Nightfall (Nightfall Book 1)
Chapter 20

For a moment all James could do was just stare at Nathan, too surprised at seeing him to say anything. He ran his eyes over the other vampire’s crumpled up form and chained up hands, his torn and dirty suit, the bruises on his face…. Nathan looked downright pitiful like this, and James hated seeing it.

He wasn’t sure what exactly he was feeling, then. Was that…pity? It was strange to associate that emotion with Nathan, though he was definitely deserving of it. As practically all vampires, Nathan was a murderer, but he’d never seemed to take as much pleasure in it as James had. In fact, James himself had pushed Nathan into killing people just because he’d noticed Nathan wasn’t as interested in it.

He’d always loved making Nathan do things he didn’t want to do, hadn’t he? James grimaced as guilt made his stomach churn.

“You…smell different,” Nathan croaked, his tired eyes regaining a spark. He sat up straighter, a grimace on his face. His former pals must have really roughened him up.

Great, here it was. Of course Nathan would be able to tell immediately that James had drank blood. He sighed when he saw hope light up the other vampire’s face.

“Did you…. Have you come to rescue me?”

Had James ever done that? He supposed he did vaguely remember something like that, but it had definitely not been for Nathan’s benefit. James’ old self had simply found having Nathan around amusing, and convenient for sex whenever he’d wanted it. He’d never seen Nathan as anything other than a tool, and he absolutely despised the fact that he’d managed to convince Nathan otherwise so well.

“I didn’t even know you were here,” James replied with as neutral a tone as possible, pulling himself up to his feet. He didn’t like how he was towering over Nathan like this, as it brought up some not so good memories, but he felt a sudden need to pace around. At least the cell they were stuck in was more than large enough for it.

“Oh, so you did drink blood,” Nathan commented with delight when he caught a glimpse of the glowing bracelet. James sighed again. “Oh, darling, I’ve missed you.”

James was about to shut him down, his hunger making him very irritable, but he stopped himself when he saw Nathan struggle to even get up on his knees, let alone stand up. The chains binding his wrists would have allowed that, so clearly the problem was something else.

“What’s wrong with you?” James asked, realizing only a second later that that question had a lot of possible answers. But Nathan seemed to understand what he meant as he slumped back against the wall, closing his eyes. He was still smiling, though, which made James grit his teeth. Clearly, Nathan hadn’t been listening last time.

“They…drained almost all of my blood,” Nathan explained, huffing. “All because I wanted to help you.” James decided not to point out that that probably wasn’t the actual reason they’d locked him in here. “I’m glad someone else has.”

“I’m not going back to being a murderer,” James snapped at him. God, all this talk of blood was really not helping. “And you shouldn’t want me to be that way, either. I was awful to you.”

Nathan just stared up at him in confusion. He seemed to struggle trying to comprehend what he’d just been told for a moment, but unfortunately James’ hope of finally getting through to him died the moment the other vampire shook his head.

“No, that’s a lie.”

James scoffed. So Nathan wasn’t even bothering coming up with an argument why their relationship had been perfectly healthy in his eyes. Obviously, there was no argument that would make sense, but the question was if Nathan realized that.

James really didn’t feel like having this conversation, especially since Nathan hadn’t listened to him before, and they would end up yelling at each other, but he didn’t have anything else to do, and he couldn’t leave, so he supposed there was no avoiding it.

“Didn’t you listen the first time? I told you I never loved you,” James repeated with irritation. “And you don’t love me, either. As long as you drink blood, you can’t do that stuff.”

James had never thought about it much before, but he was slowly realizing just how shallow a vampire’s emotions were. When he actually let himself feel things now, it was almost disorienting. There was no way Nathan’s feelings were genuine, for more than one reason.

“Is that what they told you?” Nathan asked, his tone cold and biting as he glared. But that look soon turned pained as he weakly coughed. These vampires had clearly done a lot more than just forced Nathan to donate blood.

“It’s a fact, Nate.” James grimaced as Nathan coughed again. He seemed to be barely holding his head up. The state he was in really made it hard to argue with him, or even get angry with him. And how much guilt James was feeling over everything he’d done to Nathan wasn’t helping either.

Sure, Nathan was a killer, but he wouldn’t have been if James hadn’t turned him in the first place.

“Don’t you dare….” Nathan took a few deep breaths, shooting James another, much weaker glare. “Don’t you dare tell me how I feel.”

“Then don’t tell me how I feel,” James replied, his voice soft and somber. He had meant to make it sound neutral, but he supposed he didn’t have the best handle on his emotions right now. God, he wanted a drink.

James swallowed as his fangs got longer once more. He hadn’t meant that kind of drink, but now blood was the only liquid he could think about.

“No,” Nathan said after a moment of silent, pulling his knees closer to his chest and shaking his head. “No, I won’t believe that. You do care about me.” Nathan’s voice broke then as his eyes became glassy. “My James cares about me.”

“Your James was a bastard that only ever cared about himself.”

James looked away, turning around. He couldn’t keep watching Nathan’s misery. If James were the way Nathan wanted him to be, he would enjoy seeing it, and probably making it even worse. Surely, Nathan had to realize that deep down. Surely.

“Why do you think I kept ditching you?” James asked him, not bothering to turn around. He had wanted to stay silent for a while, but he just couldn’t not try to get through to Nathan, it seemed. “Why do you think I betrayed you multiple times?”

A moment of silence followed before Nathan spoke in a flat, soft tone. “I…I thought you were testing my loyalty.”

Loyalty. Right. More like Stockholm syndrome. But James kept that to himself. He sighed before turning around. He really felt awkward having a deep emotional conversation with his hands cuffed behind his back like they were, but there was nothing to be done about that.

“I know,” James said, shaking his head. “That’s why I always let you come back.” He swallowed, trying to keep the bile rising in his throat down. “I thought it was funny.”

God, he hated himself. Nathan looked completely numb now, like his worldview had just shattered. But then, that was exactly what James had done, wasn’t it? All Nathan had ever done, as far as James had bothered replaceing out, was to do with James, after all. And while that had been great for his ego at the time, he was only now realizing just how worrying that was.

“Tell me you’re lying.” James’ eyes flicked to Nathan’s, almost flinching when he saw the tears that were just about to spill over. “Please.”

Over the century they’d been together, James had never managed to make Nathan cry. Well, not just by using his words, anyway. Not that he hadn’t tried, but the fact that he’d managed to hurt him like this now when he wasn’t a sadistic monster anymore….

James swallowed thickly, his own eyes stinging. This needed to be said, no matter the consequences, but it sure was hard to deal with.

“I’m sorry, Nathan.”

James expected Nathan to yell at him, to maybe reject what he was being told again, anything really, but instead the other vampire just looked down at his knees, his face blank and his gaze unfocused.

And then he let out a small, heartbroken laugh, his tears finally making their way down his cheeks. James had to resist the urge to flinch, his heart clenching at hearing it.

“Then, please, do me a favor,” he said in a very flat tone, despite his strained voice, still not looking at James. “Kill me when you can.”

James almost stumbled back in his shock. “What?!”

Nathan shut his eyes, letting his head fall forward a bit more, heaving a sigh that was almost a sob. “I have nothing left to live for now. The moment I stop being useful, they’ll kill me, anyway. So I’d rather if the person who made me did it.”

God, it really was this bad, wasn’t it? James had expected Nathan to maybe seek revenge, or just cut James out of his life completely and replace someone else to follow around. If James had known Nathan would react like this, he wouldn’t have said anything.

Looking back on it, maybe he should have seen it coming. But it was too late now.

James squeezed his eyes shut as he heard Nathan sniffle. Goddammit. If his hands weren’t bound he would be giving Nathan a hug right now. And the fact that this was the first time he’d felt this way was somehow making his guilt even worse.

“Nathan,” he said quietly, his pity bleeding into his voice as he sat down next to him. Nathan’s whole body was shaking, now that James was so close to him, but he wasn’t crying. He didn’t bother looking at James either, though, and instead seemed to shrink away from him as much as the tiny space between the wall and the bars allowed him.

“Nate, come on, that’s not true,” James continued, not even sure what the hell he was doing. Nathan was James’ fault, yes, but he was still a bloodthirsty vampire. But then, he had never seen a vampire this distraught. And besides, Nathan of all people deserved a second chance. “You don’t have to die. Look, Aegis will show up sooner or later, I’m sure.” He really hoped that was true, anyway. “You know things about these angels, right? Just tell Aegis what you know, and they’ll help you.”

Nathan shook his head almost desperately, his eyes still closed. “I haven’t eaten since I was brought here, and already all I can think about is all the people I’ve hurt and killed. And I…I feel so awful about it. I don’t want it to get worse.”

James grimaced, his eyes widening as he finally figured out what was going on here. Nathan had always been more in touch with his human emotions than the average vampire, but this was a whole new level. James had thought it was because he had just been told that his entire life had been a lie, but it wasn’t just that.

Nathan was going through blood withdrawal, and very quickly by the sound of it. It had taken James a few days of getting no blood for him to start realizing things. And Nathan didn’t even have Aegis’ powder to soothe the hunger somewhat, at least.

“It gets easier.”

“Does it? T-truly?” Nathan’s voice broke as he said it, finally looking at him. James tried not to wince at the pain in those blue eyes. “Have you seen yourself?”

James lips formed a wry smile. He supposed he hadn’t been the happiest guy around lately, but he never wanted to go back to the way he was. There was no doubt in his mind about that. “You didn’t see me right after rehab.”

Nathan gave him a look of intense worry before looking away with a shuddering sigh. “It doesn’t matter. Aegis won’t replace this place, anyway.”

James swallowed, feeling dread start to spread through him. “Why not?”

“Angelic warding magic,” Nathan replied, keeping his eyes closed. “It’s impenetrable.”

Well, that didn’t sound good. James knew next to nothing about magic, so he had no way of figuring out if what Nathan had said was true, but Nathan himself certainly seemed to believe it. James sincerely hoped he was wrong. He didn’t like the idea of getting his blood drained while wasting away from a lack of food very much.

And he didn’t want it to continue happening to Nathan, either. He was only in this position because he’d tried to convince James to join him, wasn’t he? So, once again, that was on him. Was there something concerning Nathan James wasn’t responsible for?

“They’ll figure it out.”

Nathan just shrugged, wincing at the movement. James grimaced. Aegis would figure out how to get here. They had to. Or they were both completely screwed. Nathan had a bunch of information Aegis would love to know, but they didn’t know he was here, possibly willing to share it. And how far was Aegis going to go to get only James back?