LOST
Love is a Burning Dream

“Where am I?” Stew said. He could see that he was in a room with slate black walls without any furniture, and his hands and feet were bound to some kind of wooden pole, but he knew nothing else.

“Do you not know?” a voice whispered in both ears at once.

“Who was that? Who the hell said that?”

“You don’t recognize my voice?” the voice said at a normal volume.

“No, I don’t recognize your voice. Now, what the hell am I doing tied to this pole?”

Stew was suddenly engulfed in flames reaching over his head and he began to scream. Just as quick as they came, the flames vanished.

“What the… Holy crap! Wait. That didn’t hurt. I was on fire. Why didn’t that hurt? Am I dead? Oh, God. I’m in Hell. Well, that still doesn’t explain why the fire didn’t hurt. I thought Hell was a pit of eternal torture. Where’s the torture in flames that don’t burn?”

“You must discover who you really are,” said the voice. “Only then can you be free.”

“What the hell… What does that mean?”

“Become who you are.”

“Am I not that person already?”

The voice did not respond, so Stew implored again, “Who are you?”

“I am you… Stewart Kasey.”

“Okay, you’re me… and who am I?”

The flames rose again, and again they did not hurt, though he still screamed. From the flames, it seemed, there was another voice. Far away. A female voice. It didn’t sound as though she was talking to him. As the voice got closer, Stew noticed that it sounded like she was reading a story. Then, suddenly, the new voice was silent.

Alex had taken a break from reciting her speech as she found herself extremely hungry and unable to wait any longer for Mr. and Mrs. Kasey to return with a sandwich. She dug through her backpack and found a package of Captain’s Wafers. She opened the package and put a cracker in her mouth, not noticing the stirring in the bed next to her.

As she crunched, she noticed that Stew’s eyes began to flicker open. “Ho-ey crap-ph!” she said with a full mouth, spraying cracker bits all over the room. He squinted, blinked and slowly brought his hands to his face to rub his eyes. He looked around and saw Alex sitting beside him with her mouth agape, cracker bits hanging on her lips.

“You’re awake!”

“Holy crap! Who are you?” Stew replied. His eyes were wide and anxious as sweat rolled down his forehead.

“Ummm…,” she covered her mouth as she desperately tried to finish chewing. “Alex.”

“Were you just reading something?”

“I was reciting a speech. Why?”

“I think it was in a dream I was having just now. I was on fire. Am I supposed to know you? Because I don’t. And what happened? Where am I?”

“No. You don’t know me. I stayed with you so your parents could get some breakfast. Speaking of… I should give them a call and tell them you’re awake.”

Alex went out into the hall so she could use her cellphone, leaving Stew to wonder just what was going on. He pushed the “call nurse” button on the plastic railing on his bed. When the nurse’s voice came through on the speaker, he said, “Um… I’m awake and I’m starving. Can I get a breakfast menu, please? Thank you.” He turned on the television and “Meet the Press” was on. “Meet the Press? So, it’s Sunday? I missed fricking ScreamFest. Damn it!”

Alex hurried into the room, “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just missed a horror film festival yesterday. I’m guessing it was yesterday and not last week.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Alex said on the phone. “He was talking about some movie thing that he missed. Okay. We’ll see you in a couple minutes, then.” She closed her phone and put it in her pocket. “Your parents were on their way back already.”

Stew could hear the hurried steps of the nurse’s shoes coming down the hallway. She appeared in the doorway with a very pleasantly shocked look on her face. She just stood there for a moment and smiled, silently.

“I’m starving. Can I get some eggs, pancakes or something?”

“Sure,” she said, nervously chuckling. “Of course. Oh my goodness.” She disappeared from the doorway again, but Stew could still hear her randomly exclaiming, “He’s awake,” and “Oh my.”

“Okay. He’s only been in a coma for less than three days. It’s not ‘Awakenings’,” Alex said, annoyed by the nervous nurse.

“So, who are you again? And you never told me what happened.” Stew asked, still a bit confused.

“Alex McDaniel. I helped save your life, actually.”

“Oh. Wow. I have a savior, then,” he said humbly. “Here and I thought you were just some stranger my parents met here at the hospital. And… remind me how my life was in danger… The last thing I remember I was walking down the sidewalk from the movie theater.”

“You were attacked in an alley by two thugs—mafia-type guys. I think they were going to kill you.”

“And you stopped them?”

“Well, it was really this guy and his dog. I sort of came after the fact. But I did call the police and give them a description. And then, I made sure you got to the hospital okay.”

“What about the guy with the dog? Where is he? I want to thank him, too.”

“He didn’t stick around. It was a bit weird.”

“He didn’t give a name?” Before he could get an answer, he heard his mom and dad talking as they walked toward the room. It sounded like they were talking to the nurse. A few moments later, when they were done, Carolyn came into his room.

“Oh, Stewart,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “You have no idea how worried we were.”

“Oh, I can imagine, Mom.”

“Alex, dear. They’re only allowing two visitors at a time.”

“Oh, no problem. I’ll go eat,” Alex said as she gathered up her things. “You can call me later, Mrs. Kasey.” She reached in her pocket, pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Stew. “When you get a chance tomorrow, call Detective Alderman. She’s working your case.” She started for the door and then stopped, “Oh, and… my number’s on the other side of that… if you…” she shrugged her shoulders, embarrassed. “I’ll just… go now. Bye, Stew.” She waved quickly before stepping out the door. Stew was slightly embarrassed as well.

James walked in as Carolyn turned to Stew and smiled slyly, “Sounds like you two hit it off.”

“Hi, Stew,” James said.

“Hi, Dad. Yeah, she’s nice. She saved my life, you know.”

“Yes. I know,” Carolyn said. “You need to call Jade. I would have called but the police took your cellphone and I didn’t know her number.” Stew rolled his eyes at the thought of talking to her. “She’s probably worried sick, Stewart.”

“I vaguely remember talking to her on the phone that day. If I’m not mistaken, it was not the most pleasant conversation. I’ve been trying to break up with her for a couple of weeks now.”

“Why is that, Sweetheart?”

“Because we’re not right for each other, Mom. All she’s concerned about is herself and what the mayoral candidate thinks of her. Watch. I’m going to call her after a while and she’s going to talk about how I screwed up her evening.”

“I’m sure she’s not that bad, Son,” James said. “However, Alex does seem like a nice girl, too.”

“James!” Carolyn scolded him. “Stewart, just call Jade and talk to her. Don’t do anything rash. Let her come visit you. Things will work out.”

“I’ll call her now. Where’s the phone?” Carolyn found it hanging beside the bed and handed it to him. He took it and started dialing. “Jade. It’s Stew. I’m… if you’ll let me finish. I’m in the hospital. I’ve been unconscious since Friday. I was attacked in an alley on the way back to work from the theater. Yes. I guess it happened when I was on the phone with you. I don’t know. The details are a bit fuzzy. I remember walking down the sidewalk. I remember talking to you. I don’t remember anything else. It was just a shortcut. I take it all the time,” he said, slightly raising his voice and starting to get a little defensive. “So, it’s my fault I was attacked?” he nodded and pointed at the phone as if to silently say ‘I told you so.’ “I did not purposely sabotage your whole weekend. Believe me,” he rubbed his head in frustration and accidentally nudged the bandage on the back of his head. “Ow!” he yelled. “What the hell is that?”

“They hit you pretty hard, dear,” Carolyn said, trying to comfort him.

“I don’t know, Jade. Are you coming to visit me? Fine. I’ll see you in a few hours.” He pushed the off button and slammed the phone on the tray table. “Now… what? What did they hit me with?”

“The police found a crowbar in the alley near where you were laying,” James said, being the stronger of the two and better equipped to talk without the built-up emotion of the previous two days hindering his speech. “They’re pretty sure it was that. I’m sure the doctors will be able to explain it better but… you suffered a traumatic brain injury.” Carolyn hid her face as she began to cry. “I believe that’s the technical term. A small piece of your skull was fractured and they had to repair it with a titanium mesh. But the good news is… you’re awake… and you seem to be functioning okay. Your speech is fine. I don’t know that I would try to walk without the doctor’s say-so.”

A nurse’s assistant came in with a plate of food and placed it on the table. “I’m sorry it took so long. They were just cleaning up from breakfast.”

“Thank God,” Stew exclaimed. “If you put a piece of cardboard in front of me and put some butter and syrup on it, I’d probably eat it right now.”

“They made this especially for you, Mr. Kasey. You’ve got eggs, pancakes, bacon, toast, butter, jelly, syrup and some orange juice. Do you need anything else?”

“No,” Stew said, already digging in. “Thank you, very much. Wait. Some coffee, please.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.”

“That took his mind off his head,” James told Carolyn quietly as the CNA left the room. “That sounded stranger when I said it than when I thought it. Well, he’s got his appetite back, anyway.”

“Stewart, we’re just glad to see you awake and smiling,” Carolyn said. “And we hope we can keep seeing your smile. We don’t want anyone to take it away from us again.”

“I love you, Mom,” he said with wet eyes and a full mouth. “I love you, Dad.”

“We love you, too, Son.”

Jade stood in the doorway of Stew’s hospital room for a few moments before he realized she was there. He had turned the overhead light off and just kept the one behind his bed on as he watched the TV guide channel scroll through the lineup. “Where are your parents?” Jade asked, not wanting to know how much longer she would remain invisible.

“Oh… hey. Umm… they went down to the cafeteria for dinner. Have a seat,” he said, clicking the off button on the remote. “Jade—”

“Don’t.” She said calmly, then sat down and touched his hand.

“Don’t what?”

“Apologize. I know it wasn’t your fault.”

“I wasn’t going to apologize.”

“You weren’t?” Her tone shifted to a more acerbic one as she took her hand back and stood up. “What were you going to say, then?”

“That this is not going to work out.”

“You’re giving me the ‘not-going-to-work-out’ speech? From a hospital bed?”

“It’s not a speech. I didn’t rehearse it. I’m just saying what I feel. I’m not you.”

“So, you’re saying I’m stupid and have to rehearse everything I say?”

“No. I’m just saying you’re superficial and you portray yourself in this false image and I feel like you expect me to do the same and I’m not going to do that.”

“Is this why you wanted me to visit you? So you could break up with me?”

“I didn’t want to string it along any further and I wanted to tell you face to face. Would you rather I had done it over the phone?”

“No, I guess not.” Her breathe trembled as she looked down and exhaled. “Well, I’m sorry for…” The words could not get out because of the pride she was having trouble swallowing. She looked at him and lifted the corners of her mouth into a smile. “I wish you the best of luck, Stew. I hope you get better and are able to get out of here soon.”

“Thank you.”

“Say goodbye to your parents for me.” She looked out the window, inhaled and exhaled once more, then turned around and walked out.

Stew turned the TV back on and continued to watch the channel lineup scroll by. Somehow, indecision was a comfort and he drifted off to sleep as the names of TV shows and movies steadily moved up the screen.