**** AGNES P. O. V****

He drank the drink in one gulp, and I couldn't stop looking at him as I sat on the bed. I didn't know where to start, and he didn't seem too worried either.

I said, "Ryan," and he looked at me and smiled.

He smiled and said, "Hey you," which gave me the courage to get closer to him.

I asked, "How do you feel?"

"Feeling? I don't feel anything. I'm empty," he said, and I stopped him from pouring himself another drink.

I asked Ryan to stop drinking so we could talk, and he sighed.

He asked in a cold voice, "Why should I do that?"

I said in a shaky voice, "Because you still remember me and can remember how much we loved each other." He sighed and dropped the cup.

"Okay, let's talk," he said, setting down his drink and sitting next to me on the bed. He looked at me for a long time, and just as I was about to say something, he laughed.

He said, "That stare was strong," and I sighed in sadness.

I told Ryan, "You found your mother's head, so you can be yourself again," and he laughed.

"This is who I really am, Agnes. I like myself this way," he told me as I held his hand and shook my head.

I told Ryan, "No, don't say that. You don't want to live like this forever."

"I want to keep living like this. My mother was beheaded, and you, Tony, rapped me. If you think I didn't know, I did. And I can't let that anger and grief take over me when I can just decide not to keep anything," he said, and I burst into tears. I told Ryan, "Please, you're making this so hard for me. You've done this before, so you can do it again."

"The last time, my mother wasn't killed and her head wasn't thrown around. The last time, the girl I loved so much wasn't raped by a weakling," he said, and I held his hand again.

I asked Ryan, "So you don't want to feel anything for me again? Anything at all? Don't you want to make more of those memories?" He held my hand and lightly brushed it.

"Agnes, I want to. I want to, but once I let all those feelings in, it's going to consume me. I can't filter the feelings. If I let love in, regret, grief, anger, and pain follow, and right now I don't want any of that. I need space to know what I'm getting myself into," he said, and I started to cry like a baby.

I felt like I'd lost him forever because of how he talked.

"Ryan," I said through tears.

"Agnes, please," he said with no regret, and I held back tears as I covered my mouth. I got up and ran out of the room to get to Jason's.

"Melina," I said, knocking on the door with a tired voice.

"Agnes!" she called from inside, and I heard the door being opened. She told me what was going on, and when she saw that I was crying, she gave me a hug.

She said, "It's okay," and I shook my head while crying.

"No, it's not. Ryan is lost, and I can't bring him back. It's so hard, and it's because he doesn't want to feel anything. He doesn't want to feel anything because he's afraid," I told her, and she gently tapped me on the back.

She told me to calm down because we were going to get Ryan back. When I looked in, I saw Jason sleeping.

She asked, "Did you?" and I said, "Yes."

"Yes, he's back, and he's been crying since. I had to put him to sleep," she said, and I agreed.

"That's it. That's why Ryan doesn't want this. He's afraid that these feelings, especially the grief over his mother's death, will tear him apart, and he's not ready to let that happen," I told Gracie, and she sighed.

"I'll tell you how I got Jason back," she said, and I nodded. "Let's go to the living room, I don't want to wake Jason up."

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She walked out and shut the door behind her. We walked to the living room together as she held my hand.

"This is it. You know, the brothers are actually going through the same thing, but Jason was ready to be saved and come back, so he gave me choices," she said, and I felt a little hope again.

I asked eagerly, "And what were the choices?"

She said, "He asked me to kiss him," and I wrinkled my brows.

When I asked, "Just that? Did it work?" she shook her head.

She told me, "It didn't work out for me, but it might for you. Yours might be more than a kiss, maybe even sex," and I sighed.

I asked, "And the other?"

"We went down memory lane," she said. "I told him about how, when we first met, I thought I hated him but ended up loving him, and how Harrison always got in the way of our romantic moments until the day he turned that switch." I said, "The day you were shot," and she agreed.

"Yes, his humanity came back because of me, and that was how I could get him back," she said, and more tears rolled down my cheeks.

"It was easy for you because you had those epic moments," I told Gracie with sadness. "Ryan and I barely knew each other before we fell in love, so we didn't have those epic moments."

"Agnes, you can't give up on Ryan. You're the last person I should be preaching hope to because you told me the same thing about Jason and I changed him," she said, trying to make me feel better.

I felt a little better, but I was still weak. I couldn't think straight because it broke my heart to see him like that.

I asked Gracie, "What do you think I should do?" because I didn't know what to do.

"You need to make those moments real again, like when you both cooked together or when you kissed and gave each other romantic looks and kisses. This might..." she started, then stopped and put her hand over her mouth. "Gracie, are you all right?" I asked in fear, and she stood up and said, "Yes." She ran to the bathroom, and I was almost right behind her.

She threw up when she got to the basin. I wrinkled my brows and wondered what was wrong.

I looked at her in the mirror and asked, "You threw up a few hours ago. What's wrong with you?"

She looked in the mirror and said, "It's just a stomachache." Then I saw that her face was pale and white.

I told Grace, "I don't think this is just an upset stomach."

She asked, "What do you think it is now?" I gave her a shrug.

I told her, "I don't know, but there's only one way to replace out: we're going to the hospital to check on you." She shook her head.

She said, "That's not necessary. I'll be fine." I shook my head.

I told her, "I don't believe that. I'm the only sane person here who can see that you're not yourself, and I don't want any more switches to be flipped. So we're going to replace out what's wrong with you, and then we're going to fix it, because Jason can't replace out." She looked scared.

She asked, "Does it really look that bad?"

"I don't know, but the fact that you look pale and have a white face isn't good," I told her as I took her hand and left the bathroom.

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