Payment To the Alpha
Chapter 32

Avery's POV

Trees were swaying, dancing with the wind. The wind was humming through the tree branches, and beautiful, soft green grass was tickling my toes.

If I could only use one word to describe the feeling of being here, it would be peaceful. I feel at peace.

The moon was big and bright, and it looked like I could touch it if I just reached out my hand. It looked like I could graze the surface, admire the beauty of the moon with a single touch if only I stretched out my hand.

My hand reached up, I closed my eyes, and I let my senses take control, I let my hand show me the way, and sure enough, I touched the moon. A powerful surge of energy, of light and warmth, speared through me, a feeling of home and love. I opened my eyes slowly, savoring the moment and feeling and seeing that it isn't the moon that my hand is touching, it's her, it's the woman from my dream.

"Hello, Avery. Welcome back." My hand was lying in hers, and for some reason, I never wanted to remove it. I felt safe and cared for, It felt like home, and at the same time, it felt like an energy field that was about to burst.

"I have been waiting for you. I am truly sorry for the things that are happening to you." I slowly pulled my hand away, feeling the energy surge break and the coldness once again sending a shiver ran through my body.

"The warmth doesn't come from another, my child; it comes from within. Search for it, and you shall replace it." How did she know? "Because words are sometimes only a distraction from what really matters." I looked at the beautiful woman standing in front of me once again. How could she radiate such light? How could she be at such peace with herself? "Who are you?"

"I am very much to very many. But mostly, I am referred to as the moon goddess." My eyes widened; I don't believe it. "You don't have to." "Would you stop that?" I snapped, not because I'm mad, but because I'm frightened. She's reading my mind, I don't even know what my own mind is saying, but she does. "My apologies."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just, are you really the moon goddess, the one that all wolves refer to whenever they say, pretty much anything?" She smiled at me politely, and I felt all better.

"Yes, I am she. I know you must have a lot of questions for me, Avery, and I'm going to answer them to the best of my ability." Okay, then, I really need some answers.

"Avery, the first thing you need to know is that you are an extraordinary young woman. Don't be fooled by the appearance of others. There is much more than meets the eye. Who we are is embedded in our core, in our genes, and our DNA. Nothing, not even magic, can wipe that away."

Is she saying that my abilities weren't taken from me? Am I a wolf? But I'm weak, I can barely run, and my hits have the strength of a feather when punching a werewolf.

"You are so much more than you could ever begin to imagine. Every ounce of doubt and self-loathing you have needs to be pushed aside. How can you ever rise when you keep beating yourself down? Avery, the things that are happening to you see them as a test that will show whether you are or aren't capable of handling the number of powers bestowed upon you. It is not an accident that it was you who was born into this world under these circumstances, you were chosen, and it was fate."

"But what if I don't want this? Can't it be given to someone stronger and braver in all of this because I'm not? I'm scared. I'm so scared of the things that could happen, that will happen, when the wizard is back in my mind. I lose all control. I think that fate has made a mistake."

I felt a stray tear leave my eye and roll down my cheek.

Whether it be fate or the goddess herself who put me here, I want to resign from my position.

"Avery, fate doesn't make mistakes. This is yours, and you can either run from it or embrace it as I told you last time. I understand that this must feel like a heavyweight to carry on your shoulders, but it is your weight to bear.

You will soon make a decision. What you choose will affect everyone gravely, so think with your heart and not your head."

"Isn't it usually the other way around?"

"Not when it comes to love and family, my dear. The heart always wins, even if it means shattering it." A sense of fear struck me upon hearing her words, shattering it, shattering my heart, again.

"Who is the wizard in my head?" The million-dollar question, to which I knew she had the answer.

Her eyes gazed into mine, she would answer my questions to the best of her ability, and I think this one was beyond that ability.

"Blood doesn't make family, Avery. However, it bonds you. It's thick and can cause just as much damage as it can create love. But remember, not all those with whom you share a bond are worth protecting. You can choose family, Avery, and sometimes family chooses you, and you dear have been chosen.

You are much loved, and sometimes we do irrational things for those we love, things that harm us in the end, think with your heart, and don't stray from the truth. Protect your family, Avery, not your bonds." So cryptic, I feel more confused than I did before our conversation started.

Blood makes bonds, and love makes a family. I just need to focus on that. She looked at me as if she was searching for something, scanning my eyes.

"Avery... oh darling, you have no idea of the things you will accomplish."

I heard noises coming from within the woods. Behind the trees, a shadow was lurking. It felt familiar, I could sense its energy, and it was strong, powerful, and majestic even. I kept looking, not being able to remove my eyes, until the shadow showed itself, in the form of a wolf. It was grand and white as snow, and she was large, larger than any of the other wolves I had seen, except for James, of course.

Her paws were silver, and her tail had silver stripes that glistened in the moonlight. Her eyes had the color of the moon, with flecks of black in them. Wait a minute, I have seen her eyes before, in my last dream I was here, I was looking at the moon, and it had flecks of black on it.

"Yes, the moon behind me is a reflection of the wolf. Whatever you feel when looking at the moon, is what this wolf holds within herself. However, the moon is also a symbol of what is to come."

I looked back at the wolf. Why did she feel so familiar? I gently reached out my hand and held it close to her snout, and she pushed her face onto my hand I began to stroke her.

"She's beautiful."

"She is, and powerful, just like you." I smiled at her kind words without averting my eyes from the wolf. I gave her another few strokes before she pulled away and looked at me with saddened eyes. Dropping her head, she turned around and walked back into the woods.

"Wait, where is she going?" I asked the moon goddess.

"She's leaving, she asked me for a favor, and I granted it to her, for both your sakes."

"What favor?"

"To comfort you, to show herself and be there for you at least once. But it's not time yet, soon, however."

"What do you mean?"

"Avery, what did you sense when you touched her?"

"I felt a sense of familiarity, it's hard to explain, but she exuded power and grace."

"Like a Luna should, wouldn't you say?" She was right. That wolf was the embodiment of a Luna. Everything about her is what I believe a Luna to be.

"Yes."

"Well, when her human is ready, she will be Luna, and Xena will get to show her true self."

"She doesn't have a human?"

"Not yet. Her human still has some way to go." She looked at me expectantly. Am I missing something? She doesn't have a human and is going to be L-

"Wait are you saying...Is that my wolf?" I asked her, tears once again escaping without permission.

"Yes, my dear, Xena is your wolf, and she will be waiting for you."

A loud howl was heard from within the woods, and through my tears, I started laughing because I understood her. She was just as excited as I was.

I looked back at the moon goddess, but my eyes diverted to what was happening behind her. The moon, the black flecks they were growing, almost half of the moon was now covered.

"What is that?" I asked, and she turned around, looking at the moon.

"That is like an hourglass," She turned back to me before she continued.

"Of your soul. Avery, this is not only about defeating a wizard and reaching your full potential. It is about doing these things while still keeping your soul intact. There will be many situations where a decision could blemish your soul. The price

of this war isn't land or money. It is you. The wizard wants you, and he needs you to accomplish what it is that he is planning, and if he gets what he wants, you will lose yourself completely, and all you know will be lost."

"But why is it already darker than before? What has changed?" Once again, she looked into my eyes as if she was scanning them for answers.

"You will know when you wake up."

Have I done something?

The moon goddess turned on her heels and started walking away when a thought hit me.

"Wait! Moon goddess, the voice in my head, the woman who helps me, is that you?"

She stood with her back towards me and slowly turned only her head to show her profile. She was smiling.

"That would be cheating, Avery, having the moon goddess guiding you, don't you think?" She turned her head more and winked at me.

"No, it would be common sense." I replied while smiling at her.

"War is coming, Avery, and ultimately the outcome lays in your hands." She walked towards the moon with those words, and slowly light covered her, and she disappeared. Her words repeating themselves in my head,

'War is coming, and ultimately the outcome lays in your hands.' Fuck me...

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I woke up to a smell of sewer filling my nostrils, making me hurl. I opened my eyes, and dizziness hit me, making the world spin around. I quickly closed my eyes again and tried to regain stability.

My hands were touching something soft, it was a mattress, but I wasn't in my room. I opened my eyes once again, and the dizziness had eased up. I made sure not to move my head too quickly and used my hands to steady myself. Where the hell am I? It was chilly and drafty. I looked around and realized that the walls were made of concrete, and there was no source of light except for a lightbulb hanging on the other side of the-.

Bars? What the hell. I quickly got up, noticing it was a mattress on the floor that I had slept on. I ran to the bars and started pulling them.

"Hello!? Hello, is anybody there!?" What's going on? Have I been kidnapped? Where is James?

James... oh no...NO!

Like a flashback, everything came playing back. The training with Alex, what I had told him, going up to our room and seeing James there except he wasn't, he wasn't there, there was nobody in the room...The classroom, the knife... oh no the knife, I had taken it to James, and I was going to-I-I was going to kill him with it. "No...NO NO AAHH!!" An immense pain came crashing down on my brain,

I tried to kill him

I tried to kill James.

"NO!" I was panicking. My heart was about to jump out of my chest. I couldn't breathe, what have I done... I tried to kill him. My hands took a firm grip on my hair, wanting to pull it all out.

This can't be... No, this isn't real, but it is, what have I done?

My heart was aching terribly. I was lost in a state of panic and pain that I didn't realize someone coming into the cell and grabbing my shoulders. No god no,

"NO!" I quickly pushed the person away and saw that it was James. Alex was standing outside looking terrified, or maybe he was sad.

"Avery, It's okay. I'm right here." James tried to comfort me, but no, no comforting could make this better, and why was he even trying? I tried to kill him. Seeing his face only made everything much more vivid as the memories came pouring back,

"NO, stay away!" I pushed myself up against the wall at the furthest end of the cell, away from him.

"Avery, it's okay, you're okay,"

"I TRIED TO KILL YOU!... I tried to kill you-I-No," I was panicking and sobbing, shaking my head, not knowing where to look. I wanted to die. That's what I wanted right now.

"But I'm okay. Hey, look at me, please, Avery, it wasn't you. It was him." James carefully took a step closer, not wanting to startle me.

"But I was there! I saw everything! WHY COULDN'T I STOP HIM!?" My hands were clutching my chest as I was heaving. I didn't want his comfort. I didn't deserve it, I wasn't the one that almost got killed, yet it felt like someone had dug a knife into my heart...

"Baby, please, there was no way for you to stop him," I held out my hand to keep him from getting any closer. Why is he doing this? He must leave me alone. He can't touch me.

"I- I almost killed you I can't, I can't...." My hand dropped as I bent forward, too weak to stand. James used his speed and was in front of me in half a second and took hold of my shoulders. I used the last of my strength and started pushing him away again. I don't want him to touch me. I don't want him to make this all better. This can't get better! I can't allow it to...

"Don't! Please, please stop, no!" He didn't budge, he didn't even move, I pushed at his chest as hard as I could, but he stood still, his head held high, he just stood there and didn't do anything, and slowly but surely, the sobs were stopping, the tears stopped streaming and my heartbeat wasn't as irregular, it was slowing, steadying, and all because of his touch.

No...I want to feel it. I want to feel all of it. I deserve so much worse, not better. Why James...

I felt my legs give in, but I didn't fall. Instead, James wrapped his arms around me, engulfing me in a hug.

"What did you do...." I asked him, my voice raspy and tired, defeated.

"What I will always do, stand by your side, and make you feel better." He responded while stroking the back of my head. I grabbed onto the back of his shirt with my hands and pushed myself further into the hug. Still, I felt like I wasn't close enough to him.

"Why?" His hold around me tightened,

"I think you know why, but I will give you some time to come to terms with it. In the meantime, don't push me away, please." I dug my head into his chest,

"I don't deserve it," I said

"That's not your decision to make." He responded, meaning every word.