I am Wolf
Chapter Eight

WOLF

Leaving Erebus, I have conflicting feelings as I speed off; everything inside of me is screaming for me to go back to Sasha, and my wolf is howling so loudly in my head that it’s starting to give me a headache. The engine’s roar keeps me focused on not doing just that because I still can’t believe how screwed up this situation is.

Mate.

I still can’t believe that word slipped past my lips.

It’s impossible; it just can’t be real. I know very little about the mate bond, so little that I know nothing at all, but I do know it happens under a full moon. We’re still far from the next full moon, so how could I feel this pull towards Sasha?

My wolf was adamant; when he growled MATE, it was as if a rubber band snapped inside my head, deep in my soul’s crevices.

I don’t get it, though; it doesn’t make sense; none of this does. Pack wolves do not become fated to rogue wolves. I had never heard of such a thing, yet I saw it in Sasha’s eyes; she knew it, and so did I.

She’s mine; that girl in that pack belongs to me.

The pull I felt towards Sasha was so strong, I could have sworn I was standing right under the goddam full moon right there and then.

It’s impossible, though; it has to be, right?

The fact that she knew we were fated mates before I did and still wanted me gone only confirms something I should have known from the start; she might be drawn to me, but even she knows this would never work. There’s no way we could ever be together; it just doesn’t work that way.

Call it nature’s way of keeping the genes strong instead of having them weaken; if there is such a thing as a moon goddess, then I’m pretty sure she forgot to take her happy pills when she ended up getting this so terribly wrong. I’m a nobody, a rogue. I don’t even have a fucking family, to begin with, so how could someone like Sasha be fated to someone like me?

No, it’s got to be a mistake; it just has to be.

The look in her eyes gutted me when she realised I had recognised her as mine.

I saw it; the sadness in those emerald green eyes told me all I needed to know: the mate bond might be pulling us together. But we have no real future; there never could be an us.

By the next full moon, the bond will be severed, and she’ll be free to choose a mate worthy of her because that man isn’t me; she deserves better than a rogue, at least that much I know.

A million things are racing through my mind the moment I pull off the main road onto a narrow little dirt road leading me into a forest; when I stop, I get off the bike and pull the helmet off my head.

I place it on the bike seat as I pull the backpack off my back before zipping it open; I didn’t end up grabbing a shit load of stuff back at Erebus because, in all honesty, I’m used to having nothing. Plus, lugging stuff around would only slow me down. But I pull the file from inside the backpack as I turn and head a few feet to where I finally decide to make a small bonfire.

Gathering a few twigs and branches, I waste no time making a fire. It’s getting colder these days, and I welcome the heat, but it’s not the reason for starting a fire.

I soon sit down and start flipping through the file to figure out what I’m up against, the name Caius from earlier still ringing in my head; it’s a familiar name to me of a rogue I knew, but hopefully, not the one I have to go up against now. Let’s just say the Caius I know from down in South America is an egotistical asshole who would feel nothing to cut an unborn baby from its mother’s womb if he felt like it.

He’s that sick and twisted.

As those uncomfortable thoughts are left lingering in the air, I turn the page and freeze instantly as my breath catches in my throat. There he is, a picture of Caius; it immediately feels like being punched in the gut or having an ice-cold bucket of water poured over my head when I stare at a black-and-white picture of him.

It’s him; it’s the same fucker who’s taunted my childhood.

My brows furrow, and I’m instantly reliving my last encounter with him, unpleasant on all terms.

‘Sasha, what the fuck did you do to manage to get on Caius’s radar?’ I think as I start flipping frantically through the pages, trying to replace anything that might help link him to her. But there’s no reason that Caius would be interested in Sasha.

I realised then and there that even if I wanted to run away from this, I couldn’t; Sasha is my mate, and I’m still bound to protect her.

Besides that, no one, least of all her, deserves to be at the hands of a monster like Caius.

Swallowing an uncomfortable lump forming deep inside my throat, it’s no longer a what if but a when. I have to do this and protect this girl; even if I can’t keep her, I still have to save her from Caius.

Just like that, I get the information I need along with the exact coordinates before tossing the file into the fire; I want to avoid getting caught with it in my possession when I get to where I’m going.

Caius is anything but merciful; if he considers you an enemy or a traitor, you might as well be dead. I watched him skin a man alive the last time I dealt with him two years ago. The thought of that moment instantly brings bile up in my throat.

I didn’t watch it because I wanted to; who the fuck would like to watch something so grotesque? The memory of that moment still had my stomach churning. But he wouldn’t let me leave until I understood that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for power, no one he wouldn’t kill to get it. The man he had killed in this way was an alpha down south; the reason was simple: set an example to other alphas in that area who might want to take him on.

He’s a sick fucker, and now he’s here, following me like the plague, it seems.

Erebus is in big fucking trouble if they’ve caught the attention of Caius, more specifically, if Sasha has caught the attention of that heartless asshole.

I remember when Caius wanted me to join his pack of rogues two years ago. I had politely declined his offer, considering that he had been after me since I was a kid and had always given me a lot more leeway than most other rogues he came across on his path to power; I guess I should be grateful I got away when I did.

Now, I have to go back to him, face the monster, and ask him if I can join his rogues. Say that I had a change of heart after all these years and want to belong to his pack now.

Pfft.

I wonder if he would even buy that; he’s not stupid. Caius is a sneaky and conniving mother fucker who knows precisely how to spot bullshit when he sees it. Still, I must try for Sasha’s sake and do everything possible to keep that girl safe.

Once I’m satisfied that the file no longer exists, I get up to put out the fire; I better get on my way and follow the coordinates I was given before it gets dark.

I get back on the bike and put the helmet on my head before turning the key, making the engine roar back to life; all I have on my mind as I speed off is Sasha. The way her lips tasted on mine, and all I wanted to do when I had her pinned against that wall was to rip her clothes off and claim her right there and then. Sighing, I clench my jaw as I try to stop the thoughts forming in my head.

I want her; I want her so fucking bad I can taste it, and I can’t have her; I just can’t fuck up her life that way.

She deserves better; she deserves to be mated to an alpha, and by the way, Don made it out to sound when he warned me off like they already have someone lined up for her.

Still, the things I could do to that girl would be considered illegal by human standards; the way she makes me feel is a damn good indication that I need this mate bond severed and quickly because if the feelings I already have for her keep escalating inside of me, then there’s a good chance that my wolf would mark and claim her before that moon even braces us with its presence.

What am I even saying? Me, mark, and claim a she-wolf? Who the fuck am I all of a sudden, and what happened to the wolf I used to be? The one who wanted nothing to do with the words mate, bond, or mark, let alone contemplating pinning this girl down and wanting to tie her to me for the rest of our lives.

I’m in big fucking trouble.

I have to set her free once this is over, get as far away from Erebus, and never return; I just have to.