Lady Dhampir
Chapter 184

My Dearest Older Sister,

How it saddens me to reminisce about the tears I've left you with upon my departure. I shall always consider myself so blessed to have had at least one woman, in this world, that could lose her precious tears on me. I am most sorry about all the pain my decision has inflicted on you, and my only redemption will lie with the hope that, someday, you will learn to understand why a bastard child like me could only replace his salvation on a battlefield.

Your kind and generous heart blinds you to the reality of our world, it is perhaps your saddest flaw. You don't know, my beloved sister, how you are the only one in our family to lay your kind blue eyes, full of warmth like a clear sky embraced by the sun, on the bastard son our Father brought to the De Winter's home. You don't know how cold-hearted, manipulative and cruel the members of the House De Winter can be, in their icy hearts that characterize those cold-blooded dolls. I wish all of your kind words and thoughts had been able to erase the shame and the pain of this egoistic boy. Over the years, I have tried to follow all of your advice as if it were God's command, and yet, no matter how hard I raise my head, I will always carry on me the stain of our Father's mistake on my skin, in my blood. I see it in the eyes of the woman I call Mother, in the eyes of a brother who hates me as if I wasn't of half the same blood as his. I won't shy away from admitting that, if anything, your presence has been my only recourse in all these years, and I have been going to you as others go to Church, seeking hope or salvation.

Cry not, my beloved older sister, for I am sure I have taken the right path, and the right decision. I will confess, the happiness of our brother, once I announced my decision, was the first smile of his ever addressed to me, and yet, it brought me nothing but cold wind, as icy as his heart. I have long given up on playing this farce our family has tried to entertain others with all this time. Rather than remaining in the shadows, please allow me to go and shine where I might finally be allowed to show the light I carry within, that very same light you've been the only one to be the aegis of.

Although, I have yet to report of any amazing accomplishments I wish I could make you proud with. We have been traveling away from the Capital for about a week now, but there is yet to happen any battle, aside from a couple of skirmishes between the most hot- blooded fellows I have been given to see. Each General and Commander has been trying to keep their soldiers in tight ranks, but the long, long hours of walking aimlessly is starting to take a toll on my fellow soldiers, and I am grateful for the escapades we are allowed to take outside the group to hunt.

Someone congratulated me for my fine skill as a shooter today, my beloved sister, and I can't put into mere words the amount of joy it has brought me. I don't think anyone else but you has ever paid close enough attention to me, aside from yourself, that they'd actually spare a compliment to me. Things here are different from the Capital. The Commander in Chief has established an invisible system that omits all blood, titles and seems to wipe even that stain of a bastard off my back for the first time. People call me by my name, and most seem to even go as far as forget which Noble House this one is from, as they congratulate Philip, a young man from the Fifth Division.

With this letter, my beloved older sister, I hope to bring you a smile and the comforting thought that I am finally happy where I stand. I am keeping your precious gift close to my heart, for if I lay lifeless on the battleground someday, I want to be blessed with your memory to carry into the arms of God.

If I am blessed to return, with the elation of victory preceding my steps, I hope to be able to start anew, just like I have been allowed to here. I want to forgo the name of De Winter, and be a simple man, a Knight in its splendor, entirely devoted to our blessed, beloved Queen. Arseus can keep his title, his money, his lineage. All I need is my beloved sister, the sunshine of my life, to be happy, while I shall only use my sword for your sake. God be my witness, my beloved sister, I will solely fight for your sake, and that of your child. I rejoice most at the idea of once seeing the face of a baby that carries the likes of you, and I shall serve, for as long as needed, the heir to the throne that carries your blood and legacy.

Please remain safe, and smile when you think of that foolish little brother of yours.

With all my heart,

Philip.