I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 76

LAKE

The clock on the dashboard has changed. 12:53

Tiffany had been the perfect person to get us here – driving over the speed limit was her default.

But we hadn’t left the house early enough and the traffic had slowed us down. I only had seven minutes to replace Dexter Grimes and tell him what I knew. I didn’t know if this would help or hurt, but at this point Manning’s lawyer was the only person who could help me.

Tiffany pulled into a parking space and I jumped out of the car.

“Slow down,” she said, unbuckling her seat belt.

“I do not know where to go.”

“Me neither.”

I slammed the door and walked across the courthouse parking lot. It was smaller than I expected. During the ride, I had built it up in my mind as a big, scary place.

“LAKE!” Tiffany caught up with me at the entrance as we had to go through security.

“Don’t leave me,” she said.

“Daddy will kill me if I go home without you.”

Maybe she was making a joke. I couldn’t say it. My stomach hurt and my mother’s pumps kept slipping, already rubbing against my heels.

We went through the metal detector and collected our purses from the conveyor belt.

“Maybe they’ll run behind,” she said.

“Maybe they won’t.”

In the lobby, the line to speak to someone was too long. A large calendar on the wall showed a list of names, so I went there instead.

Tiffany stood next to me, scanning him.

“There it is,” she said, pointing. “Sutter, Mr. Courtroom Eight.” I turned to her. “But where would his lawyer be?”

“I have no idea.”

I bit my lower l*p as I looked around us. Men and women in suits were rushing down the hallway in both directions. The clock above reception ticked. . four minutes to go.

I raced toward courtroom eight, our only chance, the click of my slippery heels echoing off the walls. A week ago, I was on horseback, clutching Manning’s belly as the sun warmed us, inhaling the scent of pine trees and Manning with every breath. He had helped me overcome my fear, but he had also taught me something about myself. As I checked the numbers in each courtroom, I realized what he said was true.

The sick feeling in my stomach told me this was my Ferris wheel, my Betsy Junior. It was as bad as getting on a plane. I had no control over Manning and I, and I never really did. Whatever choices I made that night led us here, but I wasn’t in control. It was my selfishness. I had pushed and pushed Manning, trying to make him see me differently. Wanting me. Love me. It was my fault. I had to report to Manning, no matter what; it was the only thing I could control at the moment.

Tiffany and I arrived at the same time, opening the door together to courtroom eight, all brown wooden benches and worn carpet inside. Manning stood before a judge in an orange jumpsuit, his back to us , a head taller than anyone in the room. The judge, elevated above the rest of us, looked at Manning and said words I barely registered. “. . count of attempted robbery in the first degree. . crime . . Do you understand the nature of the accusations?

The brown-haired man in a suit next to Manning looked over his shoulder at me . Dexter? I spoke to him, but he just glanced at the ground and turned back to the front.

Manning nodded once.

“I know it .”

The judge mixed up some papers.

“Do you enter into this plea freely and of your own free will?

“Yes, Your Honor.”

“Do you understand that by pleading guilty you are giving up your right to a trial?

“Yes, Your Honor.”

Guilty, I must have heard wrong. My ears rang. Not guilty, that’s what he said. I took a few steps further into the room, my heels sticking to the threadbare carpet. Tiffany grabbed my elbow to pull me back.

“I understand there is a plea bargain on the table,” the judge continued. “The prosecutor will now state the terms of the agreement in court.”

A man sitting at the table to Manning’s left stood up.

“Your Honor, we propose to reduce the charge from attempted theft to first degree burglary with a sentence of two years.”

The judge looked at Manning.

“Do you understand the terms of the plea agreement?”

“Yes .”

“Two years” I asked out loud.

A few people looked at me. Tiffany pulled on my elbow while the judge asked questions I didn’t understand.

“Let’s sit down,” she said.

I tore my arm from his grip and walked towards the partition separating the gallery from the courtyard. Tiffany rushed after me.

“Mr. Sutter, how do you plead to the charge?” the judge asked.

Manning didn’t even hesitate.

“Guilty, Your Honor.”

Tiffany and I looked at each other. No, he had no reason to plead guilty. It must have been a mistake. It should have been. I went for the door, but Dexter turned around, raised his hand to stop me, and shook his head. “The court will accept your guilty

plea …

sentenced to two years for felony.”

I clutched the sides of my head, covering my ears.

“Manning,” I said. “If he pleases you, don’t.”

Manning turned around as quickly as he could, his hands cuffed in front of him . My vision blurred with tears, but our eyes met, he implored me.

“What are you doing?” Tiffany asked him. “You are not guilty.”

“Madame,” said the judge. “S’ Please do not communicate with the inmate.”

“It’s okay,” Manning said immediately, his voice hushed.

I didn’t even think he understood what he was saying. He came to the wall. “It’s okay GOOD. You shouldn’t be here.

A man in uniform walked towards us.

Dexter checked over his shoulder.

“It’s time to go, Manning.”

“Not yet,” I said, but my voice came out as a whisper.

I had to cancel this. This whole thing started because I went to talk to him on the wall, because I forced him to let me in the truck, made him drive me when we should have gone home straight away.

“I can help-”

“It’s okay, Birdy,” Manning said calmly, leaning in. “You did good.” “

No, I didn’t.” My voice and hands were shaking.

We were so close. I wanted to feel his stubble on my cheek, for him to whisper in my ear that this wasn’t happening. He couldn’t even touch me with his chained hands.

“That’s my f—”

“I did that to myself,” he said. “It was the only way. You have to trust me.”

“But you are innocent.”

“Be good.” He looked at Tiffany.

“Thank you for-”

“Defense,” the judge said.

“That’s enough. Communicating with the inmate is grounds for arrest.

“Come on, Manning,” Dexter said.

The man dressed like a security guard grabbed Manning’s arm.

“Let’s go, inmate,” said he pulled her away.

Tiffany’s chin wobbled.

“Can I come see you?”

“Your sister needs you,” he said to Tiffany over his shoulder.

His twisted expression twisted. faded, softened. My gaze shifted from her to Manning just as he disappeared into the back.

Dexter stayed with us.

“It was the best-case scenario,” he said. “The odds were against him.”

“But he’s innocent,” I said.

“I was-“

“I know,” Dexter cut me off sharply. He looked me in the eye. “It didn’t matter. ‘importance. It’s finish. “If we do anything more, it will only hurt him.”

My chest tightened. I had to steady myself on the divider. Manning told me to trust him. Dexter clearly already knew about me. The information I had could make things worse, I understood – I had only hoped the opposite was true.

Dexter handed Tiffany a business card and a clear plastic bag with almost nothing in it.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Manning said to give it to you. The keys to his apartment are in there. Dexter shook his head.

“I don’t think he has anyone else.”

I took the bag from him. There was a pack of cigarettes, keys, loose papers, a ring and . . the bracelet I made for him. I fought back another wave of tears as I pulled it out. It was worthless, just a few intertwined ropes of wax, but they wouldn’t even let him keep that. It was all he had on him when they arrested him, which meant he was also carrying the huge, fat ring in the bottom of the bag. I wasn’t sure what it was or if it meant anything to him. The other morning, as we walked into Reflection, he said he wanted to give me something. Maybe that was it. I put the bracelet and ring in my pocket before Tiffany could take them.

Dexter had to leave. Tiffany and I, out of options, headed back outside. The Californian sun was angry, blinding. By the time we reached the sidewalk, I was limping from the blisters the shoes were giving me.

Tiffany noticed.

“Wait here,” she said. “I’ll go get the car.”

I took the pumps off. Far from Manning, Dexter and Tiffany, my nose tingled as tears fell from my eyes. The guilt weighed on my shoulders. I would never have jumped into the lake if I had known how his sister died. I would never have gotten in the truck if I had known that an innocent person could end up in prison. I had made huge mistakes and didn’t even have the luxury of reaping the punishment myself. The man I had hurt, the man I loved, had to do it for me. If anyone deserved to be taken to that sinister back room, it was me.

Tiffany’s BMW stopped on the sidewalk. When I didn’t move, she rolled down the passenger window.

“Come in”

Barefoot, I crossed the sidewalk and slid in next to her.

We sat in silence for a few moments, her looking out the windshield, me out the window at nothing but the beige stucco walls and chipped brown roof of the building.

Tiffany turned off the car.

I looked at her.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

She kept her gaze forward.

“did you sleep with him?”

My mouth went dry as the car shrank around us. The sunlight hardened a film of dust on the dashboard.

“What?”

She turned to me. My sister’s eyes were as familiar to me as anything else in my life, but I couldn’t remember them ever being the shade of icy blue that they were now.

“I saw you get in his truck that night. So you?”

No.”

My voice was trembling. It never occurred to me that anyone could have seen, least of all her. It was three days ago, and she hadn’t said a word about it.

“I swear, I didn’t. All we did was go for a drive.

“Why should I believe you?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Tiffany . We went around and came back. He didn’t burglarize any houses. We didn’t.”

“Say it.”

“We didn’t have s*x.

She grabbed the bag of Manning’s stuff from the console and threw it at my feet.

“What am I supposed to do with his shit?”

I picked it up, the keys jingling.

“I. . I don’t know. He has no one else. I guess we…

She snatched it from me.

“Don’t we go see an owner and explain this to him? You don’t even know how to drive.” His voice cracked. “He didn’t even want to talk to me in there. He didn’t have only a few seconds, but you took them. All he said to me was “your sister needs you”.

There was nothing else to say. How could I ever have explain what the last five weeks had been like for me and Manning? That I had felt justified in the decisions I had made to try to keep him to myself? “I’m sorry.” “Sorry, I

won’t can’t get out of jail.” She started the car.

“Look what you did, Lake. You made a colossal mistake, and now my boyfriend has to pay the price.

We drove away from the curb. I looked at the courthouse in the rearview mirror until it disappeared—gone, just like the summer. Just like Manning.

I didn’t look at anything in the reflection again until long after we left, until I can no longer see through my tears. Tiffany’s words played over and over in my head.

Look what you did, Lake