Making the Galaxy Great
Repartee

“So you tried to make us think they were selling weaponry to the Chinese,” said McCauley. “And what about tonight? Were we supposed to think they were selling to the Russians, too? You were really overplaying it.”

L’harra made some sort of noise that was probably an alien curse. “You almost fell for it, didn’t you? If your boyfriend here hadn’t figured it out . . . “ Her voice trailed off.

“What?” McCauley demanded. She pointed the rinjot toward the back seat.

“Okay,” the alien said quickly. “It was supposed to look like you surprised them and you started shooting at each other.”

Jason found the whole concept baffling. “So I guess you hired that dead Haku back there, too? What the hell do you pay them with, anyway?”

“American dollars,” said L’harra. “The Haku have no self-control. They love to buy shit online. That one was collecting baseball memorabilia from eBay. I told him those Russians were smugglers who could get him a jersey from one of the 1927 Yankees, whatever that means. Some girl named Ruth, who’s supposed to have been really popular. And get this, the one you chased off in the parking lot was buying a diamond ring for his girlfriend.”

“His Yrrean girlfriend,” Jason pointed out.

“What?” L’harra seemed surprised, and annoyed. “If we replace out who it is, we’ll send that one hometo be retrained.”

Jason didn’t like the sound of that. “What does that mean? Retrained?”

“Rebalance the brain, so they’re only attracted to the people they’re supposed to be attracted to.”

With a quick movement, Jason snatched the rinjot from McCauley’s hand and blasted L’harra.

McCauley didn’t even scold him for taking the weapon. She simply stared into the deepening dark of the woods, sitting straight up as though leaning into a stiff wind.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought you along tonight. I promised the Colonel I would never involve you in anything that might be dangerous.”

“But you didn’t know it would be dangerous, right?”

McCauley didn’t say anything, but her silent frown answered his question.

“Then why did you?” Jason asked. “Why did you make me come along and leave my daughter with somebody I barely know?”

“Because I like your company.”

“Not funny. You’ve made it obvious over and over that—”

“My God, Fleming,” McCauley cut in, “I’ve been practically throwing myself at you.”

The words startled Jason like a loud fart during a chamber music recital. He hit the brakes and the car skidded to a stop inside an envelope of gravel dust. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or scream.

“What the actual fuck are you talking about? How have you been throwing yourself at me?”

“You know, the back and forth thing we do. The banter. The repartee.”

“The repartee?”

“Yeah, it means—”

“McCauley, I know what it means. But I didn’t realize that you constantly criticizing me and insulting me was your idea of repartee.”

“It was like . . . like verbal foreplay.”

Jason suddenly couldn’t recognize the woman in the car seat next to him. Her voice was familiar, but it had lost its usual angry, authoritative edge. He shook his head several times. “Do you even know what foreplay is?”

“Fleming, don’t be a dick. Drive the car.”

“McCauley, have you ever actually had sex?”

She scowled. “Of course I have.”

“Like maybe with the Deutschland dude you were with at dinner last night?”

“You really do sound like you’re jealous.”

Throwing up his hands, Jason declared: “I’m not jealous. And what happened to no relationships for agents?”

“Well, it really isn’t a good idea. And Rolf and I don’t have a relationship.”

“What are you two fighting about?” L’harra had awakened again.

Jason reached over, pulled the rinjot from between McCauley’s legs and fired another blast into the back seat. “Now, where were we?”

McCauley grabbed the rinjot back. “Look, relationships aren’t easy when you know things that the rest of the world isn’t supposed to know. That much is totally true. But if I’m honest, I just didn’t like seeing you with that girl. I mean, she’s pretty, but she’s so young . . . and you seem like you might have substance. And just so you know, I came back to check on you in the parking lot, to make sure you were okay. But she was already there with you, so there was no point. That’s why I just followed you back to your house.”

“You know, it sounds creepy when you say it like that,” he told her.

“Will you please just drive the car so we can get out of the woods?”

Jason put the car in first gear and heard the engine rev but the car didn’t move. Suddenly it was very light outside, as if they were sitting in the middle of a lighted sports field.

“Uh oh.”

In the rearview mirror, he saw an oval object, perhaps thirty feet wide, settling onto the gravel a few yards behind them, and sheering off parts of a couple of trees as it did so. It looked like a huge fluorescent jelly bean.

“I think the Haku are back,” Jason told McCauley.

She had already spun around to look. “Not this time. That’s an Yrrean shuttle. They must have been tracking L’harra. Damn, I should have figured,” McCauley hissed angrily.

Jason looked at his dashboard, where all the lights were still on but nothing seemed to work. Heasked, more than half seriously: “Are we about to get our asses probed and lose several hours of time?”

He felt his phone vibrate. As he reached for it, McCauley grabbed his hand.

“Turn that thing off or I’ll shove it up your—”

“More foreplay?” he whispered.

McCauley clamped a hand over his mouth. The Yrrean craft’s glow dimmed, and in his mirror he could make out two slender figures approaching the car. McCauley jumped out, quickly opened the back door and yanked L’harra’s unconscious body out to hold in front of her as a shield.

Jason got out, too, and moved around the car until he was next to McCauley. She immediately waved him back behind her.

He heard voices — thin, soft, chirping voices. The two Yrreans from the shuttle were speaking in their own language, to each other. Then he noticed a tiny set of lights floating in the air. Gradually he made out the outline of something small and metallic.

“Umm, McCauley, there’s something flying around and it’s not a big insect,” he whispered.

“It’s a weapon. Stay behind me.”

One of the Yrreans pointed a long, slender finger. “You are Agent McCauley, yes? And you . . . I do not know. Agent McCauley, please allow me to apologize. We’re aware that L'harra attempted to spread false information.”

“To get us to cancel the deal we were about to sign with the Haku,” said McCauley. “And L’harra did a lot more than just spread false information. Your friend here killed two humans and a Haku.”

“Will you return L’harra to us? Please. We need to take L’harra into custody so L’harra can answer for these actions.”

“Maybe you should just let them have L’harra,” Jason whispered into McCauley’s ear as he leaned over her right shoulder. He was ready for this adventure to be over. The Yrrean who’d been speaking to McCauley abruptly turned to her companion. Jason heard more of their thin, chirping language.

“That would be a bad idea,” McCauley whispered back to Jason.

“Why?”

“Because they’re going to kill us,” McCauley told Jason.

His heart came to a quiet stop. “Wait; you can understand them? You speak Yrrean?”

“Yes. And did you hear what I just said?”

“Of course I did,” he croaked. “I speak English.”

They were about to be killed. By aliens. In a wildlife refuge. Time and normality had both stopped.

“Couldn’t they just probe our asses and let us go?”

The Yrrean spoke again in English. Clearly the alien did not realize that McCauley understood Yrrean. “We have already contacted the American authorities about this, and explained to them why it is imperative that they not grant the Haku an exclusive trade arrangement with your nation and its allies.”

“You mean because you want to keep covertly bringing refugees to our planet? How many more are you planning to bring?” McCauley spoke in a loud, firm voice. Then, in the slightest of whispers and with hardly a movement on her lips, she said to Jason: “I’m really sorry, Fleming. I’m sorry . . . for your daughter.”

That was certainly terrifying, but Jason’s mind was racing on. He wasn’t ready to leave Shelby yet. “I assume you’re a pretty good shot?” he asked softly.

“Of course I am,” she whispered back.

“Agent McCauley, we have only just learned about the . . . refugee situation.”

“There’s no way it could have been going on without your government knowing about it,” McCauley told the Yrreans.

“So, can you take that flying thing out?” Jason whispered.

“Yes, but I’ll have to let go of L’harra and then those two’ll have a clear shot at us.” McCauley’s lips barely moved as she spoke.

“I have L’harra’s pulser,” he told her.

“Agent McCauley, for the last time, may we please have L’harra? I promise you L’harra will be judged by our own authorities.”

“Whatever you’re thinking,” McCauley whispered to Jason, “forget about it. But maybe if you can get my gun for me and then hold L’harra, I can shoot that thing and then we’ll see if they’re willing to lose her to get us.”

Jason reached inside the back of McCauley’s tights to pull out the weapon she’d stashed against her left cheek, then reached his right arm around to grab one of L’harra’s armpits. He pressed the gun between McCauley and L’harra to work it over to McCauley’s freed right hand.

“You’re touching my boob,” she whispered.

“By accident.”

“Liar.”

Once McCauley had the weapon in her hand, Jason grabbed L’harra’s other armpit. But now he had completely encircled McCauley so that she could not possibly aim and fire her weapon unless he let go of L’harra.

“This isn’t going to work,” he said. As he pressed against McCauley’s backside he could feel the pressure of L’harra’s pulser in his front pants pocket. He couldn’t believe he was even thinking what he was thinking, but he was tired and terrified. He pressed his mouth against McCauley’s neck and whispered as quietly as he possibly could.

“I’m going to let go of her and draw that thing’s attention and you take it out. Get ready. One, two . . .”

“Jason, no. You’ll get yourself—”

“Three!”