It Might as Well be String Theory (book 3 of the hexology in seven parts)
Chapter 19: Instant Gratification

My name is Bill, and I haven’t had a drink for two days now. And not just the demon drink, God I could murder an ice-cold beer. No I mean I literally haven’t passed liquid through my lips, damned weather. Why couldn’t it rain every once in a while? Then I could at least wet my tongue, or wait for a handful of that lovely cool water to drip down my parched throat.

Get a grip on yourself William Tannis; and don’t lose your grip on to the rock face, or roll off this ledge you so stupidly got yourself on to. Yes I’m talking to you; don’t go losing it, even though you know you’ve started talking to yourself. Now how long ago was it when you last ate? Come on now remember, it might be important. You know you’ve got to keep your strength up.

Lets see, it was that discarded box of fruit, wasn’t it? They’d fallen down from the city too hadn’t they? And just like you, they’d found their way on to this ledge, on the way down there. No don’t look, you know it gives you vertigo, and we both can’t afford to drop off so to speak. Oh God why did I do it; you know why, you were drunk, and you wanted to get your precious ring back, you dolt. You couldn’t just wait and ask the service bot to get it for you. They’d have got it no problem in the morning. And then you could have thrown it at her instead.

Perhaps I’m better of just letting go; no I promised myself I wouldn’t do that; that’s the coward’s way out. And remember she said she’d not miss you, if you just disappeared. She’s not come looking for you yet, has she? So it’s up to you buddy. Get back up there and give her what for. Now how can I get out of this mess? Think, think, think; perhaps the ledge actually goes somewhere. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up.

Whoa steady, there’s no need to move too fast, you nearly went then. A fine way to end it all, dropping down there just after you’ve decided to replace a way back up, to wipe that smile off her face; I do miss that face though. Now that’s no way to talk, remember the harsh facts of life, like the fact that you may not get out of this unless you keep concentrating. Now ease yourself up, there you go, you can do it. Now stretch and hold on to that rock face, doesn’t it feel good? You know you want to just grip it and ease yourself round, that’s it.

I wonder if she went out, and saw that Jerry from next door. Just as soon as she stormed out, I bet she did, the creep. Just because he fly’s a Mars express shuttle, all the women in the block drool after him. Well when I catch them at it, whoa I nearly went then. I better concentrate more on getting out of this, or I’ll end up down there. No don’t look you idiot. Now look what you’ve done, the stuff people throw out, and all over your shoe. I’d better scrap it off, or I’ll be slipping my self next.

There that’s done it, what must you look like, a fly on a rock face, with the gleaming metropolis above, and the city dump below. Who’s bright idea was it to move here in the first place? Hers of course. Think of the view she said, think of the cost I thought; not that I ever said that. It was always yes dear and of course dear; well see where that got you. You lose your job at the exotic matter-packing factory, and she acts like it’s the end of the world. Anybody would think I’d let an antimatter electron out of its box.

Well that’s women for you; they do go on and on, never ending. A bit like this ledge; I wonder if it will end, or if it just goes round the whole city, and I’ll end up back where I started. What a way to end your days, just edging round this ledge for years. Don’t be silly, you’d fall off, or starve long before that. Well that’s a cheery thought, still could be worst, well maybe not.

Now what’s that; I figured there must be a door some way round here, didn’t I say I’d lead you right Bill. After all what’s the point of having a ledge, unless you intend visiting it once in a while. Now lets have a good look at its solid frame and stout handle to boot. I might as well give it a tug. Probably a little rusty; they can’t have locked it, could they? Who’s to be locked out? I mean except me.

Now calm down Bill and think. They’d only lock the door to stop some idiot walking out in to thin air; they probably wouldn’t expect some dolt falling down the waste shoot and ending up on this ledge, that’s why. Perhaps it’s there so they can come out and have a look. That sounds about the size of it. They’d need some way of checking the cliff below the city. So maybe there’s someone near the other side of the door, perhaps a maintenance robot.

Well then hang on to that handle and bang with all your might Bill; just imagine it’s Jerry’s face. No not that hard, you nearly went then; why do you always go and over do everything? That’s probably why she walked out, not because you lost another job through sheer pig-headedness. You’ve got a lovely woman at home. But if she is at home, why isn’t she looking for you now; you didn’t think of that did you? I wonder what happens if I try to lean on this door.

Whoa there Bill, almost went then, but I think it gave a little. Perhaps it opens inward. I cannot believe you spent all this time pulling, when you should have been trying to push it. Not that you’ve got much leverage behind you, but empty air. O.K. let’s try swinging on to it, I think it’s working. Yes, salvation here I come. But perhaps I better get a rest now the door’s open. At lest I wont fall off the ledge now. There’s time to replace your way back up; and after all that exertion you’re reeling. Well I know, I can’t stop talking to myself...

What’s going on, no keep that box shut, what? Oh it’s just a dream. Oh well I might as well be in this hellhole as any; lets have a look about. Just that lift, I’ll try the button; funny they usually light up don’t they? Come on.... Oh just great, some jokers switched the power off to the lift I suppose; I could try banging on the door.... Clearly no one’s at home, another dead waste of time.

Why did I ever go after that ring? You know why, because it still means something to you, even after all this time. You promised to stay by her through thick and thin. And look where it’s got you, not at home where you should be now, your feet up and; what’s that noise, it’s coming from that grate. Hello can you help me; I’m stuck at the bottom of this lift shaft. It’s no good; they’ll never hear me; let’s try and get the grill open.

Ouch my fingers; hey it’s coming lose, if I can just prise it open a bit more; there I’m through. Now to replace my way back up. It’s a bit dark in there. Better see with your hands then. I don’t like it. Perhaps you’d like to stay down here better? O.K. lets go. What is that smell? I think I’m going to be sick. Is there a dead animal in here? I hope it’s not a live one. To be eaten in a foul smelling hole after all I’ve been through. What was that noise, was it scurrying or just my imagination? Let’s just hope you’re going nuts Bill, they say the first sign is talking to yourself; well I’m O.K. there.

Hello, is that a ladder I feel besides me? I hope it is, because I’m going to climb it. Things are looking up, or at least they would if I could see anything. There’s that scrabbling again, Oh God, Oh God, Oh God; get up that ladder. It’s just down there. Is it sniffing the air? It’s almost as if I can feel it’s presence. What if it can climb? Better get moving.

My heart, I can’t breath, got to stop, get my breath back. Is it still down there? What if it knows another way up? Could it be waiting for me, ready to attack me in the dark from above? Don’t think about it Bill, you know it’s only going to panic you. And then where will that get you? Probably losing hold on the next rung and dropping way down there. I wonder how far I have come? I might be almost at street level by now.

Ouch my hand; hey there’s something blocking my way. That’s all I need, a dead end to end up dead at. Now think Bill, feel around, now be carful, you don’t want to fall. Is there a catch or something? O.K. no clever mechanism to open it from down here. So what about just brute force. I mean if it’s on street level it must be a manhole cover. And if you remember that day in Reno when it poured down, like the heavens would never stop. It lifted that cover on Main Street up, and stopped traffic. So perhaps it’s just it’s own weight holding it down.

That’s it, I can see the light, and some feet running towards me, hey help. I’m trapped down here. Thanks’ Oh so much, I thought I’d never get back up here. Oh it’s you dear; did you miss me? I missed you too. Yes you know I love you too, but I could do with a shower.