Nebula Book 1: His Breeder
22

She tucked the drawing back into the journal and clenched her fingers around it. She should have called out to Akdronis and returned his possession to him. She knew that she shouldn’t form any ties between them after he worked so hard to walk out of her life.

But she kept it instead.

“Hey, Nebula.”

She snapped out of her gaze.

“Hey, Lamara. Where’s the baby?”

The mother pointed behind her. Kyros was holding his son as his brothers gushed over him.

“Let’s go map some galaxies. I think I remember where the cluster was.”

Nebula tucked the notebook under her arm. “Sure, but I have to hang out with Hercu in a bit.”

“How’s it going with him?” Lamara asked.

“Good,” Nebula shrugged. “He’s cool.”

“Yeah, but does he make your heart run a mile a minute?”

Nebula snorted. “Does it count if it only happens when we’re talking about rocks?”

Lamara winked. “Depends on which kind of rock you’re talking about. The one under his loincloth, or…”

“Oh, gross. No. He’s just a friend.”

Lamara shrugged. “That’s fine.”

None of the girls would push her into a relationship to have kids. They respected her autonomy. Nebula didn’t think she could live with the guilt of knowing that she didn’t contribute to the saving of Ezron, though. She wanted to become a mother.

She listened to Lamara half-heartedly. After seven months of dating, she was still alone. Soon, she will have no other males to meet. The Ruins didn’t have many young men living in it.

She thought about Kira’s situation. Before she met Vrox, she had considered starting a family with artificial insemination. Maybe something along those lines was the solution. Maybe she needed a sperm donor to give her the baby she so badly wanted.

“Should we continue this later?” Lamara asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Nebula shook her head. “I was thinking about…” she exhaled. “Something.”

“No problem. Hey, look. Kira’s about to fall asleep again.”

They stared at Kira, who had two babies hanging off her boobs. The mother exhausted.

“Poor thing. You get Terra, and I’ll get Ran.”

Nebula moved closer. “Come here, little thing.”

She pulled a blanket over Kira, who grumbled a thanks before proceeding to knock out.

Ran looked up at her, eyes mischievous, although she was only a few months old.

“Time to nap.” She placed the baby on her shoulder, and pat her back gently to get her to burp.

Even when Ran fell asleep, Nebula didn’t want to let her go. The baby’s sweet scent made her feel complete.

When Hercu showed up, she passed Ran to Lamara.

“Greetings.”

“Hey.”

Nebula shifted her weight from one foot to the other.

“What is wrong? Did you lose a rock again?”

“No, no. My collection is fine. Do you want to go for a walk?”

For months now, they had been walking around alone. Before that, she was always chaperoned by one of Vrox’s brothers– any except Akdronis. Ak was hardly ever seen. He spent hours locked inside his room, hiding from all of Ezron.

“Very well,” Hercu said.

Nebula made sure Lamara was all set with the twins before walking out of the common room. She smiled at Kyros on her way out, and then nervously wrung her hands.

“I was thinking about what a great friend you are.”

Hercu raised his head. “Thank you. I also enjoy your company.”

“I know that you are still hurt from the loss of your wife and daughter, and that you will only see me as a friend for a long time. I feel the same way, but…”

“Yes?” he encouraged.

“Well, I’m only getting older, and I need to have as many daughters as possible. I think we have a great friendship, and we would both benefit from having a child. I don’t know, maybe it would help you heal. You said that your wife would have wanted you to move on.”

Hercu looked troubled. He was truly an attractive male, but the chemistry just wasn’t there.

“Are you sure? I think it is best for you to keep looking. Meet more people.”

She laughed. “I’ve searched high and low, and nothing clicks. You’re the closest male friend I have so far, except for Vrox’s brothers who are not options. What do you say?”

“I will have to think about this.”

“Sure,” she smiled.

The whole proposal was crazy. A platonic family, where sex is only for the purpose or procreation?

Something told Nebula this was the right path. She and Hercu could make it work. They had the same interests, and he was the only man she could think of that didn’t replace her hair or rock collection strange. He was hurting from his loss and needed more reasons to smile. A child wouldn’t replace the one he lost, but it would give his life new meaning. He deserved it, and she deserved happiness, too.

They spent some hours digging through moss and discussing the properties in the earth. Nebula smiled and laughed because with him, she felt at home. It wasn’t love, and maybe she was too broken to fall in love, but the warmth of brotherhood felt just as beautiful.

Hercu knocked down some fruits– the tangy ones she liked, because he knew her preferences like she knew his. When the air started to become cold, he took her home.

She sat around the campfire with the rest of the gang. Kira held Ran, while Vrox held Terra. Ni’ev and Draekon were telling everyone about their adventures. While they didn’t replace any women during their six-month search, they still had plenty of other encounters.

Akdronis was missing as always. It had been about two months since he last had dinner with the group. Everyone let him have him his space. Nebula secretly wondered if he was so upset about her connection with Hercu that he didn’t want to face her.

She looked down at the journal on her lap. She was sitting in a dark corner, away from everyone because she was too guilty to face them.

With her stomach in knots, she reached for the journal. The text was written in Ezronian, but thanks to Ni’ev’s teachings, she understood the language.

She flipped to the last page.

Entry #: The last one

I pray that my brothers will replace this.

I will never forget how the Vanishing ripped our world apart and forced us out of our home. I will never forget the terror I felt. I was suddenly responsible for a group of boys. Ni’ev was the most quiet one, shocked to silence because he saw mother vanish before his eyes. Draekon was the most irritating one, because he was the youngest and wouldn’t stop crying. Kyros was the chatty one, cracking stupid jokes to try and make us smile, Rokan moodily kept telling him to shut up, and Vrox always had his head shoved up a plant.

I was the angry one. Angry at father for taking his life and passing the responsibility onto me. Angry at the fates for abandoning us.

And then we all underwent the scaling and became men.

I am proud, and I know our parents would have been proud to see what you have become today. We have had dozens of differences over the years, but we survived together. And now look at me. I am an uncle to three beautiful children, a brother of Ezron’s fearless explorers and mighty commander. You have all rebuilt Ezron from the ground up, and you will go down as history as giants.

It has been an honor to share blood with you, but the fates want to reclaim me.

I am sick. Months ago, I poisoned myself as punishment for my evil. The only effect should have been chemical castration, but my body did not react well. For the past two months, I have been in agony. I cannot handle it any longer. I hide in my dwelling every night to hide the blood that I cough. I fall unconscious on the job, although I keep telling you that I was sleeping because I was being lazy. I deny Kira when she tries to get me to carry my nieces because my arms ache.

I am tired of the lies, and the physical pain, and the loneliness.

I am so tired of being tired.

This is what must be done. You do not need me anymore. You are men now, and you have become the protectors. I am sorry that I did this today, but I could not go on any longer. No medicine has helped. The only cure for me is darkness.

Please bury my body. I want to be embraced one last time, even if it is by mother nature.

I will meet you in the stars, my seedlings. Live honorably.

The end.

Nebula tossed the journal aside and ran, even though she couldn’t see much past her tears. She heard people calling out behind her. She reached Ak’s room and ripped the curtain off the wall.

Then, she screamed loud enough to be heard across planets.

The burial was small. Draekon and Rokan didn’t attend. They had been missing since they found the body. Kyros stayed indoors to look over Lamara and the babies.

Only Nebula, Vrox, Kira, and Ni’ev showed up.

Ni’ev’s face was blank. Maybe it was because he was used to shock. Vrox was kneeling and staring at the grave. He dug it himself. Kira stood beside him, her face wet.

Ak’s body was covered by Vrox’s cape. They buried him somewhere nice. There were flowers, and a nest of singing birds. This way, he wouldn’t be so lonely.

No one really talked about the Ak’s final words. They just read the journal and went to their rooms to grieve. Some brothers didn’t grieve as silently. All night, she heard them rampage through their rooms and destroying everything in sight. The babies cried a lot, being afraid of the loud booms of grief.

Vrox stood up and grabbed the shovel. With Ni’ev’s help, he filled the grave with dirt. No one said a word. The only sound that was heard was sniffling.

Nebula stared at the grave for hours, and she came back the next day, and the next, and the next, until one week became one month, and one month became three, and Ak was still amongst the stars.

Next chapter is the epilogue.