Mandy and the Tentacle Monster (Urf Oomons #1)
Mandy and the Tentacle Monster: Chapter 2

‘Smallest!’

I ignore Second’s yell because I have asked him many times not to refer to me as ‘Smallest.’ It is obvious that I am not as big as my crew-mates, but ‘Smallest’ is not my official designation and it is not my chosen or approved nickname. I will ignore Second any time he addresses me as such, so I continue into the med bay.

‘What are you doing?’ Second’s tentacle arms are jostling around him in agitated waves as he follows me. ‘Darkness have mercy! What is that awful odor? Did Urshteck have you tossed into a vat of fertilizer? He threatened me with such on a previous occasion, but I never thought he would follow through on it- Smallest, why are you unsealing the regen tank? Loudest will be so very upset. The value of our med bay has halved now with that broken seal!’

‘Today I have sold Urshteck 20 stasis chambers. This netted us an unexpected profit triple to what this whole med bay is worth. And this ship, in its totality, is as much mine as it is either one of yours, so I will use the med bay and regen tank when need be.’

‘That will not spare you Loudest’s complaining,’ he grumbles. First’s complaints do not bother me as much as they do Second.

‘I am busy. First can share his complaints later. As can you.’

I turn from him to deposit my Urf Oomon into the tank, securing the oxygenating matrix to her face. Her bodily functions should slow to a halt only to resume when she is pulled out. But it has been known to happen that an occupant will take a single breath. I would not want to deal with emptying her lungs of regen goop.

She hangs suspended in the blue goop. The goop is translucent and the tank is constructed of a clear plexi-shield. I can see her and I step back to take a good look at her. She is so petite I could fit four of her in this unit that is constructed for single occupancy. I can see now that her head isn’t the only area with fur. Under each arm and at the apex of her thighs are less noticeable, but similarly dark brown fur. Also, above each eye socket is a small strip of fur. I lean forward, squinting. There is also a single, delicate fan of fur at the edge of each eyelid.

‘By the Chaos that Consumes All Things!’ Second has been getting very creative in his expletives lately. ‘Is that a pet? A living pet? Smallest, you criminal deviant.’

‘It is a pet, but not my pet. She is from Urshteck’s stock and I am allowing her to recuperate in our tank because his is occupied.’

Why do I feel wrong and angry when I declare that she is Urshteck’s? It is the truth of the matter.

‘We are violating the edicts of our Homeworld 2 by her being here. When word gets out that we are hosting-‘

‘You should not use that word,’ I interrupt, my tone curt.

‘What? Which word?’

‘Hosting,’ I spit the word out on a snarl, ‘Do not use that word in relation to her.’

He is silent. I turn and look at him and he is wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open. His tentacle arms have all stilled and kind of bent in toward his body.

He snaps his mouth shut and immediately opens it to say, ‘By the Void, you are a deviant. You must know I did not mean host as in ‘Host.”

‘Stop. Saying. That. It is inappropriate. I know you know what I mean. She is Urshteck’s exotic pet who we are treating in our med bay. We are not keeping her in any way, and there is no law or taboo against treating an injured animal in our med bay.’ I have never felt so annoyed with Second as I do at this moment. That is an extraordinary statement because Second is infinitely annoying.

I turn my back to the creature suspended in goop, her mane floating up and away from her form. I put myself in front of Second, blocking his line of sight.

‘I have never known you to be overcautious, Second. I knew I would have an argument with First about this situation, but I had not planned on defending myself to you. Tell me, Fearful One, what scares you the most about this tiny little pet?’

I do not know why I am baiting him. It could be the way he keeps calling me ‘Smallest.’ Or it could be the way his eyes rested on her form as the word ‘hosting’ crossed his lips.

‘Fearful One?’ His face screws up as his tentacle arms seem to vibrate in indignation. ‘Do not assign such a moniker to me, Smallest. Caution is not fear. I only would like to know why we are risking criminal charges and imprisonment on Homeworld Two’

‘We are not risking anything. She will recuperate in this tank and remain there until we meet Urshteck again. Nothing will be accomplished with your fearful nattering, Scaredest. If a law has been broken, it is already done. It does not matter how long she is in there for, now that she is in. You should go for a swim in the bathing room to calm your oversensitive nerves,’ I make a fake show of concern over his distress.

‘Scaredest! That is not even – Smallest, I never…Ugghh!’ He snarls, throwing his hands up and slapping three tentacle arms on the floor, he turns to leave in a huff.

After Second leaves, blessed silence descends on the med bay. He is going to relay the details of my supposed deviancies to First. Our designations are derived from the order by which we were approved for off-world travel. And, to a lesser extent, ambassadors. We were assigned to this ship in the same order. It is pure chance that First is the largest and bossiest of us. He seems to derive a leadership position from his designation as First. When Second began referring to him as ‘Loudest,’ I had thought that he was trying to strip him of this perceived leadership role. But then he started referring to me as ‘Smallest’ and I knew that he was not being subtle, he was being obnoxious.

There is no avoiding First’s eventual complaints and condemnation. But his words hold no more weight than Second’s or even mine.

As I am dwelling on the negative and obnoxious traits of my crewmates, I remain to gaze at the Urf Oomon. I wonder what her designation is. Another sound I will not be able to understand or utter, probably. Even though she is not technically mine, I should give her a designation while she is here. ‘Pet’? No, she is not my pet. ‘Prettiest’? Even though that feels right, First and Second would replace it deviant. Maybe I should call her ‘Fourth’ and watch their extreme reactions.

She is very small. More diminutive even than most of the other Urf Oomons. I will call her ‘Tiny.’ This is a perfect name.

As I continue to gaze at Tiny, I notice a smell. How could I have gotten used to this awful stench? Every single Urf Oomon I touched seems to have compounded the wretched odor. Now that I have noticed it again, it is causing the cups along my tentacle arms to shrivel up in disgust.

As adorably entrancing as Tiny is, I cannot spend all my time looking at her. I need to spend a few spans in the cleansing unit and then sleep. It has been an exhausting day.