Julia Lelieveld and the fifth element
~5~

Lucas looked at me and his expression went from curious to concerned.

Behind me I heard Mr. Grotenbos say sarcastically:"Ah, Lucas, to what do I owe your visit today."

Lucas got up and for a moment it seemed like he wanted to say something, but then looked at the principal and changed his mind.

"Good luck," I said to him, trying to conjure up a smile, but it was difficult.

Behind me I heard our big friendly walrus say: "Oh, he doesn't need that, he probably has it all to himself."

I looked questioningly at Lucas, he shrugged and walked over to the principal.

The rest of the day passed very slowly. I reported to the teacher at the beginning of the lesson and was assigned my seat. I kept quiet and aloof, hoping the day would pass quickly. Much of the material discussed in these lessons I had already had a month earlier at my old school, probably the learning process was just a few weeks before that at this school. During the break I had picked up the rest of my other books from the library.

It was almost half past three. That meant the last lesson would be over and I had to stay in detention. The bell rang and I walked to my locker. I took out the books from the classes I'd already had homework for and went to the stairwell.

I had deliberately kept a little calmer for the rest of the day. I was the type of person that first liked to observe before I started doing something. I probably should have done it differently, because it didn't work out that way. I really needed friends, especially now that Dad was away so much.

I stepped down the last step of the grand staircase and the atmosphere was immediately different.

The cellar looked gloomy. The white and green tiles didn't look homey in the fluorescent-lit hallway. The hallway was a lot lower than the other hallways in the building. Here and there stood a filing cabinet. It was a long corridor with several doors on either side. I looked at the door numbers. In two doors I saw that there were windows, because light shone from them. I walked past the first lighted door, number 005. Here sat two boys, I think freshmans. They looked a bit bored. Probably also sitting there for detention. The next room was 007. I looked in through the window of the door. The room was completely empty. I opened the door and sat in the back of the classroom. It was a chilly room. No beautiful wooden finish as in the other rooms. There were about 16 tables with chairs and 1 desk in the front of the room. Other than that, it was a bleak intention.

I grabbed my cell phone and texted Dad that I would be late. I'll probably be home before him, but yeah, just in case.

I pulled out the math formulas and started making them. I finished them half an hour later. My head really wasn't on any more homework. I cleaned up the books and there I was. All alone in that chilly room. I was so worried about the file that was going to be sent from my old school to the principal. What would it contain?

Would it really say that Mom was murdered? I was going to lie if people asked about it. I would say she died of an illness or an accident. It was actually kind of an accident. That was also very bad, but I would get different reactions. People wouldn't stare at me and keep asking how I was doing.

Maybe I'd do well to just tell the principal. If he wants to keep his mouth shut about it to everyone. I don't know if that will work, he seemed like a nice man, but suddenly he was so businesslike. Lucas had also said he was okay. At that moment the door of the room opened. I looked up and there was Lucas.

"Hi," he said in his warm voice.

"Hi." I tried to conjure up a smile, but sometimes I still struggled.

"Have you been here long?"

"About half an hour."

"Aha, I didn't know you had to stay in detention otherwise I would have told you that you can always come half an hour later. The detention teacher always comes later to check whether everyone who has to be in detention is there."

"You're speaking from experience it sounds like." I smiled at him.

He smiled back. "Oh yeah." He shrugged and sat down next to me.

I was amazed that he did.

"Why are you here?" I asked him.

"I was late," he said nonchalantly.

"Do you have to stay in detention for being late?" I asked, horrified.

"No, not normally, but I've been late so many times that if I'm late, I have to be in detention immediately. By the way, if you've been in detention more than once in the same month, you get immediately in detention anyway." He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Gosh, that's annoying too." It came out drier than I intended. I sat down a little more comfortably against the arm of my wooden chair.

"He was quite harsh on you?" He looked at me questioningly.

"Who?"

"Mr. Grotenbos."

"Oh yeah, I don't quite get it either. He was nice at first, but then turned around and continued in a businesslike tone that I should behave and stay out of trouble."

"Probably he wants to make sure the students are nice and obedient."

He winked and laughed with a crooked smile.

There went my stomach again.

Quickly on to another topic.

"Do you have any tips, things I should know about the school or teachers?"

He seemed to think for a moment. The same moment the door opened. It was Rob from the library. He looked up in surprise.

"Lucas, I'm used to you here, but Julia, how did you get here on your first day?"

"I accidentally forgot a rule in Mr. de Wit's lesson."

"Ah, then it's clear." He laughed a little.

"Guys, I'll check back in half an hour. Spend your time wisely and do your homework." He seemed to be mainly talking to Lucas.

"How long does the detention last?" I asked Lucas when Rob had disappeared again.

"Usually until 5:00 pm, then the teachers also want to go home."

I thought about it for a while. Then I'll make something easy for dinner. A sandwich or something, I wasn't hungry anyway and Dad will eat at the station.

He saw me thinking.

"Do you get problems at home if you're late?" He seemed concerned.

"No, I already sent a text that I'm late. You?"

"They're used to me not being home until after five. I don't have to let you know anymore."

He took a book from his bag and laid it open on the table, then turned back to me. "Okay, tips. I think the soup is really nasty. I think they put all the leftovers from the week before in there." I looked at him and started laughing.

"Besides, I don't know much. I haven't been in school very long either. I know they are all very curious."

"Okay."

"You also have to watch out for Sandra Parel, she tries to put everyone in a black light with the teachers. She can't take it when someone else gets more attention than herself. You should really just ignore her."

"You seem to be speaking from experience?"

He looked at me for a moment. "You'll figure that out quickly." He seemed impressed.

I shrugged and waited for him to answer.

"Mark my words." He gave a little laugh and leaned back with his hands clasped at the back of his head.

"Wait a minute," I told him.

"Is it a tall slender girl with blond hair? She looks sour and can be very hypocritical?"

"So you've already met the enemy." He looked curiously in my direction.

"Thanks to her I'm here." I made an angry face.

"Watch out, otherwise you'll be here a lot more often."

"Thanks for the warning."

Suddenly a voice sounded through the old sound box that hung next to the door: "Will the next student or students report to the principal: Julia Lelieveld."

What was this again? It felt like a brick fell into my stomach. Panic struck again. Would he have received my old file? I tried to look for a way out, but couldn't come up with anything so quickly.

Lucas must have seen the panic on my face. "Are you okay? You probably just need to fill out some paperwork. He rarely calls students over the intercom." Lucas was very relaxed. Well that helps, I thought to myself. He rarely calls a student…., why now?

My legs were like lead. I felt my breathing speed up. No, I couldn't hyperventilate now. This used to happen at my old school when I was confronted with the accident. Resting my elbows on my knees, I buried my head in my hands. I tried to breathe in and out slowly. It helped somewhat. Suddenly I felt a hand on my back. I was so shocked that I shot up. For a moment I saw stars.

"Oh fuck, sorry...... everything okay?" Lucas looked at me worried and startled. I looked at him. "Yes, I......, sorry for reacting like this, I ....", I shrugged and looked at my legs. I ran my hand through my hair and looked straight at him again. "I'll just go to Mr. Grotenbos."

I stood up and grabbed my bag. "Thanks for the tips." I tried to look a little nonchalant, but I don't think he fell for it. "Bye." He still seemed startled.

I walked down the chilly hallway to the stairwell. It seemed like an eternity before I arrived at Mr. Grotenbos's office. Everything flashed through my head. I had to do my best not to see my mother again, with that terrified look in her eyes. It was still so fresh in my memory. Still, it had been over half a year.

I knocked on the green door. "The door is open."

I opened the door and saw the principal sitting behind the desk. He had red cheeks. He gestured to the chair on the other side of the desk. I sat down and looked at him questioningly. "I think I should apologize for my behavior this morning." He didn't seem at ease.

Apologizing, what was he talking about? “I've received your file, which says

you're a good student who doesn't go looking for trouble and never even had to

go to detention. I had a different view of you. My apologies." Everything went

through my head. He was right. I had always done my best, always learned and

finished my homework. I've never had to stay in detention until today. It was

indeed unfair how he treated me this morning. He looked expectantly in my

direction. I let out a deep sigh. "Apologies accepted," I told him.

He seemed relieved, but still not quite at ease. He looked around for a moment,

then picked up a folder. I recognized the logo on the front of the folder, it

was the logo of my old school. This was probably my file. He saw that I was

looking at the folder. “This is your student file from your old school. I read

through it because, frankly, I was curious as to why you reacted that way

during our conversation this morning. I think I understand that now. I'm really

sorry I misjudged you, and I'm sorry for what happened six months ago."

It was like getting punched in the face. Regret? He was sorry? How could he be

sorry. I started to get angry. He probably saw by my look that he had said

something wrong. Before I could respond, he started talking again.

"I just want to let you know that if there's something up or if there's anything we can do, you can come to me."

He waited for my response.

I sighed deeply. I cleared my throat, it was as dry as cork.

"Mr. Grotenbos, all I want is a fresh start." Suddenly I was so tired. “I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't share my past with the other teachers or other people. I want a fresh start and I don't want to be constantly reminded that my mother was murdered in front of my eyes."

These words hurt so much, but I had to say it this way so that he would understand the message. And he did. He looked horrified in my direction, his eyes were sad. That's how I was looked at by everyone at my old school. I couldn't stand it anymore. That look just reminded me of it. I needed different emotions around me. I looked at my hands resting on my lap so that I no longer had to face the principal's gaze.

He cleared his throat. "I understand that. I'll keep your file safe in the closet that only I have a key to. All files of the students are there and they are all private. I won't get into it any further. But you should know that you can always contact me if you want to talk about it. I respect your choice that the teachers are not allowed to know, but they are actually always aware of the developments and events of their students."

I looked at him pleadingly.

"But with this situation I want to make an exception."

"Thank you". My voice sounded hoarse. I looked at him gratefully.

“Okay, fine, luckily we were able to discuss this. Well, go home, I think you're ready for that." He looked at me kindly.

"But I still have to stay in detention, don't I?" I looked at him questioningly. "I'll make up an excuse for Mr. Boothuis." He smiled briefly.

"Mr. Boothuis?"

"Oh yes, that's true, you call him by his first name. I mean Rob."

"Thank you, Mr. Grotenbos."

Gratefully I stood up and turned around. I grabbed the door handle when he said. “Julia, the school's policy is to notify parents if you're in detention. Just so you know." I looked at him and nodded.

Once out of the office, I didn't know how quickly to get out. I walked down the steps towards the beautiful garden. I inhaled the chilly wind deep into my lungs. It cut painfully into my chest. It was actually nice to feel a different kind of pain than the one I felt in my heart. I walked towards the parking eager to go home. To take a warm bath, do my homework and go to bed.

There were not many bicycles left in the parking. While I was walking to my bike I suddenly heard someone behind me. "Hi. You're Julia, aren't you?"

A girl with a black, hip bob line, happy, twinkling eyes and a sweet smile stood behind me.

"Oh, hi."

"I'm Eva. I'm in your class, but I don't think you got much out of it. "Professor de Wit" was a dick to you. Right?"

As she said Professor de Wit, she made quotation marks with her fingers and rolled her eyes. Luckily I wasn't the only one who didn't like him.

"Try not to worry too much about it, every student has been expelled from him at one time or another. Me too, in my freshman year." She shrugged and started laughing. I smiled back.

"At least that's reassuring," I told her.

"But why are you here so late? Our lesson ended an hour ago." She looked at me questioningly.

"I had to stay in detention, and for the rest of the week." Now I was the one holding the shoulders up.

"Detention? Well that's not fair of that old fellow either." She made a sour face. I had to laugh and it felt good. She was a nice girl that Eva. She laughed too.

"Where do you live? Then maybe we can ride together?", she ask.

"I'm not well known in the area yet, but I live in the Eikenlaan, near a small park."

“Oh, you live in the tree-lined neighborhood. I have to go the other way, towards hill park." She got on her bike and shouted, "See you tomorrow!" She waved and cycled the other way.

"See you tomorrow!" I called after her.

What a nice girl.

Once home, the house was empty and cold. After a day like that, I actually needed someone to talk to. It was already a quarter past five.

While the sandwich was in the pan, I grabbed the homework and started working on it. Fortunately, I had already finished the math sums, all I had to do was make a wind map for geography.

An hour later my wind map with sandwich stains was finished, I had cleaned up everything and I was ready. I locked everything downstairs and went upstairs.

I ran the bath and made myself comfortable on the bench in my room. I felt my cell phone vibrate in the back pocket of my jeans.

"Hi Dad."

"Hi sweetie, I just wanted to say I won't be home until late. How was your first day at school?"

"Oh, it was okay."

"That's nice, honey. See you tonight, you'll probably be asleep when I get home."

"See you later Dad."

And he was gone. Well that was clear. Probably nothing has changed and he will often be away from home. I'd tell Dad tomorrow that he'll get a letter telling him that his daughter has to stay in detention for a whole week.

After a nice warm bath I crawled into bed with a good book. Hopefully I could process a little bit of what had happened today.