My Second Chance
#30 No Backing Out

Ryder's P.O.V

Something was bugging me.

I glanced over to Sapphire and Clover who were watching television.The relationship between them seemed... different. It's like they are ableto communicate with mind link. But she's not Luna yet so that's notpossible... It's like when Clover transformed, they became closer.Mentally and physically. See, and now Clover has a pissed offexpression for no reason.

And then, there's something fishy about what happened yesterday. Iwas talking about the white wolf thing and not the walking back halfnaked thing. No wrong ideas...

But I wouldn't mind if she was fully naked, Jay waggled his eyebrowsand send me some perverted talks about my mate. Our mate, hecorrected. Whatever, I scoffed. I pushed the thoughts out of the wayand continued with my thinking.

Shocker, I know.

I mean, normal werewolves transforming uses a lot of energy, somedon't even survive. But she... She's a white wolf! It takes a hell lot ofenergy. How did she make it and even have the strength to walk backto the pack house? Nobody... and I mean nobody, can do that. I keptlooking at Clover at the corner of my eye. Then, something clicked inme.

Sapphire's a hybrid. I felt it right when we met. But what kind? What'sso powerful to chanel energy from themselves to someone else? BeforeI could stop it, the question slipped out of my mouth.

"Sapph, I totally forgot about this matter and all. But what kind ofhybrid are you?"

Sapphire's P.O.V

I still think you should tell him, Clover said.

Since the energy channeling and all, surprisingly, I can mind link withClover. Pretty cool huh? Not.

Are you crazy? I hissed at her. No, I'm not. And you know that it's theright thing to do, Clover huffed at me. Sorry dudette, not happening.Our relationship is in stake, I grumbled, glancing at Ryder for a second.It's either already at stake you know, She rolled her eyes. Thanks formaking me feel better, I growled. Seriously, we'll be able to replace a wayout of this for you... You just have to tell him, please Sapph... Please,Clover pleaded. No Clover, I'm not risking anything, I snapped. How areyou suppose to have friends then? If I didn't replace it out yesterday, areyou even going to tell me? She growled. I kept quiet, knowing that Iwouldn't. I thought so, Clover snapped. Judging from the look on herface, she looked pissed off, like really, pissed off. Is she also PMSing?Cause I was kinda sure you're the only one here, Drew smirked. Shut up,I snapped. Someone's snappy, Gwen mumbled.

I saw Ryder move a little out of the corner of my eye. Something'sbothering him, Gwen said. Yeah, I know, I muttered as I continued toobserve him. Did he figure out something strange about yesterday'sincident? My heart started beating a tad faster. Calm down, I don'tthink he's smart enough for that, Drew smirked. Hey, Gwen protested atthe indirect insult. I'm not saying anything about you, Drew drawled.But Ryder's our other half, Gwen grumbled. Oh you know what I mean,Drew sighed in frustration and Gwen grinned cheekily at her.

"Sapph, I totally forgot about this matter and all. But what kind ofhybrid are you?"

I fell off the couch in surprise. Clover snorted at my sudden weakness."Shut up." I mumbled and stood up. "Sapph?" Ryder furrowed hiseyebrows.

I take back what I said, he is smart enough, Drew muttered.

I spinned to face him. "Uhhh..." I drawled. "Sapphire Jackson." Hegrowled. Okay, I'm freaking out now, Gwen whimpered. He knows we'rehiding something, no point of hiding stuff anymore, Drew sighed indefeat. Oh shut it, I mumbled. "Sapphire Beyonce Jackson." He growled,eyes turning a shade darker. "Ummm... Uhh..." I stuttered. "You bettertell me what you've been hiding since you got here till this fuckingminute.” He growled, standing up and taking an intimating steptowards me. I gulped.

"Clover, leave us for a moment." Ryder said, his voice deep and full ofcontrol, his eyes never leaving mine. Shit, the protective and possessiveAlpha side is coming out. And let me tell you, Alpha's like knowingeverything.

Clover gave me a small smile and left without a word, knowing well thatthis was my fight. Well, shits gonna happen.

"Sapphire." He growled as the door shut behind Clover. "What, noSapph? No kitten?" I laughed nervously. "I don't want to act loveydovey with someone who doesn't trust me. I'm fine with somethingsteady, but it won't work out if you never trust me." His beautiful greyeyes turning almost pitch black. His words was like a knife who stabbedme repeatedly in the middle of my heart. Right in the middle.

I saw hurt, possessiveness, anger and something which scared me withits intensity... love. I didn't need him to mark me to know that, I see iteverytime I look into his eyes.

I wanted to tell him I love him so badly. That I've never not trusted him.That if he told me the earth was actually square and not round, believeit or not, I would've believed him. That's how far I've gone.

And it scared me.

Here's your last chance of changing decisions, Drew reminded gently. Ifeel a war brewing inside me. So what is it? Gwen mumbled. The mentaldebate I was having gave me a little migraine. This is your last chance.You can either leave tomorrow like planned or tell him and solve ittogether, Drew said calmly.

"Sapphire Beyonce Jackson, answer me when I'm talking to you!" Heroared in anger. His Alpha side is out. I've never seen him so angry, totell the truth, it scared me shitless. I made a decision and it would hurtme to see the hurt on his face. But I won't see it, because I would bethousand miles away by then. But... We won't be able to see him, orsmell his scent anymore... Gwen whined. Shut up Gwen. I've enoughpressure! I snapped. Fine, she snapped right back and moved to thefurthest spot of my mind. Whatever you choose, the choice is yours,Drew said quietly and blocked herself from me.

I forced the tears to not drop from my eyes. I willed a stone wall in mymind. I made my face expressionless.

No backing out now Sapphire...

I looked up at him and forced words I never wanted to use out of mymouth.

"I never loved you."

That's not true... my mind whispered. My facade almost fell when I sawthe hurt on his face. He didn't even bother to cover it. For a minute, hiseyes shifted back to his original colour. Then it turned to black. The hurtwas replaced by anger. Anger directed at me. I nearly flinched butmanaged to keep a blank look, as if none of this bothered me.

"You don't have a say in this! You are my mate! The Luna of this pack!"He growled. I forced a smirk onto my face, although it hurts me morethan I imagined. "That's where you are wrong honey. I have a choice.” Ismiled sickly. I saw fear flash in Ryder's eyes. That's when I feltsomething stirring in me. Something evil. Something... dark. The evilside of me. Whatever it was, it helped me say the next line even easily.So easily that it scared me.

"l, Sapphire Beyonce Jackson, reject Ryder Jame Black as my mate.”The hurt on his face send raw fear through me. He looked as if he gotshot by a gun with several silver bullet. I willed the tears that werethreateningly trying to escape my eyes back in. Gwen howled in painand I could feel Drew herself feel sadness. "I'm sorry. But..." I took veryounce of energy I had to say the next sentence that held 0% truth. "Idon't.. love you like that."

I could feel the urge to scream into a pillow overwhelm me. I could feelmy heart beating rapidly till it almost broke. I could feel the pain oflosing my mate. I could feel my strong facade slightly waver. I could feelthe raw fear of losing someone important again shoot through me. LikeWillow, Bella... most importantly, my mum... The beautiful and strongwoman who I grew in her womb for ten months... then killed. I felt mythroat clogging up with guilt. For both my mum and the guy I loved.The guy I would willingly put my heart on a silver platter for and woulddo the same for me.

"I'm sorry.” I whispered before turning and running up the stairs.

I didn't hear any footsteps, implying that he hadn't followed me. It hurt,but not much as I hurt him. I had leaded him on, to the point of notgoing back, and now I'm leaving him... alone, with a broken heart...

I felt the tears which I held back gor so long rolled down my cheeks. Asob escaped my mouth as the whole situation sank in. I just rejected mymate. After I told him I would take a chance with him. My heart becameheavier with guilt. I felt a stabbing pain in my heart which I skillfullyignored. Gwen was still howling in sadness.

I dodged people in he hallways. They were all looking at me weirdly,some even tried comforting me, which I brushed away.

A hand caught my arm and I turned ready to snap at whoever whostopped me. "Sapph? What's wrong? What happened? Is it Ryder?" Ifocused my blurry vision on the two people in beside me. Cole andAlex. They both looked at me worriedly. I have no rights. They wereRyder's best friends. It felt wrong when they cared for me when I hadjust hurt their best friend. I shifted my eyes from theirs and shook offAlex's hand. "Sapph, what's wrong?" Cole asked softly. By now, peoplewere stopping to watch. I shook my head and wiped the tears off myface. "Why would I be not okay?" I growled. "Umm... because you arerunning in the hallways with tears streaking down your cheeks?" Alexsaid sarcastically. "Do not try me now." I snarled. He raised his hands inthe air, making a surrendering gesture. Cole elbowed his ribs inwarning.

A comforting hand was placed on my shoulder. I swung my fist inirritation at the person behind me. A dainty hand grabbed my fistbefore it smashed against her nose.

"I'm so lucky you taught me that move earlier.” A familiar voicemuttered. "Clover?" I asked, my vision blurry with a new batch of tears."In the flesh.” She smiled sadly as I hugged and cried into her shoulder."What's wrong with her?" Cole whispered. I saw Alex shrug in thecorner of an eye. "Do you wanna get your things and sleep in myroom?" She asked, rubbing my back in circles soothingly. "Yes." Ihiccuped. "Come on. Let's go.” She tugged slightly at my hand and Ilifted my head from her shoulder.

"Wait. As second in command, I need to know things.” Alex frowned."Let's just go.” Clover pulled me down the hallways towards mine andRyder's room. Well... now his room. I felt a painful tugging at my heartat his name. "Clover, there are consequences if you don't obey me." Heyelled after us. Clover stopped in her tracks to face the boys. "Kill methen. But not now, I have a friend in need. And don't fucking use thatsecond in command shit on me." She growled and flipped hem thebird. I saw Cole gaped at his childhood friend sudden hostileness (Idon't even know if this is a word). Alex stared at her with surprise.

I stepped into the beautiful room that held a lot of memories since Igot here. "I'll wait outside.” Clover murmured and left me alone in theroom, closing the door behind her. I walked around touching thefurniture. A memory flashing in my mind at every different object. Istood beside the bed and stared at it.

"Good morning kitten." A husky voice whispered beside me. "Fuck off.And do not call me kitten.” I muttered with my eyes close, snugglingdeeper into the sheets. "Come on.... Get up and make me breakfast.” Hewhined, shaking my arm. "I'm not your maid. Make it yourself.” Isnapped

When I sleep, nobody, and I mean nobody disturbs me. The fact thathe's my mate is the only thing that's stopping me from being all ninjakick ass on him.

"You tried my cooking yesterday. You know I can't cook even if my lifedepended on it." Ryder snorted. "And you should have thought clearlybefore decieving me yesterday about the fact you can't cook.” Iretorted. Just make our gorgeous mate some food, Gwen groaned.Shut up, I grumbled. "Sapphire... You can't do this to me... I'm dyinghere... Please.” He continued to whine like a 5 year old. "Ugghhh..." Igroaned, forcing my eyes open and my body out of it's comfortableposition. "See. That wasn't so hard, was it?" He flashed me a dazzlinggrin in victory. I flipped him the bird before taking spare clothes andgoing into the bathroom. He chuckled.

I felt myself choke on my tears.

That's it Sapph, that's enough. You made the decision and it's too lateto change it, so just suck it up. You are not going to be sad and wasteyour energy on this. Follow the plan and let nothing stop you, Drewgrowled. Yeah, I am not going through all that hurt for nothing. So wejust have to be strong and face every obstacles, Gwen piped up. Thanksguys, you're right. I should at least make the sacrifice worth it, I noddedand pulled down my luggage where Ryder had kept it. I then pulled outall my clothes from the wardrobe me and Ryder shared. There's thatname again... Suck it up Sapph, I grumbled to myself. I stuffed all theclothes into the luggage and backpack I had since I got here. I wasabout to zip up my bag when I spotted a few hoodies that belonged toRyder.

That's it guys, I said and took three hoodies out, all with strongdelicious scents of my mate and stuffed them into my backpack. Whatare you doing? You want to move on, don't you? Drew hissed. Face it.We can't possibly live without him. We're soulmates. I need at leastsomething to fill the empty vault inside me, I countered. That's true,Gwen said after some silence. Fine, Drew sighed in defeat.

I went into the bathroom and grabbed my toiletries and stuffed theminside my bag. My hands wrapped around a small bag inside thesmaller pocket of my back pack. I pulled it out and was soon staring ata gun and a few silver bullets. I smiled at the memory of my bestfriend's helping me escape. I pulled out another packet and my eyeswidened in realization. The money that they handed me before I left. Ihurriedly opened the packet and began counting the money. My eyeswidened at the amount. Five thousand freakin dollars?! I found a noteand a bank card behind the stash of money.

Hey Sapphire,

It's Bella's mum here. Your mother told me to keep this for your future. Iguess I won't be able to see you on anymore. Bella and Willow told meeverything. There's a fairly good amount of money in there that yourmother left for you. I hope the five thousand dollars would also come inhandy. Bye Sapphire, and thank care.

My hands tightened against the bank card my mother left for me. Iplaced everything back to where I took them out. I wiped the tears thatpooled at my eyes during reading the letter quickly. I stuffed everythinginto my bag and walked stiffly to the door of the room. I glanced backat the wide room before opening the door.

"Done?" Clover asked softly and I nodded, giving her a weak smile. Shehelped me with my luggage and leaded us to her room. I stepped intoher homey room. Not as homey and comfortable as your old room, avoice said in my mind. I shook the thought out from my head. Cloversat on her bed. I stared at her.

"Come here bestie." She smiled and stretched her arms. I climbed ontothe bed with her and hugged her as tight as I could. "Can't... breath...”She chocked. I chuckled lightly, letting her go. But even to me, thechuckle was empty and hollow.

"l.. I'll miss you, Clover.” I murmured, sitting beside her. She took a deepbreath. "I'm not going anywhere.” She stroked my back soothingly."What?" I snapped my eyes to hers. “I'm going with you." She smiled."What do you mean you're going with me?" I frowned. "I meant what Isaid.” She shrugged. "No. It's too dangerous. I might kill you!" Iscreeched at her. "Shush. Do you want people to hear?" She looked atthe door in fear. "I don't care. You aren't coming. That's final." I saidstubbornly. "Yeah right mum..." She said sarcastically. "Please, don't letme hurt you.” I sighed, covering my face with my palms. "If this is aboutyour mother, you can forget about it. I am capable of keeping myselfsafe.” She snorted. "Clover..." I looked at her with a pained expression."I'm coming with you. You're my friend and I'm not going to leave you.”She said with finality in her voice.

"Thanks Clover. I love you so much.” I murmured into her shoulder."That's what friends are for Sapph.” She smiled at me warmly.

And she's right. Cause that's what friends are for.