Knowing Jude
Chapter 49

"So what, you're really not going to talk to me now?"

I jump and turn with my heart in my mouth to replace Jude leaning against the pillar behind me.

I put my hand on my chest, trying to calm my heart. "You scared me!"

"Sorry."

I take a deep breath and look around. Some students walk past us to the front of the school. The school is otherwise empty since we had stayed behind. "What are you doing here?" I ask Jude. He shrugs. "Waiting for you."

"Me?" I ask, a little surprised.

"Yes." He jingles some keys in his hand. "Want a ride?"

"I... Uh... Actually, I'm not going home."

"Yeah?"

"I promised Nicki I'd go by hers."

She wasn't really in a mood to talk at school, but she told me I could go over for the evening.

"Fine, I'll give you a ride there then."

"That's not really necessary, I mean, her place is the complete opposite of yours."

"Did you forget I moved? And I don't mind, I don't have anything else to do."

I shrug. "Okay, thank you."

The walk to the parking lot is quiet. I wonder what is going on in his mind because I couldn't have expected this after what transpired at the field. Why would he even wait around for me?

I replace myself twisting my fingers in anxiety. "I'm sorry about the last two weeks, I misunderstood things and I made a mistake. I should have texted."

He opens the passenger door for me then looks into my eyes. "I wanted to call but I thought I would upset you because of what happened."

I can't help but frown as I look back at him, and my pulse can't help but speed up. While I was killing myself with uncertainty on whether to reach out to him, he was going through the same?

It sounds too good to be true.

"Get in," he says finally, breaking his gaze and going round to the driver's side.

It feels like we have taken a sudden change of lanes. As if our relationship jumped into another dimension without a warning.

"So, what do you think?" he asks as he eases the car out of the school gates into the street.

"About?"

"My shoot. Don't even bother denying it, I know you stalked my social media."

A smile breaks on my face unbidden. Talking like this about random stuff is something I choose over the earlier tension.

"And watched the shows online," I confess.

I remember feeling a little envious of the girls sitting in those audiences. Gorgeous girls who most likely had the chance to meet up with him afterwards. Which doesn't even make sense because don't I get to see him almost every other day? And the other models who were part of some shows too. I felt like a faded painting in comparison.

"That's good to know because you were on my mind most of that time."

There he goes again and throws me completely offside.

What?

He laughs. "Stop looking like you've seen a ghost."

"Why would I even be on your mind?"

"Well, half of the time I was thinking about how good it could have felt if you hadn't stopped us-"

"Jude!" I interject, mortified.

Of course, that's what he was thinking of, what else did I expect?

"The rest of the time I was just missing you."

My eyes dart to him and yes, he looks serious. I can see the pink tip of his tongue peeking between his lips and he gives me a short glance touched with a little smile.

I swallow hard and gaze out of the windshield.

I have to ask Nicki.

I have to ask how it felt like falling for Cole because I don't think that happening for me with Jude is a good idea at all.

In the corner of my eyes I see him run his hand through his hair, then reach out and turn on the radio.

What I wouldn't give right now to know what's on his mind.

We don't talk a lot after that, just me trying to sing along to some of the songs and him laughing at me.

All the while, the warmth I can feel in the pit of my stomach doesn't go away. It's a good feeling.

"Text when you're done and I'll come to get you," Jude says when I alight at Nicki's.

I give him a confused look. "Thanks, but I think Noah will give me a ride. You don't have to trouble yourself."

"I'm not troubling myself but whatever, fine. See you tomorrow at school?"

I back off the car. "Yeah. Thank you for the ride."

I stand there for longer than necessary, long after his car has disappeared down the street.

What is he doing?

He's acting like...

Like...

Ugh, I cut that thought and turn towards the Coopers' house.

It's a big house, almost as big as Cole's but of a different style. I replace Nicki in the kitchen, baking. Or more specifically, sitting on the counter licking her way through a packet of icing sugar. "Really?" I ask, laughing. She has the white stuff all over her cheeks.

She puts her finger to her lips. "Shhh. Don't tell."

I shrug. "Your wish." I place my bag on the island and take a seat. "Home alone?"

"Like always. Oh, what fun I'd have if I had a boyfriend." She pauses. "Oh wait, I have four brothers who tend to appear randomly. Wouldn't want to be responsible for maiming, would I?" I laugh again. "I'd guess not. What's in the oven?"

"Cupcakes."

"Oh, yummy."

She jumps off the counter and hops to the fridge. She pours me a glass of passion juice then takes a seat opposite me.

"You called Cole that day, didn't you?" she asks at the same moment I take my first sip and I almost choke.

I look over at her wide-eyed. "Yes, I did. I'm sorry for meddling like that, I just "

"It's fine, I'm not mad. But every time he reminds me how we can't be together, I wish I really did get with that Uriah guy. Did I show you a picture of him?"

"No." I'm a little surprised she's saying that now when she's sober and has the benefit of hindsight.

The guy must have been really hot.

Nicki produces her phone, swipes across the screen, then passes it to me.

"Holy shit."

"I know, right? He's a total player though."

This Uriah guy is shirtless so I can see his well-defined six-pack, he's tall, has long blond dreadlocks, and hazel eyes that seem to be looking right through me.

I laugh. "Okay, I see why you would want to jump that."

She takes back her phone and shrugs.

"Where were you at lunch today, by the way?" I ask.

"Art room."

"I hope Cole didn't say anything upsetting after History."

"What?"

"I saw you guys talking, after History class."

She scratches the back of her neck. "Oh, that. We were just talking."

"So, what is... Like what is he saying?"

She shrugs, looking down at her phone. "The usual. Just wants to be friends. You know what's funny? Danny from Math was flirting with me today and he flipped." "Who, Cole?" I ask.

She nods, looking back at me. "It was almost like he was jealous. I swear I don't get him sometimes."

"I know he likes you; I just can't understand what's going on in his mind."

"Whatever it is, it's fucked up."

I sigh. "What are you going to do?"

She laughs. "I can't do nothing, Ava. Just be his friend."

"I'm really sorry Nicki."

She waves a hand in dismissal. "It's fine. It's life. We all have to face heartbreaks at some point."

I nod helplessly, looking down at my hands.

"So, how's Mr. Blond and Blue Eyed!" she asks, her voice brightening all of a sudden.

I laugh at her reference of Jude. "He's good."

"Now since we're being sincere with each other..." Oh, God. "Be honest with me. Do you like him? Maybe a crush? Or just plain want him like me and Uriah over here?" she adds with a wink.

This would be easy, this would be a lot easier if this was Simon. Because Simon actually knows some stuff. Like Jude sleeping over in my room, like me kissing Jude. I never got around to telling Nicki any of it. She had her own issues to deal with.

I don't want to lie, that would be terrible after everything she has confided in me.

I drag my right forefinger on the marble surface of the island. "I think..." I like him? No, that's too much? "There are feelings, I'm just not sure what it is."

She claps her hands eagerly. "Oh, you do, you're just in denial. Do you miss him?"

"A lot. I mean..." ugh, I already spilt, didn't I? "Sometimes."

She ticks off her fingers. "A lot. Okay. If he tried to kiss you, would you kiss him back?"

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I keep my eyes on my hands, trying hard to appear normal. My face is already heating up, however, and—

"Oh my God!"

I look up suddenly at her gasp. "What?"

She rises in her seat slowly and points at me. "You kissed Jude."

"What?" I give a nervous laugh. "I... No!"

"Yes you did, stop lying! You're blushing."

I cover my cheeks with my palms. "I'm not."

She hops excitedly on the spot and bangs the top of the island with her hands. "You have to spill, Jo. I need details."

The oven's timer goes off at this point and I heave a sigh of relief as she turns away.

None of this was supposed to be about me!

"Where was it?" she asks, grabbing her oven mitts. "School? Your house? His? Where?"

"At Cole's," I give in.

She half turns to look at me while opening the oven. "What?"

"We sort of broke in," I respond, feeling a smile break through.

"That sounds hot! There was nobody around?"

"Just us. Have you seen Cole's place? It's amazing."

"Yeah," she mutters, placing the tray of cupcakes on the counter. After putting them away to cool, she comes to sit on the edge of the island right beside me. "Okay, talk. I'm listening."

Tuesday morning I walk out of English class at a leisurely pace, because what I have next are two free periods, and lunch after that. I laugh at Simon as he rushes to make it to Physics and he flips me off.

I make my way to my locker. I put my books away and out of habit, look towards Jude's locker. He's already looking my way and the surprise eye contact causes a jolt in my stomach. I look away immediately.

Not just because of nerves but also because in that millisecond, I notice that Bethany is right there beside him, talking to him.

The jolt turns into a twisting knife.

I'm not jealous. Nope. Nada. Why ever.

I do a mental head toss.

She doesn't matter.

I slow down my movements, hoping they'll leave before I have to pass by his locker.

The seconds go by and the rushing crowd of students begins to clear. If I stay any longer, I might replace myself in trouble for loitering.

I shove my books into my bag and lock my locker. Then begin the walk down the corridor with my head low, seemingly focused on where I'm headed. I can see them in the corner of my eye, however, and the closer I get the harder my heart

beats.

"No?"

My eyes might be avoiding them, but my ears are not budded so Bethany's voice reaches them.

"I told you I'm thinking about it." Jude.

"You've been thinking about it for months now."

I'm parallel to them now.

"Yes. Don't you have a class to get to?" Locker shutting.

Past them now, I let out the breath I've been holding and lift my head.

"You have a free, right? I could skip and "

"Go to class Beth. I gotta go."

The next thing I know I hear hurried footsteps behind me, then Jude is walking beside me.

"Why do you do that?" he asks, sounding slightly annoyed.

I give him a glance, risk another one back at Bethany who I replace glaring at us, then face forward. "Do what?"

"You assumed me, Jo."

"You were busy."

"That's bullshit. You could have said hi or something. You have interrupted my conversation with Beth before, remember?"

Yes, but... Ugh, can he stop calling her Beth? It sounds so...intimate. Like they have some sort of special connection between them.

But they do, don't they?

She's the only girl he has ever dated.

"Off to where, anyway?"

"Library."

"Library or library balcony?"

I laugh. "You know me."

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He shoves me lightly with his arm. "That I do."

Five minutes later we are on the balcony, like old times. He's seated across from me, feet crossed on top of the table, leaning back in his chair with his hands folded behind his head. The guy is such a slacker, he's lucky he was born smart. I'm trying to work on some chemistry but he isn't being cooperative at all.

"Can I have your phone?"

I don't even think about it. "No."

It's silent for a minute and then the sound of a camera shutter breaks the silence.

I look up abruptly to replace Jude holding out his phone towards me.

"You did not," I warn.

His eyes lift from his phone. "So cute. Will you put it on your Instagram?"

"Delete it, Jude."

He turns his phone around so I can have a look at the screen. A photo of me, frowning down at my book, biting on the end of my pen.

Cute my ass.

He shrugs. "Or I can put it on mine and tag you."

I glare at him. "Haha."

"Seriously, Jo. When was the last time you posted a picture? It's unfair to your admirers."

"Admirers," I deadpan.

"Yes, admirers," he responds, concentrating on his phone.

"I really don't have the energy to fight with you over this right now Jude."

His blue eyes rise to me. "Aw, you make it sound like we're a couple."

I scoff and turn back to my work. I trust he knows what's best for him and won't upload that picture anywhere.

After that comes a long period of silence in which I keep stealing glimpses at him. I check my phone twice, and so far there's no notification of any post. I finish my work and there's still half an hour to go.

I fold my arms over my books and stare at him. "So, what do you want to do after school?"

He gives me a surprised look. "What? Are you asking me out?"

I frown. "What? No!" I shake my head. "I mean after high school, not today."

He groans. "You sure know how to dash someone's hopes."

"Me take you out?" I ask incredulously. "Where?"

He shrugs. "Anywhere. Your room?"

"Yeah right."

He looks back down at his phone, interest gone. Is he on social media, or is he texting someone? What was he talking about with Bethany, anyway? Are they going to get back together? Why is she the only girl he has ever dated?

Was he in love with her?

Is he?

"Why don't you just do it?" Jude asks all of a sudden.

Jolted from my trance, I blink. "Do what?"

"Kiss me."

I frown. "Uh?"

"It's obvious you want to..." His eyes rise to meet mine. "You won't stop looking at my lips."

I sit upright and cross my arms over my chest. "What? No!"

But I was staring, right?

Not at his lips though. I was just lost in thought.

"Yes. Even now, your eyes keep flickering down here," he claims, touching his lips.

"Oh please, I don't know what you're talking about."

"What are you so afraid of?" he enquires.

"Nothing!"

"Well then, go ahead and kiss me," he challenges. "It's obvious you're dying to."

This guy. "I'm not!"

"So you say, but I know you want to," he insists.

I shake my head and lift my palms in surrender. "This is the weirdest conversation I've had in ages."

He cocks his head to the side. "And you're the worst liar I know."

I roll my eyes. Whatever helps him sleep.