Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)
Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance: Chapter 14

Now, September

“What’s on the paper in your pocket?” Clay asks Maya, holding his mug. His chocolate cupcake is gone, and only a few crumbs are left on the plate. He said it was one of the best desserts he’d ever had when Maya asked him if he liked it.

Maya’s eyes round; she stops chewing. Setting her cupcake on her plate, she sneaks a glance at me. As if she’s not sure she can answer. I smile encouragingly and press my mug of lukewarm tea to my lips.

“It’s Bon-Bon. I draw her.” Another glance at me, a hesitant look on her face. I reach over and tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. I’ll need to redo her pigtails because one of the ribbons came loose. “I draw her for you.”

“Really?” He sets his mug down, puts his elbows on the table, and leans forward. His eyes level with Maya’s. “Can you please show me?”

Maya nods and slowly pulls the paper out of her pocket. Her cheeks are pinkish red as she holds it out to Clay. After I told her we were going to meet with him today, she spent two hours finishing this little drawing, her tongue peeking through her tightly pressed lips, a concentrated look on her face. I don’t think she even tried that hard when she drew Bon-Bon for me last week.

Clay takes the paper, unwraps it, and lowers his gaze to Maya’s drawing. The way the corners of his mouth instantly curl up does a thing to my heart. He traces the lines on the paper with his long fingers, and a playful glint shines brightly behind his irises. Even though it’s a very chaotic doodle, his reaction is genuine and sweet, and my eyes start filling up with tears. How is it possible that he’s so good with her?

Quickly setting my mug on the table, I stand up from my chair. “Sorry, I need to use the bathroom,” I mutter. I scoot away from the table, past all other customers, and then hide behind the bathroom door. I lean my back against the closed door and shut my eyes.

Everything’s going to be fine. We’re going to be fine. I’ll do anything to make Maya happy. I’m a good mom.

The words I tell myself every day do nothing to make me feel better now. I shouldn’t be surprised that Clay is so good with Maya. His image in college was fun and light, with his lively and boisterous personality. But he’s also always been kind and caring. He’d have done anything for his friends, his family, and for me. Without asking for anything in return, he’s always been there for others.

My mind obliges me with a memory. A precious and devastating one, the moment that started everything. The first brick in the wall of reasons why I had to break up with Clay.

“Hey, Layla.” He kisses my cheek and sits down beside me on the bench. I shiver, grimacing from the nagging pain in my lower abdomen. The first day of my period is always the worst. “Is everything okay? You look pale.” Clay puts his palm on my cheek and tilts my face to him.

“I’m on my period,” I grunt, folding my arms across my chest and creating distance between us. “These cramps are killing me.”

His eyes soften. “Your classes are over, right?”

I nod.

“Then let’s go. I’ll take you to your room and take care of you.”

“I don’t want to have sex,” I tell him in a serious tone. Clay blinks, his eyebrows furrowing. “I’m not in the mood.”

Clay snorts. “I wanted to date you not because it means I can fuck you all the time, but because I want to take care of you, to make you feel better when you have a bad day.” He leans forward and plants a kiss on my forehead. “You’re my girl, Layla Benson. Stop thinking that sex is the only thing that binds us together, okay?”

My lips tremble traitorously as a smile forms on my face. “Okay.”

He helps me gather my things, then takes my backpack in his hand. His other one wraps around my waist, and he walks us down the hallway. The smell of his shower gel is icy and citrusy, and I’m battling the urge to burrow my nose in the crook of his neck.

“How about some pizza and movies?” he asks me as we head to the exit. “And your heating pad, obviously.”

“That sounds like heaven,” I murmur. He glances down at me and pecks my lips. “It also feels like⁠—”

“Clay?” A woman’s voice interrupts me. A beautiful girl with curly blond hair stands in the doorframe of a classroom, her green eyes laser-focused on Clay. I frown, trying to remember if I know her.

“Hey, Sasha,” he replies. He turns slightly to his left to get a better look at her. “What’s up?”

Annoyance clouds her features, her pouty lips protruding. She raises her eyes to the ceiling, takes a deep breath, and then brings her gaze back to Clay. “Where are you going? We have two days to finish that paper Professor Morrison assigned. You said we’d do it today.”

“Sorry, can’t. I have other plans for tonight.” He gives her a sheepish smile. “But tomorrow, I promise, I’m all yours. I have evening practice, so we can finish the paper right after class.”

“I know better than to believe your promises, Rodgers.” Her eyes flash with something fiery, and I instantly feel uneasy. Did he sleep with her before?

“I won’t let you down. You have my word.”

She studies him with narrowed eyes, then nods. “Okay. But I’m warning you, Clay. If you bail again, I’m going to finish the paper myself and leave it to Professor Morrison to whip your ass.”

“Fair.” Clay grins. “Bye.”

“Bye.” She swivels on her heel and strolls back into the classroom.

Oblivious to my state, Clay starts walking again, dragging me to follow him. Doubts and worries replace their way into my head again, the same ones I’ve been trying hard to ignore this whole time. Clay is a very handsome guy, while I am me, with my pale hair and mud-colored eyes. I’m not a match to him. I’ve never been super popular with boys, and I’m way less experienced than him. His list of hookups is a mile long. What if he gets bored with me? I love sex, and with him, it’s mind-blowing every time, but what if I won’t be enough for him soon? He’ll grow tired of teaching me. Well, maybe not now, when we’re still in college, but when he graduates and leaves for Chicago to play for the Hawks?

What if our relationship is doomed?

“Did you sleep with her?” The words leave my mouth before I can think them through as we walk out of the building.

“Why does it matter?” Clay stops and turns to me.

“It just does.” I shouldn’t have this conversation with him now, when my hormones are controlling my emotions, when I’m vulnerable and a little bit more pathetic than usual. I shouldn’t, but I can’t stop myself. “Did you?”

Clay sighs. “I did. Freshman year. Since then, we’ve been friendly with each other.”

“Just friendly?” My voice is high-pitched, and stupid tears well in my eyes.

“Layla, baby.” Clay winds his hands around my waist, pulling me into his chest. He looks down at me. The raw, pained expression on his face makes my heart skip a beat. “You are the girl I’ve been dreaming about for more than a year. You are my first ever girlfriend, the only girl I’ve ever wanted to date. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You’re special to me.”

I hide my face in his chest, wrapping my arms around his torso. His words are like a soothing pill, numbing all the doubts that have crept inside my head. He’s mine. He’s honest. I have nothing to worry about.

“Sorry, I’m a little emotional.”

He chuckles softly. “A little.”

I push him away, feigning a scowl, and immediately get pulled back. His lips crash against mine. He kisses me long and hard, taking my breath away and making my legs wobbly. I cling to him; the blood in my veins is sizzling.

When Clay finally takes a step back, I feel dizzy. He presses his lips to my temple, drapes his hand over my shoulder, and leads us toward my dorm. I keep silent at first, enjoying his warmth and debating if I should tell him why I reacted like that. Didn’t I tell Ava to talk to Colton about the things that bother her? Didn’t it work in her favor once she did? If I give such great advice to my best friend, how come I never follow it myself? I decide to make myself clear.

“Realizing you slept with that girl rubbed me the wrong way,” I say quietly. “You’re way more experienced than I am, and it made me feel insecure. Plus she’s beautiful.”

“So what? You are stunning, baby. And you know my reputation. There’s nothing I can do about my past. The best I can do is ignore it. That was way before you.” A hesitant smile is on his face. “Besides, experience is a very interesting thing. The more you try, the more you gain it.” He lowers his head to my ear, his deep voice sending a horde of tingles down my spine. “And we’re trying a lot, baby.”

“We are,” I confirm with a giddy smile.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll feel like experimenting with me later? There are so many things we can try.” He winks at me, a flirty smile on his lips—while I feel like he just poured a bucket of ice on me. That’s not what I want to hear when I need reassurance and confidence in us as a couple.

He has a history of hooking up with several girls at a time, of sharing girls with Thompson, while I’ve only recently allowed him to fuck me in the room with a light turned on for the first time.

We are not going to work.

He’s going to leave for Chicago after graduation, and once he sees what the life of an NHL player is like, he will dump me with no regrets. Why settle for me, who’s still in college for two more years, when he discovers he can have any girl he wants? Way more beautiful girls than me, way more confident?

I’m never going to win this competition. I’m too simple. The moment he realizes it, he’s going to dump me.

Our relationship will never survive long distance.

We aren’t meant to be.

I need to break up with him first. I need to protect my heart.

The memory is fleeting; the pain it causes me isn’t. I was such a fool to think that way about Clay. When we got together, he was all in. He did everything for me, went above and beyond. He didn’t so much as look at other girls, let alone flirt with them. He was into me, loved me, cared about me…while I let my insecurities rule my life and my decisions.

I closed myself off. I didn’t even talk to Ava about my doubts, never confided in her about my plans. She was too busy figuring out her future with Colton after she found out she was pregnant, and I didn’t want to trouble her with my nonsense. I hid myself away. I was with him for weeks and weeks after I first had that thought, knowing I was going to break up with him the moment he graduated.

He had no idea. I perfected my act so well, I almost fooled myself.

I’m a terrible person. My ugly soul has finally matched with my ugly looks. And I’m destined to be alone after all the hurt I inflicted upon Clay.

A knock on the door startles me. I clamp a hand over my mouth and stare at my teary-eyed reflection in the mirror, when I hear his voice. “Layla, is everything all right?”

“Yeah, one minute,” I call out.

I turn the faucet on, quickly wet the pads of my fingers, and tap them under my eyes. Then I grab a paper towel and dry my face. When I open the door, I replace myself face-to-face with Clay. His white T-shirt is tightly wrapped around his muscular chest and broad shoulders. His hands are hidden in his pockets, the veins on his forearms bulging. He looks so fucking good, my mouth waters.

“You okay?” he asks, his yellowish-green eyes doing a really bad job of hiding his worried state. Or maybe he simply doesn’t want to hide his emotions.

I nod, then immediately frown. “Where’s Maya?” Panic slashes through me; my chest constricts with sudden pain. “Did you leave her all alone?”

Clay shakes his head. “Of course not.” His eyebrows pull together as he studies me. “Angie’s here. She came over to say hi, and I asked her to look after Maya while I check on you.”

A whoosh of air springs out of my parted lips, and relief spreads over my body from head to toe. I lean my side against the doorframe. “Thank God. You almost gave me a heart attack.”

One corner of his mouth tips up. “I would never leave her alone. If it weren’t for Angie, Maya and I would probably be knocking on this door together.” I smile, wide and open. Warmth settles in the pit of my stomach. His eyes hold mine, and I don’t want to look away. Don’t want to hide from him or avoid him. I want him to see me. “There they are,” Clay murmurs, lifting his hand. His palm cradles my cheek ever so gently, and I forget how to breathe. “My favorite dimples.”

I continue smiling, while all I want is to cry. He’s too good for me. I don’t deserve his kindness.

“You really okay?” Clay asks.

“Just didn’t feel well,” I croak hoarsely.

“Do you want me to take you home?” His thumb caresses my skin almost absentmindedly, and his eyes don’t leave mine.

“No. Maya’s been waiting for a chance to see you. I don’t want to cut it short.”

“Do you want something to eat? My cupcake was delicious.” He lowers his head slightly so our eyes are level. “Let me treat you to something sweet. Please.”

I bite my lip. His body so close, the warmth of his skin on mine—it’s all intoxicating. Maddening. Unreasonable. “Maybe you’re right. I should eat something.”

Clay slowly takes a step back, his fingers lingering on my cheek before he drops his hand. “Cheesecake?” He cocks an eyebrow as we walk down the hallway.

“Maybe. I’ll see what else they have.”

“Place an order, Mama, and I’ll pay for it.”

I stop, and he stops too. I turn to face him, and he does the same. Narrowing my eyes, I pierce my eyebrows together. “Stop calling me that, okay? I don’t like it.”

“But I like it.”

I roll my eyes. “You’re still as impossible as ever.”

His smile broadens, and he steps into me. I have to restrain myself from backing away from him to put some distance between us.

“I’m better.”

“I’m afraid to even think about how you define ‘better.’”

Clay’s eyes coast over my face, slowly and precisely. My skin feels hotter with each second he keeps his gaze on me. “Just don’t run away from me, and you’ll see how much I’ve changed.”

“Running away will be hard to do.” Because I don’t want to run away from him, even if it’s the right thing to do. He deserves someone a thousand times better than me, not someone who only realized she was in love with him when she broke his heart and made him walk away. “Maya likes you,” I tell him instead.

“And I like her,” he says nonchalantly, and everything in me drops. He’s kind and caring to my little girl, something her father never was. “That picture of Bon-Bon she drew for me? A masterpiece. They should put it in the Louvre.”

I laugh, and the tension in me evaporates. “You’re overdoing it, Clay. That drawing was a mess.”

“That’s your opinion. I personally think it’s incredible.” He shrugs, then becomes serious all of a sudden. “And, Layla?”

“What?” I whisper.

“We are friends,” he says confidently. “We gotta start somewhere after all these years, right?”

I nod, unable to utter even a sound. Nothing is how I expected it to be. I’m blown away, and I feel like the ground is slipping from under my feet.

“And what do friends do, Layla?”

“Talk to each other?” I mumble, finally taking a tiny step back from him.

“Glad you remember because I still love texting with my friends.” Clay winks at me. My cheeks feel hot, and I squeeze my legs together to stop my center from throbbing. It’s been so long since someone touched me, I feel a little bit desperate. And embarrassed because apparently, I’m not above begging him to do something to me.

His gaze drops to my hips, a playful smirk pulling at his lips. “We better get back. Who knows what Angie thinks we’re doing?”

He turns around and walks away, while I release the breath I’ve been holding. The innuendo in his words is obvious. I have no idea what’s going on, why he’s so flirty with me.

He can’t possibly still be in love with me. No, that’s impossible. Not after everything I did.

Right?