On the Edge (The Grange Complex Book 1)
Chapter 5

I didn't have a very good day yesterday. It was late when I finally got into the city and the estate agent that my solicitor had recommended was already closed. The adrenaline was coursing through me and I was so pissed off that I wasted so much time in Dexter's office. This wasn't the only thing that I was angry about. I let him touch me and I liked it when I wasn't supposed to.

Kirk was the reason that I couldn't gain control of my emotions. For nine months I had been avoiding men, slowly picking up the pieces of my broken self. Now I was falling under the spell of a man that only wanted to use me for sex, and that was a huge mistake. Kirk had violated me: he had been sleeping with my best friend the entire time we had been in a relationship. When I found out, he turned into a violent and sadistic man. I didn't want to remember the pain, the trauma and sleepless nights. It was all in the past, it had to be forgotten.

I knew that Dexter was going to be a problem. He wanted to play with me, knowing that I was attracted to him. Well, he'd have to show me that I was more than just a quick, easy lay. I wasn't ready for a full- blown relationship, but I didn't need Dexter Tyndall to bang me just so he could get me out of his head.

It had been months since I'd last been in Edinburgh. Even when I visited my parents in Glasgow, I never used to go out anywhere. I was too scared of bumping into someone that I knew. Kirk was a very outgoing guy and we had shared the same friends. When I left the hospital I didn't know that he had set them against me. A few weeks after our breakup, everyone that meant something in my life turned their backs on me. At that point I was too traumatised to deal with it, so I moved away.

The loud horn brought me back to reality and I looked around, realising that I'd wandered off further away than I anticipated. I spotted a fitness centre in the next building. There was no point hiding anymore and I was out of my grief, done with playing the victim. I walked towards it, wanting to see what kind of classes the centre had to offer. My stomach made a funny jolt when I saw pole-dancing lessons on the poster. Fate slapped me on the wrist. It'd been nine months since I last practised. I checked the time and realised that the class was starting in about five minutes. I was so out of shape, but I loved pole dancing and I wanted to prove to myself that I could still do it. My friend Donna had convinced me to try it when I was only twenty-two. She dropped out after a few sessions, telling me that it wasn't for her. I stayed, learning from an award-winning pole dancer. She taught me all the basic moves before I started creating my own routines. A few months after meeting Kirk, I started lying to him, saying that I was going to yoga twice a week. I didn't know why, but I felt embarrassed. Turned out he had too much time on his hands, so he started shagging my best friend when I didn't give him the attention he wanted. During the class I had felt sexy, invincible and on the top of the world. It was hard work, but the satisfaction that I got out of it kept me going. My problems and worries didn't matter.

"The hell with it," I said aloud and opened the door to the studio. I needed to feel it again, the thrill of excitement deep in my stomach, the joy after the class. I could sort the stuff with the sale of the apartment tomorrow; tonight I wanted to dance again.

I climbed the stairs, knocked on a white door, and walked inside. My heart accelerated when I saw a large open classroom with mirrors on the wall and three stations with poles. There were only a few women there, stretching and talking amongst themselves.

"Are you here for a lesson?" asked a very pretty woman with curly red hair.

"Yes. I just saw your poster and I was wondering if I could join in?"

"The beginner class is tomorrow at the same time."

"No, sorry, I'm not a beginner. I've been dancing for a years, but I don't have the proper clothes," I told her, massaging the nape of my neck, feeling like an idiot. Who comes into the gym without the proper gear?

"Great, please join us. I should have spare shorts in my bag if you're okay with that. The fee is six pounds," she said smiling, not looking fazed at all by my awkwardness. Two other women looked pleased to have more company. I dug money out of my bag and handed it to her.

"It's been nine months since I last danced and I'm not in shape, but I know quite a few good routines."

"That's superb. I haven't been teaching that long anyway, but I'm sure we can learn something from each other. My name is Gina, by the way."

"I'm Sasha." Gina handed me her black shorts and showed me to the dressing room. Several minutes later I was out, standing by the pole.

After a quick stretch, Gina asked me to pair with her and two other women. They were already moving around the pole, trying a few simple spins. I knew that I was going to be sore tomorrow, but I felt good. When Gina showed us some of her moves, I knew that I made the right decision.

It didn't take me long to remember what I needed to do. For some time I only watched Gina as she moved her body around the pole with finesse and elegance. My own self-confidence was buried deep inside me, but I knew the lessons would remind me that I was no longer that broken woman, but a damn good dancer.

"Now, your turn. Show us what you can do," she said, jumping off the pole and wiping the sweat off her forehead.

I nodded and started walking around the pole with my inside arm holding onto it. I used my outside leg to gain momentum, swinging and hooking it around the front of the pole. As my inside leg left the floor, I brought my arm to the pole. I crossed my legs at the ankles and then I slid down the pole. I did a few more circles to get ready for a fireman spin. Nine months was a really long time, but it seemed as if my muscles remembered the moves.

The girls looked like they were expecting more, so I lay on my back next to the pole, then I reached out and gripped it strongly. I used my upper body to roll myself to the other side of the pole, keeping my lowe body flat like a plank at the same time.

From then I went back and repeated the fireman spin. My upper body had lost its strength and I knew that I had to practise a lot harder in order to get to the same form that I'd had nine months ago. Soon my muscles were burning and my breathing was shallow, but I was ready for more.

Gina and the girls looked impressed when I did hollywood, martini and stag spins, one after another. These were still basics, but I felt like I executed them well. I was high from the adrenaline.

The girls started clapping once I successfully showed them the basic inversion, breathing hard. My heart pounded against my ribs as I slid down trying to catch my breath. The skin on my arms tingled with excitement.

"Good job. You obviously had great training. I think you should start coming at least twice a week," Gina said, beaming. I was exhausted but satisfied. It seemed like I was getting back on the right track. I didn't understand why I stopped dancing. I always loved it so much. When Gina started showing the other girls more advanced moves, I joined a short red-haired girl who looked like she needed a partner. I showed her the fireman spin again and we practised that a few more times.

"Thank you so much. I love these classes; they're a great reliever," Marianna said, bending down and stretching her legs when I moved around the pole.

"Yes," I agreed. "I can't believe that I stopped training. It's good to be back."

We talked a bit more until Gina decided to mix us up a bit. Everyone was working with each other well and in the end we all stood in a circle panting. I knew that I was going to be back tomorrow. London had left me bitter and I knew that I was done with my miserable life in the capital. Edinburgh was a good city to start again. New city and a new adventure. It was the new beginning that I needed.

I took Gina's number and promised her that I would show up tomorrow. I was done with playing a victim-from now on I planned to turn everything around.

Dexter

"Fancy riding my cock tonight?" I asked Laura, holding my phone between my neck and my shoulder whilst trying to roll a spliff at the same time. My head was pounding and I was in one of those shitty moods. I lost money on one of the properties that I'd made a bid on a few weeks ago and on top of that, my mother wanted to see me on Sunday for dinner. I hated going home and listening to my younger brother Connor whine about how unfair his life was. At least Jack seemed happy.

"I'm busy today. Maybe tomorrow," Laura replied, sounding bored. What the fuck? She could at least have made an effort, pretending that she gave a fuck, while I was on the phone with her.

"Tomorrow afternoon. I want you standing outside my apartment ready for a big O," I said remembering that she liked when I made her come with my tongue. "I'm going to fuck you hard and by the time I'm finished you won't remember your name."

"Oh, Dex, chill. I'll be there."

"Two o'clock sharp, Laura, and try not to be late; otherwise, I will punish you," I said and then hung up.

My cock strained in my trousers when I heard the door. Sasha was going somewhere. It'd been a few days since our talk in my office and, still, I couldn't get her out my fucking mind. The estate agent put her property on the market yesterday. She wasn't bluffing when she said that she wanted to sell it. My contact couldn't delay the issue with paperwork any longer.

I'd fucked two girls since Monday and every time I closed my eyes I imagined it was Sasha naked rather than the random shag under me.

A few hours ago I had a phone call from Darren, my contact in the estate agent's office. He informed me that Sasha had managed to secure a first viewing. The apartment was desirable and people were prepared to pay a lot of money for it, but I didn't want her to leave yet, not before I got her out of my system and fucked her in every possible position. It was a shame that she was out. I had an urge to knock at her door and talk to her about tomorrow. I wanted to know where she was going and if she had any other guy in her life.

I shook my head, telling myself that it was bullshit. I didn't need to know if she was fucking someone else. All I wanted was to have sex with her. These thoughts about Sasha were making me nervous. I didn't fucking want to go there.

My limbs felt heavy and my head kept banging, even after I smoked a full joint. I took some more painkillers and decided to stay on the sofa until the drugs kicked in. I hated that part of the day when I was alone in my apartment. Normally I made sure that I had a girl, but today, for the first time in a while, I wasn't in the mood.

A couple of months ago I was still looking forward to my deep conversations with Joey. Since he died I'd been drowning, pulling myself into a hole of self-destruction. I felt like I had no one in this world that understood me. Sometimes when I was talking to myself, I pretended that there were other people in my apartment, standing and watching whilst I wasted away on the sofa, lying there like a sick, lazy fuck. It took me hours to feel numb again. My gut twisted and I locked my eyes shut, knowing that in a few seconds I was going to drift away from this world.000