It Starts with Us: A Novel (2) (It Ends with Us)
It Starts with Us: Chapter 18

It’s been five days since I’ve seen Atlas. I try not to stress over how busy we are because I know it’ll get better once I’m comfortable enough to let him spend time around Emmy. But the responsible thing to do is to let Emmy’s father know when I start seeing someone else before I bring anyone around her.

It’s just frustrating that the responsible thing to do is also a terrifying thing to do. I plan to put it off for as long as possible. There’s no shame in being patient.

The flower shop is understaffed this week with Lucy’s upcoming wedding, and Atlas has been dealing with legal stuff regarding custody, running two businesses, and taking care of a kid. On top of all that, the fever my mother had last week turned into the full-fledged flu, so she hasn’t been able to watch Emmy at all. I’ve brought her with me two out of the three days I’ve worked this week.

It’s just been a week from hell. Too busy to even get a drive-by hug.

Ryle and Marshall took the girls to the zoo today. Emmy is more than likely too young to enjoy it, so it should make for an interesting day for Ryle.

The custody exchange was fine this morning, even though we haven’t spoken since our conversation on the roof last week about her middle name. He was a little curt, but I prefer his curtness to the subtle passes he sometimes still makes at me.

Allysa is working with me today since she doesn’t have Rylee. She just returned with coffee now that we’re caught up on everything. We got all our orders out with the delivery truck an hour ago, so this is the first time we’ve actually had time to speak in private since my date with Atlas last week.

Allysa hands me my coffee and then taps the mouse on the computer to check for new online orders.

“What are you wearing to Lucy’s wedding?” I ask her.

“We’re not going.”

“What?”

“We can’t. It’s my parents’ fortieth wedding anniversary. Ryle and I are doing that surprise dinner.”

She told me about that, but I had no idea it was the same day as Lucy’s wedding.

“It’s the only evening Ryle could get away,” she says.

I deflate. I hate Ryle’s schedule. I know it’ll get better over time, when he’s no longer one of the newest surgeons on staff, but even when his hours aren’t making custody difficult, he’s making my best friend choose between a wedding and her parents.

I know it’s not Ryle’s fault, but I like silently blaming stuff on him that he has no control over. It feels good.

“Does Lucy know you aren’t going?”

Allysa nods. “She’s fine with it. Two less mouths to feed.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “Are you taking Atlas?”

“I didn’t invite him. I thought you and Marshall were going, and I didn’t want to ask you and Marshall to lie for me again.” I felt bad that I asked Allysa to watch Emmy last week for my date because I knew she’d have to lie to Ryle if it came up. And she did end up having to lie to him.

“When are you planning to tell Ryle you’re back on the dating scene?”

I groan. “Do I have to?”

“He’ll replace out eventually.”

“I wish I could just pretend I was dating some guy named Greg. I don’t know that he’d be as threatened by a Greg. Maybe I don’t have to be specific about who I’m dating, and he won’t be as angry. I’ll ease him into the knowledge of it being Atlas after a decade or two.”

Allysa laughs, but then she looks at me curiously. “Why does Ryle hate Atlas so much, anyway?”

“He didn’t like that I kept mementos from back when Atlas and I dated.”

Allysa is staring at me. Waiting. “What else?”

I shake my head. There’s nothing else. “What do you mean?”

“Did you cheat on Ryle with Atlas?”

“What? No. God, no. I never would have done that to Ryle.” I’m a little offended by her question, but then again I’m not. Ryle’s reaction would naturally make anyone question what led to that kind of reaction.

Allysa’s eyes are swimming in puzzlement. “I still don’t get it. If you weren’t actively cheating on him with the guy, why does Ryle hate him?”

I release an exaggerated sigh. “I’ve asked myself that a million times, Allysa.”

She makes an annoyed face only siblings could reserve for each other. “I never wanted to ask because I thought you were ashamed that you cheated on my brother and just didn’t want to tell me.”

“I haven’t even kissed Atlas since I was sixteen. Ryle just couldn’t handle that my past sometimes crept into my present, in an absolutely platonic way.”

“Wait. You haven’t kissed Atlas since you were sixteen?” She latched on to the absolute wrong point of this conversation. “Not even on your date last week?”

“We’re taking it slow. And that’s fine by me. The slower we take things, the more time it gives me before I have to break it to your brother.”

“I think you should just rip off the Band-Aid.” She points at my phone on the counter. “Text Ryle right now and tell him you’re dating Atlas. He’ll get over it; he doesn’t have a choice.”

“This is something I need to tell him in person.”

“You’re too considerate.”

“You’re too naïve. If you think Ryle is going to get over it, you don’t know your brother very well.”

“I’ve never claimed to.” Allysa sighs and drops her chin into her hand. “Marshall told me he told you I cheated on him.”

I am so glad she’s changing the subject. “Yeah, that was a shock.”

“Drunken mistake. I was nineteen; nothing counts before you turn twenty-one.”

I laugh. “Is that right?”

“Yep.” She hops on the counter and starts swinging her legs. “Tell me more about Atlas. Tell me like I’m your best friend and not your ex-husband’s sister.”

And we’re back to this conversation. That was a quick break. “You sure this isn’t awkward for you?”

“Why, because Ryle is my brother? No, not awkward at all. He should have been nicer to you, and then you wouldn’t have to date Greek gods.” She wiggles her eyebrows with a grin. “So, what’s he like? He seems mysterious.”

“He’s not, really. Not to me.” I can feel the smile wanting to spread across my face, so I let it. “He’s so easy to talk to. And he’s kind. He’s Marshall kind, but not as outgoing. He’s more reserved. He works a lot, and I have Emmy all the time, so it’s been hard to make time for anything together. Plus, he just found out he has a little brother this week, so his life is kind of chaotic right now. Texts and phone calls are our primary source of communication, so that sucks.”

“Is that why you keep checking your phone?”

I can feel my cheeks warm when she says that. I hate that she’s noticed. I’ve tried my best to be inconspicuous with this. I don’t want anyone to know how often Atlas and I text, or how often I think about texting him, or how often I think about him.

Maybe I’m scared to talk about it with Allysa because I don’t want to allow myself to be happy about Atlas until I know Ryle isn’t going to be furious over Atlas.

I receive a text right in the middle of that thought, and it takes everything in me to fight my smile when I look at my phone and read it.

“Is that him?” Allysa asks.

I nod.

“What’s he saying?”

“He asked me if I want him to bring me lunch.”

“Yes,” Allysa says emphatically. “Tell him you’re starving, and so is your friend.”

I laugh and then reply to Atlas with, Could you bring lunch for two today? My coworker gets jealous when you bring me food.

He immediately replies with, Be there in an hour.

When Atlas finally shows up, both Allysa and I are busy with customers. He’s carrying a brown paper bag. I motion for him to wait by the counter, so he stands patiently while we finish up. Allysa is finished first, and for at least five minutes, she and Atlas are having a conversation I can’t hear from this side of the shop. I’m trying to give my attention to the customer in front of me, but knowing Allysa is speaking freely to Atlas has me more than nervous. I never know what’s going to come out of her mouth.

Atlas looks pleased, though. Whatever she’s telling him, he’s enjoying it.

It feels like a decade later when I’m finally free to join them. Atlas leans in and greets me with a kiss on the cheek when I reach him. His fingers graze my elbow for several seconds after our greeting before he pulls his hand away. That simple physical gesture sends a current through me, making it hard to focus without being too obvious that I get giddy around him.

Allysa smiles at me knowingly. “Adam Brody, huh?”

I have no idea what she’s referring to until I look at Atlas and he’s grinning. I had a poster of Adam Brody on my bedroom wall the first time Atlas came to my house.

I shove Atlas’s arm. “I was fifteen!”

He laughs, and I love that Allysa is being nice to him. I know she has every right to give complete loyalty to her brother, but it’s not in her to be rude to people simply because other people don’t like them.

She’s not a ride-or-die friend, nor is she a ride-or-die sister. That’s what I love the most about her, because I’m not ride-or-die, either. If you do something stupid, I’m going to be the friend who tells you you’re doing something stupid. I’m not going to join you in your stupidity.

I want my friends to treat me the same way. I prefer honesty over loyalty any day, because with honesty comes loyalty.

“Thank you for lunch,” I say. “Did you get Josh’s school situation settled?”

Atlas has been working to enroll him in a school more local to where he lives, rather than the school Josh was in all the way across town.

“I did. Fingers crossed they don’t look too hard into the enrollment forms I had to fill out. I lied a little.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I say. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

“How old is he?” Allysa asks.

“He just turned twelve,” Atlas says.

“Whoa,” Allysa says. “Worst age ever. But at least you don’t have to pay for day care. Silver lining.” Allysa snaps her fingers. “Speaking of children, Lily won’t have Emerson next Saturday because she’s going to a wedding. A night out all by herself as a single adult.”

I roll my head and look at her. “I was about to invite him. I didn’t need your help.”

Atlas perks up. “A wedding, huh?” A sly smile plays on his lips. “You plan on sleeping through it?”

I immediately blush, and that makes Allysa curious. Atlas turns to her and says, “She didn’t tell you she slept through our first date?”

I’m not even looking at Allysa, but I can feel her staring. “I was tired,” I say, excusing the inexcusable. “It was an accident.”

“Oh, I absolutely need more of this story,” Allysa says.

“She fell asleep on our drive there. Slept in a parking lot for over an hour. We never even made it into the restaurant.”

Allysa starts laughing, and I kind of want to crawl under the counter and hide now.

“Who’s getting married?” Atlas asks me.

“My friend Lucy. She works here.”

“What time?”

“It’s at seven. Nighttime wedding if you can swing it.”

“I can.” Atlas does this thing with his eyes where he briefly looks like he wishes we were alone. It’s sending tingles of warmth crawling down my spine. “I need to get back. Enjoy your lunch.” He nods at Allysa. “It was nice officially meeting you.”

“You too,” she says.

He gets halfway to the exit when he starts whistling. He walks away in a cheerful mood, and it makes my heart swell to see him so happy. I have no idea if his good mood has anything to do with me, but the teenage girl in me who was worried about him all those years ago is extremely pleased to see him doing so well in life.

“What’s wrong with him?”

When I glance at Allysa, she’s staring curiously at the door Atlas just disappeared out of. “What do you mean?”

“Why isn’t he married? Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend?”

“Hopefully he’ll have a girlfriend soon.” I can’t say it without smiling.

“He’s probably bad in bed. Maybe that’s why he’s single.”

“He is definitely not bad in bed.”

Her jaw drops. “You said you haven’t even kissed him yet; how would you know?”

“As adults,” I say. “You forget I have a history with him. He was my first, and he was very, very good. And I’m sure he’s gotten even better.”

Allysa stares at me for a beat, then says, “I’m happy for you, Lily.” But she’s frowning. “Marshall is going to like him, too. He’s so likable.” She says that like it’s the worst possible outcome.

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“I don’t know if it’s a good thing,” she says. “This whole thing is muddled; you know that. I don’t need to explain it to you. But I can absolutely see why you’re hesitant to tell Ryle. Knowing his ex-wife is sharing a bed with that block of perfection has to be extremely emasculating.”

I raise a brow. “Not as emasculating as beating your wife should feel.” I’m a little shocked when the words come out of my mouth, but I can’t take them back. I don’t think I need to, though, because luckily, my best friend isn’t a ride-or-die sister.

Rather than be offended, Allysa agrees with a nod. “Touché, Lily. Touché.”