Mated To The Cold Hearted Alpha
Chapter 107

He exhaled heavily, “I don’t want to threaten you with calling Leander again. But that means you’re going to have to open up to me whether you like it or not.”

I stiffened, anxiety running through me. Somehow, I knew it was just a matter of time before he threatened to call Leander again. My brother loved me which meant he would go to any extreme to keep me safe, even if it went against my wishes. I didn’t have any choice now but to talk to him. I said quietly, “What do you want to know?”

The tension in his shoulders relaxed a little. He was relieved I wasn’t fighting him. “Why don’t we start with why you were crying this morning?”

“I-I felt the baby kick,” I said barely above a whisper but it was loud enough for his advanced Wolf hearing.

“Really?” there was excitement in his voice, but then he paused. “But why did that make you cry?”

I blinked back tears. Speaking the words made it hurt so much more. I swallowed thickly. “Because h-he’s not here to share it with…and my Wolf…” I quit speaking, not wanting to reveal too much.

“How long has it been since you’ve heard from your Wolf?” Lucky asked.

My head snapped up. How did he know that? I’d never said anything. I had to tread carefully. I tried to act casual. “What do you mean?”

Lucky’s eyes narrowed. “You know exactly what I mean. She’s silent, isn’t she? She grieves for him.”

His words were like a knife through my heart. I took a stuttering breath. “A-A few months. She’ll come back to me…when the baby is born, she’ll see she has a reason to live.”

“A reason to live,” Lucky repeated flatly.

The silence between us stretched on, thick and heavy in the air. Unease curled through my stomach. I took a few bites of the English muffin, forcing myself to chew and swallow. Several minutes went by while we finished eating silently.

As soon as I swallowed the last of my orange juice, Lucky turned to face me with new determination in his expression. I tried to ready myself for his comments because I was pretty sure whatever he had to say wasn’t going to be easy and I was right.

“Mom and dad are dead, they’re gone, Cinn. Stop living for the dead. You have a mate who would die for you. He’s very much alive. He could take care of you. His pack has the best healers. I know you love him. I can see it in your eyes.”

His words hit me hard. There was so much to digest. “I don’t know how to do that,” I said thickly. My shoulders rolled in as I hunched forward. It was just too much to think about.

“We’ve got time before Tommy and Frank arrived. Come, sit with me.” Lucky held out his hand to help me down from the stool. I grasp his fingers. Once my feet were firmly planted on the floor, I followed him into the living space and we settled next to each other on the plush couch.

“Let’s remove Leander’s part in this from the picture for a moment so that we can deal with one thing at a time,” Lucky began.

“Okay,” I said hesitantly, unsure where he was going with this. I thought the whole point was about Leander.

“Part of grieving is acceptance. But many people reject this stage because their grief has become such a tangible physical connection to those they lost that they don’t want to give it up.”

My brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I’m talking about the way our brains associate things,” he explained patiently. “When we first lose someone, the hurt and pain are immense, unbearable. But, like it or not, we have no choice, so we endure. But then something happens over time. When we get to the stage of possible acceptance, sometimes, we cling to the hurt and pain simply because that feeling is now so connected to the person we lost that we don’t want to let it go. It becomes an unhealthy connection to the past.”

I listened carefully to his words. I was beginning to understand.

“Let your memories, not your pain, be the thing that connects you to mom and dad.”

What he said made sense. I studied the firm set up his jaw and his intense absinthe eyes. “When did you become so smart?”

Sadness clouded his expression. “Experience taught me well.”

I swallowed thickly. Yes, he had lost just as much as I had.

Could I actually let go of the grief I clung so tightly to? Did I want to? I said quietly, “There’s guilt in letting go, isn’t there?”

Lucky nodded his head. There was approval in his eyes. “Yes, there can be. But letting go of the pain doesn’t mean you are betraying their memory. Do you think mom and dad would want you to go through your life overwhelmed with grief and pain?”

No, I didn’t think that.

“I think you’re trying to live in the past because that’s the only place where our parents are alive. But at some point, you’re going to have to let go of the past if you ever want to have a future.”

He made it sound so easy. But inside my heart and head, I just wasn’t sure.

“Cinn, like it or not, even though you never marked him, Leander is your mate and your connection to him runs deeper than any other tie you will experience, including that of our parents. It is what it is. Trying to ignore it doesn’t change anything.”

His words tore me up inside because I knew he spoke the truth. “And you think if I let go of the past, I’ll be able to accept Leander even though he was the one that killed them?”

Lucky’s expression tightened. He thought about it for a moment and then nodded. “Yes, I do.”

“Would you be able to?” I whispered. “If it had been your mate that killed them, could you forget the past and love her?”

There was no hesitation in his response, just resoluteness. “Yes. Cinn, replaceing your mate…” His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed thickly. “I would give anyth…” he couldn’t continue.

My heart twisted. More than anything, Lucky’s soul burned to replace his mate. I’d found mine…and I’d walked away. “I wish I had your strength,” I whispered. “What if I’m never able to let go of the past?”

“Then you have a decision to make. What’s more important to you? You know Leander had no choice in the matter. I would have done the exact same thing had the roles been reversed. You’ve chosen to hold onto the past at the sacrifice of your Wolf and your happiness. Is it worth it?”

When he said it like that, it didn’t sound like a good decision. Tears trailed down my cheeks. Had I made a terrible mistake?

Lucky continued softly, “If a sacrifice has to be made between the two, if, in your mind, you can’t have both: on one side, is honoring the memory of our parents but on the other, is honoring the sacred bond of your Wolf and happiness with your mate, should you really sacrifice the living so you can hold on to the dead?”

My tears flowed harder. Lucky scooted closer and gathered me in his arms. He murmured into my hair, “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I’m just saying you need to see both sides. What does sacrificing your own happiness prove? Not to mention, the happiness of your pup. He or she doesn’t deserve to grow up without a father.”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough.” My shoulders shook as I sobbed. “And even if I am, what if it’s too late? Lucky, in the end, Leander walked away from me. The minute he knew I was aware of how his mother died, something changed in him. I felt it.”

Lucky tightened his hold. “You’ve got to try to let go of the past…for the sake of your happiness, your Wolf and your unborn child. If you can do that, I’m certain you and Leander can make it work. It’s never too late, not when it’s your mate.”