HUGE F BUDDIES: A STEPBROTHER REVERSE HAREM ROMANCE (HUGE Series)
HUGE F BUDDIES: Chapter 16

Brayson is the one who volunteers to go to the motel reception to pay for the room. The rest of us wait in the car, the silence laced with anticipation. I feel like I can’t breathe as the excitement rushes through my veins and constricts my chest. Fantasies that remain in the mind are safe but when they’re close to becoming reality everything feels different. After a few minutes, Brayson emerges with a key in his hand and a smile on his face. Jefferson is the first to fling open his door, and it’s the first time that I get the sense that he’s worked up at the thought of what is going to happen next. He’s such a quandary of tightly coiled restraint and bubbling loss of control. I wonder if I’ll ever get to the bottom of what he’s really like.

‘Ready?’ Carson asks as his hand replaces mine where it rests on the cool leather of the car seat. His thumb strokes over the skin of my knuckles, and I shiver just from that simple touch.

‘Yes,’ I say softly. ‘You?’

‘Fuck yeah.’ He smiles like a kid on Christmas morning. ‘This is going to be awesome.’

We both laugh, and he squeezes my hand as though he knows I need some reassurance, even if I won’t admit it. I may be ready to jump into this thing, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel a sense of trepidation too.

The motel room is on the far side of the building. I don’t know if Brayson specifically asked for somewhere quiet and private or if we just got lucky. He unlocks the door, and we make our way inside; one insubstantial woman and four giant men. Jefferson and Carson are still shirtless and I wonder what this must look like to an outsider. Would anyone guess what is about to happen in this room?

The décor is nicer than I thought it would be, not that any of us is here to appreciate interior design. There is just one thing on all of our minds.

‘I don’t know about you guys, but I need a shower,’ Jefferson says. He disappears quickly into the bathroom before anyone else can get in there before him.

Carson and Anderson stare at the two large separate beds thoughtfully. ‘Should we push them together?’ Anderson asks his twin.

‘Sounds like a plan.’

As they work to arrange furniture, Brayson pulls something out of this pocket. ‘I got these.’ He tosses a giant box of condoms onto the small table that sits between two comfortable, blue chairs.

‘Good thinking,’ I say, realizing the boys are likely to go through half the box in the next hour. If we stay longer, who knows? I’m on the pill but better to be safe than sorry, especially when there’s going to be so much cum involved!

‘Who’s next?’ Jefferson calls, emerging from the bathroom in what feels like seconds, with water still dripping, clothed only in a small towel. There’s an eagerness in his voice and actions that makes me want to smile. So much for Mr. Restrained. Even though I know what’s beneath that slip of fluffy fabric, I still shiver with anticipation.

Carson showers next, then Brayson and Anderson, all getting clean faster than they probably ever have before. The building anticipation is killing me.

The TV is switched on, and we pass the time in between the washing in silence, watching a rerun of an old cop show. There are so many things I could ask them right now. Are they sure this is what they want to do? How will it happen? Who will go first? Who will go last? How will we all feel after? Will it ever happen again?

Sex is such a complex thing despite it just being bodies moving against each other. It can be explosive and overwhelming or awkward and embarrassing. It can leave you feeling elated or crushed, sexy, or repulsive.

I trust these guys to be considerate of me, but until it happens, I don’t know how I’m going to feel. I’ve seen enough gangbang porn to know that isn’t what I’m looking for. I hope they understand that. I hope they’ll know how to make me feel good.

‘Your turn, Sara,’ Anderson says.

The shower mat is sodden after four huge men have stood on it, and there is hardly any soap left in the dispenser, but I manage to wash the sweat and lake water off my skin. When I look in the mirror, I see my face bare of make-up, eyes bright with anticipation and a little bit of fear.

First times are difficult—a step into the unknown—but that is what makes them so awesome too. Memories are made during first times; ideas are shattered and reformed.

The towel they have left me is small and doesn’t wrap completely around my curves. I guess it doesn’t matter, though. It’s not like it’s going to stay in place for long. Before I leave the bathroom, I press my ear against the door, hoping to hear a little of my stepbrothers’ conversation, so I have at least a sense of how they’re feeling. Instead, I hear them laughing at something on the television, and some discussion about someone Jefferson bumped into by the lake. It’s as though they’re sitting in their den at home passing the time, not waiting for me to emerge so they can fuck my brains out.

I guess I should see it as a good sign. They’re comfortable with what is going to happen next, and it isn’t causing any friction between them. The last thing I’d want this to do would be to create conflict.

Taking a deep breath, I twist the doorknob and take a tentative step into the room. Four heads turn to where I’m standing. Four men are on their feet immediately. As I walk forward slowly, the towel reveals my thigh, hip, and waist, and eight eyes focus on the bareness of my skin.

I feel suddenly shy, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to cringe and cover. I want to be bold and brazen. I want to make the most of everything that is going to happen between these four walls with these four men. When I drop the towel, my stepbrothers inhale in a rush. I’m certain they’ve all seen naked women plenty of times, but they look at me as though I’m the first. Eight eyes scan my breasts, my nipples, my stomach. Eight eyes focus on the place at the apex of my thighs.

Jefferson is the first to drop his towel. He reaches for a silver packet that has been emptied onto the table and makes his way across the room like a lion stalking a zebra. The air cools my skin even as his gaze is like fire. I know how he kisses from the night at Red Devil, and this is just the same. His hand in my hair grips tightly, and his lips replace mine in a way that feels like a claiming.

I’m so engrossed in the kiss that when hands start to stroke my ass and hips and lips replace my nipple, I pull back and glance around, replaceing myself surrounded. All towels have been lost, and now I know for sure that all the Bennett Brothers are as big as Jefferson. These boys are going to ruin me, that’s for sure.

‘You’re beautiful,’ Anderson says softly as he kneels behind me, his mouth pressing kisses up the back of my thighs and over the curve of my ass. Carson’s teeth nip softly at my nipple, and I cry out. Brayson’s finger strokes over the seam of my pussy as Jefferson kisses me deeply, his tongue sliding over mine in a way that makes me rise up on my toes, desperate for more.

There is so much sensation, and all I can think is it’s really happening. I’m really going to replace out what it’s like to be taken by four men. I’m going to know exactly what Maisie has been telling me about, and in letting my body be owned this way, I’m going to set myself free.

‘Get on the bed,’ Jefferson orders.

The covers are cool against my oversensitive skin, the low evening light casting everything in a soft yellow glow. My four stepbrothers stand before me at the foot of the bed, their expressions filled with so much heat that I should burst into flames before their very eyes. Jefferson moves to step forward, but Anderson puts his hand out. ‘You had the first kiss. I want the first taste.’

I’m expecting Jefferson to react badly, but he doesn’t. He nods at his brother as though there is some kind of bro-code where sex is concerned, an order of things that I’m not aware of. I turn to gaze at each of my stepbrothers in turn. Jefferson, with his fierce, mesmerizing eyes, Carson with a hint of a grin playing at the corners of his mouth, Brayson with his serious, thoughtful brow and Anderson with a softness playing over his expression. Each one of them so different, but so much the same.

Anderson climbs onto the bed beside me. ‘Are you sure about this? It’s not too late to call it off.’ His hand strokes my arm, even though the rest of my body is exposed. I guess it’s the safest place for him to touch reassuringly while he makes sure I’m certain about what we’re doing.

I get it now, the reason Anderson pushed Jefferson aside to be first. It’s not like him to be pushy, but he wanted to make sure this is really what I want, and he knew that Jefferson would be too riled up to think. ‘I’m sure,’ I say. I take Anderson’s hand and place it on my breast, watching his lids lower and feeling the reflex of his palm and fingers squeezing at my soft flesh.

He kisses me then, with soft teasing lips, everything about his approach to physical contact the same as his approach to life. I reach up and touch Anderson’s cheek gently because he needs to know that all of this feels good to me. All of this feels right. It’s hard for me to do because it takes the sex into a place I don’t want it to be. There’s so much tenderness between us already.

The bed shifts as Brayson, Carson, and Jefferson come closer. The knowledge that they’re looking at my naked body and watching everything that Anderson is doing sends a rush of warmth between my legs. Someone takes hold of my hand and kisses it; Brayson, probably. There’s a quiet consideration about him that is similar to Anderson’s. Hands begin to stroke my body, caressing the softness of my belly and thighs. Kisses are pressed against my calves.

‘How do you want this?’ Anderson asks.

I blink slowly, my lips tingling from his kisses. ‘Like this. What you’d usually do when you’re with a girl, just with more of you.’

‘Greedy,’ Carson says, his hand sliding up the inside of my thigh.

‘Nothing wrong with that.’ Brayson smiles.

‘She can take it,’ Jefferson says. His fingers replace my nipple and pinch in just the way I like, his eyes on mine the whole time. Even though I’m naked, his gaze seems to undress me to peel away layers that I’ve built up until the core of me is revealed. He’s right. I can take it. I can take a lot.

Anderson presses a kiss against my lips, then moves until he’s kneeling between my legs. His hands follow the path his brothers took just seconds before, spreading my thighs until my pussy is displayed to him. The cool air of the room caresses my sensitized flesh, even as Anderson’s eyes burn. He licks his lips. ‘So pretty,’ he says, stroking his finger down my labia, gently parting me. It tickles and arouses at the same time, and I wriggle, wanting more. I want his fingers inside me and his tongue on my clit. I want him to feast on me until I’m begging to come. I want to get lost in the oblivion of passion and desire until everything in me is focused on just that.

As if he can hear my thoughts, he presses just inside me, where I know I’m wet.

‘Lick her,’ Jefferson says gruffly.

Anderson leans in, pressing a soft kiss to my clit and then using his tongue to trace the path his fingertip took. His mouth is so hot, his breath gusting until I’m writhing as he licks up toward my clit, circling it with the point of his tongue. At the same time, Jefferson latches his mouth onto the nipple nearest him and suckles hard, sending a connecting current of arousal through me.

So this is why Maisie raves about her stepbrothers. One mouth just isn’t enough to do this. Two hands just can’t touch all the places it takes for sex to go from great to over-the-top mind-blowing. I’m talking about slipping into a place that is muddled with so much sensation that you can’t even think.

Hands tug my knees further open, spreading my pussy so that Anderson has full access. Another mouth replaces my other nipple. It’s Carson, and he sucks hard and deep, making me moan.

‘She’s getting close,’ Brayson says, as my hips buck and Anderson pulls back. He pushes a finger inside me slowly, holding my gaze the whole time. ‘You’re so tight and warm.’

Brayson shifts until he’s nearer, and slips his finger inside me, next to his brother’s. I groan at the stretching feeling and the unfamiliar sensation of two digits moving in and out at different times. Another finger pushes in—Carson’s. Then Jefferson does the same. Fuck, it feels so good. So invasive and raw. I close my eyes and get lost as they press against my G-spot, opening me wider than I’ve ever been opened before. I feel stuffed. Owned. They’re in this together, working to bring me pleasure side by side—the perfect gathering of men. The slick sound of my arousal fills the room, but I don’t feel embarrassed. I close my eyes, relishing all of their attention, focusing on that point of light in my vision that is my orgasm building again.

I don’t know who does it, but a press of a thumb against my swollen clit is all I need to push me over the edge.

It’s not just an orgasm. It’s an awakening. All my life before this feels like a dream; preparation for what a fulfilled life could be like. My thighs clamp together as though my body wants to hold my stepbrothers captive inside me.

‘Fuck,’ someone mutters. My eyes are still held tightly shut as I come down from the most intense feelings I’ve ever had, so I don’t know who it is, and to be honest, I don’t care.

For a moment, I wonder how I’m going to take anymore. All they’ve done is make me come, and there are four of them who I know will now want to take their own pleasure. Four huge men will use my body. And it’s just that little thought that sends shivers through me all over again.

A hand grips my chin. ‘Open your eyes, Sara.’ When I do, I replace Carson’s smiling face. ‘You still sure?’

I nod because I know that if I open my mouth to tell them, they’ll hear the tremble of arousal in my voice. He leans in to kiss me, the memory of our kiss at the lake coming back with every slide of his tongue.

Another mouth kisses my thighs, replaceing my clit and brushing it softly. I squirm because I’m so sensitive, and that’s when I hear foil tearing.

Who’s sheathing themselves ready to fuck me? Who’s going to go first?

There is something even more arousing in the not knowing. So many hands and mouths, but with my eyes closed, all the sensations go from separate into one joint wave that I can’t avoid.

‘Are you ready, Sara?’ a voice asks. I pull back from Carson, replaceing Brayson kneeling between my thighs, his huge cock gripped in his strong hand. So Brayson will be the first to fuck me.

‘Give it to me,’ I say.

There’s no hesitation then. Brayson takes his cock and probes through my wetness. I’m not worried about it hurting, despite his size. I know they’ve done enough to warm me up for what’s to come. As he pushes inside me, I feel myself opening like a flower blooming in the spring. There’s an unfamiliar sting that is over once he settles in deep. He takes hold of my legs, pushing them back so he can watch as he thrusts inside me. His pretty gray eyes are dark, with pupils blown open by arousal.

Do I feel good wrapped around his cock? Does he like knowing his brothers are watching?

Carson and Jefferson take my hands and hold them tightly over my head. Anderson’s mouth latches onto my nipple as he uses his fingers to play with the other. A hot flush spreads over my cheeks at the explicitness of what they’re doing to me. Jefferson strokes his cock as he watches his brothers, and it’s almost too much to witness.

I never thought I’d replace watching a guy pleasuring himself sexy. I was an idiot. It’s not just about the act itself but about the heated expression on his face and the tensing of his big bicep and rounded shoulder. I watch as a bead of pre-cum forms on the tip of the cock that took my breath away when I saw it, and I get the urge to lick him clean. ‘I want to taste you,’ I tell him, replaceing his teeth clenched as he tries to control himself. There’s no hesitation. In a second, he’s kneeling close to my head, his cock resting on my lips. I open my mouth and get the first taste of his arousal; salty-sweet, it’s everything I imagined. His cock is so hot and so hard, and the angle is awkward, but I don’t care. His hand goes into my hair, and he controls my movements, watching me take his cock deep into my throat and shaking with the restraint it takes not to come.

I guess he was right about me wanting to be controlled. The more hands grip me, holding me down to the bed and controlling my movements, the wetter my pussy gets. But I don’t forget that this is all happening because it’s what I wanted. I orchestrated this group to serve me.

‘Fuck,’ Brayson gasps, gripping my hips so tightly I wonder if he might leave his fingers’ imprints, like tattoos of our passion. Anderson’s spit-slicked finger slides over my clit, and my hips buck as the sensation is too much.

‘She’s close again, Brayson says, ‘Do that again.’

Anderson complies, his mouth sucking my nipple harder as he pinches my clit between his fingers.

My mouth is full of Jefferson’s cock, so I can’t cry out when I come, instead, I moan, causing a humming vibration. Jefferson pulls back just as I taste more pre-cum. He must be close. Closer than he wants to be.

‘Fuck,’ I finally gasp. It’s a flash of bright light, and an ache between my legs as my pussy squeezes Brayson’s cock. He puts one of my legs over his shoulder and leans forward, penetrating deeper as he releases into my spasming pussy.

There’s no rest for me. Carson lies back against the pillows and pats his lap. His huge cock is tapping his stomach, sheathed, and ready. Anderson helps me up; my body still weakened from my orgasm. As I straddle Carson, he takes hold of his big cock, helping me settle onto it.

I know I’ve just been fucked by a cock that is pretty much identical to this one, but the new angle makes the penetration feel fresh and stretching all over again. In this position, I’m even more exposed, my breasts rounded on display.

Carson takes my hands in his and holds them by his hips, staring into my eyes. ‘Fuck, your pussy’s tight,’ he says, gritting his teeth as I start to move. I’ve always liked being on top, the rolling motion of my hips becoming hypnotic. It’s even more arousing, knowing that Jefferson, Brayson, and Anderson are so close and watching everything that’s happening. Very close, in fact. Anderson is behind me, his hands on my hips, his tongue licking down my spine. Carson pulls me forward, resting our linked hands on his chest. It’s then that I realize that Anderson is behind me for more than just kisses. ‘Lay on my chest,’ Carson says. ‘Stay still…just relax.’

That’s easier said than done when I know what’s coming. Anderson’s cock slides between my ass cheeks, slick from the lubricant on the condom, but not slick enough for that. ‘I can’t,’ I say, remembering another time when someone tried to penetrate me there. It did not go well.

‘It’s okay,’ Anderson says in his calm, soothing voice, hand stroking up my back as though he’s trying to placate a skittish animal. ‘I’m going to work my way inside your pussy, baby.’

‘Oh…’ I gasp as the rounded head of his cock pushes at my entrance. I grasp onto Carson’s hands more tightly, and he kisses my forehead.

‘It’s okay, Sara. Just relax. Anderson knows what he’s doing, and you can take it. I know you can.’

Yes, I think again. I can take it. I can take anything. I’m tough. I’m resilient. I make my own choices and decide my own destiny. I take four men and use their bodies for my pleasure.

I exhale a deep breath, bracing myself for what I think will be pain. These guys are big. Bigger than I’ve ever had before, and two of them at the same time? Well, that’s just crazy.

Or is it?

I’m pretty sure from what Carson said that Anderson’s done this before. Either that or he’s watched a whole load of DP porn and mastered it that way. His thumb presses on my taint as he makes it just an inch inside me. My legs are shaking the feelings are so intense.

‘That’s it,’ Anderson says, stroking my hip, leaning over me so that his weight forces his cock deeper. ‘Stay still. Just a little bit longer.’ I’m so glad it’s him who’s doing this. The gentleness of his touch eases what could be a brutal act. He’s deep inside me now, and it feels incredible. Better than I expected. I let out a long shuddery breath, my head swimming. I’m so full that I can’t move. Everything is now up to Anderson. Carson remains still as Anderson starts to move, but as time passes, they replace a rhythm of push and pull, which is knee-weakening. It’s more than just physical pleasure. It’s psychologically overwhelming too. I’m only one small woman, but two men are inside me. Two men have impaled me, taking me to a place where I can’t even remember my own name.

Carson grips my face, forcing me to stare into his eyes. ‘Does it feel good?’

I nod, my mouth falling open in a gasp as Anderson changes the angle, and the pleasure surges. There is so much in Carson’s expression; lust, passion, reverence.

‘She looks so fucking sexy,’ Jefferson says, his voice close. If I weren’t concentrating so hard on the double penetration, I’d want to suck his cock right now. Maybe next time, if there is one. I’ll be more prepared for how I’m feeling then.

‘Yeah,’ Carson agrees. ‘She’s beautiful.’

Do I feel beautiful squashed between two huge muscular bodies, sweat-slicked and gasping? Maybe not in the traditional sense, but there is beauty in passion for sure, and beauty in using our bodies to seek pleasure and deliver pleasure to others.

Anderson pants as he drives into me faster and harder. My hips begin to ache, but I don’t care. I’ll deal with the soreness tomorrow. I’ll wear it all like a badge of honor, a physical reminder of the euphoria that comes with taking accepting and seeking out your own desires.

Jefferson is stroking his cock again, watching everything. Brayson, too, even though he’s come already.

‘I’m close,’ Carson says, his thumb pushing into the side of my mouth, begging to be sucked.

‘Me too,’ Anderson says. His hand strikes my ass cheek with a stinging slap that takes me completely by surprise. In the height of passion, his gentleness is gone, and I like it. ‘Come on, baby,’ he growls, slapping again. ‘You gonna let me feel that pretty pussy clamp down on my cock?’

I moan because it turns me on so much to hear him dirty talk. Mixed with the edge of pain from his heavy palm and the complete feeling of being full, I think I might do what I’ve never done before; come for a third time.

‘That’s it,’ Carson gasps, his breath panting so fast I can feel his chest expanding against me. Anderson speeds up, chasing his orgasm with a ferocity that I would have expected more from Jefferson. I make a noise that doesn’t even sound human, throwing my head back as I clench so tightly that Carson and Anderson cry out.

‘Fuck,’ Carson shouts, his teeth gritted as he releases. Anderson stiffens behind me, the ferocity of his orgasm hitting him in a rush that takes his voice.

I flop down onto Carson’s chest, panting and sweating, my skin slick and muscles burning. I’m worn out, but there is still one brother left.

The McGregor brothers pop into my mind. How does Laura manage to keep ten men satisfied? That girl really is something else. Even Maisie has to put in twenty percent more effort than it’s going to take to fulfill my stepbrothers. I need to give her a medal, or at least tell her how much respect I suddenly have for her.

The boys give me time to come down from where I hit the stratosphere this time, and when Anderson finally pulls out, I feel so empty.

A flutter of panic rises in my chest. Only Jefferson left, and then it’s over. What happens next feels scary because I know that I don’t want this to be a one-time thing. I don’t want to spend the summer with my stepbrothers as just friends when this has been so amazing. But I know that the longer all this goes on, the more likely it is that my heart will get involved.

My heart is a fragile thing, wrapped up in layers and layers of protection built up by disappointment and failure. There’s no hope in those layers. No hope for anything more than this, and no trust either.

If this can be what I want—great sex with decent men who don’t make me feel like a whore for needing what I need and wanting what I want—then I’ll be ecstatic. I’ll just have to keep up my guard.

I’m still dazed when Jefferson takes hold of my ankles and pulls me down the bed. ‘My turn,’ he says, putting my arms around his neck and his hands under my ass. Before I know what’s happening, he’s lifted me up, and I’m pressed against his naked body. His gray eyes are filled with challenge, his jaw ticks with a fierceness that makes my heart flutter. He’s waited a long time for this, seen his brothers all reach the peak of orgasm, so I get why he’s frantic, but this is also totally Jefferson. He needs to be in control. It’s something I felt when we kissed and something that I’ve seen through his interaction with his family and me.

The wall is cold against my back, but Jefferson’s skin is blazing, where it’s pressed against me. I feel his cock between my legs, but he doesn’t push in straight away. He devours my mouth like he’s starving, holding me off the ground with just one hand so he can use the other to squeeze my breast and then grip my chin.

This isn’t just going to be about sex. It’s a claiming.

Unlike his brothers, who were happy to have everyone participate as they took their pleasure, Jefferson is not. He’s greedy and selfish, and it thrills me to the core. I know his brothers are watching too, probably rolling their eyes at their youngest brother.

I’m panting by the time he positions himself at my entrance and shoves himself inside me in one punishing trust. ‘Fuck,’ he gasps, a tiny hint that he’s as undone as I am right now.

He fucks me angrily, as though I’ve done something to hurt him. When I touch his chest, feeling the puckered skin of his burn, he snatches my hand away and pins it against the wall. Jefferson wears all of his scars—the physical and emotional—right out where everyone can see them, then denies they even exist. He pretends that nothing can touch him, but I think he’s the most affected of them all. For all his ferocity, I feel like I know what’s in his heart because it’s exactly what’s in mine.

Fear. Anger. Hurt. Raw emotions that it’s not always possible to bury.

It doesn’t take long for me to feel another orgasm building, and I’m terrified. Each thrust grinds against my clit, which seems swollen beyond the possibility of more pleasure, but it isn’t. Can my body do this? I feel like I’ve fallen off the edge of the mountain so many times already.

‘You’re going to come on my cock, aren’t you,’ he says through gritted teeth.

‘Yes,’ I pant because I am…I so am. ‘Fuck me, Jefferson. Give me everything.’

Everything. That’s a big word. All his energy. All his focus. All his pleasure. And what else do I want from him? More than he wants to give, I know that much.

He closes his eyes, sweat slicking between us. This is more than sex. It’s about proving something for both of us, just maybe not the same thing. The wave of pleasure that hits me is too much. Jefferson has yanked it from a part of me that I never wanted anyone to replace—a sore and wounded part that’s buried deep. A shattered part that only someone with the same soul could replace.

He pants into my neck as his cock swells inside me, ten seconds of sweet surrender from a man who doesn’t seem to understand what the word means.

When I glance over at Brayson, Anderson, and Carson, they’re watchful as though they’re worried about how I’m feeling. Was that as intense to watch as it was to be a part of? Maybe they’re worried about their brother too. That felt like a rollercoaster ride but with nothing to hold us in. Jefferson is bent over, his hands on his thighs, his chest rising and falling as he catches his breath. What I need from him now is a hug or a kiss—something to punctuate this.

It’s Brayson who steps forward, though. I guess he knows his twin well enough not to have my expectations. In his arms, I feel safe and projected. When he kisses my forehead, I feel the respect that I needed. What I wanted was a fantasy experience; to feel all the sensations that I expected to come with group sex.

But we’re not lovers.

There’s no heart in this other than the five pounding ones left over from the physical exertion of the best sex I’ve ever had.

I don’t want more.

But as I lay on the bed, Carson, Anderson, and Brayson treat me as though they do. Jefferson is there too but on the outside. It’s as though he doesn’t know how to handle the “after.” He’s as inept at emotions as I am.

We don’t talk much afterward. The boys fall asleep in record time, lying on either side of me with no care for their nakedness. Brayson sleeps with his arm above his head, and Jefferson does too but as a mirror image. I rest on my elbow, taking time to study each of them wanting to commit them to memory.

Will this happen again? I don’t know. Do I want it to?

Yes. Most definitely.

Do the warm feelings that have flooded my heart scare the living daylights out of me?

Yes to that, too.

I let them sleep for as long as I can. The window darkens as the sun slides behind the horizon, another day over.

I delay waking them because I know that once we leave the cocoon of this room, things will change. Knowing that I have no control over what happens next scares me deeply, but as always, I take a deep breath and push it all down inside me. I wake each of my stepbrothers with a kiss, even Jefferson, who probably needs it more than any of his brothers, and when we’re finally dressed and ready to leave the room, I don’t look back.