Knowing Jude
Chapter 51

"Nothing different," Jude persuades, pulling me into the room, walking backwards towards the bed. "Still a bedroom and still just you and me."

Yes, but before we hadn't kissed, had we?

His bed is a large white affair, and a part of me just wants to jump on it and cuddle in his bedding. He has a lot of pillows and my mind can't help forming images of him asleep, blond hair fanned out on a pillow, pink lips in a pout... I break out of my thoughts when he sits me on the edge of the bed. He steps back and gives me an assessing look.

"You on my bed. Beautiful picture, just one little detail we need to take care of."

I lift an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

He points at Cole's jacket. "Can you please get rid of Cole's jacket?"

I wrap my arms around myself, wanting to tease him a little. "No, it's warm."

"You don't need it. My duvet is warm. I am warm."

Now, images of us cuddling.

Holy angels.

I ease out of it and he takes it, folding it and placing it on his bedside cabin.

"Do you need to change?"

And I replace myself wondering at exactly what moment I decided I wasn't going to argue about spending the night with him. In his room, I mean. With him sounds... I nod.

No big deal. Done this before remember?

"Here," he says, thrusting his vest that he just got out of at me. "I just put it on after my shower like an hour ago, it's not dirty."

I take it.

He points towards a door to the left. "Bathroom."

I rise and paddle across the room. It's a big room and looks familiar too. Like the one that features in some of his Instagram posts. There're large French windows that span an entire wall and I suspect leads to a balcony. There's a sofa, a large chest of drawers, a game console and a plasma fitted on the wall. There's also a pair of double doors other than the one leading to the bathroom. A walk-in closet? Has he had this room all along, even when he just used to spend nights here? Getting into the bathroom, I lean against the closed door for several seconds, taking deep breaths.

Will anything happen?

I

Do I want anything to happen?

I wouldn't mind kissing him again, but what has changed since the first time? He's still a bad boy, he'd still be doing it for fun, and remember him and Dina under the bleachers? Maybe you can do it for fun too, my subconscious supplies.

gnaw on my lip, actually considering that. Since when have I wanted to make out with a guy for fun?

You just hadn't met the right guy, miss know-it-all provides.

I groan and push off the door, going to the mirror.

I almost scream when I take a look at my face. Blotched face complete with bloodshot, red-rimmed puffy eyes! I grimace. Have I been looking like this all along?

I turn the tap on and splash my face immediately, trying to salvage even a smidgen of my appearance. Is there anything to be done for those bloodshot eyes? What a night to look like a complete wreck!

A knock on the door startles me. "Still in there? Please don't escape through the window," Jude's voice comes through.

I look around and shake my head at the sliding skylight window in the room.

"Chill out boy. I'm a girl."

"Yes but you're not the kind to spend ages in the bathroom."

"How would you know that."

"I just do."

"Okay, Mr. Genius. Can you back off now?" I request, reaching back to unzip my dress.

"Why, are you naked?"

I flush. "Go away Jude."

"Holy shit, you're naked."

"I'm also considering leaving to go look for a guest room."

"You could try."

I huff and get on with dressing.

His vest is large on me and hits the middle of my thighs. I try to tug it further downwards to no avail. I leave the bathroom a minute later.

Jude is on the bed, sitting up against the headboard with a laptop on his thighs. He looks up when I walk in. He takes his time dragging his eyes down my body, then up. My body lights up as if his gaze is a flame and it's burning me. Our eyes hold contact for a flitting second, then his drop back to his laptop. His hands go back to flying over the keyboard.

"How am I supposed to last the night with you looking like that?"

I shift on my feet, biting my lip. "You could um...uh...give me a pair of sweatpants or...uh-"

He looks up, smiling and winking. "I'll survive, don't worry."

But... Will I?

I huff, approach the bed and get under the covers in the shortest time possible. All covered up, I now feel better. I pull his duvet to my chin and look sideways at him. "What're you doing?"

His eyes flit to me. "Looking up how to seduce a virgin."

My jaw drops. "What?"

Jude breaks into laughter, pointing at my face. "You should have seen your face."

I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth and swat his hand away.

"So it's confirmed you're a virgin," he says through a wide grin.

I glare at him and turn over to my side, showing him my back. I'm waiting for him to make another sex-related comment and I'm out of here. He doesn't say anything else, however, and a few minutes later the lights in the room go off. It isn't completely dark however because of the moonlight spilling in through the windows.

I feel his warmth even before I feel his body slide in right behind mine. I stiffen, at the same time my insides doing a little happy dance. As if I'm not confused enough already, I feel his legs against mine.

His bare legs.

Wait, wasn't he wearing sweatpants?

Holy crap.

Did he... Did he take them off?

Is he just in his-

"At you mad at me?" his voice suddenly whispers in my ear.

"No!" I reply immediately, a result of nerves and slight panic, not even having registered the question fully.

"Oh," he says with relief. "Good, I don't want you to kill me in your dreams."

"Uh?"

"You know, when you dream of me?"

I respond with a loud exasperated sigh.

He chuckles, then pulls away.

My eyes are wide open, not a single lick of sleep anywhere near me.

"Are you sleepy?" his voice breaks through the silence a while later. "I can't sleep. It's too early to sleep anyway." He shakes me. "Jo?" "Yeah?"

"Good, you can't sleep either."

The lights come on. I turn onto my back while he sits up.

"Feeling better?" he asks, smiling down at me.

"Uh?"

"From earlier."

I return his smile and nod. "Yeah."

"Good." He leans downwards towards me, resting his elbow on a pillow. "Do you want to play that game?"

"What game?"

"The question game? I never got to ask you anything."

"Oh. It wasn't a game, Jude. You were earning your board."

He groans. "Can you not ruin the moment please?” he whines.

I adopt a clueless look. "What moment."

His eyes narrow into slits. "You know, you have a real smart mouth, Jo."

I give him my best smile. "Thank you."

His face turns thoughtful, then he taps his forefinger against his chin. "I wonder if it'll still be as smart if I kiss it senseless?"

"You could try and see."

My brain resumes work right after I let that stupid sentence slip and my stomach drops. What did I just do? I bite down on my lip and look over Jude's shoulder, avoiding his penetrating gaze. "You want me to kiss you?"

"No." I turn onto my side again, away from him. I fake a yawn. "Looks like I'm sleepy after all."

His hand grabs my shoulder and turns me back onto my back. "It doesn't work that way, dear."

My wide eyes meet his bright blue ones. His hand appears in my line of sight, two fingers raised. "You have two choices." He pauses. "Answer my questions or," he tilts his head. "I'm so going to kiss you." "You can't force me to kiss you," I blurt.

His brow lifts. "I think we both know there will be no force involved or required."

I sigh and hold his gaze head-on. "Fire away."

"Why have you never had a boyfriend?"

"Asks the guy who has only ever had one girlfriend even with hundreds lining up," I quip.

"I'm pretty sure our reasons vary."

I perk up. "Oh, so it's true?"

His eyes slide shut slowly, a clear show of impatience. "Keep hesitating and we'll jump right to choice number two."

"Seriously though, Jude. Why-"

My words, my breath and thoughts get cut off as his face swoops down and his lips cover mine.

"I was hoping you would disregard the rules," he whispers against my lips then dives into the kiss.

My traitorous eyes fall shut. My traitorous legs tangle with his. My traitorous hands go around his neck and fist in his hair.

All without a single resistant thought.

Guess I'm a traitor myself.

Our lips move in a slow dance, not getting too deep.

As you reach the final pages, remember that 000005s.com is your destination for the complete story. Share the joy of reading with others and spread the word. The next chapter is just a visit away! Jude pulls away again, his lips barely brushing against mine. "You're responding too eagerly for someone being forced."

If my mind was working, I might have changed it.

But it isn't, it's just one addled mess that gives an internal sigh when he finally stops his smug blabbering and rejoins our lips.

His hand is already toying with the hem of his vest. On my thigh. Delicious licks of desire thread through my lower body, and I give way easily when one of his knees tries to pry my legs open. I tighten the hold of my hands on his hair. It's as if I'm subconsciously trying to keep them from lowering to stop him. I'm enjoying this and the bigger part of me wants to see where it's going.

Scared me is still in the vicinity though, trying to break through the haze of lust that has overcome me and remind me a few reasons why this is not such a good idea.

My hands release their grip and go lower, but only to feel the corded muscles of his shoulders. I drag them to the front, feeling his pecs and his abs. He makes a sound against my lips, and his hand grabs one of my legs and hooks it around his hips. I gasp out loud, breaking our kiss when he presses our lower bodies together, grinding his erection into me. My eyes fly open to replace his blue ones looking down at me.

"You drive me crazy," he whispers.

And so do a thousand other girls, my subconscious whispers in a tone that sounds like she's relaxing on a beach somewhere, pitying my life.

I swallow hard, lost for words. I don't want to fall for empty sweet nothings, but heaven knows every single thread of my body wants to believe him.

Jude bumps the tips of our noses together. "I wish you wouldn't put too much thought on it."

The sound of a phone ringing blares through the room, breaking through the tension. From the ringtone, I know it's not mine.

Jude's face falls. "That's Jade's ringtone."

I release a breath I wasn't aware of holding.

It's just Jade.

"I would ignore it but if she's calling this late I think I better answer,” he explains.

I shrug. "It's cool."

He climbs off me and reaches for his phone on the bedside cabin.

"Hey," he answers, running his hand through his hair.

"Jude!" He has her on loudspeaker. "I need your help."

He settles back beside me, placing the phone on the pillow he's leaning on. "What's up?"

"So, uh, do you think it's too early to..." She breaks off. "Oh my God, this is embarrassing."

A knowing smile curves his lips. "Too early to do what Jade?"

"Tell him I like him."

My brow arches.

"Tell who?" Jude pursues.

I hear Jade's groan clearly over the line. "You know who!"

Jude grins. "No, I think I forgot, please remind me."

I reach over and clobber his head and mouth 'stop'.

Jade huffs. "Never mind, forget I-"

"Okay, fine, I'm sorry! So, you want to tell him you like him?"

"Yes, is it too early? Should I wait for him to say it first? I just want to get it off my chest!"

"Go for it, then."

"For real?"

"Yeah, tell him."

"What if he thinks... What if... What would you think if a girl confessed to you before you did to her?"

"If it was a girl I like, I'd be thrilled."

"What if he doesn't like me?"

Jude gives an exasperated sigh. "Are we seriously going through this again?"

She gives a breathless laugh. "Sorry."

"Relax, sis. The guy is crazy about you, he would marry you if you asked."

"Uh, you're one to talk, Jude. How is it going with my future sister-in-"

"Shut up Jade!" Jude warns.

My eyes widen as I study his face, his eyes landing everywhere but on me.

"Shit, do you have company?" Jade asks in a whisper.

It's so funny given she's on speakerphone.

"No."

"Well then, we can talk about her, yeah?"

"No. I have to go Jade. You got your advice yeah?"

"Yes but-"

"Good night."

"Wa_"

Jude hangs up on her.

"Rude Jude," I mutter, acting like it wasn't me Jade was blabbering about at the end. Unless she wasn't talking about Trey, and we all know she was. Dare I ask?

As you reach the final pages, remember that 000005s.com is your destination for the complete story. Share the joy of reading with others and spread the word. The next chapter is just a visit away!

"I'm only being self-preserving," Jude claims, throwing his phone onto the cabin. "That girl can talk your ear off."

"Can she?" I muse.

He gives me a sidelong glance, then hooks a hand around my waist and hauls me on top of him. I end up straddling his stomach while he lies there, looking up at me.

"If your brother hurts even a hair of hers-"

"Misplaced warning, Jude."

He shrugs. "Just thought you should know who will be responsible if your brother loses his perfect teeth."

I arch an eyebrow. "Oh really."

His hands land on my hips and trail up and down, up and down. "You can always believe on sight."

I shrug. "Okay."

He smiles.

What follows is a staring episode that leaves me feeling awkward in the position I'm in. And yes he did get rid of his sweatpants, but in place are cotton shorts that are a little more decent than a pair of boxers.

What am I doing?

"I need to tell you something, Jo."

The serious tone of his voice and his steady gaze have the cogs in my brain turning, and a wave of nerves riding over me. I nod.

He traces invisible circles on my thigh with his forefinger. "I don't want to lose our friendship. So if us messing around like this can ruin that, please stop me."

My heart throbs in my chest from the weight of his gaze and the meaning I can feel behind his words. He is serious. His gaze also looks pleading, almost like he's hoping for me to say no, it won't ruin anything. But I know myself and if after this he still messes around with other girls I'll feel stupid and I wouldn't relate to him in the same way again.

I smile tightly. "Then we had better not mess around, yeah?"

At least our friendship means something to him.

Looking into his eyes hurts all of a sudden. Ache fists around my chest. It feels like I'm losing something that I really want and have had for only a very short time.

Maybe if he wanted this as much as he wanted the friendship, then we could have both.

Is he not attracted to me enough?

I make a move to get off his lap but his hands are still holding on to me.

"Jude," I breath, staring at his chest.

"You look so down, making that choice."

I say nothing and don't look up at him either.

"You're so convinced I'll hurt you."

I thread my fingers together and study them. "You said as much, remember?"

His fingers now play with the hem of his vest. "Actually, I was a little pissed off."

My eyes shoot back up to his face in surprise. "What?"

He shrugs. "You rejected me."

I shake my head. "I didn't!"

His eyes meet mine. "You said you couldn't be with me."

I bite down on my lip. "I know it was deserved," he continues. "It isn't any secret that you were right. But I just... Some part of me was hoping that during these months we've known each other you had seen a side of me that overshadowed the bad one. That you thought of me as just... Jude, not some bad boy." He pauses. "But then again you can't separate those two, can you?"

"Can you tell me that you were not with any girl after our...kiss?"

He works his jaw, and I get my answer even before he opens his mouth.

“I'd be lying if I said no. It wasn't the best two weeks of my life, and I've always relied on sex too much in times like that. I have to say, however, for the first time it felt so fucking pointless in the end because it didn't relax me in any way. Soon

as she left my thoughts would be back here, torturing me again. And I couldn't really get high most of the time, not while on the job."

I nod, trying not to form mental images of Jude fucking some girl.

"What if I said we can mess around?"

"I wouldn't do anything to disrespect you."

I swallow hard, and the Jo from a few months ago wouldn't believe this possible. Me, considering being...

Being...

Shit, is this what they call friends with benefits?

Only we wouldn't have sex.

...

...right?

He just said he relies on it a lot.

"And I wouldn't pressure you into anything you're not comfortable with," he adds, as if aware of the battle in my head.

I can already feel a decision forming in my head.

I know what I want to say.

I know what I will say.

I let out a huge breath.

"Let me sleep on it."