Magus Star Rising
Chapter Thirty Seven

Forgiveness and Understanding

are footpaths to the Way.

THE SCROLLS OF VANERA

Reparation

Iolyn lay back on the couch, letting the cool breeze wash over her. Here, outside on the third story balcony of her bedroom, the hot afternoon sun seemed to bake all the discomfort from her body.

Looking down on the garden acreage below, Iolyn watched her head gardener, Youdak, and Youdak’s Second, tend to the newly planted vegetable plot. Their hands worked the soil in the old way, tilling, seeding, watering. Both wiped the sweat from their brows as they applied fertilizer and soil additives. Youdak used very little new technology in her work, which was one reason why Iolyn had hired her.

Somehow, once long ago, that had seemed like a novel, romantic notion to her.

Iolyn closed her eyes and breathed deeply. The sweet scent of coronin lilies filled her head; the sounds of bird calls served as a backdrop to the simple, peaceful work below. Yes, she thought, a reluctant smile forming on her lips. Unlike my life, at least my gardens have remained intact.

“Mistress?”

Iolyn opened her eyes and turned to see Behoola waiting at the balcony doors. She stood with her head slightly bowed and her hands clasped in front of her in the traditional pose of second respect. But the accompanying shyness once present in her attitude was gone. Iolyn, even in her weakened state, could see that. Her Head Servant had changed, grown stronger because of recent events although a certain sadness was evident in her manner. Her sister had not yet been found and that certainly must play upon her mind.

Nevertheless, Behoola’s role in the Honin-Zay household would need to change as well. Affecting that change would be one of the last acts Iolyn would perform as lady of the house.

“Yes, Behoola?” Iolyn’s voice was low and weak. The last few suns since the death of her husband and his mistress had been ones of rest, recovery and contemplation. Her skin had returned to its normal light blue color; her features were once more Senitte. But she was still weak and ill, though the severity of both had lessened. The complete eradication of the nanocytes would take some time although the rejection of the alien technology by her body was now less violent.

The doctors had been extremely interested in her condition and had referred her to an off-world clinic. There, they said, she would recover much more quickly and painlessly. Such a trip could be arranged with the permissions of the Karda and the family clan head.

And be another test subject. I will not go through that again.

Behoola’s gaze rose to meet Iolyn’s. “I am sorry to disturb you, mistress, but Simon Weller is here to see you,” she said. “Are you well enough to receive him?”

“Yes, thank you.” Iolyn averted her eyes. Even now, the shame of what she had done burned. How Behoola could stay, even with the trust Iolyn had bequeathed her, how the rest of her servants could remain and take care of her, she couldn’t fathom.

And then there was the matter of living with herself, of being able to face herself every morning. Nunek. What have I done? To you and your unknown mistress? Will there be anyone to mourn her?

“Mistress Honin-Zay.” Simon Weller walked onto the balcony, dressed in a short-sleeved shirt, white pants and shoes. “Good morning.”

“Yes, Master Weller. Thank you for coming. Please, sit down.”

Weller sat in a chair opposite Iolyn. He looked fit and rested but it seemed to Iolyn he, too, was different in some way.

As am I, she thought. And will be so forever.

“Master Weller, you must know that, like with Behoola, meeting with you is not easy for me. Once again I thank you for your help and apologize for deceiving you.”

“Mistress Honin-Zay, there’s no need...”

“Yes, there is. Please. I will get straight to the point. There are no bounds to the shame and humiliation I endure. I will never forget the horror that happened here, some of which was of my own making. Not only did I use you, I... I would have implicated you in my husband’s murder.”

And tried to force you to be with me. She remembered the touch of his lips against hers, the firmness of his body.

“That... that is unforgivable.” She turned away, a lump in her throat, her face and neck warm. It took her a moment to compose herself. “As I judge myself, I await the local law officials’ investigation results as well as the rulings of my clan and my husband’s clan. But before those judgments are passed, before the codes of conduct of both go into effect, I will make some amends for what I have done.”

“You already have,” Weller said. “If you hadn’t convinced Behoola to confront Arshelle, who knows what might have happened. In a way, mistress, you saved us all.”

Iolyn looked down, her eyes stinging with tears. “Vanera will be the judge in that matter.”

She pointed to the small table at Weller’s right. Next to a water pitcher and glasses rested a small, wooden box, plain of design except for the Honin-Zay clan mark etched into the lid.

“Open it, please.”

Weller did so and took out five credit discs and a small, metal data-tube. He looked at Iolyn, puzzled.

“The credit discs are your third and last installment per our original contract.”

“Mistress Honin-Zay,” Weller said. “This is much more than a third. We had agreed...”

Iolyn waved her hand, that small gesture tiring her so that she had to stop and catch her breath. She took a drink of water, inviting Weller to pour his own. “No freza this time,” she said with a small, embarrassed smile.

Weller smiled in return. Why didn’t he hate her? How could he sit so calmly and forgiving? This was an aspect of Terran conduct Iolyn had never discovered in her research. It made her feel even more ashamed.

“I insist you take the entire amount,” she said after another pause. “You must. I owe you and Behoola.” She shifted her position, trying to get more comfortable. “I committed more than one great sin. It is hard for me to face that fact myself.”

“It wasn’t entirely your fault.”

Iolyn sighed. “I do not know. Was I the victim of the Magus Star madness? Am I a coldly calculating murderer? Or the pawn and victim of a renegade Ahnkan? I cannot believe what I must have been thinking!”

“Surely, the last was the cause,” Weller said. “The Karda, despite their laziness at times, know the Ahnka. And they have what’s left of Kazrah’s body. They know how the Ahnka operate and when they see how Kazrah had been augmented, they’ll know you weren’t responsible. We’ve already told them as much. Ortega and I saw how Kazrah affected the Puman with what must have been some kind of implanted mental defenses. He could have altered your judgment in the same way for his own purposes.”

Iolyn shivered. Had she really been under a spell? How could she have even thought of dealing with a creature like Kazrah? Or Arshelle?

“Ah, but I was responsible. At least in part. There must have been a seed there to allow myself to get so involved.” She closed her eyes as a feeling of lightheadedness stole over her. She felt as if she were floating. “I loved my husband once, Master Weller,” she said softly, breathlessly. “I have searched my memories to try to replace when everything changed between us, to try to understand how it could all go wrong.”

“We all have our dark sides, mistress. You felt trapped, desperate, like there was no other way out for you. Believe me, I know that feeling very well.”

Iolyn looked at him. He seemed more at ease. He was behaving the way Behoola had been trying to get her to act--calm, rational, understanding, despite everything. She wondered if Behoola had helped him see the reasons for such behavior like her Head Servant had been trying to help her.

They would be better off without me. “Nevertheless, I cannot tell you what to do with your money but I can ask, suggest, perhaps convince you to, shall we say, invest it in a... sure thing.”

Weller leaned forward, obviously interested despite himself.

Iolyn took a deep breath. She had had plenty of time to consider what she was about to propose. But she still felt unsure. “Perhaps the Karda will be lenient but my clan and my husband’s clan will not. I will be banished, exiled. This house and all its belongings will be deeded to another member of the clan per custom or to anyone, even an off-worlder, who pays the right price.”

Weller gaped in surprise. “You don’t mean...?”

“Yes.” Now Iolyn leaned forward. She had him. Here was a plan she didn’t mind ensnaring him in. And she was sure he wouldn’t mind either. “Lora, credit, money, has always played a strong part in our culture, even before Contact, as it does in most cultures. I entreat you, buy this estate. You can afford it now with what I have paid you. Buy it and keep Behoola and the rest of the staff on. The data tube contains information your solicitor will need. If you do not have one, I can send you to mine. Oh, yes. I have a solicitor. We fems are the monetary heads in our households, after all, a power I still retain until the clans act. During my Terran studies, I saw how important the concept of protecting one’s own interests could be to my situation.”

“But, why give it to me? Why not Behoola or a member of your family?”

Iolyn sighed. “The caste system. As far as Behoola is concerned, how do you say it? Her caste rears its lowly, ugly head. In her present position, she cannot own such property under Senitte law. You, however, can. I know, I know, it is not fair and oftentimes does not make sense. But such a law can be circumvented. My own family?” Iolyn frowned. “Once I entered into marriage, I became a member of my husband’s clan. I haven’t seen my family in a long time. Their participation in this arrangement is forbidden by Senitte social mores also. Plus, I am sure they would not want to deal with me after this... incident.

“But, with you as the master of this house, I know you will give Behoola the position she deserves here. Or, even, a chance to succeed elsewhere.”

Weller looked at her, nodding. Was that a measure of respect she saw in his eyes?

“It’s a good plan but I’d like to think about it,” he said slowly. “There’s a lot to consider.”

“Of course, but, please, do not take too long. Once the clans begin their course of punishment for me, they will move quickly. If we begin this process before they do, it will go much easier.”

Weller nodded and stood up to go. “Master Weller.” Iolyn forced herself to meet his eyes. “You should be very angry, even vengeful. I would understand if...”

“I am angry, Mistress Honin-Zay,” he said. “Or was, I should say, although I still feel pretty pissed now and then, excuse my language.”

“But?”

Weller shrugged. “I’ve seen and gone through enough shit in my time. Behoola and Luis have helped me to see that everything that’s happened here has led to this moment and that, right now, we all have a chance to make something positive of that moment. Stroking corny, isn’t it? And if you would have asked me a year ago if I believed in crap like that I would have laughed.”

Iolyn stared, not understanding.

“What I mean is, there are a couple of old Terran expressions that seem to apply here. ‘Everything happens for a reason’ and ‘Out of something bad comes something good’, simplistic as that sounds. All my life I’ve been running and hiding. I’m not going to do that anymore and, really, I have you to thank for that.” He looked down at the credit discs in his hand. “I’ll do what I can to help out here because of that and I’ll contact you as soon as possible about this proposition of yours.” He looked up and nodded. “Thanks.”

Iolyn watched him leave and then leaned back on the couch. The birds seemed to have stopped singing, the sounds of the work below were silent. All she heard was the beating of her own heart.

Maybe things would turn out all right after all.