Knowing Jude
Chapter 58

"I need you to stay away from Jude."

I stare at my father across his study desk and wonder whether I heard him right.

"What?" I ask. When he called me to his study, I didn't think my boyfriend was going to be the topic of discussion. Maybe my plans now that high school is behind me and I have several months before leaving for university, but not this. Dad clasps his hands on top of his desk and leans toward me. "I'm his doctor, and I'm your father. I have both of your best interests at heart. He's like a son to me. And right now, what's best for him is that he stays away from you." I press a finger to my temple. "We are not doing anything wrong, if that's what you're worried about," I say, my gaze fleeting to the ceiling. "And I don't want to stay away from him; he's my boyfriend!" He nods. "I know."

I look back at him. "I love him. I can't just stay away from him." "Jude's not well-"

"He's fine! His wound healed just fine," I claim, referring to the stab wound he got some three weeks ago. He lost a lot of blood and had to spend three days at the hospital. He became stubborn and left the hospital earlier than advised, and ended up getting it infected because he couldn't sit still and nice like a good invalid, getting him back to his hospital bed. His wound is almost healing completely, leaving a scar behind. He keeps taking photos of his stomach and complaining about how it looks bad on him. I assured him it would work miracles for his sex appeal.

"What sex appeal if it never works on you?" He had asked.

"He doesn't even do any of those destructive things anymore," I remind Dad. "He doesn't fight, he doesn't smoke, he doesn't even drink anymore! Not since we started dating."

All that is true, how then can he say that we should stay away from each other? It makes no sense at all!

"He also spends every single minute he can with you, yes?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"Is he possessive?" "What?"

"Overprotective?"

"A bit, I think, but-"

"Clingy?"

"Dad-"

"He's also not planning on accepting any of the scholarships he has received for university, is he?"

I shrug. "I'm trying to get him to change his mind."

"He doesn't care."

"I don't think that's the case."

"I need you to listen carefully and understand me, Jo," he says, shifting in his seat and his face becoming softer. "You've taken every space there is to be occupied in Jude's life. He doesn't feel like he needs anything else. His addictions, his drugs, his ambitions... You slide into all those slots and fit, and now you're his new drug."

"What? That doesn't even make sense!"

"He's obsessed with you," he says calmly.

I frown. "Obsessed?"

"It happens a lot, especially when someone is depressed. They replace this thing or person, and it gives them meaning and a sense of belonging. It becomes the centre of their world. They can't see or think about anything else. They get trapped. Their obsession becomes their world."

"But-"

"That's what you are to Jude," he concludes.

"You're reading too much into this, Dad. Jude's in love with me and just loves to spend time with me!" That's totally normal, right? "I also like spending every moment I can with him, so maybe we're both obsessed." Dad's half-smile is almost sympathetic. "I know it's hard to accept."

"It's not true."

"Jo, Jude knows. He cares about you and doesn't want to trap you. He knows what's going on is not right, and he wants to get better."

I straighten up in my chair. "He talked to you?"

"He knows what he has to do, and it's very hard on him. I'm sending him somewhere."

"What are you talking about? Sending him where?"

"He needs to focus on things that meant something to him, and he also needs treatment." "Jude is fine!"

"Avery-"

"No!" I rise from my seat. "I don't want to hear anymore."

I leave Dad's study room, slamming the door behind me in case he missed how enraged he made me. I can already feel the tears burning behind my eyes.

"Jo?" Mum's voice calls to me calmly. She's standing in the living room, looking at me. In pity. She doesn't believe that bullshit Dad is trying to feed me, does she?

I don't stay around to replace out. I grab my jacket where I dropped it earlier and leave the house, thinking of the fastest way to get to Jude's.

Ten minutes later, I jump out of Isaac's car and run towards the Adams's front door. I ring the bell, then try the handle, and the door gives way.

"Jude?" I call, getting into the living room.

Cole appears from a hallway leading into the ground floor rooms. It's past seven o'clock, but he's dressed up as if he has somewhere to be. "Jo? What are you doing here?" "Where's Jude?" I ask.

A tear escapes my eye, and I wipe it away. There's no way I'm believing Dad's words.

Cole comes towards me, a wary look on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I just need to see Jude."

"I don't think now is a good time," he says, casting a look upstairs.

I say nothing and head for the stairs.

"Jo, wait!" he calls, but I'm already rushing up the stairs.

Jude had better be up there. He had better.

Cole is rushing after me, so I go faster. He catches me, however, at the landing of the second floor. His arms close around my waist, and he holds me against his body. "Please, Jo. Leave him alone. The moment he sees you, all the effort he has made will be for nothing, and he might not go at all. He can't see you right now."

I claw at Cole's hands, despair truly taking over me. "Let me go. I have to see him."

"You can't. Please, Jo, if you love him, you have to stay away."

He's now dragging me away from Jude's room and into another room. The fight drains out of me as I start crying.

"Is he okay? Is he sick? Please, I want to see him," I plead, standing helplessly in Cole's arms.

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I don't understand. This morning, Jude came by at mine, roused me in my sleep, and took me out for breakfast. School ended a week ago, and we've had all the time in the world together. My parents know about our relationship now, and he doesn't have to sneak through the window to get into my house. Though he still does when he spends the night, of course.

I don't understand what changed in the few hours we've been apart. He seemed fine. He said we'd go out someplace tomorrow.

What is this nonsense now, that I can't see him?

"He's going to be fine, then he's going to come back to you," Cole tells me.

"Where's he going? He is leaving?"

Is he gone already?

"Is he leaving me?" I whisper, my heart shattering into a million pieces. How can he do that, just when I've fallen in love with him?

"He's going to get better for you."

The door to the room pushes open, and Jude appears. He's dressed up like he really is going somewhere. His eyes land on me, and his face freezes.

His eyes shift quickly to Cole.

"I'm ready," he says, then steps back.

"Jude!" I scream his name, but he doesn't come back.

Cole lets go of me to follow him, and I dash forward. Jude is just starting down the flight of stairs, dragging a suitcase with him.

"Jude! What's going on?" I ask, but he doesn't spare me a glance.

I catch up to him and grab his arm. He snaps it away from my hold and hurries downstairs.

"Stop and talk to me!" I yell, grabbing his arm again.

He stops and turns. He pries my hands away from him, looking behind me at Cole. "Keep her away from me, Cole. I'll be fine."

Cole's hands wrap around my body. Jude turns around, grabs his suitcase handle, and proceeds on his way downstairs.

Tears stream down my face silently as I stare in shock.

He's really leaving me.

He doesn't even want to talk to me.

He can't even look at me.

How did I get here?

"Where are you going?" I scream down at him, thrashing in Cole's arm. "Jude!"

"Please calm down, Jo," Cole pleads with me.

Calm down? How exactly am I supposed to do that? The love of my life is walking away from me as if I no longer exist and I'm expected to calm down?

"Are you breaking up with me?" I yell, my voice angry. "Come on, just say it!"

Jude stops in his tracks. I catch my breath.

Oh God, no. I'm not right, am I?

"Don't stop, Jude," Cole tells him.

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I watch with bated breath as Jude lowers his suitcase to the carpeted floor, then slowly turns. The first thing I notice is the tears in his eyes. His blue eyes are shining and watery, and it looks like the tears will flow any moment now. The pieces of my heart fall, aching for him.

"Jude," I whisper, reaching a hand out to him. All anger seeps from me like water out of a broken pot. "What's wrong?"

He takes the steps back to us, one at a time. Slowly, as if with great effort.

"Don't do this to him, Jo."

I ignore Cole and concentrate on Jude.

He stands right in front of me. His right hand lifts and caresses my cheek. "I would never break up with you," he says.

That should make me happy, but the sad look on his face is killing me slowly. "Where are you going? Can I come with you?"

He shakes his head. "Please let me go. I need to get better, Jo. You would get fed up with me after a while, and I might end up hurting you and other people. I don't want to do that." He swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I don't want to hide behind you and make you my clutch. I'll only bring you down with me. When I come back, I want to be able to love you in the truest and purest way possible."

I can hear in his voice his desperation for me to understand, and maybe that's the only reason I nod. I trust him. If he feels he needs this, I should support him. I do not understand it fully at the moment, but I'm sure Dad has all the information. I need.

Cole finally lets me go and I wrap my arms around Jude, burying my wet face in his chest. I hold him tighter than I ever have before, committing this moment to mind.

"How long?" I mutter.

"The moment I'm good enough for you, I'll be back to you because it's where I belong."

"We'll talk on the phone, right?"

Silence ensues for a considerable moment, then he says, "Your father will explain everything."

I open my mouth to say something, but he pulls me away from him. "I have to go now. Your presence is breaking my resolve."

I nod and take a step back, then move forward to kiss him.

He turns his face and my lips hit his cheek.

"Please, I can't," he begs, voice breaking.

Cole's hand wraps around mine from behind.

You're his new drug, Dad's voice echoes in my brain.

He's trying to quit me, and here I am, trying to give him a hit.

But what if he grows out of love with me? Because that's what they're saying, right? He's leaving to get over what he has for me.

What if it all goes?

The bad, and the good also?

"You'll take care of her, bro," he addresses Cole.

"You know I will."

He nods, gives me one last look, and turns away again. He bends to pick up his suitcase and continues on his way.

I let Cole hold me as my love walks away from me, taking my heart with him.

With no idea of where he is taking it, or when I'm getting it back.

END OF BOOK ONE.