Phantasmagoria
Lost In Reality

AfterI read my son his story and put him to bed, I eat my dinner and thenprepare to go to bed myself. I reach my bedroom and get undressed,changing into my pyjamas. They're these light blue and whitepinstriped ones that Hannah got me as an anniversary present. I looklike a grandfather in them, but she says I look very hot. What acomedian. I get her lingerie, and she gets me pyjamas. How veryromantic.

''Ooh,very nice,'' Hannah says as she enters the bedroom from the bathroom.She had been brushing her beautiful, dark brown, shoulder length hairand had just finished as she came in wearing a silk creamshort-sleeved pyjama top and matching shorts. I snort at her attemptto make me laugh.

''Yeah,well, it was your choice,'' I tell her. She comes over to me and hugsme around my waist from behind.

''Ihave good taste, don't I?'' Hannah muses as I turn around to faceher.

''Impeccabletaste,'' I say, continuing the joke. We embrace each other for awhile, and she plants little kisses on my lips. We look into eachother's eyes, lingering in the moment. I look down briefly, and thenlook at her face. She looks at me, knowing that I have a certain lookin my eye. She knows.

''I'm...sorry,''I tell her.

''No,it's OK. It's just...I'm not sure if I'm ready, Nash,'' she responds.I feel like such an idiot. Of course she would feel unsure. Unsurewhether we should have another baby after she suffered a miscarriage.She must think I don't care for her feelings about it, but I do. Sheknows I want another one badly. We both always dreamed of having twokids, a boy and a girl, so we could have a complete family. You know,the ones you see on those old television ads. When we suffered theloss of our baby girl two years ago, it's like she gave up. We wereboth very lost. We wanted Jay to have a beautiful little sister toplay with. He tells me he wants to be a big brother so that he canprotect his sibling. Wants to be as strong as his daddy.

''I'msorry, maybe...I don't know,'' Hannah says. She doesn't have to besorry. I'm the one who's rushing her. Guess I just don't want to gettoo old too quickly.

''I amsorry. We don't need to think about it now, we have plenty of time,''I reassure her. She gives me an uneasy look.

''Plentyof time? You're the one who's running out of it. Nash, I really dowant another one, but I just need a bit more...time, just to sortthings out in my mind,'' Hannah says. I know how she feels. I needtime to sort out my mind for this game I'm about to play. I don'tthink I'm going to enjoy it.

''YouOK Nash?'' Hannah wakes me up from my thoughts. She noticeseverything about me.

''Yeah...justthinking about the game,'' I tell her.

''Ohyeah, I almost forgot. When are you due to go in for it again?'' Sheasks me.

''The24th,''I reply.

''Wow,next Wednesday? That soon? I thought they would give you next monthor so,'' she reacts slightly surprised. Yeah, I know. They want me inthe game so damn quick so that they can get their hands on theirprize.

''Yep,so I need to get ready for that. Did all the phase simulationtraining, now just waiting to go inside,'' I say to her.

''Howlong is it for?'' she asks.

''Ibelieve it should take a day. The time is different in the game, soif I spend an hour outside, it should be a like day in there,'' Iexplain to her.

''Oh,that's OK. I thought it would be longer,'' she says.

''Well,if the challenges aren't completed in time or I gain the least pointsand have to start again it might take longer. But we of course havebreaks so that we can have a rest,'' I continue.

''Justas long as you remember what the difference is between reality andthe game,'' she says with a smile. Yeah, let's hope I don't lose mymarbles. That would be annoying.

''Hey...I'mpretty tired. Can we get into bed now?'' Hannah says, her voicesounding as tired as she looks. I didn't notice the time until I lookat my watch.

''Ohwow,'' I say as I see the time read 11:45 on my watch.

''Yep,it's that time. Night, Nash,'' Hannah says as she kisses me.

''Night,Hannah,'' I respond as I kiss her back. We both head into bed and aswe turn off the lights, I think about the big adventure I am going tobe getting lost in in less than a week's time. I look over to Hannahin the dark and she is already going to sleep. She must be verytired. I look up at the ceiling as I gather the duvet over me.

Willthe inside of the game be like this? A dark blanket shrouding mymind? Will it choke my imagination? I look over to Hannah, peacefullysleeping as if she were a baby. I wish I could be like that. Sleepingas soundly as she does. But my mind is too busy with the virtualbattlefield I will face, as well as the horrible battlefield I facedin the past.

Areality within an un-reality.

Man,this is going to be tough.