I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 70

LAC

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry

If I so much as glanced, the officer would replace me in the back of the truck, take us back to camp, tell Gary and to my father, maybe even stop Manning – and it would all be my fault. I asked Manning to take me, take me for a ride, put me in the water.

My heartbeat filled my ears. I didn’t know what was happening. I couldn’t see anything, twisted in the small dark space. Last I heard, Manning asked why the cop wanted him out of the car.

Maybe everyone was right, and I was just a kid who didn’t consider consequences. I’ve always done the right thing, but tonight? The good parts, like Manning opening up about his sister and then telling me the story of Altair and Vega. And then what I should have done differently when I stupidly tried to k**s him. I hadn’t touched him, I hadn’t gotten physical enough. Tiffany did it, and I needed it too.

Tonight had been my last chance with Manning.

My last chance to touch him, to make him see in me something more than a girl.

To make him forget Tiffany.

And now here we were, about to get arrested, because of me.

The minutes passed like hours. I strained to hear above the murmur of voices. I sat hunched over and twisted so long my legs tingled. I recognized the bass in Manning’s voice, the only thing that calmed my heart a little. He wouldn’t let the man replace me. He wouldn’t leave me here. Eventually they got close enough to the window that I could hear them. “Only if you don’t mind,” Manning said as he opened the door.

“It’s no problem,” the officer said. “If that doesn’t work, I have a friend I can wake up to take a look. Or I’ll drive you back to camp if you want, and you can take care of it in the morning. Spontaneous tears filled

my eyes. He wouldn’t leave me. What if he had to? What would I do – sleep here in the truck with wet clothes? Already I was doing everything in my power not to shiver.

” Just let me.” Manning leaned into the truck, and there was a loud, awkward pop from the front. “Here we go.”

He glanced at me over the partition. I nodded. head to let him know I was okay, even though I was holding back my sobs. He left for a few more minutes, came back and turned the key in the ignition. The truck tried to start and after a second it shook and came to life.

I had never been so relieved in my life. My limbs went limp.

“Thank you damn,” Manning said under his breath.

“Well, look at that,” the officer said. “Your lucky night.”

“Yes sir.”

They both remained silent for a few seconds. I could only see Manning’s head turned away from me. I wanted to scream just to break the tension or look over the edge to see what was happening.

Finally, Manning closed the door. “Thank you for your help,” he said through the window.

“Hey, good luck training. You’re tired of the beach, think of Big Bear. We could always use some good guys.” It’ll be fine. Thank you again, sir. Manning looked in the rearview mirror. I was too afraid to speak, let alone move. After a minute, he waved out the window and started driving. We were on the road for a few minutes before either of us spoke.

“Hey, good luck training. You’re tired of the beach, think of Big Bear. We could always use some good guys.” It’ll be fine. Thank you again, sir. Manning looked in the rearview mirror. I was too afraid to speak, let alone move. After a minute, he waved out the window and started driving. We were on the road for a few minutes before either of us spoke.

With his hand on top of the steering wheel, he turned onto the unpaved road. I knew because I could barely sit still, the way it bumped and wobbled over potholes and rocks. “How are you?” he asked without turning around.

“Yes.” My voice sounded foreign. “Everything is fine?”

He squinted at the windshield. I knew it wasn’t right, not really. I had gone too far. Manning had been good to me the last five weeks. Protected me. Taught me. Trust in me. And I had repaid him by almost getting him arrested.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

I expected him to scold me, but instead he just said, “Me too.”

“You have nothing to regret.”

“I’m just glad we’re okay.” He stopped the truck, turned off the lights and turned back to me. “No one can know about tonight. Already.”

“I know that. I’ve told you a million times, I’m not a little girl. And we didn’t even do anything, even though it was our last chance. I can’t say goodbye to you tomorrow. I will not do it.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled. “Listen to me, Lake. You have your whole life ahead of you. You’re going to one of the best schools in the country. You have worked hard to get where you are.

“But-”

“And your parents and your sister too.”

I kept my mouth shut. “Think about everything they’ve done for you. They want nothing more than to see you succeed, and I feel the same way. “I want that too

, Manning. I can do anything that. I can’t do any of that. It wouldn’t matter. I’d keep going…” “

You’re a smart girl, and I need you to understand.”

I did it to a certain extent. Having s*x with Manning could change things for both of us. If my father found out, if he even knew that I had sneaked out with Manning tonight, he would never look at me the same way again. He would see me as Tiffany. If Tiffany found out, she would be embarrassed. And the reality was that Manning could have gotten in trouble tonight because of what I did. I was a minor. He wasn’t. He would be punished like an adult. He had no family on his side – in fact, maybe Tiffany and I were all he had at the moment. He would have lost that, and his job too.

“I understand,” I said. “I understand why we can’t be together right now, but I can wait.” I hadn’t planned on saying that or anything like that, but I had held it all in for too long. I had seen Manning leave with my sister more than once. I fought to keep my hand from wandering toward his as he told me this was our story. I almost had it tonight, and I blew it. “Wait for me too,” I said.

“Don’t ask me that.”

“No matter what happens, where you go, where I go, it won’t change the fact – I’ll be eighteen in two years.”

“But you’ll change in two years, Lake. Me too.

“My feelings won’t.”“Get out of the car, Lake. I can’t park until you do, and we’ve been sitting here too long. Manning leaned down and opened the passenger door. “Go straight to your cabin.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear, but he was right. I held on as best I could. My legs had fallen asleep. As I lowered myself into the seat, I became uncomfortably aware that I was wet, sticky and tired. He waited while I crawled out of the car, grabbed my flip flops, and closed the door. “Good evening.”

He kept his eyes forward. The window was still down, as I drove away I just heard him respond, “‘Night, Lake.”

With my bra stuffed in my back pocket, I wore my shoes so as not to make any noise. I passed Tiffany’s cabin on the way to mine. For a moment, I was tempted to climb into her sleeping bag instead and hold on to her. I had never felt so big and so childish. Tiffany would have understood, would have told me what to do. . if only it hadn’t been her boyfriend I was hanging out with.

Everything had happened so quickly, like a dream. We probably hadn’t been gone more than two hours. I touched my cheek, where I could still feel the scratch of his stubble. My heart soared as I remembered undressing at the lake, knowing he was watching. And his huge hands, in my hair, in my shorts. They could take entire parts of me – the whole back of my head, half of my thigh. By the time I reached my cabin, my heart was racing but no longer from fear. Quietly, I put down my sandals and rummaged in my gym bag for my pajamas. I changed limb by limb without making a sound. When I opened my sleeping bag, the zipper whistled.

“Lake?” Hannah asked. “That you?”

“I just went to the bathroom,” I whispered. “Don’t wake the girls.”

She took a breath and turned around, towards the wall. Me, I stared at the top bunk for at least another hour, replaying the night over and over in my head.

Manning’s restrained but curious fingers, moving closer to my shorts.

His mouth so close I could almost convince myself we had kissed.

I already felt myself changing. Inside the sleeping bag, I touched the outside of my thigh. My stomach. My chest. I was more aware of my body than I had ever been. The flannel felt smooth on the back of my hand. The crinkled polyester sleeping bag. My heart was beating steadily in my chest, but if I stood still, I could feel my pulse everywhere.

Was it wrong, what we hadn’t even done? Manning would have said it, even if he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t tell me we’d ever be together, but he had to know the truth.

You can’t move the stars.

Manning and I were inevitable.