish I could have stopped this somehow. I am so sorry Em..I feel like the worst friend in the world. The worst person. You deserve so much better." I whispered, my voice cracking as I sniffled and tried not to get hysterical. "Why Mack, why did you say all of that stuff?" She finally spoke, breaking the silence as she inhaled a shuddering breath and began wiping her now red and swollen eyes.

I looked down at my hands, feeling ashamed as she scooted back slightly.

"That day..when I found out you were engaged, I felt hurt. I felt like I wasn't a part of your life anymore and I know that was my fault..but when I showed my mom the picture she grabbed my phone and sent you that. I'm not trying to excuse my behavior or anything..like I was a total bitch and I should have explained but I guess..I don't know..even though I didn't write those things, I still didn't explain and I didn't take them back. I'm sorry Em..I'm so sorry." I covered my face with my hands, my tears streaming down my face as I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

"The things I did..I don't expect you to forgive me..I just, I felt like you changed Em..you changed so much. But not in a bad way, in a beautiful amazing way and I felt like I was just watching from the sidelines as you blossomed into this beautiful person that I always knew was inside of you. I was jealous because you let Carson and Asher in and I ruined our friendship..l ruined the only person who stayed by my side through everything." I had to let everything out...I had to let her know what I felt because this could be my only chance. This could be the last time I ever see my best friend and that thought alone killed me.

"Mack, it just got so hard to see you push the people who truly cared about you away. You turned into this person who I didn't even recognize anymore and I felt like I didn't even know you.." She admitted and I can't lie..that hurt to hear. The old me would've said "F**k this" and walked out..but I knew this relationship was worth fighting for.

"I know..I have no excuses..I guess I just wanted to be this person without flaws that everyone admired..because I was afraid that they wouldn't love the real me." I was afraid my parents wouldn't love the real me. Suddenly I felt Emery's hand reach out and grasp my own..the feel of her touch calmed me instantly as I glanced up at her warm hazel eyes.

"Those imperfections are what always made you perfect to me Mack. I know it's hard with your parents..but at some point, I hope you realize the things that make you fun and beautiful are those moments where you are yourself. Like when we would sneak downstairs and eat ice cream until our stomach hurt. Or how we would laugh about the stupidest things and you would start snorting which would make me laugh even harder..those are the things I love about you Mack." She spoke softly, her eyes searching mine as my lip quivered and I broke down once more.

"I just want to be good enough..I just want to be loved because of what's in here.." I pressed my hand against my chest, that pain of never being accepted by the two people who should've no matter what settled in as those cracks began to surface..those imperfections that I hated so damn much but made me who I was..they made me who Em loved.

"You are good enough..you always have been, it's them who aren't good enough for you. They failed you and Carson..so damn much and I'm sorry..I'm so sorry Mack." She pulled me against her chest and held me while I cried. That warmth she always brings me began to seep back into my soul and filled me once again. I almost forgot how it felt to be loved..to be seen and heard. It was liberating..

"I'm sorry, I was supposed to be comforting you." I croaked out after ugly crying for five minutes straight.

"Nah, this is better than my shit. I am kind of in denial right now which I know isn't healthy..but that's how I'm going to get through this." She laughed, and I couldn't help but hurt for her..Why did it have to be Em? She is the kindest, most caring person I had ever met and Ethan could have taken her from us. That thought scared the shit out of me.

"Oh, by the way..I'm kind of getting married tomorrow." She muttered, and I pulled back, staring at her with wide eyes as my jaw dropped.

"Will you be there? I honestly don't think I can do it without you Mack..I have my dream guy so now I need my dream maid of honor." She whispered softly and I couldn't help but throw myself at her once again.. Em is way too good for this world..way too good for me..so I will never take this friendship for granted ever again, that I promise.

"Well, do you have a dress?" I asked excitedly and she shook her head no.

"Looks like we are going shopping." I smiled mischievously and my heart almost burst when I saw her smile back..I know I f****d up and made a lot of mistakes but a friend like Emery Lewis is a once-in-a-lifetime and I vow to never f**k this up again.