I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him – Chapter 15

Do you know that pain in your head when you spend a whole night with your eyes wide open and your mind disconnected from the world?? that unpleasant urge to want to vomit and that blinding light of day that hurts your eyes? .. This is how I feel right now because of this f*****g sleepless night.

I am lying on my back, the ceiling seems very interesting to me for many hours.

I stand up slightly from the bed, and massage my painful temples. The contact of my bare feet with the cold tiles sends unpleasant shivers down my body.

I pick up my phone from the coffee table and sigh for a long time, it’s only 9 o’clock and it’s Sunday, if only I could control the time and make this day pass…. , pfff I don’t think I’ve ever liked it so much that Monday comes so quickly.

I take a deep breath, a good cold shower, that’s what will do the trick!

I awkwardly walk towards the bathroom and rush in.

I undress extremely slowly, which annoys me but my body does not want to act otherwise disconnected from my exhausted brain.

Stripped of clothes, I let the incredibly cold water flood my burning skin.

It’s an unpleasant feeling but I need it badly. My heart tightens with each cold droplet, I hurt, terribly, but I don’t want to cry…not now.

It is October 5th, the day when before I was the first to get up, the first to prepare breakfast, to shout throughout the house my happiness, and the day which today represents my greatest sadness.

I don’t know how long I stayed in the shower, my mind elsewhere, but given the pain in my legs I would say more than an hour.

I wrap my body in a long soft towel, and finally get out of this narrow room that is unbearable for my mind.

My underwear worn, I retrieve a pair of black jogging pants from my wardrobe which I put on and search in the monstrous mess I caused for my t-shirt, or rather Dad’s white t-shirt.

I look for it in the pile of clothes, thus doubling the mess in my wardrobe but I don’t care, I have to replace it and put it on right away.

I practically empty half of my clothes on the ground, I still look everywhere with my heart pounding, panic rises in me… he is nowhere to be found.

My cheeks immediately moisten, the first tears that I held back all night flow with incredible speed until they run down my neck.

— But where are you hiding?

I slide down the wall and curl up on myself, my vision is totally blurry, and my body is shaking slightly, I need this t-shirt… I can’t control

my emotions anymore, I don’t want them anymore. to control, I cry tears, my head hurts like hell.

I think several minutes pass and I don’t deign to move from this place.

My eyelids open heavily and through my tears, I can see an article of clothing to my left, on the ground in disorder. I quickly throw myself at him and immediately smile…I found him.

I hug him as tight as I can, relieved to have him on hand. My breathing calms down little by little and I wipe my tear-filled eyes with the back of my hand.

I put it on without further delay, the contact of the garment on my body makes me feel really good. I get up with difficulty and settle down on my bed, deliberately leaving behind me my clothes which are lying on the ground, I don’t have the heart to put anything away today.

I get my phone back, I’m surprised to see no calls. I hesitantly dial my mother’s number and decide to call her.

It rings for a long time but she doesn’t pick up. I then hang up and take a look at the time which is almost 2 p.m., she is not sleeping at this time, what can she be doing then?

I try to call her back a second time but still nothing, so I throw my cell at the other end of the bed, breathing irregularly.

Calm down Liya, she’s probably busy,… but no, this is nonsense, for a Sunday?!

I run a hand over my face and try to calm myself.

She will call me back very soon, I reassured myself.

I get into the fetal position and rearrange my wet hair that sticks to my forehead.

I’m terribly hungry all of a sudden, I know in advance that I won’t be leaving this room anytime soon.

I raise my knees a little more to the level of my stomach to calm the emerging pain in my stomach which is crying out for hunger.

The shrill ringing of my phone causes my body to jerk suddenly and accelerates the beating of my vital organ. I apparently fell asleep.

I rush to get my cell phone, delighted that my mother is finally calling me, but I swallow when Gabriel’s name appears on the screen.

It’s after 6 p.m., damn she still hasn’t called me back.

She forgot, I knew it…

The ringing finally stops, and then I see around ten messages all coming from Gabriel.

3:27 p.m.: Hello princess, how are you?

4:33 p.m.: Liya, are you there?

5:03 p.m.: Don’t tell me you’re asleep at this time? Miss.

5:12 p.m.: If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s okay, but let me know it’s okay.

5:20 p.m.: Damn Liya answer me, I’m starting to worry now.

5:30 p.m.: I arrive at your house.

I sigh loudly at the sight of his messages, I don’t make the effort to reassure him that I’m fine, what’s the point since he’ll be here any minute.

Driing

What was I saying!? I get up from my bed at the sound of Gabriel’s impatient ringtone, I take two steps and immediately stay at the desk, my head is spinning, I feel weak.

I try as best I can to stay upright, and continue on my way like a pitiful granny.

— Liya open it for me or I’ll break down the door, Gabriel yells, energetically banging on the old front door.

I accelerate my steps with difficulty, knowing full well that he risks doing damage, and I hurry to open the door.

I am facing a Gabriel that I am not used to seeing, a Gabriel who is still as beautiful but whose angelic face is distorted by worry.

It’s weird to see him in this state, especially because of me, I’ve only seen him like this once, the day I almost drowned at the beach and it was again because of me.

He cares about me, but do I really deserve him?

– There is ! . he whispers, still worried.

He’s looking at me completely up and down, I know.

I’m a pitiful sight with messy hair and probably big black bags under my eyes.

I invite him in, and he doesn’t mind. As soon as he sets foot in my home, he quickly encircles my burning cheeks with these large, soothing hands.

— What’s wrong with you, Liya? I was scared of my life, you know that?!” he exclaims, trying to remain calm.

I break away from his embrace with difficulty, his powerful voice increases my migraine.

— I…I’m fine, Gabriel , I was just taking a little nap, I said, settling down on the sofa.

He immediately took a seat next to me, his insistent gaze on me disturbed me somewhat.

— You can’t lie to me, I know you , and I know that there is something that is bothering you.

I meet his tender gaze which melts my heart, in this moment I need him terribly.

I stand up and without hesitation I sit on his knees and cling miserably to his neck, he tenses for a moment surprised by my unexpected and perhaps inappropriate gesture.

– I don’t feel well, I murmured with my head buried in the hollow of his warm neck.

His perfume is ‘intrudes pleasantly into my lungs, it’s incredible how good I feel in his presence, which is quite frightening I replace.

— I’m here now tell me everything Liya,

Should I tell him what’s wrong and share my pain?