I am Wolf
Chapter Twelve

WOLF

I haven’t left my room; the events from earlier this morning are still far too fresh in the back of my head.

I bit into Mason like it was nothing. I could have really hurt her, and I guess the guilt is pissing me off even more because she came at me in true Mason fashion. Eventually, my wolf got pissed off and retaliated.

And then there’s what happened with Damien; my wolf wanted to rip him apart, and I mean that fucking literally. I could have ended his existence then; the raw carnal thirst behind the action felt so right.

I am a rogue just like Damien, so why, in that instance, did it feel like there was something more inside me when I had him pinned down? The dominating force of power that rippled through my body was about to explode through me at that moment.

Flexing the muscles in my arms as I make a fist, my brows furrow as I lay studying the skin like it holds some goddam secret. Swallowing hard, I scoff at how pathetic that sounds before running my fingers through my hair as I close my eyes. Falling back against the mattress, all I can see is Caius’s ugly mug and the look in his eyes; there was something there that had me feeling on edge, and I still can’t entirely place it.

He should have ripped my head off for what I did to Mason and Damien, but instead, he turned on his own son. Why?

My head hurts just thinking about the possible twisted reasons Caius reacted the way he did; I feel trapped here already, this place, this whole situation; if it wasn’t for Sasha, I would have bailed long ago because this isn’t me, I don’t do shit like this. I never stick around to deal with rogue bullshit, and Damien called me out on it because even he knows me well enough to realize something’s up. If he can, then that means Caius definitely can.

I’m not a fucking hero; I bale; that’s what I do; it’s what I’ve done all my life, and I doubt it will change anytime soon. Except now I’m tied to a girl I hardly even know, all because of one thing, one pull.

The damn mate bond.

It has me completely wired to protect her; even now, as I sit here, all I can think about is her. The worst part is it doesn’t make any sense; how the fuck can I be fated to an alpha’s daughter? And besides, that shit should only kick into gear under a full moon, right? So why do I feel it so strongly? Why did it snap into place when I kissed her?

Groaning, I scrub a hand over my face; this is all so fucking crazy; my head is telling me to run, to just get on that bike and disappear; it would be that easy; no one would ever replace me.

My jaw clenches when I groan in frustration; this inner battle with myself drives me insane. Even if I could run, I wouldn’t; I would still stay; the mate bond won’t let me leave, at least not until the next full moon.

The connection will be lost when the bond is severed, and I won’t claim her. I won’t be tied to her, and I’ll be able to go back to how things used to be: easy, simple, uncomplicated.

I don’t know why that has me feeling so uneasy, but it does; an ache forms deep in the crevices of my chest, and my wolf grumbles irritably in my head.

I immediately force those feelings to the very back of my mind.

She’s not mine; she’s not mine.

I keep repeating those words because god knows I better start believing them.

I have more significant problems to deal with right now, like why Caius wants Sasha in the first place, how could a sweet, innocent girl like her get on his radar, and for what? She’s way too young for Caius, and he’s never seemed like the kind to like them innocent anyway, so what does she have that he wants?

I need to dig deeper; I’ve got to replace out their attack plan. Is it to take Erebus, is Sasha just collateral damage, or is it a bargaining chip Caius wants to use against the alpha?

Fuck, I’m driving myself insane.

Just pull yourself together, Wolf. I scold myself internally. Once I have all the information and hand it over to Don, I’m free to leave; I’ll just hide somewhere close by until the bond has been severed because only once that happens will I be able to leave her.

Yeah, that’s what I’ll do; it’s the only thing that makes sense.

Once Sasha is safe and no longer tied to me, then I can leave. I gulp the second a pang of pain shoots through my chest at the thought of being separated from her, but fuck it, this is how things have to be. I don’t believe in fairy tale bullshit, and that’s precisely what Sasha is: a fairy tale.

A loud bang at the door suddenly catches my attention,

“Caius wants you in the hole, now.” A loud voice calls from the other side, and I instantly cringe. Caius’s words about me becoming part of his rogue pack rings in my head.

Yeah, old man, news flash, I’m not pack material, and definitely not rogue pack, for that matter. I lack the crucial requirements of belonging to a pack, like becoming submissive and taking orders.

I suck at both.

How do I break it to Caius without having my head ripped off, though?

Fuck, I guess I’m about to replace out.

The moment I walk into the hole, all eyes are instantly on me; the instant silence has my wolf on edge, my brows furrow as my jaw clenches in response.

I already don’t like this; something seems off. My attention turns towards Caius, standing near the front, up atop a large rock. He smirks when he sees me, but the look he’s giving me is laced with caution. Brushing it off, I shrug when I mutter,

“You wanted to see me?”

Nodding, the sinister smirk on his face tells me to get out of here. My wolf is the most significant driving force behind that idea, but I can’t; I need to know what he wants with Sasha.

“Just the man I was looking for; you can’t expect to become part of our pack if you don’t go through the proper initiation first,” He grates as a matter of fact.

Narrowing my eyes, I eye him warily as my muscles contract in response; I don’t like where this is going, not one little bit.

“What do you mean by proper initiation?” I grumble while I look him dead in the eye.

It doesn’t go unnoticed that Mason is standing right beside Caius, but Damien is nowhere to be seen; the rest of the rogues, including Caius’s best fighters, are standing close to him, all eyes are on me, and it’s making me feel fucking uneasy, what are you up to old man?

Caius smirks as his sinister grin spreads wider, his voice laced with sinister intent when he grumbles,

“A blood oath.”

It’s suddenly so silent you could hear a pin drop at that moment when I gulp. Still, I’m not really listening because the moment he said blood oath, my wolf started losing his goddam mind inside me; he was beating against my chest like a hurricane wanting to rip Caius apart.

I have to steady myself; what the hell has gotten into my beast all of a sudden? This is not the time to be a smart ass, Wolf; I scold myself internally; it will only get me killed.

Just keep calm, don’t overreact, I tell myself as I try and reign my wolf back in.

“Blood oath?” My voice comes out grave and disembodied as I force down a low growl, trying to push up my throat.

“Yes, a blood oath.” He repeats in a smooth, slithery tone that has my hackles going up as the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and this time, I see a shimmer of his wolf in response as Caius’s grin widens.

“Everyone in my rogue pack has received it; it’s the only way we can always be linked. We must be well connected, Wolf. That way, I will always know if you’re hiding something from me.”

Narrowing my eyes at him, my wolf is shaking as he rattles the cage to my soul; he’s that far gone, and the severe pain of keeping him from breaking through and shifting is equivalent to having a thousand nails driven through your entire body simultaneously.

It’s that fucking intense.

This sudden show of dominance is something I’m not used to with him. He’s never backed down, but he’s also never stood up to Caius like this either; what the actual fuck is up with him?

“You- want me- to take your blood so that I’m part of your pack of rogues, is that it?” I deliberately drag out the words as bile rises up my throat. My eyes locked on his with a burning threat of my wolf suddenly swirling behind them. Caius narrows his eyes, his beast meeting my stare when he murmurs,

“Pretty much, yes.”

All eyes are still on me except for Mason, and the moment Caius sees me turning my attention to her, he pulls her into a tight sideways hug when he chimes excitedly,

“Don’t worry, Mason took the blood oath long ago. She’s part of the team, aren’t you, sweetheart? It’s only you who isn’t,” He mutters, looking back at me as he narrows his eyes challengingly.

I clench my jaw as I stare at Mason; how the fuck could she do that, take Caius’s blood? Are you kidding me?

She has gone against everything she used to say she would never do, and it instantly pisses me off. My eyes are still on her, but she won’t look at me; she keeps her eyes diverted to the ground, and I don’t know if it’s because of shame or regret that she can’t look me in the eye.

It’s a solid reason, however, to trust the likes of Mason is like trusting that if I shove my hand into a rattle-snake pit, the fucking thing won’t strike.

I lower my eyes, swallowing hard when I mumble,

“And if I refuse?” My eyes drift back over towards him when he scoffs,

“Well, if you refuse, then how can I know that you won’t turn on us, turn on me?” The sudden fake concern in his voice only adds to the already agitated mood of my wolf.

“I’m not here to overthrow you if that’s your concern, Caius. All I want is to get the alpha packs off my back; if it means helping you, then so be it,” I grumble irritably as I continue to stare him dead in the eye,

“So you’re saying you won’t take the blood oath then?” cocking a brow, his wolf swirls; he’s challenging me in front of everyone as he waits for my response.

It’s not even a question of whether I would or wouldn’t; the second I respond with a solid “No” as it rolls off my tongue, it’s damn clear to him that I won’t be taking his blood.

A sudden buzzing murmur of voices erupts amongst the rest of the rogues. I know things could swing right now; either Caius will let me live or kill me, and I’m preparing myself for the latter.

Caius smirks as he watches me in silence, but I don’t back down; instead, I hold my ground. There’s no fucking way I’m going to break or fold for him, to take his blood and become part of his pack. Fuck that; I would rather die.

The buzzing continues to get louder amongst the rogues. I’m waiting for him to respond as Caius and I remain locked in a deadly staring contest. He’s going to order his rogues to kill me for standing up against him; there’s no other way around this, I know that.

So the moment he responds with something entirely different, it surprises me, knocking me off my axis entirely.

“Silence!” He suddenly booms, his thundering voice instantly having the rogues quieten down. When he refocuses his attention on me, he sighs as he rubs his chin in amusement, like he’s giving it all a lot of deep thought,

“Well, now we seem to have ourselves in a complicated situation, Wolf.” My brows furrow in response.

A complicated situation?

“It isn’t complicated, Caius. I will fight against the alpha packs but not join yours or any other pack; I wasn’t made to follow,” I grumble flatly, leaving no room for debate.

Caius’s eyes immediately become intense as they stare me down hard,

“Very well,” he sneers, “if you don’t receive the blood oath, then I will have to think of something else, possibly a whipping?” My eyes narrow on him in response when I mutter,

“A whipping?”

“I can’t have you join our cause if you won’t show you’re committed to at least something that means you’re loyal to our pack.” He mutters nonchalantly. Smirking, I furrow my brows curiously when I mutter,

“So what are you proposing exactly?”

“My best warriors will tie you up and whip you; it’s either that or you take the blood oath; it’s your choice?” He says flippantly, and I grind my teeth in response, my jaw ticking as my wolf presents himself behind my eyes.

So he wants to beat me into submission, fucking seriously? Scoffing, I shake my head as I narrow my eyes at him when I finally grit out,

“I’ll take the beating.”

Those words fall from my lips so quickly because there’s no way I would ever take Caius’s blood in my mouth, not his or any other alpha wanna-be.

No fucking way.

Mason’s eyes fly up to me then, and I can see her sudden concern and confusion. I’m not rejecting Caius because I’m merely being defiant; my wolf physically won’t allow me to submit to him, not now, not ever.

“Fine, so be it.” Caius grits out as he narrows his eyes once more at me before turning to his men and ordering them in a booming voice,

“Bind him to a tree outside and beat the living shit out of him until he changes his mind or passes out, whichever comes first.”

I should tell him to go fuck himself, but instead, I can’t help but smirk when I mutter,

“Trust me, I won’t change my mind.”

His eyes land on mine, and his wolf is right there and pissed off as ever, but I would gladly take any beating so long as I didn’t have to submit to the likes of him.

Not now, not ever.

I walked out into the cold of the night on my own accord, with my head held high. Rogues have gathered to watch the show, which is amusing, I guess.

Caius’s men are already waiting for me beside a tree, smirking and grinning wickedly as I steadily approach them.

All eyes are eagerly on me, awaiting when I chicken out and choose Caius’s blood oath, all except for Damien and Mason. I haven’t seen Damien since this morning, and it’s strange not to see Mason here; I thought for sure she would want front-row seats in watching me get my ass beaten and whipped; she generally gets off on that kind of thing.

I’ve got a lot of curious stares directed at me, and I guess maybe these wolves think that I’ll end up taking the blood oath instead; the thing is, that will never happen. They can beat me to a pulp if that’s what they want to do, but I’m not backing down.

The second that one of Caius’s men rips the back of my shirt, a low growl reverberates through me; he instantly hesitates as he narrows his eyes on me. Letting out a deep sigh, I lower my eyes, and he tears the rest of the shirt from my back until it’s lying on the ground.

I’m fighting against every instinct I have to tear into him to stop this madness and get the hell out of here, being fucking whipped, all for this girl I’m bound to. It doesn’t make sense, yet there’s no backing out.

The rogue binds my hands with a thick rope. I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the rough bark in front of me as he ties the rest of the rope around the wide tree, securing me in place so that even if I wanted to break free and kick his ass, it would be too late now.

Clenching my jaw, my whole body stiffens as I let out a breath, preparing myself for what is to come as my mind wanders to the only place I can replace solitude right now: the reason for all this.

Sasha.

I imagine her sweet scent engulfing me, and soon, I replace myself drowning in it. I can physically taste her on my tongue, and then it comes to me all at once: her scent, the two combinations I was trying to pinpoint. Sasha smells like Jasmine and Juniper berries; I instantly smirk, chuffed that I finally got it, when the sound of a whip echoes behind me, having me immediately groaning and tightening my muscles in response.

Fuck!

The first onslaught slices through my back like a hot knife through butter; my entire body tenses, the piercing pain is instant as my hands tighten against the ropes, a shudder running through my body at the brutal assault, and all the while, all I can see in my mind as I shut my eyes tightly is her, the reason for all this, my reason for not giving up.

And then...

WHIP!

WHIP!

WHIP!

The pain seers through my back, nearly knocking me to my knees, as I feel my legs wanting to buckle. If not for this tree and the rope binding me to it, I wouldn’t be standing right now.

I can smell the blood, my blood. The metallic tinge swirls around in the air as I grit my teeth.

I can do this; I can fucking do this. I tell myself repeatedly. I won’t give in because I’m not quitting, not quitting on Sasha.

Again, the sound of the whip comes down as it slices through my back, and the burning sensation stings against my broken flesh as I keep holding on to the girl that matters the most to me.

Sasha.

Again, the whip comes down against my bloody back, and after that, I lose count as the rogue keeps on with his ruthless assault. I can feel the whip slicing away at me as warm blood runs down my legs, dripping to the ground.

Again and again, the whip connects with my bloodied flesh, and at this point, I’m no longer in the present.

I’ve removed myself from the moment; the pain is nothing compared to what I feel for my mate because I would take it repeatedly if it meant I could keep her safe.

How did this happen? How did I become that wolf who would die for another? It doesn’t make sense, and yet, it feels right.

The mate bond is so overpowering that it’s the only thing keeping me from sinking into darkness right now; it’s the only thing keeping my beast from shifting here and now.

I don’t want a mate; I never wanted one. But I can’t fight what is; it’s stronger than I could ever try to be. Her emerald green eyes, the taste of her sweet lips against mine, the feel of her body reacting to my touch- she’s my lifeline now. I’m holding on for dear life with all I’ve got.

It suddenly all stops.

I know it’s far from over; there’s no way it could be that easy.

The cool air stings against my broken skin, and the moment Caius’s men untie me, I instantly drop to the ground, unable to hold myself up.

A rogue grips me hard against my shoulders, pulling me up to stand when I wince in response to the stretch of my marred flesh burning against my back.

Spinning me around to face the monster himself, my face is contorted in agony as I stare up at Caius, but I won’t show just how much pain I’m actually in; I won’t let him take pleasure in seeing just how much it hurts, he’s not worth it.

Caius suddenly grabs hold of a chunk of my hair as he jerks my head back so I’m forced to look him in the eye,

“You sure you wouldn’t just rather take the blood oath, boy?” He sneers in wicked satisfaction at seeing me this way. Narrowing my eyes, I stare him down when I grit out,

“I would rather die.”

Smirking, his wolf swirls violently behind his eyes when he scoffs,

“Very well then.”

My head drops when he lets go of my hair before punching me straight in the stomach; the blow knocks the air from my lungs, winding me, and for a moment, I can’t breathe at all; it’s hollow and full all at the same time as my stomach muscles contort.

The moment I gasp for air, it burns into my lungs, and I can feel it fighting through my chest.

I’m still trying to take a painful breath when he punches me again and again, his heavy blows pounding against me, all while his rogue holds me up, smirking and chuckling at my expense.

I’m still conscious but barely, when he finally stops, coughing up blood; I’m laying on the ground, my breath coming through shallow as I try not to take deep breaths; it fucking hurts, the stabbing pain to my lungs, a clear indication that I’ve got broken ribs.

Caius smirks through his satisfied, heavy panting as he takes in his handiwork and mutters,

“Well, you’re a strong, stubborn fucker, aren’t you, Wolf. I’m impressed. That’s good; you’ll make an excellent fighter for me then, and who knows, perhaps I’ll even have you become my beta if you work hard for it.

My eyes squint when I slowly open them to glare at him; I watch as he pulls something from his back pocket, a chain, a tag, and my jaw clenches in response.

He leans down and roughly pulls it over my head, and it falls against my bloodied chest. When he scoffs,

“Welcome to the team, Wolf. I won’t lie; I fucking loved watching you bleed, and now, I’ll relish watching you suffer.”

I narrow my eyes at him; what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

I manage to lower my eyes to the metal tag, then realize it’s a dog tag; my brows furrow in response when I read my name engraved on it.

WOLF

The irony of the dog tag around my neck nearly makes me want to laugh in his face, but I don’t; my broken ribs won’t allow it.

Caius fists his hand in my hair again when he yanks my head up to stare straight into his dead eyes when he grumbles,

“You belong to me now, Wolf,” and with that, he delivers one massive blow to my face; the crunching sound of my jaw breaking echoes in my ears the second it starts ringing in my head. It’s all too much at that point.

I’m slipping in and out of consciousness as I finally feel myself falling into darkness.