Mated To The Alpha Of The North
Chapter 29

Willow

I was in a bit of a daze when Jax finally pulled away from the mind-blowing k**s. It had only lasted a few short moments.

At least, I think it had, but the whole experience was kind of surreal. One second, I was freaking the f**k out, and the next, Jax’s incredible lips were on mine, making me instantly melt without a second thought.

Any panic I had felt at the thought of leaving the room had fled the moment his lips had touched mine.

I felt heat roll through my body as I strained to get closer to him, my wolf wanting nothing more than for me to turn more fully around and straddle him while he pillaged my inexperienced mouth.

I nearly died when Jax had reached up and tugged my head back to angle my lips, and then he had playfully bit my lower l*p, the surprise causing me to open my mouth for his ravenous tongue.

I lost myself in the pleasure of kissing my mate, kissing Jax, and I knew I was about a minute away from giving in to my wolf’s sultry suggestions if he kept working that talented tongue the way he was.

I found myself lost in a state of bliss, that seemed to linger even after Jax had finally pulled away. Though I wanted more, I knew there was something more important that we were supposed to be doing, but I could not remember what it was to save my life.

To tell the truth, I think I remained stuck within the same bleary mental space as Jax gently pulled me through the rest of the pack house and outdoors.

I vaguely noticed a few people meandering about, though no one that I had recognized in my hazy state. Jax’s long, sinewy arm holding me tightly against his side appeared to be my only anchor to reality as we passed through the familiar rooms.

I was pleased to notice that my fear seemed to have vanished at least. As long as Jax was by my side, I felt invincible. My wolf howled her agreement in my head, surging to the surface, beyond excited for the opportunity to finally stretch her legs.

We found a fallen tree along the path that I had randomly walked down when Jax had made it clear the decision was up to me.

The decomposing tree provided a perfect natural seat for us to eat our food out in the open. The fresh air was doing a lot to clear my foggy brain, though Jax’s nearby presence did not help add clarity to the situation, not that I could really complain.

I looked around at our surroundings, feeling elation when I noticed a few of the trees that I owed my namesake too. I had always loved the gentle beauty of willow trees. The familiar sight brought a sense of peace to the moment.

Unfortunately, my stomach chose that moment to announce its hunger, loudly. I hoped it had not been doing that the entire time I had had my head in the clouds. The thought immediately brought the seemingly ever-present red tinge to my cheeks.

I took a large bite of whatever Jax had set in my hand in response and almost m****d in delight as the rich flavors filled my mouth. Fortunately, I was able to stop the sound just before it escaped my lips.

Jax thankfully began talking then, saving me from further embarrassing myself, “I do not hear anyone else roaming near this part of the forest, and there are not any recent scent trails either. It seems you have a knack for knowing the perfect place to get away for a while.”

He punctuated the almost compliment with a warm smile, making me melt even further inside, as he began eating. However, his next words had me pausing to gather my thoughts before responding, “Can you tell me what happened the last time you were able to shift and when that was?”

Though he had asked the questions in as gentle a manner as he could have, I still felt a jolt of panic shoot through me at the painful memories that flooded my mind. I took a few large bites to give myself time to decide what to say.

I remembered how painful it had been when I had tried to shift to escape Zeke before. The agony had been near unbearable, and my most recent shift since that whole unplanned debacle was at least two months ago.

I felt dread continue to color my perceptions as new worries invaded my head.

However, before I could work myself up too much, I felt Jax reach out and wrap a comforting arm around my middle, giving me the moment I needed to answer him, while he unwittingly became my calm in the eye of the storm.

I finished eating the savory burrito that Jax had given me, washing it down with the cup of coffee he had also thrust my way, I finally responded, “Well, I…I tried to shift in the clearing, just before you showed up. Zeke used an alpha command to force me to revert back to human, but I am not so sure I would have been able to fully shift regardless…” I trailed off, thinking about my delayed change and the excruciating pain that had accompanied my partial shift before.

Regardless of Jax’s presence, the fear began to grow yet again as my thoughts flew in every which direction.

Maybe it was the wolfsbane that had prevented my shift, I thought hopefully. Or maybe I would not be able to shift at all due to the extended amount of time I had gone without doing so, I thought morosely.

I felt my breathing begin to tick up as Jax pulled me further into his embrace, until I was sitting entirely on his lap. In my head, my wolf told me that I was being stupid. She was ready to be let out, and this pointless conversation was only delaying that inevitability.

I made a focused effort to pull myself together and to slow my breathing, enjoying the more concentrated form of Jax’s irresistible aroma as I leaned forward, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

Jax did not say anything for a few minutes. He just held me tight and silently provided the comfort that I had been so desperate for so long for, without me even having to ask. He had somehow been able to break through all of my walls, just by being him.

His words from earlier echoed in my mind “I suppose Luna did know what she was doing when she paired us together…”

No one but my mate could have shattered my barriers so thoroughly. Hell, Zeke had been trying for two years and never succeeded.

I was so terrified of what would happen when I finally let someone in, to see all the broken pieces of me, that I spent my life running since that tragic day when my family ended and my life changed forever.

I think a little bit of it was me being afraid of not being good enough, too. It was difficult to forget the years of emotional abuse that had severely wounded my sense of self-worth at Zeke’s hands.

Thankfully, Jax chose that moment to interrupt my inner monologue by pulling back slightly and gently guiding my face up until my eyes were riveted to his hazel colored ones.

His voice was full of confidence and warmth when he spoke, “You will be able to shift, love. It might be difficult at first because of the circumstances, but your wolf is a part of you.”

At his words, my wolf piped up in my head with the proverbial I told you so. I quickly shoved her away while I refocused on Jax.

“I can help you shift for the first time if you need it, but I would never force the shift on you without your explicit permission beforehand. I also will not lie and say it will be painless, but I am hoping my presence will help dull some of the pain at least.”

I was touched by Jax’s consideration. I loved how honest he was about everything. It meant a lot after everything with Zeke.

I was also thrilled that he seemed so confident that I would be able to shift. The pain would not be pleasant, but I could weather anything with Jax by my side.

I am sure a range of expressions crossed over my face as I processed his words, before it finally settled on determination.

I knew the whole process would probably be just as painful as it had been the last time, despite Jax’s soothing presence, but I was ready to run on four legs again, this time with my mate by my side.

My wolf had never been more in sync with me than when I uttered my next words while simultaneously pushing up to a standing position, “Well, let’s get the painful portion out of the way then so my wolf can finally meet her mate.”