I Dare You To Meet Me
Chapter 32

When are you going to wake up, doctor?

I’m awake, I hear you, can’t you see?

…-Miss White is very strong, she just needs time….

Time my ovaries, f*****g eyes that don’t respond, I want to open them but I’m tired

…-Open your eyes doll, I miss you yelling at me-…

Hunter, what the hell are you doing here, am I dreaming?

…- Daughter, I promise I’ll explain everything, please-…

I would have put a bullet in you if you hadn’t, but I need to get out of this f*****g bed! Am I in a hospital? I hope not, I hate hospitals!

…- Why are you still asleep?! It’s been a long time!…

Same f*****g thing I say! Do something!

…-Sir, I ask you to calm down or we’ll have to take you out of the room-…

Always looking for trouble, I get that from you, I’m sure of it.

…-I love you Tasha, please come back to us….

Hunter?… Am I dreaming?… Gods I need to wake up…

Wake up Tasha…

Wake up…

Wake up!…

WAKE UP

(…)

-I don’t give a shit Bloody, so it can be Teresa of Calcutta’s mother herself who asks me, but I’m not getting my a*s out of this room until she opens her eyes – I try to open my eyes but I’m having trouble – Yeah yeah yeah, I already had this argument with the Prez. If he couldn’t get me out, what makes you think that you can? I try again and this time I do it, I have to blink several times to get used to the light, when I do I can see the figure of a man with his back to me while he is talking on the phone, the leather waistcoat has the image of a raven and the letters say Vice President, Hunter- Talk to me when you have something important to tell me, a*****e. Goodbye- His shoulders shake as he lets out a long sigh and his hands clasp behind his neck making the muscles in his back tense, this biker is like he wants to be- F**k what a shitty day this is-. He mumbles and his irritated tone causes me to let out a kind of laugh that I regret immediately because it makes my head hurt and my throat burn.

The noise catches the biker’s attention. Hunter drops his arms to his side and turns so fast he tangles with his own feet.

The scene would have been funny to me if it hadn’t been for how haggard his face is.

-Tasha, you’re awake! He exclaims with relief and something else I don’t recognise.

He rushes up to me and confidently clasps one of my hands, and I frown at the gesture. Since when does he have this kind of gesture with me? And why does he look like a little lamb with its throat slit? His black eyes look so full of life and feeling that I inevitably shudder, but I keep looking into them.

I could never get tired of doing it.

React stupid, say something.

-What the f**k happened to you to make you look like this? My voice comes out hoarse and raspy, my frown deepens, and a small cough shakes me.

Hunter lets go of my hand and turns to a small bedside table on one side of me. On top of it is a bouquet of flowers with a pitcher of water and a glass. The biker pours some and then hands it to me.

I thank him with my eyes and drink it carefully. As I do so I take a closer look at the biker who is wearing me down with his eyes. He really looks tired with purple and kilometric dark circles under his eyes, his cheekbones look sharper, his complexion was very pale compared to his natural shade of brown and his lips are dry and parted, for some reason I keep looking at that part more than I should and suddenly I feel uncomfortable because of the intensity with which he looks at me and I walk my eyes around the place where I am.

White walls, no windows, a door, several flower arrangements, an uncomfortable looking armchair, a bed with white and blue sheets which is where I am, an annoying beeping sound, strange machines that I don’t know. Oh and most importantly, a little hose coming out of my left hand.

I was definitely in a damn hospital. I grimace involuntarily.

I startle when I feel a brush against the hand holding the glass and almost drop it. But the biker’s fingers catch it before I make a mess.

-Thank you. I say and my voice comes out in a more normal tone which I thank inwardly, “What happened?

-What’s the last thing you remember? He asks me as he sits on a chair next to my bed. I bite my l*p as I think to myself.

-Being in Hades’ arms when I was rescued, my chest was burning so bad, I couldn’t breathe, after that it was just darkness.

Hunter nodded and looked me in the eye as he answered.

-Your father brought you to the hospital right away, you’ve been asleep for several days.

-Asleep? I went into a coma?! I exclaim in excitement and the machine makes strange sounds. Hunter looks at me wrong and I know it’s because I shouldn’t get upset, I try to breathe to relax.

-No, well the doctor said it wasn’t a coma, just …. – He grimaces and his hands ruffle his hair which is loose and not in his usual low ponytail -Agh I don’t remember all the medical bullshit he spouted when he explained your condition. I’ll go get him to explain it all to you. He stood up and went to the door of the room.

-Hunter. I stopped him before he came out.

-Yes?

-Where’s Hades? I asked and a lump rose in my throat. I needed to talk to him, to get clarification on everything those sons of bitches had told me before they arrived.

-I convinced him to go take a shower and get some clean clothes, he shouldn’t be long. He hasn’t left your side since we found you. A nod from me, in the absence of a verbal response the biker after a few moments continued with his task and left me alone within these four claustrophobic walls.

I settle as much as I can in my bed, which isn’t as uncomfortable as I imagined it would be, but it wasn’t to my total liking either. Annoying pangs prickle in my ribs, arms and thighs. But the burning in my chest was already only a slight discomfort that only irritated me a little. I closed my eyes for a second, suddenly tired.

Bad idea.

Images assaulted my mind and shot through me like bullets, one after the other.

The speeding train, me losing control of my bike, the b***d pouring out of my body, the beatings I was taking at the hands of my kidnappers, Maggie crying, the dead bodies around the building as Hades dragged me out of the cell.

My breathing immediately quickened and the machine began to beep frantically. I was panting hard, I couldn’t breathe, no air was getting into my body. I began to stir restlessly, the sheets seemed suffocating. A weight pressed on my lungs and everything was worse when many footsteps sounded in the distance and the door burst open.

They’re here, they’ve come back for me.

I opened my eyes and screamed in sheer terror and anger as the faces of Memphis, Zazu, with the others appear in front of me.

I scream and struggle as they try to approach me.

-No no no no, let go of me!

I punch one and push the other.

-She’s having a panic attack, let her go! I hear them screaming and someone comes at me with a needle.

They want to drug me so they can hit me again.

-Let go of me, you fuckers! No, no! Get away from me!

More arms trying to restrain her.

-Come on, before she hurts herself! Memphis’ voice shouted.

I feel a pressure on my right arm and my head turns. The face of the fucker responsible for everything is smiling at me as he injects the liquid into my body.

-I’m going to kill you for what you did to us Xander, you hear me, you’re dead you bastard.

I don’t know if I said it or shouted it, but my body started to feel heavy and tired, I just wanted to sleep, close my eyes and for my kidnappers to disappear, for my mother to hug me and promise me that everything would be ok. I wanted Niko to pull my hair and throw me out of bed for not wanting to get up. I wanted the words that the Prez of the Golden Dragons said to me to disappear from my mind.

By hell I was so tired.

I just wanted to know the whole truth so I could rest once and for all.

Didn’t I deserve it?

My body didn’t respond and my eyes closed, slowly my breathing and my heart calmed down. But doubt made me stir restlessly in my dreams.

What did I really deserve?

(…)

This time when I wanted to open my eyes they obeyed me at first, I blinked a couple of times assimilating my situation. My brain took a few seconds to process where I was and why.

I had had a f*****g panic attack.

-Goddamn it. I muttered, unable to help myself.

-Because I’m not surprised that the first thing you say when you wake up is a swear word.

My head turns to Hades, he’s sitting in the chair where Hunter had been the first time I woke up. He looks tired and haggard, but unlike the VP my father looks clean, as if he had just taken a shower, which from his damp hair, I thought possible.

Although his body is clean, as are most of his clothes, his leather waistcoat is dusty and there are a few dark stains, a little voice in my head whispers to me that it’s my b***d, from when he carried me in his arms, when he rescued me.

I licked my lips feeling them dry, swallowed saliva and my eyes stayed locked on my father’s.

Emerald against emerald.

-I want you to tell me everything. That’s what I said after a few seconds where we were looking directly at each other.

-It’s not the time. He answered me immediately, I smiled a little while I shook my head.

-You don’t have the right to decide that.

He grimaced as he crossed his arms.

-You’re recovering from an accident and a kidnapping. We’ll talk when you’re better.

I sigh and sit in a better position so I can talk better, I m**n a bit because of the discomfort in my muscles and Hades looks at me wrong but for the first time he doesn’t scold me.

-No, all this shit happened because we didn’t talk in time. Now you’re going to tell me the truth about why you… -I shut up and sigh- You abandoned my mother and me, and why you were sent to kill them. Because someone already gave me their side of the story, and I’m holding back from calling the police and telling them everything I know. My voice just comes out tired, I was tired of begging him for answers and he must also be tired of hiding the truth because even though it takes him a while to answer me his voice sounds confident when he does.

-What do you know?

I click my tongue and arch an eyebrow.

-This isn’t how it works, you tell me your version, I compare it to the things I know, and then I decide which one to believe.

Hades nods, bends so that his elbows are resting on his knees, his hand scratches the back of his neck while his eyes scan up and down my body several times.

I respect that he takes the time to tell me the story, even if it only makes me wary.

-I met your mother when she was at university. She was only 20 years old and I was 23, it was a simple coincidence, that day I had accompanied a brother to settle a debt that some fraternity boys owed him. At that time I was the Vice President of the Black Ravens and my father, your grandfather, was our Prez. I was leaning on my bike thinking about the usual shit when I saw her. She looked so f*****g perfect, so beautiful, so safe, so different. I almost fell on my a*s from surprise, she was talking on the phone in another language which only made me more aware of her, with all the intention in the world I got in her way, Anabella was so distracted she didn’t see me and ended up bumping into me. She apologized and when her eyes met mine…- A deep sigh came from her lips, a genuine smile that I’ve never seen and her eyes shone so bright that I felt a pang in my heart -I didn’t know it until later, but I was completely hers from that moment on, your mother bewitched me without saying a single word but I was too stupid to realize it until afterwards. I couldn’t get her out of my head, I chased her like a dog for months until she agreed to go out with me, believe it or not your mother wasn’t aware of how beautiful she was, making her too shy. But by f*****g hell I did know how hot she looked and how all the men ogled her every time we went out.

I snorted as her dreamy tone changed to a jealous and possessive one. All men were the same that way it seemed. Hades gave me a disapproving look for interrupting him and I raised my hands in conciliation.

-Our relationship was complicated, the club in those days were into illegal shit.

-What kind of shit?” I interrupted again, my father made a grimace and I narrowed my eyes very seriously. I reminded him, he nodded and clicked his tongue in discontent before answering.

-Illegal arms trade, we sold firearms to local gangs, other MCs, and even went so far as to partner with a couple of cartels. If there was a shooting anywhere in Los Angeles, there was a ninety percent chance it was our guns that spilled that b***d. My father kept my a*s busy trying to keep us neutral between all the disputes and wars going on between our clients, so seeing your mother was an ordeal because of her schedule and the obvious fact that she was a civilian. I kept a lot of things from her and she kept a lot from me. I always tried to keep her out of club business, it’s a tradition that bikers’ wives don’t get involved in business any more than necessary, so that’s what I did. The same way I didn’t tell her all the illegal shit I was up to, your mother never told me about her roots, I didn’t know whose daughter she was and that she was so f*****g rich she could have bought the f*****g University if she wanted to without batting an eye. Months passed and we only fell more in love with each other. I came to the conclusion that there was no way I was going to live a life without her by my side, so I had a property waistcoat made and gave it to her. That night I went to pick her up as usual at her flat, and while I was waiting for her, a news item on the television that I had left on caught my attention.

Hades rubbed his hands against his knees in a clearly nervous gesture, his right leg started to twitch and I felt like stopping him because I was catching the tension.

-I must say I didn’t understand shit because the channel was in f*****g Russian but when I saw the picture of your mother with another idiot it was clear to me. I was sure she had been watching my face all that time, furious I yelled at her and claimed everything, she explained me the truth, where she came from and her parents’ plan to only stay one year studying and then go back to her country, she told me she had no idea about the supposed relationship that the news was broadcasting. But I didn’t believe her, my mind just felt betrayed that the woman I loved had lied to me about something so serious since we met. It broke my heart and I left without letting him say anything else. I got drunk in the bar until I passed out, the next day I went back to work and in the evening I got drunk again, that was my routine. Your mother tried to look for me but I forbade them to let her in, I didn’t want to listen to her, I didn’t want to see her, I wanted nothing more than to lick my wounds like a dog, my father, your grandfather, told me that I would regret it all my life if I continued with my shitty attitude, but I didn’t listen to him, I didn’t listen to anyone. In those days when my life became a living hell the club started to get better, it seemed like a f*****g joke that the more miserable I was, the happier everyone was. Business increased and so did profits, all the MC’s were happy about it.

-Wait, all the MCs, how many are there in total? My mind flashed back to Maggie and Rex, siblings of two MC Presidents allied to the crows, I had never really thought about how many bikers there were in California until that moment.

-California is a very prosperous state, so unlike others, it was and is able to accommodate several MCs without us fighting each other for business. Four MCs were in charge of the gunrunning, the Skull Hunters, Demon Angels, Golden Dragons and us Black Ravens. We were all up to our noses in various illicit shit. But only Ravens and Dragons had weapons as our main source of income, which eventually became a problem. The thing is that after several days where I had been drowning in alcohol I got a call, your mother’s best friend called me and yelled at me that I was going to lose her if I didn’t open my eyes. I found out that Anabella was pregnant and that she was planning to leave the country that same day. I lost my f*****g mind, went to her flat and begged her on my knees for a chance, thank heavens she took me back after being an insensitive bastard and from that night on she became my Old Lady. The next day I took her to the club house to live with me and gave her her waistcoat, my father and brothers accepted her immediately and even more so when I told them we were expecting a child. Out of affection or to f**k with me they started calling her Kore right after her father demanded that we get married in church and by law.

-Why to f**k with you? I asked out of curiosity, I thought it was a nice gesture that they had given my mother a nickname.

It was a way of integrating her into that world in a certain way, of accepting her.

My father scratches his chin and flees from my gaze when he answers me.

-Women don’t have nicknames or road names, that’s not normal. But neither is it normal for us to get married, we just give our colours and that’s it. But your grandfather, my father-in-law, threatened us that if we didn’t, he was going to take Anabella back. I wasn’t going to lose them for anything in the world so I agreed. Everyone laughed at me for letting your grandfather control me, they said that your mother was going to be my downfall because of all the things they were changing for her. So they changed that unwritten law too, but I didn’t complain much and neither did she. You were born months later in a calm and normal birth, and believe it or not, you had everyone eating out of the palm of your hand from the moment you realised that all you had to do was cry a little to make us willing to indulge your every whim. You were the most beautiful baby I have ever seen, so small, so cute, so delicate, so perfect. Your mother and I were proud of you from the moment we held you in our arms. Hell, I never wanted to let you go and your mother even less. When you turned four my father started to say he was going to retire. By then I still didn’t tell your mother exactly what the club was about although I’m pretty sure she had her suspicions that it wasn’t clean business. Despite saying he was going to retire, it took my father another year to do so, leaving me as President.

-It was all a fairy tale until suddenly we started having losses, shipments intercepted, information revealed to the police, warehouses discovered. We lost almost three million in less than a month, and it got worse and worse. A year and a half later we were in a very bad way, up to our necks in debt and on the verge of losing everything. Your mother decided to use her inheritance to pay for everything and buy the club’s properties to prevent the situation from repeating itself in the future, as well as investing in various businesses that are now our main sources of money.

-Is that why the deeds were in his will?

I asked although I was rather affirming it, my father nodded his head before continuing.

-Exactly, everything was left in her name for security reasons. After that we were all calmer, we thought that the bad patch we had been through was finally over and that the good times would return. But no, things only seemed to go from bad to worse, that’s when we knew that someone was screwing us directly, although we had no idea who. However, the Black Ravens didn’t have any grudges or debts against anyone so it took us a long time to replace the culprits. By then it was no longer just a confrontation but an all-out war, you don’t remember, and I thank the creator for that. But business got mixed up with the personal, families and siblings were attacked, including us. They blew up our house and tried to kidnap you without success. I was scared out of my mind, incidents, deaths and disappearances were our bread and butter. It wasn’t safe for anyone to belong to any MC in those days so to protect them I convinced your mother to go to Russia with her family until things were sorted out. It took a lot of convincing but in the end she agreed, she went with you and I was finally able to concentrate on the bastards who were f*****g up our lives.

He took a deep breath and it seemed to me that he was gathering his strength for what was to come.

-The f*****g Golden Dragons were the ones who betrayed us, those greedy assholes. After we found out it was them, it didn’t take us long to figure out all the shit they were up to and attack them. Surprise yourself if you want but even among us there is a certain honour, a code that is unwritten but we all follow. They broke it when they got involved in money laundering and white slavery.

-What?! I half shouted, nausea rising in my stomach.

Of all the things I had had to witness when I was in the slums of Russia. The illegal market in people was a side of that world I had never dared to investigate.

Thinking about it made me shudder, bad memories of orphanage kids disappearing after men in suits wanted to meet us came flooding back and inevitably the urge to punch someone was present in my system.

-As you heard, we’re motorbike clubs, not the f*****g mafia. We all have families, sons, daughters, old ladies, nieces, nephews, grandchildren. Negotiating with humans was a line none of us intended to cross. The dragons did, we exposed them to the others and they all turned their backs on them, declared themselves an unwanted MC. The bastards were obviously furious, and more eagerly sought to take it out on everyone as “traitors”, but on us more than anyone else. Things got out of hand to the point where the f*****g government started coming after our asses. My father and I came to the conclusion that we had to do something before the situation blew up in our faces. If the police found out what we were up to and started investigating us, sooner or later they were going to get to your mother and her family’s company. I don’t think you have any idea of the international trouble that would have ensued if it was discovered that a Russian oil company owned property in the United States that was involved in the arms trade, so in order to watch our backs we started to get out of the business. Little by little we withdrew and we dedicated ourselves to the places that Anabella left us, in doing so the dragons lost targets to attack us making it more difficult for the police to catch us. But at the same time several of our angry and resentful clients joined them to bring us down, I think you can understand that when you are involved in the underworld there is only one way out, and that is dead.

We shared a nod of understanding. Of course I knew that.

-We were all tired, fed up with so much death and devastation, we just wanted things to end. We came up with a plan to wipe out the Golden Dragons without getting our hands dirty or spilling more b***d. My father with the help of the presidents of the Skull Hunters and the Demon Angels cleared our name almost completely, they cleared theirs as well. When there was no more evidence to incriminate us, we took confidential data to the Blues. We practically served them up on a platter of gold to our one-time allies. The government took immediate action and disbanded the MC by hunting down all members and declaring them terrorists. The dragons disintegrated and fell one by one. But the sons of bitches were not giving up. As for me, I couldn’t stand another day without you, so I bought a plane ticket to Russia for us to return home.

That statement made the air catch in my throat and the rage I had been feeling returned to the surface like lava from a dormant volcano.

-Then why didn’t you go, why didn’t we ever see you again, what you’re telling me doesn’t make sense! I complained in annoyance.

-You’ll get it in a second.” Hades blinked a couple of times and cleared his throat, and it was only then that I realised how shiny they were with tears in his eyes, “I bought the ticket in the afternoon, my flight was leaving first thing the next morning, and in the middle of the night I got a call. My father was murdered and had been mutilated with a drawing of a dragon on his chest made with a knife. And not only him, Klaus Serpiente and Tristan Relampago, the Presidents of Demon Angels and Skull Hunters were found in the same condition. I missed the flight and stayed to sort it all out. Threats were coming to the officers of the three MCs, threatening not our clubs, but our families directly. We all took the necessary security measures to protect them, I spoke to your grandfather and asked him to increase his security. I haven’t told you because that is a separate issue but Isadora and Bruno were living in the club for safety, they had already suffered several attacks and survived by the skin of their teeth. After a second failed attempt to kidnap your brother I had to take drastic measures to keep them safe and for their part I got rid of any documents or proof of your and your mother’s existence, I hid them to keep them safe until all the dragons were dead or behind bars. It would be years before that was possible. But the dragons weren’t the only ones looking for them anyway, as I told you, by going out of business we made powerful enemies.

Hades’ gaze was fixed on their clasped hands. His voice deepened with every word he spoke, and even though I already knew of the fate of my paternal grandfather, the reminder of the family I had lost was another blow I had to take, apart from the confession that my father had taken us away to save our lives.

-When my Vice President was killed along with his Old Lady and her son something changed in me. I decided it was better to have them away than 20 feet under. Your mother was totally opposed and threatened to come back, but she never did because I always warned her that if she did she would get herself killed along with you. You say I abandoned them, but I didn’t, I kept in touch with your mother as much as I could without endangering them. She used to tell me about you, how much you were growing up and how beautiful you were. She used to tell me that seeing you was seeing me in a miniature, female version.

My father had another VP besides Hunter, that led me to think that I had no idea how Hell had come to the club, he looked too young to be my father’s VP, ugh that’s another story I’d like to know but I didn’t have time to research it at the time.

My mother would talk to him, tell him about me. But she never told me about him, I grimaced as I felt betrayed by the memory of my mother.

I opened my mouth to retort and a sob came out, f**k, since when was I so sensitive, I pressed my lips together and tried to control myself as best I could before I blurted out what I thought of that decision.

-Why didn’t you ever talk to me, why didn’t you pick up the f*****g phone and say hello, why? I complained angrily, it didn’t make sense, it had no logic, if he could talk to my mother, it didn’t cost him anything to talk to me too.

If he had done it, if he had only listened to her voice while I was growing up, maybe he would have understood, maybe I wouldn’t be as f****d up as I am.

But he didn’t. And I needed to know why.

Hades fled again from my angry eyes that were boring into him, his shoulders shook and shook. It took him a few seconds to answer and when he did his voice was heavy with regret and pain.

-For cowardly, the calls with your mother left me sick for days, and I knew, I f*****g knew that if I heard your voice asking me to come after you I’d f**k my convictions and go after them and put them in danger, and I couldn’t let that happen. Natasha I opened my eyes every f*****g morning hoping to see them soon, to k**s your mother, to see you grow up. They are my reason to breathe, to exist. In the year you turned fifteen your mother and I had a big fight, we shouted things at each other that we didn’t really mean and that I regret. She was absolutely right when she told me to f**k off, she said she was tired of that damn situation and that she never wanted to hear my voice on the phone again, that if she wanted to save our marriage she would go to her house in Russia to discuss things in person. Which, to my everlasting regret and shame, I did not do. I didn’t seek them out, certain that somehow they were better off without me, and your mother, rightfully so, erased me from her life. I didn’t hear from her again until a few weeks ago when you told me she had died.

Now she looked at me again and I was able to see how her eyes were red as well as her cheeks and nose. Tears slid down her face but she did nothing to wipe them away. I saw my own pain reflected in his expression, and the compression hit me like a fist.

My father still loved my mother, (in his own way), and he was hurting. He really was, his face and mannerisms were those of a broken man.

Seeing Hades so human left a bad taste in my mouth. I pushed the ridiculous thoughts out of my head, no, my father couldn’t love my mother like that.

If he had loved her he would never have pushed her away and above all he wouldn’t have had two children with another woman.

-Natasha, I never thought anything would happen to them. When I saw your face and recognised you the last thing that crossed my mind was that. When you told me the news it was like having all my organs ripped out while I was conscious. I loved and still love your mother more than anything else in this world, she…”.

-Stop there,” I interrupted him with a raised hand, “You don’t have to convince me of your love for my mother because you’re not going to convince me, save your breath and don’t get distracted, will you. -I rubbed my face against the palms of my hands, even though I said the words without hesitation a part of my mind told me it wasn’t true, I ignored my father’s hurt gesture and forced myself to continue – You say that the members of the Golden Dragons were imprisoned or died, but that’s clearly a damn lie because I was kidnapped by them. You also say that you took us away to protect us, but that didn’t happen either because my mother and grandparents are dead, right, explain that Hades?

I said trying to get back to the main idea of our discussion before I could get back to the more intimate aspects of it. My father must have read my mind because he squared his shoulders and continued his story without questioning me.

-A few days ago, Venom and King, the current Presidents of Skull Hunters and Demon Angels came to me for help. They had been receiving anonymous threats for some time about revealing evidence of our pasts to the authorities. We received them too, along with hints of attempts on the lives of our families that had taken place in the past, which apparently were their target.” We both swallowed audibly and I closed my eyes in anticipation of what I would say next, “The pictures of your mother and grandparents were there, we came to the conclusion that their death was premeditated and not an accident as you thought. I still don’t understand how the fuckers were able to do it, or rather who. Demon checked the records, the former members of the dragons are still behind bars serving their time, I also don’t understand why they let so much time pass between each incident. I had hoped to get some answers out of their new President but Hell got rid of him so that’s no longer possible.

I stood silently taking it all in. Hades didn’t press me for an answer giving me my space, which I was grateful for internally as I had no idea what to say.

I wanted the truth, I already had it.

Xander, the bloody Prez of the Golden Dragons, and the one I’d met on my last day of confinement had lied to me about several things but in others he’d told the truth. Or rather he had twisted the truth by telling it to me in a way that suited him best.

But that wasn’t the most important thing at that moment, what I had to do was to decide what to do with the bombshell of information he had just dropped on me. And damn it, it was a lot to process.

Illegal arms trade. Money laundering. White slavery. Threats. Gangs. Cartels. Deaths. Betrayals. Police. Prison. Even the mafia.

My head was spinning.

How my grandfather had been able to hide such a dark past from the authorities. No f*****g idea.

I’d been living in the clubhouse for the past few weeks, hanging out with the survivors of a war that looked like something out of TV or a f*****g book. Which led me to wonder, had the Black Raven really left those days in the past, as Hades said, there was only one way out of that world, and that was to die.

But the ravens were alive and kicking. They didn’t even bother to hide or go unnoticed. Anyone who asked could replace them without the slightest effort. Hell, I had done it when I was sixteen.

My mother and grandparents died because of the kind of life my father led, and I have no idea if she even knew what her husband really did for a living. I had been orphaned by Hades’ decision to protect us, I grew up without a father, and I experienced things that no one has to experience because of those convictions and values that I didn’t share because no one had bothered to instil them in me.

It wasn’t fair, nothing that happened was fair.

I thought that knowing the truth would give me some kind of peace but I was wrong, it only brought me more questions.

-Tasha. I know it’s a lot to swallow in one gulp, I know you must be hating me right now, I know I was wrong a lot, that since you came back I haven’t been the father you deserve, you deserved to know the truth from the second you got old enough to understand it. I know that I have kept many things from you that I had no right to keep from you. But I can’t change the past so the only thing left for me to do is to apologise. Forgive me daughter for failing you, for not protecting them, for being a coward, for not going to look for them. Forgive me for not taking care of you when you were left alone, for not preventing the deaths of your mother and grandparents. Forgive me for putting you in danger again when I promised to look after your welfare. And above all, sorry for realising my mistakes until it was too late…”.

The door opens, interrupting him.

Hades turns his face and his hands wipe away the tears he had been shedding. I wipe mine away too.

A man in a doctor’s coat in his fifties enters the room, stops halfway and alternates his gaze between me and my father.

-I’m sorry, am I interrupting something? He asks in a calm voice and I roll my eyes.

Of course I am, you idiot, can’t you see we’re crying?

But I don’t have time to answer anything sarcastic because Hades does it for me.

-It’s nothing Doc, we were just clearing up a couple of things.

The doctor nods, his hair is short brown and has a lot of silver grey hair. He wears a suit with a tie under his dressing gown with black shoes. Small wrinkles furrow his brown eyes and freckles dot his nose. He looks tired, like all doctors, and gives me a sweet smile.

-I’m Dr. Jeremy Abbott, and I’m the one who handled your case. How are you feeling, Natasha? He asks me as he approaches.

-Tasha, I don’t like them using my full name. And I feel like I’ve been run over several times by a truck. I correct myself and force myself to keep my voice calm.

The doctor smiles at me and starts to read what I assume is my file, which he had in his hands.

-That’s normal after everything you’ve been through. And even though you’re out of danger now that you’re awake, there are a couple of tests I have to perform and things to discuss with you. Do you want to do it in private or do you want your father to stay?

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Hades tensed and gave a death glare to the doctor who, to his credit, didn’t seem daunted by arousing the discomfort of a man as intimidating as my father.

-I would like to be alone. I answered at last, and from the look Hades gave me I know he was hurt by my choice, but once again he said nothing.

-Very well then. Demian if you do me a favour…”. I raised an eyebrow when I heard the doctor call Hades by name, interesting.

-I know, I know. I’ll be in the cafeteria for anything,” He said in a tired voice and hoarser than before, he stood up and headed for the door, “I’ll cut your hands off if anything happens to my daughter Doc,” Hades threatened pointing his finger at him before disappearing out the door.

I opened my mouth slightly in surprise but the doctor just rolled his eyes before focusing his attention on me.

-Sorry about that. I apologised embarrassed, but the doctor just gave me a smile as he shrugged his shoulders, walked over to me and pulled a wooden stick out of his pocket as he motioned for me to open my mouth.

-Don’t apologize, I’ve known your father for years. In fact, I was the one who delivered your mother’s baby and brought you into the world, Tasha. He told me as he examined my throat, when he turned away I closed it again and looked at him with interest.

-He knew my mother well then. I affirmed and the doctor tested my eyes with a small lamp.

-I know all the Black Ravens’ families, I’m one of their family doctors. But to answer your question, yes. I knew Kore well, there are few people in this city who don’t recognise her, Hades and Kore. They were kind of a Romeo and Juliet biker version around here, that relationship everyone dreamed of having. I stirred uncomfortably at the comparison. -But well, little girl, you’re not here to listen to fairy tales, your father already told me several details of what you’ve had to go through in the last few days, apart from the fact that medical exams don’t lie. But I would like to hear what happened from your own lips to know that I am not wrong.

I let out a tired sigh, leaned back on the bed and recalled everything I had lived through in that damned place. Even though I didn’t feel like telling anyone anything, I forced myself to make an effort for that doctor with the chocolate eyes that inspired confidence.

-It all started when I lost control of my motorbike to begin with…”.

I recounted lost in my memories, and what was supposed to be just a brief summary of my injuries ended up being more like a session with the psychologist where for the first time I recounted everything I had experienced during my kidnapping.

At the risk of having another panic attack, I took my time when I got to the hardest parts, and on several occasions I stopped because fear prevented me from continuing.

But Dr. Abbott was patient and did not interrupt me at any point, only passing me a glass of water when my voice threatened to break. When I finished I felt extremely better to have spoken to someone other than my father or some biker.

-What do you think Doc? I asked at last.

The man stroked my head a little and gave me a lopsided smile full of affection before answering.

-I think you are an extraordinary and strong young woman who will be able to recover from this easily as long as you make an effort to believe in yourself. Regarding your physical injuries. You don’t have any damaged organs as a sign that someone up there is looking after you, but you have three cracked ribs, a sprained right ankle and left wrist, dislocated both shoulders, four of your cuts needed stitches but the rest are fine. You just need to make sure nothing gets infected. I’ve already prescribed you vitamins and medication to ease the pain along with anti-inflammatories.

I nodded listening to everything, damn if I’d been beaten up.

-I was coughing up b***d when Hades pulled me out of the place where they had me. Is everything alright with my lungs? I asked in fright, remembering the burning in my chest.

-Your lungs are fine, your trachea is extremely irritated from the lack of water and the coughing fits you had, so it will bleed if you overexert it in the slightest. Try not to shout or talk loudly for a while to give it time to recover, also drink plenty of fluids and try to eat some broth. Any other questions?

I nodded immediately and whined like a little girl.

-How long was I unconscious and how long will I stay in this bed?

The doctor had the nerve to laugh before answering me.

-You spent three days asleep, it’s nothing to worry about, your body hasn’t had a proper rest for almost a month, so I was just making up for lost time. And regarding your other question I would like to keep you a couple more days for observation for anything and then you can continue your recovery at home-.

My home…

Where the hell was my home?

The question threw me for a few moments and I didn’t want to dwell on it. Not now at least.

The door rattled with a couple of knocks and after giving him a nod from me, Dr. Abbott broke away from me and walked over to open it leaving me to see my father standing there in a pose of impatience with his hands shoved in his trouser pockets.

Hades looked so out of place within the pristine white walls of the hospital in his black clothes and leather waistcoat.

-All right Doc? It’s been almost an hour. My father said calmly but with a tense body.

-Really, the time flew by, everything is fine, just routine. Tasha already knows all the care she needs to take to make her wounds better, the same care I already told you about. I have to go, if it’s been that long then I’m late for my other patients. Goodbye Demian, and see you later Tasha-.

We said goodbye to the doctor who left my room leaving Hades and me alone.

My father entered at a slow pace, closing the door carefully behind him, his eyes never leaving me at any moment.

I knew it was time to finish our discussion that had been interrupted, although after venting to Dr. Abbott and having some time to think I had come to a conclusion, one that I hoped my father would understand.

-It seems to me that we have something pending. I started when I saw that he had no intention of breaking the silence.

-Tasha, I…

-No Hades, now it’s my turn to speak. And I ask you not to interrupt me because I’ve talked a lot today and I’m tired, but I want to settle this as soon as possible so I can rest in peace-.

I declared and waited for my father to make a gesture of acceptance before continuing. I swallowed, moistening my throat and forced myself to look directly into the eyes of the man who gave me life.

-I’ve heard so much in the last few days, it’s hard to tell what’s true and what’s a lie. F**k it’s hard to think about everything you told me because it sounds like a movie, and I swear I wouldn’t have believed you if I hadn’t lived it in my own skin during my kidnapping – I take a breath and my body trembles with my voice – There are so many things that I don’t understand, that I replace so unfair. Lives shattered, families devastated, not just ours. People died, and I know it’s stupid that I was so shocked by that fact considering where I’ve lived the last few years, but people shouldn’t get used to the violent death of anyone, let alone loved ones. As I told you, you have no idea what I had to go through as a result of your decision to protect us.

The word ‘protect us’ tasted bitter on my lips and I couldn’t help but grimace.

-I can understand the intention of wanting to take care of the people you love.” How could I not understand, I had spent the last year getting beaten up by my friends, But I don’t accept it, I don’t accept that you didn’t call me, I don’t accept that you thought we were better off without you, I don’t accept that you kept the truth from me, I don’t accept that my mother and grandparents died because of this, I don’t accept that you didn’t let me choose.

My father’s big body was sinking more and more with my words, as if instead of words he was receiving blows.

-So I’m sorry, but I can’t, and above all, I don’t want to forgive you – My hands tremble at this point so I turn them into fists – I don’t want to do it because I can’t forget my mother crying every year on the same dates until she fell asleep, I can’t forget how men would look for her and shower her with gifts but she would always reject them without seeing them sometimes because she kept waiting for you, I can’t forget how she would see my grandparents and then spend entire evenings by the phone just looking at it. I can’t forget the whole nights I spent hugging myself while crying because I didn’t have a father. I can’t forgive you because regardless of your good intentions you broke the heart of the one person who was always there for me and in the process you broke mine too.

Saying those words out loud was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, mostly because I didn’t want to accept it for myself.

-I’m so sorry Tasha, you have no idea how sorry I am. He said after a few minutes where all we did was look at each other.

-I’m sure you’re sorry dad, but your apologies don’t make amends. They don’t bring back my mother or my grandparents or mend my heart.

Hades gasps and his eyes fill with tears again.

Inwardly I feel bad for causing him to react like that, but I’m just being honest.

His apologies didn’t solve anything.

Apart from the fact that I no longer trusted words, promises were gone with the wind, it was actions that counted.

My father had rescued me, he and several brothers risked their lives to save mine. I didn’t forget that and I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life hating him, I don’t think I ever really could, but I was and am too hurt to believe in him. But maybe…

And just maybe.

Deep in my heart I hoped that my father wouldn’t give up, that he would show me that he had changed, that he was truly sorry. That he loved me. Maybe one day I could forgive him.

For better or worse, Hades was the only b***d family I had left.

And as I’d said before, I was tired of losing people I loved.