His Soul & His Shame
Joanna & I

I drove my car at a speed I have never driven, my eyes are blurred due to the tears. I can't see the road properly but I felt choked standing there in the parking lot after seeing Ezra and Mitchell making out. How can he do this to me? Why? He just discarded me after taking my virginity. He didn't deserve any of my love, my body, and my soul.

Ezra Irwin successfully broke me completely today. I will never forgive him for what he did just after sleeping with me. I was a fool always forgiving him and submitting to him but now it's time to show him that he can't control me anymore. He ruined our friendship, I know he is not entirely to blame but he nerve told me off when I always showed him that I love him more than a friend, he never accepted my feelings nor rejected them.

I wiped my tears hastily not wanting to cry for the asshole who didn't deserve my tears. I can see I am approaching my home but I don't want to be seen by my parents being a mess and I know where I can go.

I took out my phone from my bag and texted Joanna that I am going straight to her house and asked her to not tell anyone where I am and especially Ezra.

Joanna's parents will not be home at this time and I know where they keep their keys as Joanna is still at the uni and it will take some time for her to come home.

I parked my car in their garage and got the keys from the garage and unlocked their door going straight to Joanna's room. My room was decorated with fairy lights and stickers whereas Joanna's room is painted in blue color and is plain without any decorative items.

I plopped my body on her bed and I started sobbing so hard into the mattress that I am shaking, I am shaking with anger, hurt, and jealousy. I shouldn't have crossed the lines, I should have stopped him when he started kissing me and doing things to my body. I was clouded by lust and my love for him, he took advantage of my love for him.

I sobbed into the bed till I got tired and slipped into sleep, I woke up to someone shaking me wanting me to get up. I groaned, feeling my head throb and my eyes puffy.

"Hey! Fay! It's me, Joanna." She whispered not wanting to scare me to death. I raised my body and moved towards the headboard to support it. I don't have energy left in my body for anything.

"I am so sorry, Fay!" Joanna has tears in her eyes seeing me in this disheveled and like a mess.

"What are you sorry for Joey? I am sorry that I crashed in your place looking like a mess and crying for an asshole who doesn't deserve any of my tears." I want to control myself to not waste any more tears but I don't have any control over them.

"You are always welcome in my home Fay and yes, he doesn't deserve your tears nor anything from you, so you should stop wasting your emotions and energy on him." Joanna took me in her arms, hugging me tightly and patting my back trying to calm me down. I broke down in her arms sobbing so violently, that it feels like I can't breathe anymore.

"Cry over him for the last time Fay and after this, you have to promise me that you are not and will not give him even a second of your time or energy." He lost everything the second he started making out with Mitchell. I am better off with a person who doesn't care for me at all. He doesn't even respect me.

"He broke me, Joey, I don't know how I can move on from this but I have to because I am not weak and I have to be strong for myself."

"You are going to be alright babe and I know the best things are waiting for you and you just need to grab them when the time comes." We stayed in each other's arms for a minute. I needed this hug from her so badly. I am going to miss her so badly.

"Are you up for pizza?" Pizza always brightens my mood, I nodded at her giving her a big smile.

"You go and freshen up, I will order the pizza and pick up a rom-com to watch." She is the best friend I never thought I could have but I am lucky to have her in my life.

"Okay, I'll be down in a minute," I told her getting up from the bed ready to enter the bathroom.

"And Fay! I have called your parents and informed them that you are here with me and going to spend the night here." I am thankful that she has informed my parents but at the same time, I am worried that if my parents know that I am here then Ezra will also know that I am here. Joanna can see alarm and anxiety in my face.

"Don't worry I also told your parents that you fought with Ezra and you don't want to see him and asked them to stop Ezra from coming here." I took a sigh of relief, no one can stop Ezra but at least respect for my parents can stop him from barging in here.

"Thank you so much, Joanna, you are the best best friend in the whole world." I hugged her and went into the bathroom to wash my face.

That night Joanna and I laughed, cried, and were together till our hearts and stomach were full. We went to bed in the early morning hours, I was so tired that I passed out the second my body hit the bed. I have so many things to do tomorrow and decisions to take. It's time to think about myself other than Ezra. I know it's going to be hard but I have to try till I succeed.