Shiiit.” Rolling over, I drag a pillow over my head.

Why is it so bright in here?

I must’ve forgotten to pull down my blackout blinds last night.

Face pressed into the mattress, my eyes pop open.

Oh my god! Last night!

Cautiously, I extend my hand across the mattress. Checking to see if the big hulking man I went to sleep with is still here. But the bed’s empty and the sheets are cool to the touch.

I pull the pillow off my head and prop myself up to confirm my replaceings by sight.

My eyes squint against the light- and yep, no one else is here.

I’m alone.

Again.

Shifting slowly, I push the rest of the way up until I’m sitting. My head’s aching but not as much as I expected, and my stomach feels okay – thank you sandwich – and I really have to pee. But all in all, I’m not worse for wear.

Rubbing my temples, I’m starting to question if I imagined everything that happened last night. I mean that man could definitely qualify as a dream.

My room looks exactly the same and that makes me question myself even more, as though having someone in my house would suddenly redecorate the place. But then my eyes catch on a black hoodie slung over the chair in the corner of my room.

“Axel!” I say his name out loud, like the sweatshirt might reply with its own greeting.

Rolling my eyes at myself, I slide out of bed and automatically reach for my phone.

Tapping the screen to check for messages, blackness greets me. Great, forgot to plug the thing in last night again.

Shaking my head, I pad over to the chair.

Like a greedy kid snatching candy, my fingers dart out and close around the material. With literally zero shame, I hold the shirt up and press my face into the soft cotton, inhaling deeply.

My eyes close and images of Axel fill my mind. His handsome face. His big, tattooed hands. His greying wavy hair. His eyes.

I take another deep breath.

Those eyes. The lightest, purest blue I’ve ever seen. They seemed to see right into me. And it should’ve been unnerving, but on him it just made me feel warm. Seen. Loved.

My eyes open and I let my hands fall to my side.

Loved. Ha!

I plop into the chair, holding the sweatshirt on my lap.

What does it say about me that one evening with a man is all it takes for me to fall in love?

Not that I’m actually in love with Axel. I’m not. It’s just that he made me feel like maybe I could be. Like maybe I could mean something to him. And isn’t that the most dangerous feeling in the world?

My vision blurs and I clench my teeth, blinking away my weakness.

Don’t be stupid, Maddie. It was just a-

Even my inner bitch can’t finish that sentence. It was just a what? A date? It wasn’t even that. A one-night stand? Not really. We didn’t, you know. And he didn’t…

My face flames, the shimmer on my lower lids returning.

I can’t even do a one-night stand right.

Axel was nothing but kind. A true gentleman. And I dragged him into my house, rubbed myself on him until I came like some sort of inexperienced virgin, and then passed out without even offering to return the favor.

And this is why you’ll die alone.

Bang! Bang!

A scream jolts out of my throat and I almost pee myself at the sound of someone pounding on my front door.

“Shit, shit, shit.”

I scramble out of the chair and yank Axel’s hoodie on, zipping it up as I hurry down the hall to the front door.

There’s a split second where I think it might be Axel himself on the other side, slamming his fist against the wood, wanting back into my home and into my bed. But reality quickly whispers in my ear. He wouldn’t have left if he was just going to come back. He snuck out in the middle of the night because he didn’t want to stay. He left because he wasn’t interested.

Pain blossoms in my chest and I shove my hand against the spot that aches. But it doesn’t help. All I feel is the cool metal of the zipper pressing into my skin.

Another knock sounds when I’m just a step away.

“Coming!” I try to call out, but my voice cracks.

“Maddie, open up!”

I recognize my best friend’s voice, only instead of making me smile, I feel my eyes fill with more tears.

More knocking.

Knowing I can’t put this off any longer, I unlock the handle and pull the door open.

“Finally!” Elouise drops her hand, poised for another round of banging on my door. “You can’t send me all those texts about some random guy driving you home and then not…” Her words trail off as her eyes widen in horror, darting all over my body. “Oh my god!” She steps inside and swings the door shut behind her. “Maddie, are you okay? Did he hurt you?!”

“W-what?” I look down to see what has her so worried. But all I can see is Axel’s 3XL black zip-up. “I’m-” I stop.

Zipped up, Axel’s shirt covers me from knees to neck, obscuring the pajamas I’m wearing underneath. And I haven’t looked in a mirror yet, but I can only imagine what my previously straight but now frizzy hair looks like. My fingers reach up and brush against my cheek, remembering that I didn’t take my makeup off last night – not wanting to scare him away with a completely bare face – so I’m sure my mascara is a mess.

On top of that, my fingertips come away damp, and I remember I’m crying.

I’m crying because I’m a big giant baby who doesn’t know how to make a man stay with her. And who also doesn’t handle rejection well. Two things that don’t go well together.

“Maddie?” Elouise’s voice is cautious. “Will you tell me what happened?”

“I’m fine.” I shake my head, “I promise it’s nothing bad. Not like what you’re thinking.”

“But you’re crying!” her tone is back to near hysterical, and it makes my mood feel just a little bit lighter.

I lift a shoulder and give her a small smile, “I’m just having a bit of a pity party. You’re welcome to join in the festivities if you want.”

Elouise narrows her eyes at me, “You sure?”

My head nods, “I’ll tell you everything.” I shift my weight. “But I need to pee.”

She snorts and rolls her eyes. “Fine. Go pee. But you’re making coffee to pay me back for scaring me half to death.”

“That’s fair,” I keep my sniffles quiet as I turn and hurry to the bathroom.

Door firmly closed behind me, I flip on the light and cringe at my reflection because it’s even worse than I’d imagined.

With a groan, I turn away from the mirror and hurry to relieve myself. And sitting there, with my silky shorts around my ankles, I accept that I may be overreacting.

As I stand, I also accept that I need out of these pj’s. The top is probably fine, but the shorts… well those aren’t fine.

Moving as quickly as my achy and hungover body will allow, I strip down to nothing, scrub my face, brush my teeth and wrangle my frizzed-out hair into a messy top knot.

Digging through the clothes hamper in the corner, I replace a pair of sweatpants. And if memory serves, they’re basically clean so I tug them on.

Standing topless, I stare at my discarded tank top but can’t get myself to put it back on. Instead, my eyes trail over to Axel’s hoodie, where I left it balled up on the vanity.

Don’t do it, Maddie.

Shove it in the hamper.

Throw it away.

Do literally anything with it except get attached.

If my life was The Truman Show the audience would be yelling and groaning as I pick up the hoodie and slowly put my arms through the sleeves. And when I zip it up to the chin and bring the material up over my nose to take another inhale of his scent, they’d probably start throwing rotten fruit. But whatever, my life doesn’t have an audience. There’s no one here to judge me.

A clatter in the kitchen drags my attention back to reality.

Time to face the music called Elouise.

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