I always knew that love was theanswer. The need and desire to be loved welled up from a place deep within mycore; the love that I had to offer was bright and free and would willingly begiven to the right man. As I left my childhood behind me, I wasn’t quiteprepared for the journey of love, but I knew that a life without love was not alife at all, and so, perhaps blinded by the sweet promise of what could be, Ileapt into the idea of love a long time before I understood the consequences ofsuch blind faith.
My journey toward appreciating theintricacies and evolution of love would begin with William…I had thought myjourney would end with him too, but that, like so many other things, was justnot meant to be. A young Tristan had seemed a worthy replacement when Williamdisappeared and, had he stayed the man I met, perhaps, even now, centurieslater I would be by his side. Alas, he did not, or could not, and so I wascompelled to leave by the man I, at that time, loved more than the idea of loveitself.
Inmy youth, when I was innocent and sweet, I believed fully in the idea oflove…and more so, the idea of true love; a connecting of souls and bodies thatwould transcend time. My heart ached to be filled with that kind of love. Idaydreamed of it as I wandered on the beach, alone with my thoughts and anocean of possibilities before me. Somewhere, out there in the vastness, acrossthe ocean, there was a man whose heart would long for the same connection withmy heart; a man, strong and kind, who would sweep me up in a loving embrace andadore me until the end of time. Love, it turned out, was a bit more treacherousthan I had anticipated; it could be fickle and unkind…and worse, it could breakyour heart! As a young, free woman, I could not even imagine the pain of abroken heart; an impossible connection between emotion and body; a pain sosevere that the chest ached, tears formed and cascaded from red eyes and theability to rise up and face the day was completely compromised. It was asforeign to me as the hoards coming in from the North and taking our lands. Ihad no idea that something so wonderful could become a weapon, so toxic andvolatile in nature that it could render someone useless; it could incapacitateeven the greatest warriors…of course, that was until I had my own heart broken,and then I fully comprehended the power of love!
Williambroke my heart, through no fault of his own, but others…well, they did it onpurpose. I understand that it may not have initially been their intention, touse love as a weapon; to ensnare and enthrall me, to derail and debilitate me,but that was the end result nevertheless. I was so young and easily beguiled;easily broken, by the effects of love.
I was sixteen when my journey with love began – the perfectage, my father felt, to be married off; to make me his responsibility nolonger, but the responsibility of another man. The events that followed weremere coincidence, the ides had not been heeded but I don’t think, that even ifthey had, that that would have changed anything. I think a decision made in afar off land, by a man who had no knowledge or care of my life – a man who hadasked his soldiers to perform a simple duty, changed my world forever. For awhile, I blamed my father, but it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t William’s faulteither and yet he was the cause of my pain. Some level of responsibility lieswith Tristan, some lies on my own head - for my actions too, had consequences,but the bulk of it, the one who has the most blood on his hands was Marcus! Healone is responsible for the majority of the pain and heartache that I haveever endured in my life time.
That I am still here to tell my tale, millennia later, is Tristan’sdoing…for it was he who transformed me. He challenged my faith, he challengedmy simplistic ideals and he converted me from a weakling princess, to a vampirequeen! There have been three significant men in my life; one of them my husbandand two of them named Tristan. William took me from servitude with my fatherking to the highest honours in a new home; to this day I miss him and hisgentle hands, but he is merely a memory of a far distant time and place whenthings were simple and love was enough. Then there was the first Tristan, hestole my heart at a time when it was not my right to give it to another man. Hisjealousies were fuelled by his indiscretions against my rightful husband andhis own loving partner. He tortured my mind, body and soul. I was a prisonerfor his demented idea of love; trapped in subjugation, a slave to his desiresand quest for power. I am thankful for the gift he gave me – immortality, andthe lessons I learned to protect my heart under his insidious tutelage, but Iwas not sad when his time ended.
The second Tristan loved me body and soul for a time – andit was a wonderful time, but then he took me and locked me away from the worldtoo. For a long while, being the object of the second Tristan’s affections wasenough to sustain me, but eventually all good things must come to an end andthe remaining goodness and purity of my heart was lost in the void of despairthat occupied his complicated world. I no longer became his carefully guardedtreasure, but more so his prisoner and prostitute. He went from a man who hadloved me with such sweet surrender, to a beast who would follow the orders of amadman with no concern for how those orders would impact others. He broke myspirit and I eventually succumbed to the burden of a half-life; one where I wasimprisoned without any hope for happiness. My life, it seemed, was not to beone filled with romance as love had promised, but rather one filled with sorrowand regret for the people I had hurt on my journey to love; for the husband Ihad betrayed, for the children never born, for the friends who had aged anddied in my immortal presence.
It was a fittingpunishment that I found myself lost in the darkness. My barren heart and torturedsoul had ensured that I was not fit to walk in the Light, and so when theopportunity presented itself, that I might leave the prison Tristan had kept mein, I was afraid to do so. I had been exiled and left alone to survive in astrange world...afraid and forgotten by friends and family, lost anddisoriented in an environment filled with strange creatures, but I did surviveand even, at times, I thrived.
The night he finallydied, stars lit the sky and they burned so brightly I had to shield my eyesfrom their dazzling light. The magic veil that had kept me imprisoned in theinky black of an eternal night these centuries past was lifted, and I knew hewas gone forever. Ribbons of coloured light, green and pink, danced across thenight sky and my heart celebrated their dance; the awakening of an ancientmagic and the tug of destiny pulling me back into the game.
I felt the loss of him deep within my blood, and rejoiced inthe freedom offered by that feeling. I had loved him; regrettably, I alwayswould for he had bound me to him with magic in the dark ages when it waspowerful and right to do so, and I had accordingly loved him with my wholeheart as was my place at that time in history. Then one night, the oppressivepower of that bond lifted and I knew that I did not have to love him anylonger; that I was no longer trapped in my tower; that I could leave and hopeto live again…except that I was too scared to do any such thing!
Time has not been my friend. An immortal life in a mortalrealm has its disadvantages. I have lost more friends than I ever thought Imight have given where my life began. I have watched the world change and Ihave been invisible within that changing world. Time has allowed the world tooverlook me and pass me by; it has ensured that I repeatedly replace myself aloneneeding to start again and again; reinventing myself every generation…but, inthis time, something new dawns on the horizon. Their coming is inevitable, forthe wilds hold the secrets of another realm and they are the guardians of thosesecrets and that other realm. I might not yet be able to leave this island atthe bottom of the world, but I don’t think I will need to - because there is somuch about to happen here in my Tasmanian home. My name is Isölde, once lovedwife, twice betrayed lover, apothecary, explorer and exile. This, small rockyoutcrop just above the Southern Ocean, is my island home and now begins myjourney towards freedom and the Light. I have much to offer and many gifts togive. I could be a valuable asset or thorn in one’s side. I will offer myservices to them when they arrive, for they are my ticket on the train thatleads back to brightness of day and the most sacred Light!
If you replace any errors (non-standard content, ads redirect, broken links, etc..), Please let us know so we can fix it as soon as possible.
Report