If You Need Me (The Toronto Terror Series)
If You Need Me: Chapter 41

Breakups suck. Work sucks. The little things I can usually ignore or let roll off my back now prick like needles. Topher Guy has become the bane of my existence. All I want to do is hibernate until the ache in my chest goes away. But it’s the busiest time of year in the Terror office, so that’s not possible.

On the upside, I set up a huge promotional opportunity for the women’s team that will give them incredible visibility. I want to tell Dallas, but since we’re not together anymore, I can’t. I rub my bare ring finger and feel another debilitating wave of sadness. I breathe through it, trying to center myself so I don’t get emotional at work. It was a knee-jerk reaction to leave the ring at his place when I went over to clear out my things. But it belonged to his grandmother, so I couldn’t keep it. And looking at it every day was too heartbreaking.

Being honest with myself about how I feel about Dallas Bright has been devastating. I love him in a way I never thought I’d love someone. Every time I reflect on the past couple of months, I see more of the truth of who he is and who we were together. But now we’re nothing.

I refuse to cry in front of work people. My friends are one thing, but I can’t let the colleagues who love to gossip see me break down. So I hole myself up in my office as much as possible to avoid running into the people most likely to shit-talk me.

An hour later, I’m fading. Sleep has been horrible—I’ve spent the past few days tossing and turning and waking in the middle of the night, unable to settle again. I head to the staff room, too tired to even make the trek across the street for a latte.

I regret the decision as soon as I enter the room. Two people from Topher’s department are sitting at the conference table, sipping coffees—Chad and Janessa. The room goes silent as I enter. I’m used to it, but it still stings every time. When I stopped wearing the ring, chatter followed. I could handle it when it was about me being too direct and blunt. This is so much worse. Being the center of office gossip because I was dating, then engaged to, and subsequently broken up with by a player is my worst nightmare.

I set the coffee to brew and busy myself with adding cream and sugar to my mug.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

I stiffen but don’t turn around.

“I wouldn’t be able to show my face in the office after being dumped by one of the players,” Chad continues.

Janessa coughs to hide a chuckle.

High school feels like a skip in the park compared to this. When I don’t fight back, they take it as an invitation to keep slinging shit.

“The whole thing is just so embarrassing.” His chair creaks as he slurps his coffee. “There’s a reason for the no-fraternization policy, and now you’re basically the poster child for why it’s there.”

“Oh my God, Chad.” Janessa snickers.

I drop my head, grateful that my hair provides a protective curtain, and struggle to stay in control. It doesn’t matter what I do or say; they’re just going to keep coming for me. Evidently, it’s open season. I’m tired of having to fight for my position. It makes me feel so small—like that unlikable girl all over again, the one Dallas’s friends would tease in the halls between classes. I don’t feel like a badass anymore—not even here, where I always have. I feel broken and insignificant.

But I roll my shoulders back anyway. I can’t just let them do this. It’s not right, and that matters. So I turn to face them. Chad is leaning back in his chair, smirk firmly in place. Janessa is focused on her coffee cup. So predictable.

“It must be so fun for you, watching the wicked witch fall. Do you think your cruelty makes you important? Does it feel good to shit all over me when you think I’m at my weakest? Should we give you an award at the next staff event?” To my absolute horror, my voice cracks and my vision blurs.

“Aw… Need a tissue?” Chad scoffs. “Topher was right. Dallas finally saw you for who you are. You’re an overbearing bitch who tried to sleep your way up the ladder, and look where it got you.” He slow claps. “You’re a joke now. Way to make the front of house look bad. What kind of precedent do you think this sets?”

I’ve just drawn a breath to rip him a new one when Dallas’s deep voice comes from the doorway.

“You are out of line, Chad. Wilhelmina’s relationship status is none of your business, and running your mouth the way you are makes you a douchebag. If you have a problem, you should take it up with management.” Dallas positions himself between us. “Or me, since I’m standing right here. But you probably don’t want to do that, seeing as I’m likely to report you for harassment. Which is exactly what this is, if you were unaware.”

“I was just⁠—”

Dallas’s fingers skim the back of my hand. “You were just what, Chad? You think you have a right to talk to your colleagues—your superiors—like this? To treat them like garbage because you don’t approve of what’s going on in their personal life? As I’ve already stated, that is none of your fucking business.” Dallas steps to the side and wraps a protective arm around my shoulder. “Let’s go, Wills.”

I allow him to pull me close and lead me out of the room.

“Why did you defend me?” My voice cracks. The boy who was once my dragon just became my dragon slayer. I can’t pretend their words don’t hurt anymore—that I’m unaffected by other people’s cruelty.

“No one talks to you like that. Especially not a douchebag asshole named Chad.” He continues down the hall and stops at Hammer’s office. “Wills is done for the day. She’ll be back tomorrow,” he announces.

I keep dashing tears away, but they won’t stop falling.

“Is everything okay?” Hammer asks.

“She’ll be okay as soon as people learn how to behave. I appreciate you handling things today,” Dallas says.

“Yeah. Of course.” Hammer nods, eyes full of questions. “Screw the assholes.” She cringes. “You know what I mean.”

“Thanks, Hammer,” I croak. “I appreciate you.” I let Dallas guide me to my office. I grab a handful of tissues and try, in vain, to stop the freaking tears.

Dallas is here, taking care of me like I’m still his. My Dallas who isn’t mine anymore.

He gathers my things, pausing to glance at the bowl of crocheted peaches sitting on my desk before he slings my purse over his shoulder. He kept adding to them and of all the things he gave me, I couldn’t bear to part with them. “Do you need anything else?” he asks. “And don’t say your laptop. It’s staying here until tomorrow.”

“Why are you doing this?” I manage to ask.

“Because I care about you.” He holds out his hand, and I lace my fingers with his.

We take the elevator to the parking garage, and he helps me into his car. I’m surrounded by his scent, and he’s sitting right next to me. But he’s not mine anymore, and I don’t know how to handle any of this. And the freaking tears won’t stop. Dallas turns to me, and the look on his face only makes me cry harder.

Why is he here? Why show me what I’ll never have with him?

I’m so in love with him. So hopelessly, terrifyingly head over heels for this man, and I’m so confused. He broke up with me, yet he’s here, taking care of me. He keeps seeing me at my worst, and still, he’s here.

“It’s okay, honey. I got you.” His thumb sweeps the hollow under my eye. More tears follow. “I’m sorry I made your life harder.” He kisses my forehead. “Now let me get you out of here.” He sits back, flips open the center console, and passes me a small packet of tissues. The ones I’m holding are already drenched.

“Thank you.” I dab at my eyes. I’ve cried so much over the past week, I could probably fill a bathtub. I hate feeling weak. As many times as Ma tells me crying isn’t weak and emotions are strength, believing her isn’t easy. Any crack in my armor has always meant vulnerability I couldn’t afford.

I expect Dallas to take me home, but he heads in the opposite direction, away from my building and toward the lakeshore. He pulls up in front of the Windsor House, a swanky hotel with my favorite spa.

“What are we doing here?”

“Giving you the break you need from the nonsense. Stay here. I’ll be back in a minute.” He leaves the car running and hops out.

My phone is blowing up with messages from Shilpa. I let her know I’m with Dallas and that I’d had enough of being shit on by colleagues today.

Dallas returns a few minutes later, turns off the ignition, and comes around to my side, helping me out of the car. Once again, he shoulders my purse.

“I can take that.”

“I’m man enough to deal with a purse,” he assures me.

He hands his keys to the valet. We pass the front desk and head toward the elevators.

“What’s going on right now?” I ask as I follow him into the elevator and he punches the button for the penthouse floor.

“First, we’ll get you settled in your room, which you have until noon tomorrow. I’ve scheduled you a facial, massage, and mani-pedi.” Dallas is so matter-of-fact. He glances at his watch. “But not for an hour and a half, so you have time to relax first.”

“But…why?”

He tips his head. “But why what?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because you need to be taken care of, and I want to be the one who does that.”

“But you broke up with me,” I whisper.

“I’m still in love with you, though, Wills. That hasn’t changed.”

My heart stutters with that admission.

Before I can say anything, he adds, “We can talk about that later. I’m not going anywhere. Right now, your feelings are on fire. I’d like them to drop from an inferno to maybe a light smolder before we dive into that particular topic.”

He makes a good point, and I almost manage a smile. The elevator doors open, and he ushers me into the hall. He passes the key over the sensor and holds the door as I step inside the one-bedroom suite. It’s beautiful and romantic, and the waterfall behind my eyes threatens to spill over again.

He grabs a bottle of Perrier from the mini fridge and twists the cap off, handing it to me. “Drink this, please.”

I sip the bubbly water. Staying hydrated has been a struggle the past few days.

“Settle in. Take a bath if you want. Lie on the bed. Watch TV. I’ll text when it’s time to go to the spa.”

“You’re leaving?” Fuck. I hate how paper thin my heart feels.

“I’m going to pick up a few things. I’ll be back, though.” He kisses my forehead and leaves me alone in the room. I do as he suggests and run myself a bath.

As promised, he texts when it’s time to go to the spa. I head down and spend the next two and a half hours being pampered.

Dallas is in the room when I return. He’s sitting on the couch reading a comic book. A pair of comfy jammies are laid out on the bed, a pair of slippers on the floor.

“What’s all this?” I ask. The coffee table is covered in my favorite treats, even the ones Mom picks up from the Indian market, and my favorite gossip magazine.

“It should be everything you need for a relaxing night in.” Dallas pushes to a stand. “Do you want some alone time?”

I shake my head, feeling fragile, like one wrong move will shatter me.

He crosses the room and stops with his toes an inch from mine. “Do you want me to call your girlfriends?”

Bottom lip trembling, I shake my head again. Trusting him feels like free-falling. “I’d rather have you, if you want to stay.”

He strokes my cheek. “Of course I want to stay.” He opens his arms, and I step into them. He envelops me in his embrace, and for the first time since he broke it off with me—which was less than a week ago but feels like a year—I’m where I’m supposed to be. But we’re still in pieces.

He holds me while I break down. Again. Then he disappears into the bathroom while I change into the jammies.

After that, he sits in the corner of the couch, one leg stretched out, arms open as he invites me to cuddle with him. He’s so beautiful and thoughtful, and he’s right here, giving me all the things I need, showing me how he feels with actions. He’s confirming that letting me go wasn’t about not wanting me. I curl up against his warm chest, the steady beat of his heart calming me.

As he holds me, my favorite movie playing in the background, I’m finally ready to accept the truth. I’m just as in love with Dallas as he is with me. It’s not just about the way he loves me, although that’s certainly a factor. To be accepted so fully by another person—it isn’t something I’ve experienced before. Not like this. Dallas has seen me at my very worst, time and time again. And he loves every part of me. He settles me like no one ever has. He’s been constant since the moment I started working for the Terror. And as much as I made his life hell with some of the activities I scheduled for him, I can admit now that I loved the way he always stepped up and took on the challenge.

I shift and look up at him. “Dallas, I need to tell you something.”

“I know.” He strokes the edge of my jaw with the backs of his fingers. “But not today. It can wait until we’re both clearheaded, okay? I’m not going anywhere tonight unless you ask me to. Right now, the most important thing is you. I need you to see that. Just let me take care of you.”