It Might as Well be String Theory (book 3 of the hexology in seven parts)
Chapter 16: It's All in the Mind

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to it’s all in the mind. The quick fire quiz show, where the quickest to remember those facts we all should recall from our school days will win our top prize. Which tonight, is an all expenses paid holiday of a lifetime, to sun soaked Mauritius.” The gleaming teeth of Chuck Babich sparkled, as he introduced yet another edition of the top game show, that held the Saturday prime time slot for the fourth season running.

His gold suit glittered in the spot lights shining on him, making the director in the control booth curse the star’s choice of over opulent dress, as it dazzled the camera a little too often; but these prima donna’s must have their way.

“And tonight’s contestants are Andy Wallace, who is a chiropodist from Smethwick”, and he ran through the funny story Andy had been prepped with, to get a laugh at the right moment. “So the dog ate all the biscuits.” When the peels of laughter had died down he turned to the other end of the three contestants. “And our next lucky contestant is a lady, Judith Ramstad. Now tell me Judith”, and Chuck guided her through a recent bout of flu, that had Judith bedridden for a week. “Well it’s good to see you fighting fit, and ready for tonight’s show.”

Sympathetic noises emanated from the audience, as Judith gave a nod of confirmation and Chuck turned to the third and final contestant, in the middle of the trio. “And our final contestant tonight is Jack Fuller. Now tell me Jack, you had a funny experience on your way here tonight; tell all the lovely ladies and gentlemen about it.” Jack cleared his throat, and looked at Chuck so the camera showed a half profile of him. “Well Chuck I’d just got in to the studio’s reception, and the man asked at the desk if I was here for the show, and then I sort of remembered my way to the set, so I just made my way here, but I’ve never been here before.” Chuck interrupted him, “Yes you certainly caused a bit of confusion with my assistant. She’d thought you’d be waiting in reception, like Andy and Judith.” Chuck smiled to the camera, “But we’re all here now. And now it’s time for round one.”

Flashing lights on the colourful board behind Chuck began to pulsate, as various school topics lit up in succession, until only one remained on. “And it’s geography, do you remember you’re days in geography lessons, can you tell a mountain from a mole hill?” There was a ripple of laughter from the studio audience. “So the first question is, everyone knows that Mount Everest is the highest mountain in the world, but what is the second highest peak?”

The camera cut from the beaming Chuck Babich, to show all three contestants, as they pondered the question. Then Judith suddenly lunged for her buzzer, and clearly replied “K two, or as it’s sometimes known mount Goodwin Austin.” With a brief flick of his eyes at the answer card, before the camera cut back to him, Chuck confirmed she was right. And beaming, his ever-friendly voice rang out “That’s absolutely correct. So you get ten points towards the thirty you need for this first round, and the final grand prize of an all inclusive holiday in Mauritius.”

There was an excited exclamation from the audience; which Chuck let die down before he continued. “So the first question is, everyone knows that Mount Everest is the highest mountain in the world, but what is the second highest peak?” Jack did a double take at Chuck’s obvious mistake, but by the time he had recovered, Judith had once more lunged for her buzzer, clearly stating again “K two, or as it’s sometimes known mount Goodwin Austin.” Jack looked at Andy to his left, and was surprised to see the man clearly unaware of this gaff. Then once more Chuck said, “That’s absolutely correct. So you get ten points towards the thirty you need for this first round and the final grand prize of an all inclusive holiday in Mauritius.”

There was an excited exclamation from the audience, as Jack looked back and forth between his fellow contestants, and the quizmaster. Who having let the noise from the audience die down began his next question. “O.K. question number two, what is the longest river in the world?” He paused for effect, then repeated himself “The longest river in the world.” A tentative Andy pressed his buzzer and ventured, “The Nile?” Chuck beamed, “Correct, so that’s ten points to you Andy.”

And turning his attention to Jack, he smiled. “Better get your finger ready Jack; you don’t want to go out on the first round. O.K. question number two, what is the longest river in the world?” Incensed by the jibe off Chuck, Jack pressed his buzzer and clearly stated “The Nile Chuck.” And he looked the quizmaster in the eye; but all he got back was a jovial smile. “Correct, so that’s ten points to you Jack.”

And turning to Andy he quipped “Better get your finger ready Andy; you don’t want to go out on the first round.” Andy blushed slightly. “Now question three; what is the deepest part of all the oceans?” With a quick jab at his buzzer, Andy blurted out “the Marina trench Chuck.” The host looked up from him notes smiling, “Absolutely right Andy; so it’s a neck and neck race between all our three contestants. And remember the last to get two questions right is out of the game. So question three; what is the deepest part of all the.” But Jack was there with his buzzer, before Chuck could complete the question, and with a pause Chuck looked towards Jack, as the contestant ventured “The Marina trench Chuck?” Chuck checked his answer card. “Well anticipated Jack; so you go through to round two, while Judith and Andy battle it out for the other place in the final.”

“So question four; where would you replace the sea of Tranquillity?” Judith had a look of intense concentration, desperate to get the second point that would take her through. Andy just had a blank expression on his face, lost in the knowledge that not only did he not know the answer, but that at any moment he could be out of the quiz. Jack merely looked bored, as if he had spent too much time standing there already. And then Chuck broke the silence, “Well your time is up” He smiled nervously; pauses in a fast moving quiz show weren’t good for ratings. “The sea of Tranquillity is in fact on the Moon; so as neither of you got the question I’ll have to move on to the next one.”

“So question four; where would you replace the sea of Tranquillity?” Jack rolled his eyes and gave a cough in the direction of Judith, which might just have sounded like Moon; it startled her from the intense look of concentration on her face, and she lunged for her buzzer proclaiming “The Moon Chuck.” And with his famous toothy grin, Chuck looked at the camera, “Absolutely correct Judith; so you’ll be joining Jack in the final of It’s all in the mind; and it’s good bye to Andy.”

As the audience gave an appreciatively loud round of applause, the ex contestant gave an odd look at the two finalists, as he passed. “So on to today’s final”, beamed Chuck as the audience’s hubbub died down. “And as usual we must spin the wheel, to see what subject the questions will be on.” As the assistant rolled the glittering prop on to the stage and stood posing, Chuck beamed to the camera. “Now if my lovely assistant Meredith will spin the wheel; if you please dear.” And he looked at the assistant, who gave the wheel an almighty spin.

Judith looked intently at the subjects, as they flew past the pointer; as did Jack, but he was mouthing the word “Physics” over and over, and it seemed like he would get his wish, but as the last click of the wheel sounded the pointer moved off physics, and on to history. Judith gave a little exclamation of jubilation, which Chuck didn’t fail to notice. “Favourite subject Judith?” he enquired. “Yes Chuck, it was my all time favourite,” grinned the excited contestant.

Jack just looked dumfounded, as Chuck read out the first question. “So for ten points, and remember in this round it’s the first to score thirty; when was the battle of Hastings?” Both Jack and Judith lunged for their buzzers, but Judith was just a fraction of a second quicker; and when her light lit up, she proudly announced “ten sixty six Chuck.” The host beamed and in a jovial tone replied, “Absolutely correct Judith, first off the post again.”

Then turning to Jack “And you were so close Jack, but let’s see if you can have any better luck with the next question. So question two.” Jack did a double take, and in confusion pressed his buzzer before Chuck could even ask the question. Chuck looked at Jack in anticipation. When the heartbeat later, Chuck was sure Jack wasn’t going to answer the question, Chuck assumed a jovial but mock stern tone. “I’m sorry there Jack, but you did buzz and if you don’t have an answer, I’ll have to give Judith the full question, and let her try.”

The camera didn’t catch Jack’s look of shame, because it was back on Chuck, as he looked at Judith. “So Judith, when was the great fire of London?” Judith took her time, almost out of respect for Jack’s blunder. “Sixteen sixty six Chuck”, and she gave an apologetic smile towards Jack, who was repeating her answer under his breath, like a accusation; and the audience sat in stunned silence at the embarrassing incident.

Chuck recomposed himself and beamed “Correct, so question two” Jack pressed his buzzer, before the first syllable of the question left Chuck’s lips. “Sixteen sixty-six Chuck?” he enquired. The stunned host looked down at his question sheet, as a murmur ran through the audience, and he shakily replied “Well anticipated Jack, Sixteen sixty six is indeed the year of the great fire of London.” He paused a second to wipe his brow, but ever the professional, the next second he was beaming again. “So with almost inspirational skill, Jack had levelled with Judith; this is turning out to be the most exciting game of it’s all in the mind, I’ve had the pleasure to witness.”

By now the murmurs from the audience had died down once more, and Chuck asked the next question. “So on to question three; can you name four of the conspirators involved, in the sixteen o five gunpowder plot?” Jack stood blank faced, as if in concentration, so Chuck quickly flicked his eyes to Judith. Who pressed her buzzer, and looking Chuck strait in the eyes intoned “Guy Fawkes, Robert Keyes, John Grant and Thomas Bates, Chuck.” With a jovial look on his face, Chuck held his hands up to shoulder height “It wasn’t me,” he quipped as a ripple of mirth passed through the audience.

“But seriously Judith, you are absolutely correct. And so with twenty points, you could win the star prize of an all inclusive holiday to Mauritius, with the next question.” And he turned to Jack “So Jack no pressure, but you’ve really got to get the next one right, to stay in the running. So question three; can you name four of the conspirators involved in the sixteen o five gunpowder plot?” Jack was on his buzzer like a shot, and beaming he began to reel off the answer “Guy Fawkes, Robert Keyes, John Grant and.” But by the third name he had begun to falter, and with a look of dismay on his face, he filled the room with silence.

“I’m going to have to hurry you Jack”, but it was clear Jack did not have anything else to say; so turning to Judith, Chuck took a deep breath. “So Judith I’ll hand the question over to you. Can name four of the conspirators involved in the sixteen o five gunpowder plot?” With a determined look, Judith straitened up. “Yes Chuck Guy Fawkes, Robert Keyes, John Grant and Thomas Bates.” Chuck checked his sheet and beamed once more, “Correct Judith; and so close Jack, hard luck. Let’s hope you get the next one, or Judith will be getting the holiday to Mauritius strait away.” And he winked at Judith.

“So question four; what year was the Magna Carta”, but he didn’t get to finish, as Judith had leapt on her buzzer and almost shouted out “Twelve fifteen, Chuck” in her excitement. Jack almost flinched next to her, but all eyes were on Chuck Babich, as he beamed. “Congratulations Judith” he laughed, as the audience went wild. “You’re today’s winner of It’s all in the mind and.”

The audience suddenly went silent, as if in hushed anticipation, and Jack looked towards the host’s podium. “So question four”; Jack looked up in stunned surprise. “What year was the Magna” And once more a buzzer cut him off; this time by an excited Jack, who almost tripped over his words answering, “Twelve fifteen Chuck.” Chuck did a quick flick of his eyes to the question sheet, and smiled. He’d not had such a tense game in some time; this would boost the ratings he thought, as with his ever-friendly voice he told Jack “You’re absolutely correct.” And the audience went wild, as the two contestants stood behind their podiums, like charged athletes ready to run a sprint. This was it, the sudden death moment, when either Jack or Judith would win that sort after holiday.

The audience had quietened down once more, in to the intense concentration the moment demanded. You could have heard a pin drop; instead one or two people coughed nervously, and looked sheepish when their partners gave them a stern look. Meanwhile on the stage, where the cameras saw all, Chuck had put on his most impressive pose. “So Judith, Jack, are you ready. It’s sudden death time; whoever gets this next question right, will be the winner of that oh so lovely all inclusive holiday to Mauritius, two weeks in the island paradise, at a five star all inclusive resort, so the pressures on.”

Chuck allowed himself a smile to camera, before turning back to the contestants. “Question five; which king succeeded George the fourth?” Judith had a look of supreme triumph on her face, as she instantly pressed her buzzer “William the forth Chuck.” The audience went wild, lights flashed and some streamers were released, as Chuck came over to shake Judith’s hand. “Congratulations Judith, you’re the winner.”

And then with a twisted smile, Jack was left in silence, as Chuck, back at his podium intoned the words “Which king suc”; he never got to the end of the word. With a mechanical movement, Jack had brought his thumb down on the buzzer, “William the forth Chuck.” Chuck looked dumfounded at him. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that Jack?” “William the forth Chuck” Jack said in a louder but more stunned voice.

Then a cry louder still came from Judith “It’s a fix, he never could have got the answer right.” Chuck stood confused at this accusation; was it sour grapes? Or had that man stood there, and taken him for a fool? How could he have got the answers? Perhaps that new gofer was in on it? Well this show wouldn’t get a repeat after this fiasco, and then the audience had got up.

Shouts of anger rang though the room. “It’s a fix”; “He’s swindled us all.” And they were storming the stage; Judith had made a lunge for Jack, who had backed away in fear. People were everywhere, Chuck lost his wig, “cut the feed, cut the feed” he stumbled about making a motion with his hand to the camera; pandemonium ensued.

Meanwhile Jack reached behind him, having found a wall blocking his further retreat, and found a door handle. He stepped through, and the noise once more ceased, but Jack wasn’t on the podium. He had just stepped in off the street to the studio’s reception. A board looking man glanced up, “You here for it’s all in the mind? You’re early.” Jack stared hard at the man, and turning he spoke over his shoulder, “You know, I’ve just remembered something.” And he stepped back out in to the light, murmuring to himself “I’m sure they’ll replace someone to fill in.”