I am Sam
Chapter Twelve

My body feels like it’s being weighted down; I can’t open my eyes; I feel too weak. I must have passed out somewhere between when the fever of my heat consumed me and the early morning hours.

Flashbacks of what nearly happened keep invading my mind repeatedly, the nightmare of colours tormenting me. My body feels numb; what have I done? Have I broken Atlas now too?

I’m suddenly feeling the cool, damp touch of a cloth against my forehead; breathing in slowly, I recognize that scent; it’s Caleb.

I’m groaning as I part my lips; I’m so thirsty, my body feeling half broken after what happened, or maybe it’s just my soul.

The moment I feel the gag being removed from my mouth, followed by the binds around my wrists being loosened. I’m running my tongue over my cracked and dry lips,

“Water,” I croak out in a whisper, and within a second, I suddenly feel the cool metal of the rim of a cup touching my lips. When the first drops of water hit my tongue, I’m suddenly gulping, half choking on it as the cool water runs down my throat.

“Slowly, Sasha.” His voice comes out in a grumble when he pulls the cup away from my lips far too soon; I’m gasping, wanting more, but I feel too weak to even lift my head or arms, let alone grab for a cup of water the moment my hands drop from being tied to the bedpost.

Scooping me up off the floor and into his arms, Caleb is suddenly up on his feet and carrying me; the moment I feel the soft bedding touch my skin, I’m sinking into it, and I don’t know whether I’m exhausted from my heat only or because of the memories that keep invading my mind.

I hate myself, hate what happened, what nearly happened last night. Atlas is my... I can’t even think about it now; I almost had sex with my... My jaw clenches as I wince; I refuse to open my eyes; I don’t want to be here; I want this memory to be erased somehow.

This whole situation is sick, and because of the lie, because Ronan decided to keep it from Atlas, we nearly...

I'm wincing again, every time that memory forces it's way into my mind; I keep having to force it back down.

My father knew all this time? And he never said anything to me; how could he keep something so important from me? All this time, he made me feel like I was the broken one when he was lying to me, keeping probably the biggest secret ever from me.

My heart feels like it’s breaking, the ache in my chest has me suddenly sobbing as tears begin to escape past the rims of my eyes, but still, I don’t dare open them. I don’t want to see Caleb right now; all of them, they truly are monsters. Tying me to the bedpost, why?

I long to be close to him, and now I actually know why. It was never the mate bond that kept pulling us together, it was our twin bond. And as much as I want him not too, he keeps popping into my mind, Atlas.

The moment I realize just how screwed up this situation is, I’m groaning, wincing as I pull myself into a ball; I want to become as tiny as possible and disappear. The thought of wanting to be close to Atlas only makes the guilt suffocate me more; how am I ever meant to look him in the eyes again after what nearly happened?

~

Caleb

Three days.

I know she’s just pretending to be a sleep, and honestly, I’m pretty over it. I’ve got this entire Castle to run by myself while everyone’s away, and she should be helping me with the load, but instead, she’s moping in bed. Noah's off helping Circen shift, and Ronan is helping Atlas, Liam, Miera and Eris. So it's just me to keep everything from falling a part over here, great.

I don't expect them back any time soon, I remember the first time I shifted; I needed three weeks to try and get a handle on my beast, so I'm going to have to sort out Sasha, and quick; because she needs to pull her weight and stop feeling sorry for herself.

The moment I walk into her room and draw the curtains wide open to let the light in, she’s groaning as she buries her head under a pillow.

“Come on; I’ve given you three days to mope around and feel sorry for yourself; now it’s time to get up.” As I make my way over to her, I have a no-nonsense attitude; if she honestly thinks that I’m going to allow her to carry on like this, she’s got another thing coming.

I’m instantly ripping the blankets away from her, and I swear the moment I do, she suddenly shoots up in a seated position as she glares at me. And I have to push down the laugh wanting to bubble up in my throat as I roll my eyes at her.

“Are you trying to intimidate me or flirt with me, little girl?” My words only irk her as she jumps up, standing on the bed, her hands fisted by her sides as she clenches her jaw like a little spoilt brat. Staring me down, I can feel the rage rolling off her in waves; it’s cute, real cute.

“Fuck you, Caleb! How dare you?” Scoffing, I suddenly cock a brow at her,

“How dare I? Let me see, I’m not the one who’s spent the past three days in bed, sulking because of my bad romance with my twin, little girl, that’s all you.” And that suddenly sends her right over the edge,

“You son of a...” Lunging at me, her eyes are wild with rage when I suddenly grip her wrists and twist my hip in before having her pinned down on the floor. My face is inches from her pissed-off one, and I can’t help the dark grin that creeps up at the corners of my mouth as my eyes hold hers hostage.

“Five minutes. That’s how long you have to get changed and meet me downstairs and trust me, you don’t want to keep this son of a bitch waiting.” Raising a challenging brow at her, I suddenly smirk before pushing myself up and off of her. Turning and leaving her still on the floor when I shut the door behind me, I have to adjust my junk in the front of my jeans as I make my way down the corridor because, let’s face it, she might be the most immense pain in my ass, but Sasha is fucking beautiful. I might act like a complete dick around her, but that doesn’t stop my actual dick from reacting to her, now does it?

~

I’m trying to train with her, anything at this point to distract her, but she won’t stop fucking moping about this whole fucked up situation with her and Atlas.

We’re out in the forest, the perfect place to get some fresh air and take out her frustration on the sword and me, except she’s not even trying. Her attempts at blocking my advances are pathetic and half-hearted,

“You need to stop fucking moping, Sasha. Concentrate on what you’re doing and fight me,” And as I come at her again, my sword ready to slice right into her, she suddenly drops the blade to the ground as tears well up in her eyes. I stop abruptly as my brows furrow in response.

“It’s easy for you to say, you didn’t... I mean, he’s my twin, Caleb. And we were about to... I can’t get it out of my head, I’ve tried, but I can’t. I keep wanting to be close to him but end up being consumed by the guilt of what we did; it’s driving me insane.” I’m suddenly feeling really irritated as I snap at her,

“So you kissed, Atlas. So you nearly fucked your own twin brother, so what? It’s not like you knew you two were related, and nor did he. So what’s the point in holding onto something you had no control over?”

The moment she shakes her head and more tears roll down her cheeks, I suddenly lose it altogether; lunging forward, I grip her shoulders and shove her back against a tree trunk right behind her as she’s instantly winded by the impact. My hand is firmly wrapped around her throat as my dark hooded eyes suddenly pierce hers, my forehead is pressed up against hers as I groan, her doe green eyes looking up at me in shock and surprise, and I swear I must be losing my goddam mind with this girl, my lips suddenly crush against hers, and I swear I’m going to erase every memory she ever had of last night.

When I slowly pull away, my eyes collide with hers, and a deep rumble has me lifting my hand, so the pad of my thumb slowly traces down her soft jawline. She’s completely silent as she stares up at me; at least she’s stopped crying.

“I’ll help you erase that fucked up memory and replace it with something else, something only we share.”

“W-what?” Smirking, the deep look of darkness in my hooded eyes suddenly has her swallowing down a heavy lump in her throat; I can sense how nervous she is, and I swear, I want to laugh at how innocent she looks.

“Do you want to forget, stop thinking about what happened?” I groan close to her ear, and I swear a shiver runs down her body which only has me cocking my head with a smirk as my eyes narrow.

She looks into my eyes, swallowing hard, and I know she does. Fuck knows I can’t keep on having to deal with her like this, smirking. I’m biting my bottom lip as my eyes roam over her lips,

“I can help you replace one fucked up memory with something else, a place that only we can go...” At that moment, we both realize how fucked we both are, both of us unable to be with our mates, we’re not fucking in love with each other, yet, there’s something, it’s a connection between two lost and broken souls.

Why the fuck not, right?

Crushing my lips to hers, she instantly responds, her lips replaceing mine, her tongue allowing what I need as it invites me in. Before she knows it, I kiss her like her life depends on it.

I’m tasting her lips, her tongue... I want to have more... I haven’t ever kissed a girl this way before, not even with Circen; I could never let go. I would fuck her, but kissing never really made much sense, but with Sasha, right here and now, her energy is so pure, raw, and beautiful, something inside of me wants to let go, even if just for this moment.

I’m suddenly all-consuming her lips, her mouth, her tongue. My body is pressed against hers as I pin her wrists up above her head; I’ve got to make sure that my hard-on isn’t pushing up against her; that would make this all really awkward, really fast.

She tastes so fucking good, and the way she responds to me almost has me wondering whether she’s thinking about her wolf mate or me; in a way, I’m hoping she’s gone to that place with him because if I’m the one on her mind with how she’s kissing me right now, then we both have a serious fucking problem on the horizon. Fuck, the way this girl kisses, it’s wild. No wonder Atlas wanted to claim her; the wolf in her just makes her wild as fuck when it comes to kissing.

The moment I finally break the kiss and rest my forehead against hers, we’re both panting heavily,

“I’ve never kissed anyone like that before; I was saving that one for my fated mate,” Sasha blinks back in a surprising daze as she looks up at me; she’s completely breathless, speechless as she tries to form a coherent word,

“W-why?”

Smirking as my hooded eyes trail down from her eyes to her swollen plump lips, I can’t help the groan of satisfaction I feel over being the one to have done that. If you were mine, little one, we would be one dangerous combination of sin and pleasure. Letting out a slow sigh, my breath is suddenly fanning her lips,

“I would rather give it to you than to Eris; she doesn’t fucking deserve that kiss,” Grumbling the words, I just can’t help myself when I claim her mouth one more time.

So fucking good.