Make Me
Chapter THIRTEEN

After we came back from hell, somehow my condition got worse. For about a week now, I had nightmares, and I could barely fall asleep because of them. I was pretty sure Lucifer still fucked something up in my mind, opened one of those doors without me noticing. My past was out, roaming around in my unconscious only to hunt me mercilessly.

Jude came in every night when he heard me scream, only to get shouted at and leave. I didn't shut up until the door closed behind him, I didn't want him near me, in times like that. Or maybe I did and that's why I sent him away. I refused to be comforted by a demon.

The days passed, with me barely getting sleep, and attending college as I was supposed to. I knew something changed in me ever since we've been in hell, something crucial, but I couldn't quite grasp what it was... But nonetheless, Jude felt it too. I was ready for the kill, and we both knew it.

As I got home from the café one night, he was cooking. I greeted him quietly, before throwing myself down in the kitchen, waiting for dinner to be served. I was starving.

"I found him" my eyes shot up to him, as soon as he spoke up, and I held my breath for him to continue.

"You were right, he changed his name and is currently in the nearby city. He became a CEO, but as I heard he has quite a shady reputation if you ask the right people... He currently goes by Harvis Gerone" I grinned as Jude turned to me and put down a large bowl of spaghetti. My mouth watered, not sure because of the finally successful search, or because of the food.

"I also got you a few sleeping pills." he added, as he sat down across from me. I glared up at him before I stuffed my mouth with his brilliant pasta.

"I'm fine"

"That's evident from your night terrors" he remarked sharply, his voice now more demanding than before. We stared at each other intensely, either of us willing to break for the other.

"I don't want to talk about it... Do we have wine?" I wondered, changing the subject. He nodded a little, before motioning with his head, toward the fridge. I stood up and poured us two glasses, placing his next to his plate.

"Do we have to do this always... You know. The wine, you 'accidentally' getting drunk, so tomorrow you can blame me for what happens..." he said in a sing-song voice, before I rolled my eyes, gulping down a good chunk of my drink, before, placing my plate in the washer.

"Shut up, Jude, that had happened once" I barked unentertained. I was not really in the mood to joke about this. I still didn't settle it with myself... Before it was easy to see why my member would act up since Jude was touching me all the time, but in hell... that was not the case. Even now, when I want to help myself, I just remember the feeling of...

I swallowed deeply, touching my lips a little. I was turned away from him, luckily, so he couldn't see the thoughts that were displayed on my face. I closed my eyes trying to collect myself before we continue this conversation. I couldn't help myself, it was almost like a drug, once you take a little, you crave more in an endless loop. But I'd rather die than to admit this.

I still must get to the bottom of that. This... pain thing. I craved it more, ever since he bit me, and not understanding this urge made it worse. Or maybe I was just losing my mind, at this rate. One can last so long among demons before they get inside his head.

I sipped my drink again, turning to face him as I sat on the kitchen counter, crossing my legs lazily.

"Autumn break is soon upon us... We'd have time to take a trip to the city, isn't that right?" I prompted, staring at the velvet liquid in my glass.

Jude hummed a little in agreement, but when I looked up his eyes sat on me in their usual intense manner.

"Indeed." he stood from his place, grabbing his drink, as he walked up to me, forcing me to lean against the kitchen cupboard, so I'd have space to breathe. He was ever so close, but he didn't lean in to kiss or to touch me in any way shape or form. It was almost like he just wanted to prove a point for both of us... It was hard staying away. But I was good at it. Neither of us was willing to break our will for the other.

"It's unbearable, isn't it?" he asked, with fake empathy in his voice and a menacing grin, looking at first in my eyes than at my lips, leaving me to wish he'd lean closer.

"Shut up Jude" I growled, but my voice came out a little weaker than before. He put his hands at my sides, cornering me completely, as I was pressed against the cupboard, yet my head and chin held up high, not showing signs of submission. "The bathroom walls are thin, my dear... your slutty little voice gets through as you moan my name out..." I blushed deeply at the absurd accusation, but also because I wasn't sure if I did that or not. I stared at him with stubborn anger. "Dream on. The only reason I'd be saying your name in the shower is because you left me no hot water" the demon didn't seem satisfied with my answer, but his grin didn't fade as he slowly crept closer to me letting our chest touch. I sighed needily, finally feeling our bond reward the closure. His head dropped to my neck, but he didn't touch it, I just felt his breath on my skin.

"I like watching you deny your needs... It turns me on" he growled deeply, but since his hips were closely pressed to mine, I didn't really need him to tell me, he was turned on. I felt it.

"I'm denying you, not my needs. I can have sex with whoever if I'll really be in need" I said as if I would ever do that. "Wouldn't feel the same"

"Let me go Jude." I breathed shakily, as I held myself back from pushing closer to him with every muscle. I hated this bond.

"You can do this for as long as you'd like, Seth... but the time will come when you need a favour... And you'll put that slutty little expression on, and beg me like a good boy... Until' then... have fun in the shower..." he whispered with a knowing smile, before stepping away and leaving me alone finally. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I gulped a little, not letting myself flinch at his words.

"I'm not the only one not getting what I want, though, am I?" When you dance with the devil, you must be strong... Once you give in, he'll take you down. I had to watch myself around him. I jumped off the counter, pleased with his reaction, even if it wasn't visible, his unsatisfied hunger was evident.

I finished my drink and walked out of the kitchen.

"Thanks for the dinner"

With that, I left to have a shower. A cold shower at that, to calm my... body and soul, to put it nicely. I never had a high drive, which just made this worse, I didn't understand what's wrong with me. Literally, Jude could just blow air on my arm and my body would still act up like a horny teenage boy.

Exhausted, I flinched under the ice-cold water, waiting for the magic to happen, while I closed my eyes.

After I was finished, I quickly threw a tee-shirt and underpants on and left to go to bed. Jude seemed to be on his couch already, but when I stepped to my nightstand, I found a small pill and a glass of water.

My chest tightened a little. Jude sometimes acted so caringly, I almost believed he gave a fuck about me.

I was his match after all... which just meant we know how to push each other's buttons, and we can't stop doing it even if we want to.

I swallowed the pill, after all, laying down and hoping it would work.

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***

"He is not here" I heard Jude's stern voice from the living room, as I tried to wake up completely. Moving around in the bed, I attempted to regain my senses, trying to remember who he could be talking to.

"Oh yeah, I imagine how far he went at 7 am" Veronica's angry voice was easily detectable, and my eyes shot open. I got out of bed, and left my bedroom, only to see the two glaring at each other in the living room. What was she even doing here?

"What's going on?" I questioned, while Veronica stuck her tongue out at Jude, like a child. She offered me a softer smile, which I attempted to return.

"I was coming to see how you were"

"At 7 am" Jude added cynically, earning a small growl from the other. Those two really did hate each other, for no apparent reason. But I get the feeling Jude just generally didn't fancy women. He is almost always exclusively rude to them. "Well, I'm good. But if you wanna talk we can grab a coffee... and stop hissing at each other, it's early as fuck for you two to ruin my day" I pushed my hair back. Veronica was obviously dumbfounded by my changed manners, or at least my honesty. I was sleep-deprived, regardless of the pills I didn't feel better, and I had much bigger things to deal with then these two being absolute babies.

I stepped to my wardrobe and grabbed a shirt and pants to throw on.

"Just the two of us?" Veronica questioned quietly.

"Yes, just us. Jude has a lot to do anyway." I turned around to face both, and I walked up to Veronica, signalling I'm ready to go.

"Actually, I'm not really bus...-"

"Yes, you are Jude, don't be silly" I cut him off with a glare. He looked annoyed if anything, but didn't bother to get in a fight with me so I just left with Veronica.

We walked beside each other without much of a word for a while, before I broke the silence.

"If you want to come up with Jude being toxic and a big bad manipulator, please spare the lecture"

She swallowed a little, shaking her head, though I could tell that it wasn't something that was far from her actual opinion.

"I just came to check on you." she repeated her reasoning as we entered the nearby café. It had a cosy feeling, especially now that the morning sun just peaked out from behind the city, and now it was painting everything golden in the small shop.

"But why you do that, is beyond me" I commented, as we sat down in the corner. She adjusted one of her blonde locks, her kind, deer-like eyes stuck on the table.

"I feel like you need a friend." she admitted, but all I heard "You need to be fixed". Because what else could people see me as? Maybe it wasn't far from the truth anyway. It's never a good sign if Lucifer himself seems to be interested in you, and for all the wrong reasons.

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We'll be waiting for you down here... Where you belong

I swallowed, looking up at her. What was I supposed to tell her? I did need a friend, but that's not what she was offering. She wanted to save me as if that was still an option.

"Friends? That's what we are?" I avoided answering her directly, as a dry chuckle left my mouth "I cheated on you with my flatmate." I reminded her, hoping the painful memory would drive her away from wanting to help me. She didn't take her eyes off me, those beautiful eyes, always filled with something soft and kind. The opposite of Jude, and his seductive, sinful gaze, she was all the things that I could never become but claimed I was. Or at least used to claim.

I wonder what it says about me, that I was unfazed by this kind of warmth, but drawn to the coldness of that monster.

"You were assaulted, Seth. That's a big difference, don't let Jude gaslight you into thinking otherwise"

I sat back on my chair as our coffee's arrived, rubbing my chin a little to hide my sarcastic smile. Oh god, how I wish I was assaulted. That would make a lot of things easier and less complicated in my life. But unfortunately, even though I wasn't, my body was a huge whore when having the chance to be.

"I'll be out of town in the next week." I ignored her words "So don't come to the apartment. And don't freak out like last time I had a trip." I talked like she was a burden to me, though we both knew it wasn't true. She was something I knew all too well that I didn't deserve, and someone who wanted to help me so badly, but could not understand me obviously. But somehow, even though I didn't show it at all, it felt nice... in its own pathetic way, my being always appreciated when someone cared for me.

"With Jude?"

"With Jude" I confirmed quietly, sipping a bit of my coffee. She adjusted the collar of her blouse, biting down on her lower lip.

"He lied that you aren't home" she informed me, I guess as an attempt to show me how "toxic" Jude was.

"He hates you; I can't really help that. Some people don't get along, especially after what happened."

"Your neck is bruised as hell." she continued, once again completely misunderstanding the signs before her. I touched my now purple bruise that decorated my neck. She should've seen it the very next day, I looked like someone attempted to bite a piece out of me.

"Let me not fill you in on the details... It wasn't the craziest part of my weekend." and that was just perfectly true. I had a vacation in hell, after all, not many can claim that. "Sometimes I can hardly recognize you, Seth" she gave me a weak smile, searching my eyes with a bittersweet expression in hers.

"Sometimes I can hardly recognize myself, Veronica" we sat in silence for a while, my stare not softening for even a moment. I finished my coffee, a million thoughts invading my mind. A part of me will always wonder the "what ifs of Veronica. What if I went with her? What if I chose her? What if I tried to fight for the man, he believes me to be?

But these were just distant dreams... I knew these thoughts can't even exist when Jude is around me. His presence, his oh so sweet darkness is too tempting to ever refuse... The problem was, I didn't believe in the man, that Veronica saw. That man cannot ever get the vengeance I so terribly need.

"Let me know when you come back" she then said with a small smile, as I paid for the coffees, and we left the shop.

"I'll make sure" I promised while being almost certain that I won't alert her at all. I didn't want her to see me after the first murder. My secrets built a wall between us that I could never break down, nor could she. "Goodbye, Veronica"