Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance (Sinners on the Ice)
Power Play: A Second Chance Hockey Romance: Chapter 22

Now, September

The sun is shining brightly, warming my skin as I sit on the bench on the playground. Kids’ laughter, murmurs of the other parents talking around me, some music from the two girls sitting one bench over and watching videos on their phones. Everything feels better. All because, yesterday, Clay Rodgers gave me an orgasm.

And because he kissed me so hard and for so long, my lips felt numb this morning.

“Hey,” Ava says, lowering herself on the bench beside me. Her hand rests on the handle of a stroller as she pushes it back and forth. “Sorry we’re late. My morning has been disastrous. Meg fell asleep like five minutes ago—after I put her in the stroller.”

“Hey.” I lean in and kiss Ava on the cheek. “It’s fine. Maya met a friend from preschool, so she’s been busy, while I’ve been hanging out, watching her and doing nothing.”

Daydreaming about Clay would be more accurate, though.

Ava quirks an eyebrow at me, her eyes roaming over my face. She slowly lifts her hand and pushes a strand of hair that has fallen out of her high ponytail behind her ear. Her attention brings warmth to my cheeks, and I bite my bottom lip, inwardly cursing myself for not being more subtle. A knowing smirk splits her lips. “How was Monterey?”

I shouldn’t have told her about that trip.

“It was good. Maya had a lot of fun. We went to the aquarium and then to the beach. Maya and Clay built sandcastles.” I shut my mouth, noticing Michael and Isla sitting on the swings and talking. “I thought you only brought Meghan.” I turn to Ava.

“I wanted to help Bella out. Ian doesn’t feel well, which is demanding her undivided attention, and Xander has a game against LA. I felt bad that Isla was stuck at home on such a warm, sunny day, so I picked her up on my way here. Michael was happy.”

I observe the two kids, a smile blooming on my lips as I do. They sit close together, two brown-haired heads bent as they talk quietly. Probably plotting how to cause a ruckus, just as they always do when they’re together. I hope their friendship stays this strong forever. It’s precious.

A hand appears in front of my eyes, and Ava snaps her fingers. I turn to her.

“Sorry.” She flashes me a smile, not looking sorry in the slightest. “You were telling me about your day with Maya and Clay. I’m all ears.”

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. She’s ridiculous. And nosy. But, truth be told, I’m absolutely the same way. It’s no surprise we are best friends.

“It was good. Really good,” I admit, sighing dreamily. “Clay gets along with Maya so well, it blows my mind.”

“I told you, he’s always been great with kids, and I’m not surprised he’s particularly good with yours.” She tips her head slightly; the implication in her words isn’t lost on me. “He’s still as obsessed with you as he’s always been.”

Her words force the smile on my face to die. I look over the playground, my gaze falling on Maya, who’s playing in the sandbox with her friend Leah. The joyful smile on her face makes my heart flutter. The first thing she asked me this morning was when we’re going to see Clay again. I told her soon, but is that reasonable? I’m happy, there’s no denying it, but isn’t this all happening too fast? We haven’t even talked about all the issues we piled up during our years apart. All the mistakes I’ve made and need to apologize for. Chances are, he will never look at me the same after he knows the truth.

“What if it’s just a habit?” I blurt out unintentionally, letting my own troubling thoughts spill out of my mouth. Clasping my hands together, my palms become sweaty.

“Habit?” Ava stops pushing the stroller. Her unblinking gaze is directed at me.

“What if he’s so used to thinking he likes me that he does it on autopilot? Maybe I’m a fixation, an idea that he thinks he wants.”

Ava blows air out of her mouth and leans back on the bench. “Wow, he fucked you up real good.” I shoot her a questioning look, eyeing her from under my furrowed brows. “Clay isn’t Eli. He’d never do anything even close to what your ex did to you. He was always all in. Had eyes only for you. Only wanted you. It’s not what he thinks; it’s how he feels. Where do these ideas even come from?”

“Because…” I fall silent, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth. If I keep talking, there will be no going back. All my secrets will be out in the open, and I’m not ready for this conversation. Not until I have it with Clay. It wouldn’t be fair to him. But I don’t want to lie to Ava either, so I confess, “I’m scared. I’m really fucking scared, Ava, and sometimes, all the doubts I have…they suffocate me.” I tap my index finger on my temple. “The overthinker in me robs me of joy on more days than I’d like to admit.”

Before I found out about Clay’s transfer, I accepted that I’d be single forever, that it would just be Maya and me. I was ready to be alone, to channel my energy into my business and focus on Maya’s happiness. It all seemed so easy, like I had it all figured out. Then he moves to Santa Clara, and nothing is how I expected it to be.

Clay shows up for me. He cares about my little girl. He calls me Mama, putting my panties in a twist. He kisses me so good, I’m on cloud nine even one day later. And he doesn’t give up…no matter how many times I push him away.

He is my Clay. The guy I loved back in college and love still. But I don’t deserve him.

“Come here,” Ava says, moving closer. She wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her side. I lay my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes. “What are you worried about?”

I shake my head. “Ava, I⁠—”

“I’m not asking you to tell me your secrets. Keep them for as long as you want.” She puts her head on mine, engulfing me in her warmth, in the vanilla and coffee scent that’s always so prominent in her perfume. “Talk to me about your worries. Maybe we can figure it out together. It pains me to see you hurt.” She pauses before she says her next words. “And it pains me to see Clay with his heart broken time and time again. I want to help…I don’t want what happened after graduation to repeat itself. It didn’t make anyone happy.”

A lonely tear slips down my cheek, and I hurriedly wipe it away. I still loathe myself for what I said that day at the lake. For letting him think he didn’t love me enough. For watching his heart break right in front of my eyes. For never telling him that I lied to him that day. For never saying that I loved him. All because Ava was right about me all along.

I am a coward.

“I made a promise, and I couldn’t keep it,” I mutter under my breath. “And if I want to have a chance with him, I need to tell him the truth. Explain why it happened.”

“Are you afraid it will push him away?”

I know it will push him away. For good.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Layla, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’re kind, empathetic, and resilient. You’d do absolutely anything for Maya. You fiercely protect her, and you work hard to provide her with anything she needs. You didn’t hesitate to take matters into your own hands and cut your toxic ex out of your life because you knew it was right and that you deserve better,” she tells me with conviction, her hand rubbing my shoulder. “All you need to do is be honest with Clay, and I sure as hell believe that you have enough strength in you to tell him what happened. It’s Clay we’re talking about. Be honest, and he will understand.”

The tiniest smile peeks on my lips. Ava’s words are like a healing balm on my battered heart, ballooning me with hope and positivity. It’s like she lifted all the oppressive energy off my soul and tossed it away. The feeling is almost indescribable, but I breathe easier now. Her reassurance and support slide deep under my skin, right into my veins, spreading from my head to my toes.

I can do that.

For him, I will.

“He kissed me,” I confess, my voice is hoarse.

Ava gasps, or more like squeals, and moves away. Her gaze is on me. I bite my bottom lip, trying to hide my growing smile, and then muster the courage to look at her. An expression of pure joy is written all over her face, and I can’t help it. Gleefully, I grin at her, shrugging as if to say, Oops, I should’ve told you sooner!

“Layla, you’re…God, I don’t even know what to call you.” She giggles. “How was it?”

I open my mouth, but I don’t have time to answer because Meghan starts crying. Ava grimaces, knowing perfectly well that her own laughter woke her daughter up. I pat her hand sympathetically as she stands up to take Meghan in her arms.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry I woke you up,” Ava coos, pressing her cheek to Meghan’s. She’s teary-eyed, her bottom lip jutted out. The poor baby is so sad and disoriented that my own heart constricts.

Memories of Maya at that age appear in my head, memories of me raising her alone and trying to be everything my little girl needed: a mom, a dad, her protector. Memories of all the lonely nights I spent crying myself to sleep.

No. I don’t want to go there. Not today.

I peer to my right, noticing Michael and Isla sitting in the sandbox next to Maya and Leah. A chuckle rumbles out of my throat, and I start laughing. They appear ginormous next to the two little girls, but I don’t think they care considering their toothy smiles and giggles that reach us.

“What are you…” Ava sees what I’m looking at and snorts. Shaking her head, she sits down beside me, perching Meghan on her lap. “And this boy tried to convince me the other day that he needs new PJs. Something ‘not so childish, Mom.’” She mimics her son, making me smile.

“What’s on his PJs?” I ask curiously.

Ava squints at me. “Batman.”

I frown, not quite understanding what’s less childish than Batman.

“He wants some with Captain America now.”

“Are you going to buy him…?” I ask.

“He has like four sets of PJs, Layla.” She reaches over the stroller, takes out a sippy cup, and hands it to Meghan. “I’ll buy him new ones when he grows out of the ones he has.”

I relax into the bench, sitting more comfortably. “Poor Michael,” I say and instantly get a swat in the ribs from Ava.

“Ouch!”

That’s all it takes for both of us to burst out laughing.

When I enter Maya’s bedroom with a cup of cocoa and a drinking straw, I replace her on her bed with my phone in her hand. A pink eye patch with unicorns covers her left eye. She agreed to put it on after ten minutes of me trying to persuade her. I count it as a win—last time it was twenty. A full-blown smile lights up her face, and the sound of barks and meows peppered with some background music fills the space.

“I don’t remember telling you that you could take my phone,” I scold her sternly, plopping down beside her.

Maya turns to me, her right eye falling on the cup in my hand. She extends my phone to me and points at the cup. “I want cocoa.”

I arch an eyebrow, keeping silent.

“Please,” she says. “Mommy, I want cocoa.”

“That’s better, sweetheart.” I give her the cup and reach for the nightstand to pick up the book I’m reading to her.

It’s a collection of fairy tales by authors from all over the world. Some are pretty complex, and she has a lot of questions after I read them. I love talking to her about the things we learn from the stories.

“Mommy, wait.” Maya stops me, putting her hand on my thigh. “Watch a video. Of Win and Willa.”

I snicker, shaking my head in disbelief. I shouldn’t have shown her this account. After putting the book down, I pick up my phone, unlock it, and hold it out for Maya. Her little finger swipes several times until she returns to the video she’s been watching. It’s barely fifteen seconds long, but these two dogs create so much chaos that I can’t stop myself from laughing.

“This is adorable. Thank you so much for showing it to me.” I kiss her temple.

Maya smiles, absolutely pleased with herself. “Show Clay. I want him laugh too.”

“Okay.” I copy the link to the video, open my texts with Clay, and send it to him. “Maya says you need to watch this,” I announce as I type.

Sent.

In less than two minutes, he’s FaceTiming me. I look down at the worn-out tee I wear around the house, remember my makeup-free face, and then glance at Maya.

“Should I answer?” I ask her, letting her decide. “Are you okay with Clay seeing you in your eye patch?”

Maya ponders my questions for what feels like a minute, then nods. “I wanna talk to him.”

With a deep breath, I answer his call, pointing the camera at Maya and me. “Hey, Clay.”

“Hey.” His smiling face causes the butterflies in my stomach to start their usual dance. “Hey, Maya. What are you…Wow, I’ve never seen anything cooler than this! Is that an eye patch?”

Her cheeks redden a little as she nods. “With unicorns.”

“Really? That is absolutely incredible! Do you have one for me?” Clay asks enthusiastically. “I wanna be cool too.”

“Only pink,” Maya tells him. A pang pierces my heart; everything in me freezes. He’s so fucking good with her, I can’t breathe.

Clay pouts. “You think pink isn’t my color?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “You need black, like piwate.”

There’s a bit of silence as Clay zones out, seeming thoughtful. Then his lips break into a smile. “Black will definitely be better. I would look like a pirate!”

Maya giggles. “Can we get black for Clay, Mommy?”

“Ye-yeah,” I stammer, pasting a smile on my face. “Of course we can.” I clear my throat. “But you need to promise to wear it so Maya won’t be alone wearing hers.”

“Anything for you two,” he says nonchalantly. His dashing smile rekindles a fire in my lower abdomen.

“Um, did you like the video?” I ask, noticing how his eyes roam over my face. The familiar glint behind his irises makes me regret not inviting him over today.

“I did. Those two dogs are hilarious.”

“I want a Willa. She will play with Coop!” Maya exclaims, turning to me. “Can I have Willa?”

“I’m afraid we can’t have Willa. Winston would be super sad without her, but…um…if you want, we can look for a puppy like Willa for your birthday. What do you think?”

“Yes, yes, yes!” She starts jumping excitedly, her cocoa spilling all over the blanket. Thank God it’s not hot. “Mommy!”

Taking a deep breath, I stand up from the bed and peer at Clay. “I gotta go. We had a cocoa incident.” I squint at Maya, who’s sitting on her bed with her eyes wide as saucers. “Someone is going to crash in my bed tonight.”

He chuckles. “Good night, Layla. Good night, Princess.”

“Night, Clay!” Maya yells.

“Night, Clay.” I smile at him warmly and end the call.

Before I have a chance to set my phone on the nightstand, it dings with a new text.

Sent.

And now I start cleaning.