Mated To The Cold Hearted Alpha
Chapter 60

Hycinth

Morning dawned. And with it, a flood of memories from the night before crashed over me. Oh, no…what had I done?

The vivid scenes played like a movie in my head. Leander’s passionate words right before he placed his mark on my neck, a symphony of wolves celebrating Nature’s course, letting go of my inhibition at the shifter bar, caught up at the moment.

Laughing

Touching

Loving

The realization caused guilt to ricochet through my belly. I was wrong…so wrong. What I’d done was despicable. It wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair for me to lead Leander on, to give him hope that didn’t exist. I’d given the bond free reign. I allowed it to make me forget my reasons for being here…and why I had to leave.

I had to stop this damaging behavior. I was leaving because I couldn’t be with him, but seeing him hurt, hurt me as well. I couldn’t stop it. It was as Nature had decreed. And I didn’t want to make that pain any more severe than it would already be. I dreaded that moment…telling him goodbye. I already knew he wouldn’t make it easy. My Wolf whined in my head. She didn’t like my thoughts. They made no sense to her. Leander was our mate. That’s all that mattered in her mind.

I wished it could be that easy for me. I desperately wished I could forget those moments, seeing Leander for the first time- only minutes before he killed my father, and only minutes after he’d killed my mother. Those were the reasons I had to say goodbye. I couldn’t dishonor their memory. I couldn’t allow myself to love the one who’d taken their lives, no matter what just-cause he felt he had, in doing so.

I turned my head to replace Leander still asleep, his breathing steady and even. He had one arm thrown over my waist, holding me tightly to him. It wouldn’t be easy to escape his grasp without waking him up, but I desperately needed a few moments to myself to regroup and get my head back together.

Moving as slowly and silently as I could, I gently picked up his arm and inched my body out from beneath it. When I was free, I set it back down. He mumbled something but didn’t wake up. Grateful, I got off the bed and made quick work of my morning routine in the bathroom, washing my face and brushing my hair and teeth. When I was done, I pulled on a pair of pants and hunter green singlet, the color a good contrast to my bright red hair. Shoving my feet into a pair of combat boots, I was finished and headed down to the kitchen.

The scents of bacon and eggs, combined with freshly baked cinnamon rolls hit me in the hallway. My belly rumbled with hunger. I picked up the pace and arrived in the large kitchen only minutes later. Mimi turned around, her face breaking out into a grin when she saw me. She wiped her hands on her apron and quickly made me a plate, piling it high with more food than I could possibly eat in one sitting, or even an entire day. I still eagerly accepted it and popped a bite of fresh fruit in my mouth. “Mimi, you know there’s no way I can eat all this.”

She glanced up, eyes soft. “Young one, your heat is coming in four weeks. Your body has different needs now. It will start to prepare for the future inside your belly.” Her words were meant to teach and encourage me. Somehow she understood that I didn’t have even basic knowledge of such things as pup bearing. I appreciated her motherly influence and kind words, but at the same time, they tore through my heart, leaving an open, bleeding wound.

A pup wasn’t in my immediate future. And if truth be told, there was a good chance I would never be a mother. The bond didn’t work that way. After I was gone, Leander would select another shewolf. They would mate and destroy his side of the bond with me. He would have an heir with his choice of Luna. But even though I couldn’t keep him, I couldn’t fathom letting another Wolf touch me now or in the future. I tried for three years to achieve intimacy with another Wolf, and that was before I even knew Leander. How much harder would it be now that I knew what I would be missing?

The expression on my face must have been somewhat transparent, because her smile fell, concern taking its place in her chestnut eyes. She handed me a glass of orange juice. “Are you okay, young one?”

I had to pull myself together. The mated pairs understood the truth behind our claiming ceremony, but not the rest of the pack. I couldn’t fall apart every time someone brought it up. I schooled my expression, gave her a nod and took a sip of the orange juice, appreciating how the cool liquid soothed my dry throat. I managed a small smile. “Yes, I’m fine. Just a little nervous.”

Her eyes sparkled, concern wiped away. “Of course you are my dear. We all were once.” She patted my hand. “You will be just fine. Just let Nature do what Nature does.” I nodded again and avoided any more talk by filling my mouth with food.

After several minutes, I put my fork down, my belly stuffed. My eyes drifted to the almost empty plate. Oh, she’d been right. I’d eaten much more than I anticipated.

Suddenly, a delicious scent behind me interrupted my thoughts-Leander!

He came up behind me, wrapped an arm around my back and kissed me softly on the cheek. “Good morning.” His tone was kind, but also wary. “I missed you earlier.” It was a statement, but it was also a question. He was an intelligent male. My absence in his bed when he woke up said something, he just didn’t know what.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to have that conversation with him right now. I didn’t want to destroy the ease of being together. And I certainly didn’t need to remind him once again that we had no future. Instead, I decided to use the excuse Mimi offered. “I, um…was really hungry when I got up…I didn’t want to wake you.”

He settled on the stool next to me. Mimi pushed a plate of food in front of him. Taking a sip of coffee, he studied my expression. I held my breath. Finally, he nodded. I could tell he didn’t fully believe me but was thankful he decided to let it drop for now. The three of us made small talk while he finished eating.

When he was done, he took the last sip of orange juice and looked at me. “Are you ready to go?”

Nerves rose in my belly, but I pushed it back down. I gave him a smile and a nod. He rose from his chair and took my hand, leading me out into the warmth of the sun. He didn’t let my hand go as we walked. When we made it into the woods, he murmured, “Are you okay? Do you regret-?”

“No,” I interrupted him. “I don’t regret anything we did.” How could I ever regret his touch? It wasn’t possible. He was my mate. No, it wasn’t the physical aspect of what happened. It was only that I’d let it go that far because I knew it meant something more to him.