I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 51

LAKE

Tiffany thought she had the best room between us and didn’t often let me forget about it. It’s because she didn’t know what she was missing. My window opened onto a flat part of the first floor roof. Saturday night, I crawled over, sat up, and pulled my knees up to my chest to wait.

Already, Tiffany was breaking the rules. She told Dad we were going for a ride with her friend Sarah instead of Manning, who was on his way to pick us up. I didn’t like lying to my father, but spending time with Manning, I was willing to do it.

I rest my chin on my knee. I’d been ready for hours, not that getting ready meant the same thing to me as it did to Tiffany. I put on shorts and Converse before running a brush through my hair. My fitted pink and purple paisley t-shirt is from Wet Seal. I never shopped there, but it was a Tiffany heirloom. She had been in our bathroom for an hour doing her hair and makeup, but that wasn’t unusual.

I had gone to Balboa parks growing up. It was a small amusement park on the water. It had never seemed romantic until now. It was known for its Ferris wheel, games and chocolate-covered ice cream bars with sprinkles. There were always young couples holding hands and kissing. I always thought it was disgusting, two French people kissing against a wall where others could see. I wouldn’t mind holding Manning’s hand, though.

Headlights appeared around the corner as a white truck pulled up outside. I came down from the roof to knock on the bathroom that separated Tiffany’s room from mine.

“What?” she asked.

I opened my door and leaned out. “I think he’s here.”

Her hair was wrapped around a curling iron. The drawer between our sinks had been completely opened, sagging as if it were about to fall. It contained countless lipsticks, all kinds of eye makeup, hairpins, compacts, etc. Until recently, the only interest I had in this drawer was the desire to organize it. I never wanted to play with makeup like Mom and Tiffany. They knew exactly how to apply lipstick, what perfume to dab on, how to shop, how to balance in high heels. All of this made their beauty rituals more intimidating than exciting.

Tiff looked at me in the reflection of the mirror. “Go tell him I’ll be there right away.

He might stop me on the way out and ask if Sarah was out front. Or making sure she didn’t drink – he’d done that with Tiffany’s friends before. So what? I had left out the truth so I could go tonight, but I wasn’t sure I could lie to his face. If I got caught plotting with Tiffany, I’d be grounded for good. Then again, these next few minutes might be the only time I’ll be alone with Manning tonight. I went downstairs. The hall fed into the living room, where my parents were sitting on the couch watching an action movie. Their backs were turned to the windows overlooking the front yard. I tiptoed past.

“Lake?” Mom called, looking over.

“We’re leaving for the fair,” I blurted.

I couldn’t see my father from where I was standing. “Where’s Tiffany?” ” He asked.

“Finish her makeup.”

“What is Lake wearing?” I heard Dad ask.

Mom rolled her eyes playfully. “Shorts and sneakers, Charlie. Hardly a party outfit.

She turned around again. Every second I spent here meant I spent less time talking to Manning, but if I seemed too eager to leave, Dad might suspect something. The hall clock ticked. A car exploded on the TV screen.

“Good,” Dad said. “Home at ten, okay? »

I was relieved, but not let down until we left. “Okay,” I said as I walked out.

The truck was parked at the edge of the lot next to ours, the construction site. It looked like an older model, but it was clean. A tall, dark figure leaned against the driver’s side.

I smelled smoke before I saw the cigarette. “Manning?” »

He turned his head but did not speak.

I pushed some hair out of my face. I should have brushed it one last time. As it was long, it got tangled easily. “Tiffany will be ready soon.”

He took a long drag from his cigarette. The little orange tip flared before he dropped the stick on the street and crushed it. “Come over here.” I went to stand next to him. The bright light from my parents’ TV flashed through the window. I was still worried that they would look and see me standing with Manning, but not so much that I wasn’t going to do it. “Is this your car?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He put his hands in his pockets. “Sorry about the smoke.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I do not care.”

“You should. It’s bad for you. Someone offers you one, say no. All it takes is that first time, and you’re hooked. For life. Got it?”

I nodded as if teachers, parents, TV PSAs hadn’t told me that a thousand times. I knew I would never try it, but that didn’t stop me from being curious. “I’ll say no,” I promised.

“Good. Have you finished the book?

“I had to if I wanted to come tonight.”

“Yeah? How was it?”

“Depressing. I probably should have watched the movie.

“But you pushed it all the way?” Just to ride a bike on a Ferris wheel? »

To spend an evening with you, I meant. I didn’t have the courage. “No. I’m not going on the Ferris wheel.

‘How do I get there?’

Something like that, you could fall at any moment, I was sure. It probably happened all the time. I didn’t want to admit that I was scared, though. “I’m getting sick.”

“Are you vomiting?” He asked.

“Not rude.”

“So what?”

I pushed the sidewalk with the toe of my sneaker. The ashes from his cigarette were like silver confetti on the concrete. The tall, dark Manning would have blended into the night if it weren’t for his faded white t-shirt. “

If you’re scared, you can admit it.” Tiffany had sneaked me onto a pendulum ride during at a carnival when I was little and peed my pants, terrified. My dad had spanked him and we got home early. “I don’t think scared is the right word. . I don’t just don’t trust it.

” He checked his watch. “What’s your curfew?”

“How do you know I have one?”

He looked up at mine. “You don’t?”

I wish I hadn’t. Not that I intended to stay out all night with him and my sister, but it bothered me that Manning might think I was childish. “Ten,” I said.

“Do your parents know I’m taking you guys?”

“No.”

With a grunt, he tilted his head toward the sky, but quickly looked back at the house. Sawdust and cigarette smoke lingered in the air, but standing near him, I smelled mostly deodorant and men’s soap.

“What about bumper cars?” ” He asked.

“What?”

“Are you afraid of a little turbulence?”

I smiled. “No.”

Tiffany is out. In the porch light, her blond hair turned yellow. Her jean shorts were a few inches shorter than mine, her ponytail and earrings swinging. Despite all the time and effort it took her to prepare, she looked cheerful. Confident.

Manning kept his eyes on the sidewalk as she approached.

“Why are you standing in the dark?” » She was chewing gum. “Hey, Manning.”

“Hey.” He pushed around the side of the car, going around the hood to open the passenger side door. “Should we go?” »Tiffany and I followed. There was no back seat in the truck, just a long bench seat. I didn’t even have a limb inside when Tiffany stepped in to climb between Manning and me. Given its size, I wasn’t even sure if all three of us would fit, but that didn’t turn out to be a problem. Tiffany slid as close to Manning as possible without sitting on his lap. “Oh, I want to make a stop,” Tiffany said as he started the car.

He sat back and looked at her. “Or?”

“There’s this party…”

“We’re not going to a party,” he said.

“But Lake never went there.” She looked at me over her shoulder. “It’s huge. I bet even your loser friends will be there.

Mona and Vickie actually looked up to Tiffany. There was no reason to call them losers except that they were my friends, not hers.” Dad specifically told us not to do it,” I reminded him.

“Five minutes. I just want you to see what it looks like.

Manning moved away from the sidewalk. “She does not want to.”

“But she will.” Soon. And it’s better if she comes with me her first time rather than her friends. She pointed to an upcoming stop sign. “Take a right here. It’s on its way.” Manning put his elbow on the window sill and steered with one hand. Tiffany’s knee knocked against Manning’s every time the truck bounced. She whispered instructions to him. At every turn , the urge grew inside me, unwelcome and unfamiliar. I couldn’t stop looking at their legs. What would it feel like to have Manning’s jeans against my bare thigh? The hair on my legs stung of life. I should have shaved my entire leg. I didn’t always do it, because the hair on my thighs was fine and blond. But Tiffany’s smooth, tanned skin made me realize that mine was white and hairy. I angled my offensive legs toward the car door, away from the cozy couple.

“I can’t shift gears,” Manning said.

“Oops.” Tiffany took her shoulder off the his, but his knee stayed in place.

Manning kept a strong grip on the steering wheel. His forearms were all black, hair thick and veins corded, his skin brown from working in the sun.

“Turn here, onto Marigold,” Tiffany said. “See?”

Parked cars lined the sidewalk up and down both sides of the block. People were strolling on a lawn in an otherwise quiet neighborhood. Tiffany said my friends might be there, but what if they weren’t? What if Tiffany had left me as we walked through the door? I had never gone to a party for reasons that had nothing to do with my strict father – I had no desire to get drunk and be stupid. It was stupid how Tiffany and her friends wore hangovers like gold medals. But that didn’t mean I wanted to stand alone in a corner drinking water. Manning pulled up to the driveway and parked the car, watching the two of us in the party. A group of elderly people stood by the mailbox with red cups in their hands.

I looked at my sister. I didn’t want to go in. Even though everyone there would know Tiffany, they wouldn’t know me. They would try to make me drink. I would be embarrassed in front of my classmates, in front of Manning.

I looked at my sister. I didn’t want to go in. Even though everyone there would know Tiffany, they wouldn’t know me. They would try to make me drink. I would be embarrassed in front of my classmates, in front of Manning.

A college water polo player leaned over and vomited in the street, ten feet from the truck. His teammate grabbed a cheerleader by the waist. She squealed and squirmed as he threatened to drop her in.

Manning looked at everything and finally said, “We’re not going into that.”

“Why not?” Tiffany asked, looking really confused.

He left the park.

Tiffany grabbed his arm. “Lake needs it. She can’t study in her room all her life.

“Let go of my arm.”

Tiffany stepped back. “But-”

“If you want to go inside so badly, I won’t stop you.” Your sister and I will go to the fair. How does that sound, Lake?

“I don’t care about a lame high school game,” Tiffany said defensively. “I’m doing this for her.”

He left. “You don’t know what your sister wants.”

Manning was right. Either Tiffany didn’t know or care what I wanted. But he did it.

Tiffany glared at Manning. I prepared myself for an explosion. She didn’t react well to being told no. It didn’t happen often, not since our father learned that she would fight him tooth and nail to get what she wanted, and if she lost, she would still replace a way to do it. She sulked, but she remained silent. I almost couldn’t believe it. Since when did she give in so easily? Wasn’t she going to wear Manning out until he agreed to return to the party?

Gently, she touched Manning’s bicep. “Are you mad?”

After a few tense seconds, Manning shook his head. “We can have fun without all that,” he said.

She relaxed against the back of the seat. We drove in relative silence the rest of the way, except for the faint din of the radio. Manning increased it slightly for one song. When it ended and the DJ said the name, I memorized “Black” by Pearl Jam.

Manning parked and we walked across the street toward the entrance. Balboa Park’s Fun Zone was a long strip with an arcade, bumper cars and the biggest draw – for some people – a Ferris wheel.

Tiffany stopped at the first carnival game we passed and clasped both hands around Manning’s bicep, her fingers barely touching. “Win me a stuffed animal,” she pleaded. “I know you can.”

I responded before Manning could. “I thought you said stuffed toys were childish?”

Tiffany turned to me with a slight chuckle. “Not when your boyfriend earns it for you. Come talk to me when you get one.”

The insult was so ridiculous that I couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s not your boyfriend,” I said, looking at Manning. “Just to warn you, sometimes you have to repeat yourself with Tiffany. She doesn’t always understand. Tiffany’s face went pale. She had definitely said worse things to me in front of my friends, but as soon as the words were said, I regretted them. She wasn’t stupid, but Dad treated her like that sometimes.

“It’s so typical of you to act like you’re better than everyone,” Tiffany said , looking like she was about to rush towards me.

I didn’t think that about myself. Tiffany was the one who did what she wanted, breaking the rules and hurting people, but always handing it all over to her. ‘No.’

” To do. I did you a favor by accompanying you tonight…

“Hey.” Manning put his hands on her shoulders, pulling her back. “Take a minute. You two.”

Tiffany balked. “She’s implying I’m an idiot.”

He turned Tiffany to face him. “So what?” He asked. “Is it true?”

“No”

“So who cares?” »

I just stood there while they looked at each other, having some sort of moment.

“Yeah,” she finally said, looking over her shoulder at me. “Who cares what you think?”

Manning sighed and ran his hand over his face. “Why don’t you go get us some ice cream, Tiffany?” Give yourself a second to calm down.

“Ice cream?” she asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “You kept talking about that when you invited me over.”

She took a step back and sniffed. “Oh. Okay. Do you want to come with me?”

He glanced briefly at me and back. “No. You can take care of yourself. Even with Tiffany’s back, I could feel her disappointment. If Manning kept telling her no, it might be good for her. Either she would learn that she couldn’t always get her way, or she would get bored and move on.