Loving the leech (Guardians of Red Moon city #4)
13. Me but not me

Kaylin’s POV

The journey to the council’s headquarters is reserved and tense. The council members aren’t uncomfortable, but I sure feel anxious while sitting in a car with five other high-ranking vampires who can break me in half without blinking. I’m not afraid of them, not at all, but I respect ’my superiors. At the same time, it feels strange that I behave in one way but feel another within me. Maybe it’s because of my sire bond with Joseph? He whispers to me just before we drive away from the Everton house that I should behave like the good girl I am, and I’ve been doing that all along.

I don’t know what happens when my feelings turn off; the only thing I know is that life doesn’t feel as heavy anymore. New opportunities are shining on the horizon, and I feel no guilt. I don’t even know if there are any consequences of turning off my humanity, which makes me stupid. You should never agree to a deal or sign a contract without knowing exactly what the other part requires of you and what consequences it has. I have, and now I don’t see how it’ll end. So far, nothing has happened, but it can at any time, and then I won’t be prepared because I don’t know what I can expect.

Pretend for a moment that you’re in someone else’s body; your personality, thoughts, and memories are still there, but you wear someone else’s skin on the surface. Something like that is how it feels right now, like an out-of-body experience where everything I say or do appears like I don’t give a shit about anyone or anything, which I don’t consider how I feel. Will it always be like this? Will the Everton clan hate me for what I’ve done, even if it’s to ensure their safety? Will William still want me as his beloved, or will he let go of me?

Even though I wrote the letter to all of them where I asked William to move on if they can’t save me, it still hurts a lot inside of me to think about it at all. Is this normal? Shouldn’t I, I don’t know, not feel like this?

“How do you feel, my newborn?” Joseph asks low with a broad mockery grin on his lips.

It doesn’t feel like it’s a good idea, to be honest right now, creator or not. I don’t know how he or the other council members react if I tell that I can still sense things inside me. They may tear me to pieces or use whatever kind of voodoo Joseph tried to use on me again, and then it isn’t positive that I can replace my way back to myself at all. I want and try to tell him that he’s a disgusting pig, that I hope he burns in hell and never comes back. But instead, my mouth answers something completely different.

“I’m fine,” I say, grinning just as big back, which makes Joseph laugh gleefully.

“You can’t even begin to imagine how happy I am to be your creator. Now we’ll just have to train you to become the dangerous snake you have to be to survive inside the arena. We all have high hopes,” he says excitedly.

“Not me. Don’t include me in the dirty half-blood’s fan club,” Felicity says with disgust and scrunch up her nose.

Yeah, we understand; you’re not my biggest fan. That doesn’t mean that you need to open your mouth and notify us all the time. Joseph hisses at her like a snake, and she does the same back. Salazar growls loudly like a lion, and the two members stop abruptly. Vivienne explained how the hierarchy works, and it’s Salazar who’s the oldest in the council, which puts him at the top. No wonder both Joseph and Felicity quiet down. I wouldn’t go against a vampire who’s over a thousand years old, either.

“Sharpen up, or I’ll put you both in the dungeons until you can behave,” Salazar growls.

A few minutes later, we drive through two large iron gates and stop outside a large mansion. On the outside, the house looks like any other in principle; on the inside, though, it’s dominant colors in the rooms. Please don’t misunderstand me when I say that the house can be perceived as any other because it’s certainly not a tiny residence; we’re talking twelve bedrooms that aren’t used and only visited during galas or other similar events. It’s sickly unnecessary to own such a big home if all the rooms aren’t to be used anyway, and then what’s the point of it?

Yes, I’m well aware that these vampires have lived for hundreds or even thousands of years; hence they have ancient money. But still, it has to cost a lot just to heat it, and the electricity bill must be enormous. I simply don’t understand the meaning of this. For me, it’s just unnecessary luxury consumption. But on the other hand, I live a mediocre life without much extravagance and financial security, which is why I can’t speak about something I don’t know anything about.

“Welcome to the vampire council’s headquarters, Ms. Clarkson,” Salazar says, opening a thick wooden door leading to a spacious bedroom. “You’re welcome to move around how you want on the property, but we expect you to follow the schedule we provide you with. The training is mandatory, and you can’t avoid it even if you wish to. We have a deal, and you must maintain your part. If you ever want to meet your beloved again, you’ll have to survive inside the arena.”

I bow respectfully with my head, and he nods before walking out the door again. The room has blood-red walls, a large king-size bed, two large bookshelves full of books, a sofa set, a wardrobe, and a bathroom with black tiles along the walls. There’s not much difference between this room and the one I had at the Everton clan, at least not from a materialistic perspective. If we look at freedom instead, there are significant differences since I can’t leave the premises under any circumstances.

I walk up to the bookshelf and let my index finger caress the books while looking for something that contains information about my mother. After discovering the truth about her, I can’t just ignore it altogether. I need to know more about her and the situation she got thrust into. I sit down on the bed with the heavy book in front of me, ready to plunge into the history of a world I just weeks ago didn’t know existed.

I jump when a knock comes from the door and move to open it. Salazar stands outside and smiles weakly at me. I replace it hard to read him. He doesn’t seem to hate me or want to take advantage of me. Instead, I perceive him as a supportive driving force in the council. Now I know that I can neither trust him nor take for granted that he genuinely wants to help me. But at least I won’t be rude to him as long as he’s respectful to me.

“Mr. Salazar,” I say, bowing.

He laughs low and shakes his head slowly, but it’s not a mean or mocking laugh, but somewhat amused.

“There’s no need to use formalities, Kaylin,” he replies. “I’m just Salazar when we’re alone, okay?”

I nod gently and wonder what ulterior motive there’s with behaving informally in his vicinity. He takes two steps back and sweeps his arm across the hallway to indicate that I should walk out of my room to accompany him wherever we’re going. I follow him through hallways that feel endless while my eyes sweep over all the magnificently beautiful art hanging on the walls. Finally, we reach a large training hall with everything from exercise bikes to handguns. I guess it’s time to start my training.

“You have the basic strength,” Salazar says without looking at me, lifting a training sword off the table. “But what other skills do you have?”

I wonder if it’s a good idea to tell him what I can do. In the end, I conclude that there’s no reason not to tell the truth. In here, I can’t use the strategy that I used at the Everton clan, where they thought I was defenseless. Here I still can’t get away, not without putting my beloved and his family in danger.

“I’ve been training judo since I was a kid and am a good shooter,” I answer and see him nod.

He caresses his chin with his thumb and forefinger while studying me carefully. For some reason, I don’t feel uncomfortable with Salazar staring at my body because it doesn’t feel the same as when Joseph does. Joseph is a disgusting pig; we’ve already established that. But Salazar isn’t perceived that way, rather like Jackie Chan from “The karate kid” when he trains Will Smith’s son. Hence the silent coach who’s kind and wants to help even though he’s perceived as hard on the outside.

“You have the thorough physical strength,” he finally says. “I wonder how you handle a weapon.”

The moment he says it, the weapon flies in the air into my arms. Before I can react, his sword hits my thigh, and I fall to the floor. I quickly get up again and am glad that we use wooden weapons instead of real ones. It’s also clear that he doesn’t use his full strength. If he would do that and we use swords made of sharpened steel, I can guarantee that there would be a bloody body-shaped hole in the wall now.

“What is the first rule of judo?” he asks.

“Never lose your balance,” I answer without hesitation.

“Exactly, if you lose your balance, anything can happen, and in the worst case, you can die if you replace yourself in a dangerous situation.”

He shows me how to stand in the best way and keep the sword in a good grip to not tire out my arms prematurely. The blade is of wood, but it weighs a lot, and that makes it very unwieldy. Instead of scolding me as others probably would, Salazar explains how to proceed and points out my mistakes without criticizing. He repeatedly shows me how to do it and ensures that I understand what to do. I’m grateful that he helps me and condones that I’m practically useless in sword fighting, but that doesn’t mean that I trust him more than I did earlier.

Salazar is a good mentor, and I respect him more for his ability to teach understandably. When I begin to feel the adrenaline rush in my veins, and the blood ignites, he interrupts the training.

“It’s time to stop for today. You need to eat and rest if you’re going to have the energy to continue tomorrow,” Salazar says, putting back the swords on the set table.

“But I’m finally starting to keep up with how to do it!” I exclaim, disappointed.

“Yes, you’ve made great progress today, but you need to rest. Your adrenaline pumps like a steam engine in your veins, and you risk losing control. If that happens, this is no longer a training ground, it’ll be a battlefield, and I don’t want to hurt you. Trying to process too much information and remember it at once makes you unfocused. Even though your body isn’t tired, your brain will be by now,” Salazar says in a soft voice. “Besides, I can hear unquestionably and clearly that your stomach is rumbling.”

He leads me out of the training hall, and while we walk through endless corridors, I can’t help but look at the magnificent art that adorns the walls we pass by again. A particular painting captures my interest; it’s a fantastic portrait of a beautiful woman holding her face in her hands with rose petals scattered around her feet and tears on her delicate cheeks. Salazar doesn’t notice that I stop; hence I hasten to catch up with him before getting lost in a house I don’t know. We reach a dark red door, and when he opens it, my brain stops working.

Around the room, there are people of different ages scattered in armchairs, high as fuck.

“You have to drink directly from the vein,” Salazar points out, and I look at him with horrified eyes.

“I can’t!” I exclaim. “The person will die because I have no control.”

“That’s why we’re here because you’re going to learn how to control it,” he replies. “How do you think you’ll be able to survive inside the arena and in the afterlife of your win if you can’t succeed in managing your blood lust? The risks are great that you hurt someone without meaning to. I’m with you all the time, stopping you before anything dangerous happens.”

I inhale a few times deeply before he leads me to a young blonde man who smiles as we arrive before him. If I didn’t already have a beloved, I’d be sure to jump him and do disagreeable things!

“Kaylin, let me introduce you to Dave,” Salazar says, sweeping his hand toward Dave. “Dave, this is Kaylin. She’s a relatively new vampire and needs to train herself to deal with the craving. Why don’t you help us with that?”

Dave smiles at me and shakes my hand. He has numerous scars on his neck that clearly show that he’s a blood donor, but not the kind you humans use. Who wants to be a voluntary blood donor to vampires?

“Nice to meet you, Kaylin! It’s all right. I know you’ll make it through this,” Dave says, smiling big at me with shimmering eyes.

I nod uncertainly and walk around him while turning his head to give me access to his carotid arteries. My fangs expand from my gums, and I’m just about to bite him when Salazar interrupts.

“Kaylin,” he says, and I look into his eyes that, unexpectedly, resemble my eye color. “Breathe and bite gently; you shouldn’t take too much but stop when you feel a vibrating sensation in your stomach.”

I follow my mentor’s instructions and penetrate Dave’s skin smoothly with my fangs. It’s enough by the first drop of blood to touch my taste buds that the thoughts of how I can tear his throat off and drink him dry flow into my mind.

“Enough, let go slowly. You don’t want to hurt Dave, do you?” Salazar asks.

As soon as Salazar mentions the word “hurt,” my animalistic thoughts disappear, and I follow his instructions again. Slowly I lean back and look uncertainly at the two men, afraid that I may have taken too much or been too rough. A young woman I don’t recognize quickly arrives and hands over a sandwich to my new blood donor before disappearing just as quickly again. Gratefully enough, Dave smiles and gives me a thumbs up.

“You did it, Kaylin!” he exclaims happily. “You’re extremely careful for being a newborn; I barely felt anything at all.”

I smile broadly and wipe away the blood from my dry lips. Salazar stands up and shakes Dave’s hand before walking towards the door. I can’t help but hug Dave like he’s the long-lost friend I’ve been searching for. Gratefully, he hugs me back with the same joy and laughs low at my enthusiasm.

“Thank you so much for your help, Dave,” I say and smile big and then walk to Salazar.

He walks out the door, and before I follow him, I wave to Dave, who does the same back. I close the door behind me and let Salazar lead me through the corridors, but instead of leading me to my room, he takes us to a balcony. He puts his hands on the stone railing and leans against it. I’m not saying anything, waiting for him to start talking and fear that I’ve done something wrong. A chilly breeze ruffles my hair and makes me look up at the star-covered sky above me.

“You haven’t turned off your humanity entirely,” he suddenly says, and I jump by his voice.

He turns around and looks at me curiously. I don’t know what to say or do because it’s clear he knows more than I do about this. All I know is that I felt compelled to follow Joseph’s orders to turn off my feelings.

“There’s no one in the whole vampire history who has ever been able to withstand a sire bond who hasn’t been royal,” he says, and I swallow soundly, afraid of what he’ll do if he replaces out the truth. “Do you belong to a royal bloodline, Kaylin?”

Yes, what should I answer to that? It doesn’t feel like a safe option, telling the truth, but it feels even worse to lie to an ancient vampire right in his face. Even though Salazar has been kind and respectful to me since I got here, I also can’t know for sure that I can trust him. My judgment is hardly the best either, not even usually. Now it’s even worse since I belong to a sire bond with a vampire I despise. I choose to use the answer, which is the best of both worlds.

“I don’t know.”

Surprisingly, he smiles at my answer and begins to chuckle. I don’t understand what’s going on or why he replaces my answer amusing, but on the other hand, I’m not going to question the only creature within a mile radius that treats me like a “human.” Salazar says nothing more but leads me back to my bedroom in silence, and I can practically see how the gears shift inside his head.

“Rest now. Tomorrow comes a new day with more practice than you’ve ever experienced before,” he says before walking out the door, and I’m alone with more questions than anyone has answers to.

A/N:

Hey, everybody!

Kaylin has now started her training, and it seems that Salazar is responsible for it. The only question is, why?

❀ Do you think it’s his own choice to instruct her?

✿ Why do you believe Salazar is noticing something with Kaylin that she doesn’t see?

❀ How do you think Kaylin’s coaching will change her both bodily and personality-wise?

✿ What’s the absolute worst that could happen at the moment?

Please let me know your thoughts since they help me develop in my creative process! Thank you for reading. Lots of love.<3